Snogging in a secret passageway was not what Hermione had in mind with her "let him down gently" plan. And yet, there she was, sharing fevered kisses and increasingly frantic gropes with her favorite former professor. This is wrong on so many levels, she thought dazedly, not for the first time. Tonks is going to kill me. Harry and Ron are never going to speak to me again. Mrs. Weasley's already shaky opinion of my morals is going to completely crumble. I'm never going to hear the end of this from Fred and George. This is so, so - oh, what is he doing now? God, he's a good kisser.
Hermione had good intentions. She really did. She just happened to be completely unable to resist the good-looking werewolf. The stress of her situation required an outlet, and she had finally stopped fighting her attraction. Was it some sort of animal magnetism? Were her defenses lowered from the shift in time? Was she actually going crazy? She had no idea, but ever since their first kiss, Hermione's inner turmoil raged and raged, and she just kept ignoring it. She simply was unable to control herself around Remus. She woke up every morning with guilty images of Ron and a fresh resolve to end things, but at her first glimpse of the boy (man), all rational thought left her. In the last month, they had made out in every available spot in Hogwarts. Hermione would have been scandalized in this behavior by anyone else, but in her case, she was enjoying herself immensely. What was guilt and infidelity in the face of such passion? She didn't believe that, but she did relish every moment she spent with Remus.
"Merlin, you're pretty," he whispered against her lips. "Your hair… Mmmm, I dream about it. You have the best eyes I've ever seen, too. If I didn't feel the need to kiss you constantly, I think I'd be happy just staring at you."
"The feeling's mutual. Perhaps we can take a fifteen minute break to admire each other."
"Sorry. I can't wait that long," he said, pressing his lips to hers again. His hands were under her jumper, running along her back and making her shiver deliciously. His hands were rough and calloused, no doubt as a part of the dangerous transformations he underwent every month, but they always felt heavenly against her skin. They had so far kept their liaisons relatively innocent, but Hermione could feel the want radiating off of both of them. Despite her weakened resistance, she was determined not to cross that line. She was already betraying Ron horribly; she thought that final intimacy might be unconscionable. She may not be able to leave when the time came if she shared that with him. Still, she didn't ever remember needing to check her hormones this much with Ron.
"What are we doing tonight?" she asked huskily when they had paused for breath. Remus had her pressed against the cold stone wall; it's solidity and rough surface felt strangely appealing. It was better than the Room of Requirement, anyway. She did not trust herself to return there with Remus.
"More of the same, I hope," he said, trailing kisses down her neck. "I don't think we've tried the Quidditch stands yet. In the Gryffindor section of course. I find the red and gold oddly arousing."
"We do have friends, Remus," she scolded him. "We might want to make an occasional appearance. We don't want to give people the idea we can't come up for air for three seconds."
"I don't want to come up for air. I want your lips permanently glued to mine. Besides, what do you think Prongs and Lily do with their free time? I assure you it's not Potions homework. Padfoot and Wormtail are very understanding, Hermione. They won't blame me for wanting to keep you to myself a bit. I've had plenty of experience twiddling my thumbs with Wormtail while Padfoot was entertaining. He can cool his heels a bit."
"What about Peter?" Hermione asked, curious. Despite her knowledge of the future, Hermione had a hard time reconciling the man she knew as Wormtail with the friendly, funny boy she saw everyday. How could this man betray the friends who treated him with such easy affection? They were a team! Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs are proud to present the Marauder's Map. It was beyond anything Hermione could comprehend. She wanted to be coldly indifferent to Peter, but her cover story forbade it. Against her will, Hermione found herself warming to him; one more issue to work out when she returned home.
"Wormtail is between ladies," Remus said. "He's had a few flirtations, but nothing that's lasted any amount of time. I think his hero worship of James makes it difficult for him to look closely at any girls. In his eyes, nothing can compare to what James and Lily have, and he refuses to settle. He might get a happy ending, though. Look what came along for me! And in case you haven't noticed, Padfoot snatches up a fair amount of witches."
"Just as long as his cast-offs stay far away from you," she said," then Sirius can have at it."
"Oooo, do I detect a hint of jealousy?" he asked, his eyes sparkling. "Didn't figure you for the type, Hermione. Despite its Slytherin connotations, green looks good on you."
Hermione laughed and playfully pushed him away. Although nowhere near Ron Weasley level, Lavender Brown had revealed quite the jealous streak within Hermione. She had little doubt that any grabby Gryffindors that wandered too close to Remus would get more than a canary storm.
"So, if tonight is already booked with snogging and more snogging, what are we doing tomorrow?" she asked, pulling him back to her. "I'd like to spend at least part of the day engaging in activities that wouldn't shock my mother."
"I wish we were engaging that much," he said, mock leering at her. "I thought we were going to Hogsmeade. Didn't you and Lily talk about it?"
"Is it already another Hogsmeade weekend?" she asked, surprised. "I don't think we got to go this often when -"
Hermione broke off when she saw Remus looking strangely at her. Once again, she had slipped up. She tried to be careful, but it seemed that incriminating details had a way of creeping out, and Remus was the last person she should let down her guard around. But really, 1976 had quite a few more Hogsmeade visits. Most unfair, in her opinion.
"Beauxbatons has a similar village," she lied. She desperately hoped this was true, or at the very least that he would not investigate. "We only get to go about every other month or so."
"Actually, it has been more frequent this year," he said, deciding not to challenge her. "So let's say we take advantage. I missed the opportunity to stroll hand in hand with you last time. It's a bit twinky, but Madam Puddifoot's is the date place. It might feel nice and normal to be there with my lady, sipping some tea and playing footsie under the table."
"That sounds tops," she said, winding her arms around his waist and kissing him softly. She gave him tiny pecks all over his face, pausing to kiss his ears and tickle his neck. When he tried to kiss her more firmly, she laughed and danced away from him, blowing kisses. He watched her with amusement for a moment, darting his hands out to grab her when she came too close. She grinned mischievously at him, laying more playful kisses on his lips. She enjoyed the soft feel of his lips and soon deepened the kiss, sighing into his mouth and holding onto his robes. He growled and kissed her roughly, holding her tight against him, and within seconds, they were all over each other again. Hermione pushed Remus against the opposite wall, holding his face between her hands and placing her body between his legs. With a guttural moan, he picked her up, spinning them around and slamming her back against the wall. She threw her legs around his waist, kissing him, if possible, with even more passion. As his hands went under her to support her weight, she could feel how hard he was against her, her body burning with the knowledge that she affected him so. He sucked her neck greedily as she purred in to his ear, still clinging tightly to him. Her mind was screaming her for her to stop, danger, danger, but she made no move against him as one of his hands went to unbutton her blouse. He propped her more firmly against the wall to allow both hands free to work on her buttons, his hands light across her chest. She continued to kiss him, ignoring the inner voice that continued to rail and scream. Had she not just told herself to take things slower? A sudden breeze on her naked shoulders cleared her brain at last. She slid down, moving away from Remus and fixing her blouse. She looked at him incredulously - had she really just gone that far? Sure, they kissed all the time, but undressing and straddling him against a wall - this was unchartered territory. Obviously she would have to work even harder to control their actions.
"Merlin, Hermione," Remus said with ragged breath. "I'm sorry. I'm really not trying to shag you in a dirty passageway."
"This is moving too fast," she said. "I don't know what's wrong with me, but I have such a hard time stopping."
"You? God, Hermione, I practically attack you every time we kiss! I don't want to drive you away."
"You're not!" she exclaimed. "It's me, I've never acted like this before. I don't want you to think I'm leading you on."
"Hermione," he said firmly, "please don't ever think that. We are teenagers, after all. Our hormones are bound to get the better of us. And you're so damn beautiful it's almost impossible for me to keep Moony at bay. You're practically a goddess to me, Hermione. And if you decide - you decide - you want to take this further, we will, and it won't be against a wall." She blushed as he pulled her closer, kissing her forehead and smoothing her hair. "Hermione, we've been together only a little over a month! I don't expect anything from you and I should stop taking such liberties."
"A month! And I throw myself at you non-stop! You must think I'm a complete slag, some kind of easy-"
"No! That's not what I meant! Hermione, I've wanted you since I walked into the common room that first night. I know that there's something holding you back from me, and I haven't always been welcoming. But I have felt connected to you since the moment I saw you, whether I let myself or not. I fought it at first, but now I don't want to."
"You've been wonderful. You always made me feel like you wanted me here, even when you doubted me. And who could blame you? I appeared out of nowhere with a crazy story I wouldn't even have believed myself, and all of you immediately accepted me. You have no idea what that means to me." She was close to tears now. She knew she was sending him terribly mixed signals, but she no longer knew what she wanted. The idea of never seeing her family and friends again, especially Ron and Harry, was devastating, but the longer she spent with these people the more she wanted to stay. One moment she was kissing him madly, and the next she wanted to hide from his trusting eyes forever. This craziness had to stop.
"Hermione, I feel like I've known you forever," Remus said, causing more tears to well in her eyes. "Lily adores you; having a close girlfriend like you is the best thing that could have happened to her. James, Peter and Sirius all love you and you know I'm crazy about you. You're a part of us now. Whatever force brought you here gave me - all of us - a gift."
She was crying in earnest now. His words felt like actual blades, slicing her resolve and piercing her heart. These wonderful people had brought her into their circle, and she was lying to them everyday. Her silence was a constant betrayal. She already loved Lily with all of her heart; how could she stand by and allow that glorious girl to be murdered? How could she deny James and Lily the fairy-tale ending they so deserved? She was condemning Harry to life with the Dursleys and Sirius to Azkaban. Her silence sentenced Remus to a lonely life, stripped of his friends and plagued with guilt that he could not stop the horrible things that happened. She was allowing Snape to murder Dumbledore and signing Sirius's death certificate. If she intervened now, maybe she could also save Peter from a horrible fate as a murderer, as the man who destroyed his best friends. But she would stay silent, because these things had already come to pass. Because of her. She was the only one who could stop this dim future, but she would not, because she was afraid of what would happen if she spoke the truth, afraid of the world that may exist in place of the one she had now. Her Gryffindor colors meant nothing in the face of such uncertainty. Her existence in this time was an abomination, one she could never hope to recover from. The choices she was making, and would continue to make were leaving a stain on her soul. One she feared would never come clean.
"Hermione, please stop crying," Remus begged her. "Whatever it was, we can make it better. Please." He had no idea what was causing her breakdown, but his heart felt as if it too would break. He pulled her to the ground and she clutched him desperately, soaking his shoulders with her tears. She cried and cried as she clung to him, silently pleading with God to forgive her. To please, please forgive her.