Disclaimer: All belongs to JKR the genius.

She sat holding the letter for a long time after she read it - much longer than it had taken her to open it in the first place. Her eyes were sore with the effort to keep back her tears, for she feared that if she began to cry she would never stop. She ached for Sirius, both young and old, for they had been equally important to her. His letter helped her guilt a little, but not much - nothing ever really would, she knew. Time would make it hurt less, but it would never drive it completely away. And that's as it should be.

When Ron and Harry returned from the Burrow the letter was hidden and she greeted them both with big smiles.

"Horcrux hunting really agrees with you, Hermione," Ron told her with a wry smile.

"You know I have a love of knowledge, Ronald," she said.

"And apparently the Dark Arts," Harry said.

"Oh, do shut up," she snapped. "Can't a girl be happy to see her best friends?"

"Certainly she can," said Harry, pulling her into a hug. "But we're leaving for Godric's Hollow in two days, so your time would be better spent packing."

"Hmph," she said, tossing her hair and leaving the kitchen. "Quite the bossy prat you've become, Harry James Potter. See if I ever waste my smile on you again."

"Just save it for me," Ron called after her. "I quite liked it!"

She returned to her room and began packing; she had quite an arsenal of spells at her disposal and the job was done quickly. She transfigured Sirius's letter so that no one but she could read it and added it to her things. She felt normal for the first time since her return. The work calmed her nerves and reminded her why all of this was necessary. Nothing, not even her confused head and heart, could stand in the way of Voldemort's defeat.

She was finished in less than fifteen minutes, but she remained in her room for the better part of an hour, mentally preparing herself for their journey. It would be long and arduous, and she would be of no help to Harry if she wasn't there one hundred percent. The least she could do for James and Lily is help protect their son, the one they had died for.

She was finally interrupted by insistent knocking at her door. Can't a girl get any time to herself?

"Come in."

It was Remus. Her heart leapt at the sight of him - maybe he had changed his mind! - but the look on his face quickly dispelled such notions. He looked sheepish and nervous, but not particularly romantic. She sighed dramatically and motioned for him to sit.

"Can't stay away?"

"Something like that," he admitted.

"Where are Ron and Harry?"

"I asked them to go to Diagon Alley for a few supplies for your trip."

"Is that safe? People might be suspicious of their purchases."

"They've got the Invisibility Cloak; they should be fine," he said. "They're going to take the things they need and leave the money so no one notices." He fidgeted on her bed, folding and unfolding his hands. It was hard to look at her.

She sighed again. It was clear he had something to say, but it was equally clear she was going to have to pull it out of him. "Thank you for the letter."

"It was hard not to read it," he said truthfully. "Especially after he died. He wrote it after you all stayed for Christmas. He was making some rather disgusting remarks to me so God only knows what it says."

She smiled and blushed. "He was quite the charmer, wasn't he?"

"Yes. He was at that."

They sat in silence for a few more moments, both thinking about Sirius. Almost without her realizing it, Hermione reached for Remus's hand. He let her hold it.

"I haven't been entirely honest with you," he said at last. He didn't let go of her hand.

"Well, my mind can't be any more blown," she said ruefully. "Enlighten me."

"Dumbledore."

"Yes?"

"Dumbledore sent you back." He spoke the words he had been dreading to tell her. Would she understand? Could she?

"I don't understand," Hermione said, still gripping his hand. "What do you mean? Like, I was supposed to help Dumbledore and that's why I was sent back?"

"No. I mean he set the Time Turner. You were sent back on purpose."

She didn't move. Surely she had misheard him.

"Dumbledore knew you were supposed to go back in time, he just didn't know how it had happened. And then he realized he was the one to do it. He set the time turner and put it where he knew you'd find it. He even programmed it to send you to Hogwarts, which is a rather tricky spell."

"He did this?" she whispered.

"Hermione-"

"He did this to me? On purpose?" Their hands were still clasped; Hermione found that she could not let go.

"Yes. His past involved meeting you in 1977. Therefore, you had to be sent back. He was the only one that could have managed it, the only one that knew how to program the turner in just that way."

"How could he have done that to me?" she was still whispering; all strength seemed to have left her. The only muscle she still had was the one holding his hand for dear life.

"He had to, Hermione. He was almost crying when he told me, because he knew what it meant for you, for all of us. But the past had to happen."

"Why didn't you tell me? Couldn't you change his mind?"

"No, Hermione. You had to find it, you had to go."

"You helped him do this to me."

"Hermione, no, I didn't know until afterward."

"Afterward? It just happened yesterday, Remus, there is no afterward. What, did he tell you in a vision last night?"

"No, Hermione, I mean - Yes. I knew it was going to happen soon. He told me about it last summer, after Sirius died. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I wasn't allowed, just like you couldn't warn us all those years ago. It was meant to be. Believe me, I didn't want to, it was killing me -"

"You did this to me," she said.

"I'm sorry, Hermione."

"I think you should go." She was still holding his hand, still whispering.

"I don't think that's a good idea," he said. "We need to talk about this."

"Talk about you ruining my life? Talk about you condemning me to guilt and torment? Is that what we should talk about?"

"You're not the only one who has suffered, Hermione," he said. It sounded weak, he knew.

"No. No, you've made that clear. And misery loves company, doesn't it?"

"Hermione, it's not like that. Don't you see? You were already in my past. If Dumbledore hadn't set it, someone else would have. It was destiny that sent you back, just as it was destiny that our friends would die. We can't change the past, Hermione."

"You've said that, time and again. But why?" she suddenly wailed, breaking free from him at last and rising to her feet. "What good did it do? What good did any of it do?"

"I think you saved my life," Remus said. "If I hadn't known you, cared about you, I don't know if I could have gone on after James and Lily died, after Sirius was sent to prison. I certainly wouldn't have been able to love Dora the way I do."

"I'm so glad I could help you get laid," she said nastily.

"Hermione, it's not like that, so just listen. I don't expect you to forgive me. I never even wanted to tell you, I wanted to be selfish, a coward. After all my lofty talk about having to forgive you for not saying anything, when I knew it was going to happen, and I did nothing. But I mean what I say. You saved me. My soul, definitely, and probably my life as well. I was pretty bad off and thoughts of you kept me sane. You helped me realize that I could be a normal person, with a normal life. I have that life because of you."

"And what do I have?" she asked. "A broken heart and a guilty conscience."

"Your heart's not broken, Hermione," Remus said. "It's just bruised a little, same as mine. You love Ron, it's no use pretending you don't. We'll always belong to each other, at least a little. We just don't belong together now."

"Why would I even want you now? You've destroyed me."

"Hermione, I'm sorry you feel that way."

"Do not condescend to me. Do not play Professor right now. You need to look at me, really look at me and see what you did."

"What I did?" Remus felt that he too would explode. "Hermione I didn't do this for you, or me! We all have our parts to play, our roles to fill. I'm sorry I'm responsible for your sorrow, just as you're responsible for mine. Do you think this is easy?

"Why did you tell me?" she asked, defeated again. In this one day, she had gone from terrified to triumphant, from hurting to healing and back again. What more in the name of God was she supposed to endure?

"You deserve the truth. We can be honest with each other, if no one else. I know I haven't behaved honorably. This should have been the very first thing I told you, I know that. I'm so sorry, Hermione. But you're a strong girl, Hermione, you've already proven that over and over again. I meant what I said; there's no way I could have done what you have. No one else could have." He willed her to believe him, willed her to forgive him. He had struggled with himself whether or not to tell her the whole truth when the time came. But he wasn't a coward, he couldn't be a coward. It wasn't fair to either of them. She shouldn't have to shoulder the blame alone.

"If it's so easy to set these time turners like this, to use them like this, why don't we? Why doesn't everybody change everything?"

"They don't usually work like that," he said. "For one thing, they're very hard to come by. Dumbledore has his ways, of course. But time's a tricky thing, Hermione. So is fate, destiny."

"I don't believe in that rubbish, all that divination stuff."

"Now, you know that's not true," he said, raising his eyebrows at her. "You've had firsthand knowledge of prophesies. Destiny is strong, even if you don't believe in it. There are things we're not meant to know. But time isn't to be trifled with. Only dire circumstances can alter time. "

Hermione was speechless. She knew she shouldn't really blame him. They did, as he said, all have their parts to play. And Dumbledore - once again playing God, altering people's lives for "the greater good." Did he know what this did to her? It killed her a little to know that she could never face him again, never ask him why. She trusted Dumbledore, she always did. He obviously felt it was important that she fulfill her role. But God, how much more did she have to suffer?

"Hermione, it's going to take time for us to be...normal together again, if such a thing is even possible. It's good that you're going away, good that we won't have to see each other for awhile. There's a lot of danger in front of you, and you don't need to be thinking about me."

"I can focus on my job," she snapped.

"I know you can," he said. "I just meant that it's better for us to be apart. Whatever I've said, I still have feelings for you. Maybe you don't anymore -"

"Of course I do."

"So it's best to stay away," he finished. "We have jobs to do, and that is more important than our silly romance. Your mind is still back there. This will give you time with Ron, time to get back on track. And I need to spend time with Dora. Hermione, I need to clear my head of you."

"Devoting your time to someone else should do it, then. Do you ever think of me when you kiss her?"

"Hermione, don't." He wanted to get angry, but he knew how much she was hurting. "I know this is hard. How many more times can we go over this? Can you honestly look at me and say I'm the one you really want? Separate from yourself for just a moment, look beyond the fact that you're in turmoil now. Am I the one you want? Is hurting everyone we know worth being together? What if we didn't even last? You know how I feel. If you can look in my eyes and say I'm truly, honestly, who you want, then we will leave together right now. Knowing everything that you do, is that what you want?"

Hermione did what he asked. She stepped back, looked in her heart, in her head. Is that what she wanted?

"No."