Wow guys, thanks again for all the wonderful comments. Each and every one of them made my day, or past two days, however you want to see it. And I appreciate the comments complimenting my writing. Thanks:kiss kiss: So I have been asked a few times is this going to be Meredith with Mark or Derek. And I can honestly say I don't know, the characters in this story are writing themselves. Haha. So I guess we will just find out together. I am a fan of Mer/Mark and Mer/Der, so yeah. It might be a while before we see a movement with the story in the lines of love, but it may not. I'm just not sure yet. Haha. I can't make up my mind. Uh. So yeah. Thanks for sticking in there with me, and thanks for the wonderful magnificent comments.
Disclaimer:I do not own Grey's Anatomy. Simple, because if I did, some people just might hate me there would be drama. Good drama. :lol:
5:00am.
My head is pounding and I don't know if it is from the amount of tears that have come from my eyes, or maybe the amount of alcohol I consumed over the past three hours. It might just be a mixture of the two. I am such a pathetic piece of crap. I was stupid enough to hurt my Meredith, yes my Meredith, over and over again. How is it that I could do that to her? How was I able to pick my ex-wife over the love of my life? How was I able to not let Meredith be with anyone but me? How could I stop wanting to breathe for her? How was it that I had to make a decision over her and being chief? How was I even capable of kissing Rose? I'm not sure, but I am pretty sure that karma has paid me back in full amount with Meredith telling me that she wished she had never had met me, she loved me but she didn't want to be with me, and she wanted me to be happy without her. I deserved all the words she told me tonight, except the fact that she loved me. I do not know how someone, especially someone's whose heart has been broken again and again by the same man, could ever possibly say that to me. I don't deserve to hear those words coming from her mouth.
Each kiss of her lips, touch of her skin, words leaving her lips, and the lavender has been brought to me in memory with every tear that falls down my face. With every tear I am reminded of the things I can't have now that I have messed up and Meredith will never be mine again. She is done with me, and she has every right to be done. I can't expect her to be coming back to me. Why would she want to? She didn't trust me, and who could ever blame her? Not me, and I had no right to tell her she trusted no one. She did trust people, even with her daddy issues and boy problems, she trusted people. Just not me.
The tears are still continuously falling down my skin, and they leave a burning mark. The tears are too painful for me. I wish I could stop crying. However – many parts of me don't want to because that would mean that I would stop receiving the treatment I deserved. I missed Meredith. I missed her laugh, her tears, her smile, her lavender, and last but not least her in my arms. I turn over so I can grab the pillow that used to belong to her. I place it in my arms, and I place my nose into it. The faint scent of lavender so sweetly left on the pillow. The scent is greatly appreciated. But my tears fall even faster now. I close my eyes, and my breathing slows as I begin to sleep, as my tears and pains have finally worn me out. The restless sleeps begins in me, and I can't stop it.
I know that this is a very very short chapter, and I'm sorry. I just think this was important. It tells of some of the pain he is going through. So please don't hate me because it is so short. I hope you like it. Please review it. :kiss kiss: