"Hermione, are you out of your mind?" Remus was practically panting with anger. "That was the stupidest thing you have ever done. I thought you had some sense, some idea of what the knowledge of your time-traveling could do. Forget Malfoy for a moment. What if you had been caught performing a spell on an Azkaban prisoner? You'd have been thrown in yourself! What if Harry and Ron had borrowed some of Fred and George's stupid ears and thrown them in after you? Is that how you want them to find out? You know better than this, Hermione! It was reckless and thoughtless. Why didn't you tell me what you were going to do? I was already planning to deal with Malfoy. You should never have gone there."

"First of all, I'm fine, so it's really a moot point," Hermione said stubbornly. "None of those 'what ifs?' happened, so let's move on. Second, it was my right to face him - not anyone else's. I wanted to know what he remembered, and I wanted to see him in prison. Both missions accomplished."

"Don't be flip, young lady," he barked at her, his temperature rising.

"'Young lady'?" she repeated incredulously. "Young lady? If you remember correctly, you are not my professor anymore and you are certainly not my father. Do not ever address me as 'young lady' again."

"You're right, Hermione. I apologize. You're acting like an infant, not a child." When Hermione, Ron and Harry arrived back at Grimmauld Place that afternoon Remus was waiting for them. Puzzled and alarmed by their unannounced trip, he had been pacing the floors, fearing the worst. Had they been apprehended by Death Eaters? Had they found a horcrux? Had Hermione - shudder - told Ron and Harry the truth? He didn't know whether to expect a black eye or good news. When Harry had told Remus of their trip to Azkaban, he had remained calm on the outside, taking in Harry and Ron's bewildered shrugs and Hermione's triumphant gaze. Harry said that it had calmed Hermione, so he wasn't going to think on it any more, and Ron agreed. Remus didn't feel the same way. He was furious with Hermione, and as soon as Harry and Ron left to check in at the Burrow he had torn into her. Unfortunately, Hermione refused to entertain the notion that she had been wrong; indeed, she was quite pleased with herself, and didn't appreciate Remus's interference.

"An infant? Well that makes you a cradle-robber," she shot back nastily.

"That's low, Hermione."

"Well, you're acting like an old man."

"I am an old man!" he yelled. "I'm not seventeen, in case time travel has made you blind. And we can lie to ourselves all we want, young lady, but I could be your father, Hermione, and you know it."

"Don't get so dramatic," she sniffed. She had expected Remus to understand why she went to see Lucius – hadn't he seen firsthand what Malfoy had done to her? Didn't he know what it meant for her to face him? Hermione had been thrilled with her victory over Malfoy. So many things seemed to be spinning out of control that she was grateful for any triumph, no matter how small. He had terrified her numerous times and she still felt slightly sick when she thought of their encounters. Getting the better of him - even if he would never remember - felt good. It felt great, in fact, and she didn't need Remus raining on her little parade.

Remus shifted gears, his anger with her causing him to voice things he'd never planned on saying. "Do you have any idea how disgusting the two of us are, how wrong? What were you thinking, all those years ago? You knew who I was. Look what you've gotten us into."

"You're blaming it on me?" Hermione shouted incredulously. "Suddenly everything's my fault? You were my age, Remus, and let's not forget who instigated what. Let's not forget Remus's Room of Requirement, also known as the Let's Get It On Room. Lucius wasn't the only perv back then."

"You're comparing me to Malfoy?" his voice rose to her level. "That's brilliant, Hermione, just really nice. You know, it's not my fault you were all tarted up Lolita-style back then."

"I was wearing my school uniform!" she screeched. "You've got some nerve, holding me responsible. I was under quite a bit of stress back then, if you'll remember correctly."

"Back then? For you Hermione it was yesterday."

"And it was stressful! It's still stressful. This isn't my fault, and besides, you kissed me yesterday!"

"You kissed me last night!"

In seconds they had crossed to each other and were kissing fervently again. It was ridiculous, he knew. He was still mad at her for the Azkaban stunt, he was still twenty years her senior, and he was also still engaged to Nymphadora Tonks. Remus was fairly certain that Hermione was unaware of his engagement, and he had no doubt she would throw an absolute fit when she learned. He didn't want to break up with Tonks to be with Hermione, and he didn't think she wanted to leave Ron, either. So what were they doing? And what sort of a ridiculous Taming of the Shrew routine were they enacting? Fighting should not lead to kissing. It accomplished nothing, and his anger with her hadn't abated. So why wasn't he pulling away? He took an inward breath - he knew what had to be done.

Finally he broke away from her. "This has to stop."

"I don't want to stop," she breathed. "I want you; I don't care how old you are, or about anything else."

"You sound exactly like Tonks," he said ruefully.

"Well, I guess you have a way with younger women."

"That's not funny. If Harry, Ron or Tonks came in right now they would kill us both."

"Well, they're not here, are they?" she said stubbornly. Each time she kissed him it felt like forever. Maybe they were meant to be together. Why else would she have gone back, why else would she be burdened with this guilt? Was Remus her prize, the rainbow after the storm? Why else would he have chosen to remember her?

"We can't be together, Hermione," he said. "You must know that."

"I know nothing of the kind! Why else was I sent back there? It was for you, I know it! And you waited for me, all those years. You love me."

He had to be brutal, for both their sakes. "I love Tonks. I don't love you, Hermione. I never did."

"You're lying," she said, her eyes bright with tears.

"I cared for you a long time ago. There is nothing between us now."

"Then why did you kiss me? Why are you lying?" Her voice rose to a shout.

"You're a beautiful girl, Hermione, and I was weak. It won't happen again." It hurt him to say these words to her, to watch the pain in her eyes, but he knew that he was doing the right thing. He did love her, but it wasn't enough. Seeing her fresh from her voyage, when her heart was full of him – it was so tempting to just lose himself in her, to claim her as his own. But it wasn't right. He couldn't go back to that place, where she was all he thought about, and he couldn't hurt Tonks. He didn'twant to hurt Tonks; he loved her, probably more deeply and truly than he had ever cared for Hermione. He was not seventeen anymore. His feelings for Hermione, though strong, were wrong. Plain and simple.

"Last night, you said you wanted me," she said. "You've got me right now, please don't make me beg. I've been through so much, in such a short amount of time. Harry and Ron can't ever know, not ever. You're the only person I can turn to, the only person who can possibly understand. You said you were still waiting for me. I'm here right now. Please, help me. Just kiss me and this can all go away."

"It doesn't work like that," he said. He ran a hand through his hair, suddenly desperate to get away from her. "I'm not the person you want. I was just a distraction, just a way for you to feel better."

"That's not true!" she yelled. "How can you say that to me? For you it was long ago, but I just left there! Two nights ago we escaped Death Eaters together and Lily was alive and she was my friend. Just two days ago, Remus, and you said you could understand, and forgive me and -"

"That was twenty years ago, Hermione!" he exploded. "It's not the same for me. I'm sorry, but it's just not the same. I did choose to remember you and I did care for you. I still do. Even without our history, we're good friends."

"Don't do that. Don't pretend –"

"I'm not pretending, and I'm not trying to hurt you. God knows you've been through enough. You're strong, Hermione, stronger than I could ever be. I am attracted to you, obviously, and of course this is difficult. I've done nothing but make it worse. I'm sorry I kissed you yesterday and again today. It was a mistake, and it confused matters. But we cannot be together. I'm with Dora, and that's who I want. And if you search your heart, you'll see Ron there."

"You're there, too."

"Harry and Ron will be back soon," he sighed, hoping she would understand. "I'm glad you weren't hurt this morning; I hope you got what you needed from Malfoy. I've got to go."

"You're a coward," she sneered in a last-ditch effort. Her words were unfair, but the whole thing was unfair. Her feelings were too confusing, the hurt was too new. She couldn't accept that what happened to her was so long ago for everyone else.

"No, I'm being brave," he said. "I'm making the right choice. There's no future for us, Hermione, there never was. I'm not saying our feelings weren't real. But you were in an impossible situation. It's natural you would cling to someone, and I was a different person back then. You were like a miracle. I can never express how much you meant to me then. But it wasn't real."

"It felt real," she whispered, all of her rage gone. "It still does, or this wouldn't hurt so much. I think if you had lied, if you had pretended your memory was wiped, this would be easier. But you kissed me and told me you waited and made me think... Why didn't you lie?"

"You deserved the truth."

"And Ron and Harry? Tonks? What do they deserve?"

"Our love and respect," he answered. "That's all we can give them. This isn't their story to know. It's ours. Just ours."

"How can I keep this from them? The guilt... Lily and James..."

"It's your cross to bear, Hermione," he told her gently. "No one else's. You did the right thing, never doubt that. Voldemort will be defeated in part because of you. Your friendship meant something to Lily, to all of us. Dumbledore gave you a task, and you performed better than anyone could have expected. I don't know if I could have, Hermione.I don't know why you were sent back, or what everything means. Maybe we can't ever know. You're a brave girl, and you've been through a horrible ordeal. But you also got a gift."

"It feels like a curse."

"I know. But feel proud."

"I can't believe this is happening," she said, tears finally welling in her eyes. "I thought… It was just two days ago that we were together."

"Not for me," he said again. "I was stupid to have led you on, to make you think things were different. I'm sorry I kissed you."

"Don't be," she said. "It'll hold us for a long time. I begged Dumbledore to send me back, you know. I guess I knew... I don't know. I didn't know coming back would hurt this much. I feel torn between two places, two times."

He smiled at her, wishing that he could kiss her one last time and comfort her. But no good would come of it. "I have something for you. Maybe it'll help." Remus pulled a letter out of his pocket, one he had been saving for over a year. "It's from Sirius." Without another word, he put the letter in her hand and walked out of the room. She dimly heard the front door shut and the caterwauling of Mrs. Black. She held the letter limply in her hand, as if it might disappear or combust; she wasn't sure which. She knew she didn't want to read it; knew she couldn't not read it. She couldn't disrespect Sirius. If Remus was to be believed, Sirius didn't blame her, but she didn't think that would make his letter any easier to read.

She sat down at a table and placed the letter before her. How long did she stare at it, unopened? She couldn't be sure; if felt like hours. Finally, with a trembling hand, she tore the letter open and began to read.

Hey, Granger--

I almost slipped and called you that the last time I saw you. Might have been a bit awkward, but now I figure it's okay for two old friends like us. If I can tell you all of this in person that would be great, but something tells me it's not to be. You did get a bit emotional when you saw me for the first time back then, remember? You were crying all over me in the common room, so I don't think it bodes too well for me. Don't get upset. We all go sooner or later, right? I don't know how much time I have, but I'm betting I won't make it to your seventeenth birthday. Too bad; I would have liked to watch you come of age. Was that too dirty? Anyway, Moony can give this to you; he won't peek. And if he does he'll be sorry, because it'll probably get even dirtier towards the end of it.

It's hard to know exactly what to say. A letter can never tell everything, but maybe I can be a bit more honest than I would be face to face. I wish you could have stayed a bit longer back then, and I wish we had more time now, too, but things are pretty crazy. Just as long as you take care of Harry, we'll be square.

I was pretty mad at first. James was my best friend, and thirteen years is a long time to spend in Azkaban. I wasn't just angry at you, either; a lot of it was directed towards Dumbledore. I remember you getting pretty weepy back then, so I'm sure you wanted to warn us. But such is life, right? We do what we can with the hand we're dealt. I got nine years with my best friend and a new lease on life thanks to you, Ron and Harry. And I'm glad I didn't have my memories at first, because you can guarantee I would have bitten you if I saw you. But I suppose if Crookshanks liked you, you couldn't be all bad, right? Pretty smart cat you've got there; he was a great friend to me. So were you. Wow. I'm being incredibly gay right now. I do like that cat, though.

Look, Granger, there's no way for me to tell you not to blame yourself or not to feel guilty. God knows I shouldn't give advice I can't keep myself. Is it hard to know you couldn't help us, that you knew our fates? Yes. It taints things, in a way. But I don't blame you, and neither does Moony. That's the most I can say, other than that Prongs and Lily wouldn't blame you, either. So make of that what you will.

As for the other part of things - I'm sorry I hit on you all the time. But you're pretty! That's my only defense; that and I wanted to make Moony mad. That's always fun, at least when there's no full moon.

So... Don't go mooning (you see what I did there? I'm a funny guy!) over Moony too much. I mean, no offense, but he is a bit old for you, Granger. I guess he's a bit old for my cousin, too, but he needs someone like her. And I just spent the entire summer with you and Ron, and you need someone like him. You and Moony are too much alike. You'd wind up reciting Hogwarts: A History to one another, and who needs that? I mean, I know we've got that dashing older man quality, but let's face it: Moony's been through the ringer a few times. You kind of need someone a little bit fresher. Seventeen-year-old Moony and thirty-seven year old Moony aren't the same guy, and as time goes on, you'll realize that. This is very presumptuous of me, I realize that, but if I'm not around when you read this, you can't say anything to me anyway. I did tell Moony to give you this letter as soon as you get back, though, because I imagine your feelings are in full gear right now. There's no telling what kind of crazy things you'll do. Just don't forget where you really belong. Moony won't forget. I know he has a soft spot for you, and always will. Hell, so do I. There was one day this summer, you were covered in dirt from cleaning out one of the rooms, and your hair was standing straight up and your shirt was sort of untucked and - well, you looked quite a bit better than it sounds on paper. I thought Moony had been confunded. he looked so out of sorts, but man did you look good. Don't get all red, I'm just trying to pay you a compliment.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do and I can't tell you how to feel. Just a bit of advice from an old man. Thoughts of you were obviously a comfort to Remus when he didn't have anything else, but he needed to grow up a little bit, I think. Anyway, that's my advice, such as it is. If he and Tonks aren't already together by now, or if you don't want Ron, then do what you want, I guess. But something tells me I'm a better seer than that old bat Trelawny.

One more thing. Don't tell Harry, Granger. It's not betraying his trust; it's keeping his heart safe. He would forgive you, he would still love you, but he wouldn't be able to forget. I don't say this to upset you. You know I'm right.

You once asked me when you warrant a Hermione, and when you just get Granger. I like Hermione, I really do, but I think I miss Granger a little more.

See you soon,

Sirius

P.S. Do you think you could cover yourself in dirt and stick your hair out for me next time I see you?