Okay, so I have thought about it and I have figured out the answer. This is in Derek's Point of View now. However, when Mark comes into the picture that will change, because I like writing Meredith, and Mark will get to know Meredith more. That doesn't automatically make it a Mer/Mark story. And thank you to those that have stuck around with me, it means a lot and all your comments are so, so amazing. That's not the word for it but it will work for now. Lol. This chapter is still in Derek's POV. I don't know when it will change over, but I will let you know. I also wanted to thank Azqwest for the amazing siggy, I likey a lot. Lol. So thank you. On with the story. Hopefully it is good, I have a feeling that it might not be. So sorry ahead of time.

Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy. Although the idea of owning the storyline has often crossed my mind, especially lately. Lol.

10:00am.

The incessant beeping of my pager woke me up. I don't know why, I didn't have to work today, but as a doctor I knew that I had to arrive at the hospital soon. It was my duty as a doctor. I reached over to my pager, and read the small note flash on the screen. 911. That wasn't any major shock, as they are only supposed to page you when you are absolutely needed. I sighed, and laid my head on the pillow again. The faint reminders of the night before me came hurdling down, and the tears automatically started again. I was Derek Shepherd; I wasn't supposed to cry over someone. That wasn't me; I was supposed to be strong. Meredith Grey was the only woman I have ever cried over and that proves to me once again that I lost the most important thing in my life. I knew it when it happened, but the never ending tears were a constant reminder. I want the tears to stop, I want the pain to go away but there is no end in sight, when Meredith isn't with me. And I have only one person to blame. Myself.

Although I wish I could blame some of this on Meredith, I remember that I was the one to start it all. Although she didn't open up like I am used to women opening up, I should have pushed her a little harder. Although she couldn't trust me, I should proven she could trust me. But I didn't do any of that. If I would have I would still have the love of my life with me.

I sat up on the bed, and then looked around at my surroundings. Noting that this was how my life would be without Meredith. I know I could move on without Meredith. I could hopefully find someone that I could love. Not nearly as much as I love Meredith, but enough to be happy. I could have little kids running around. And although I want the house, the wife, the kids, and the dog – I only want this with Meredith. However, maybe there is someway I can move on and I don't have to worry about it. But then again, I don't want to.

I get out of my cold bed, and place on a new pair of dark denim jeans and my classic button up shirt with a pullover on it. I slip my feet into my black dress up shoes that are just casual enough for pants. I know, I know, I probably sound gay, but I just like to make sure I look okay. I look at myself in the mirror and notice that my eyes are still red from crying, and bags are forming under my eyes. I look exactly as I feel, horrible. I walk out of my trailer, not bothering to lock the doors. I couldn't lose anymore than I already have. I breathe in deeply and walk to my car, letting myself drive to the hospital, the long way. I can't be near the docks or ferries today. Not today, probably not for the next week, maybe the next month. As I drive along the highway, headed for Seattle Grace, I find myself in my thoughts once again as the radio is off and I am too lazy to turn it on.

What am I going to do if Meredith is at the hospital today? What if she is smiling and happy and she has already moved on? What am I to do? I need to be happy for her. She wants to move on and forget me. She regrets meeting me, so I should stay out of her way, no matter how much I want to talk to her, make her understand that I need her in my life.

I know, enough of the self-pity already. I should probably just act like normal. But what is normal without Meredith? I guess I'll find a new normal today. A normal that I don't think I'm ready for just yet. I finally pull up to the hospital, and I try to find the spot closest to the door. I pull in, and get my bag from the passenger seat. As I exit the car, I look to the car on my left and I see that it is the blue jeep. Meredith's blue jeep that she won't get rid of. I look away and start walking towards the hospital.

I walk up to the nurses' desk. "Hey."

"Hi Dr. Shepherd. Dr. Sloan has been having me page you for the past hour, he needs you help with a patient." Nurse Debbie says to me, nicely. All the nurses have been nice to me lately. As I walk away I roll my eyes.

I was in the search for Mark. He apparently needed my help with a patient, and I couldn't find him. How convenient is that? I quickly walk over to the surgery board and I look for his name. He's not in surgery just yet. So I continue on my search for him. I finally find him at the coffee cart. He has a weird smile on his face, but then when he turns around the smile is gone. He looks pissed or angered. I notice two cups of coffee in his hands. I wonder who the other one is for, and why is he getting them? He always has an intern get them for him.

"Hey Mark."

"Dr. Shepherd." He's acting weird. Why is he pissed at me? I should be mad at him for Addison, but I'm not.

"I heard you had a patient for me." I say as I walk beside him. He looks and then shakes his head.

"I needed help, but I got another attending to help me." Why? He always lets me help. An idea clicks in my head.

"Whose the two coffees for?" I ask as we both stop and he looks at me. He glares at me. My thoughts were confirmed. "There for Meredith, aren't they?" He nods. Yep, definitely confirmed.

"And if you don't mind, I'm going to give this coffee to her, before it gets cold. So bye Dr. Shepherd." He says walking off, giving coffee to my Meredith. I sigh and run a hand through my hair. My ex-best friend/best friend is giving my ex-girlfriend cups of coffee. I panic, and I run to my office, having no where else to run. I didn't want to learn this lesson. I couldn't breathe without Meredith.