Reveiwers:

meagan: she came backb/c she can't stay dead (nobody but Boromir can do that) and she doesn't want Haldir to kiss her b/c it's Klc!

layla the cat/gina: well yeah, but he didn't quite get the implications of it.

lettres d'amour: a nouvelle reveiwer! yah! have a bonbon!

Remember to Feel Real: what did you figure out?

Queen Islanzadi: At your command. Of course we couldn't let her die! I'm surprise everyone believed it. :)

Well, this may be the lastish chapter for longer than the past few - this is the last chapter we've written, so . . . yeah . . . please be patient.

Chapter Seven

Political Theory 101

In which Legolas is nearly bonked, The Mouth of Sauron has a lesson in political theory, and Melkor gets mad.

Mandy's PoV

"The King Elessar is come! Let all leave this land or yield them up!" Some herald called out for the third time today.

Of course there was no answer. I giggled and looked at Legolas. He was looking up, with his mouth slightly open. I followed his gaze to see a Nazgul above us.

"Polly wanna cracker?" I cackled.

"You two look like Ned waiting for seagulls." Nicole teased, "We're a bit far from the bay."

I shut my mouth quickly, but Legolas – completely clueless of the seagull comment's meaning looked around at us with an expression rather like Gina's cats – that is to say, smugly content.

"Seagulls are pretty." He sighed.

The whole company, even Aragorn, stared at him.

"Wow." Nicole said slowly, 'That's lovely."

"Isn't it?" Legolas asked in a slightly dreamy manner.

"Nicole, did you drug him?" I asked.

"No!" Nicole looked shocked, "He's just thinking – obviously it's difficult for him."

"So he's alright?"

"Well . . . I don't know. He looks like he could use a good bonk on the head." She raised a stick suggestively.

"No thanks." Legolas snapped back to himself at the impending bonk.

"Halt!" Came a call. So we did. We had just ended our seventh day of Marching and tomorrow we would fight – according to the random guy I'd asked.

Kelsey's PoV

I rolled over and got up. It was past midnight and I should be sleeping, but I couldn't I got up and walked to the edge of our camp, by one of the great, glowing fires.

"It's eerie, isn't it?" Nicole asked, following me.

"Yeah." Ernie walked over, 'I'm scared someone will expect me to do something I don't know how to do."

"I'm just scared we're all going to die." Mandy muttered, squeezing Nickel tightly.

Nickel struggled a moment, turning rather blueish, before escaping Mandy's clutches, "I have an idea, guys. Mandy, tell Kelsey and Ernie the results of your science project back at helm's deep . . ."

Nickel's PoV

We woke up early and began to arrange ourselves on the two hills on the plain. The place stank – Sauron obviously wasn't the reduce, reuse and recycle type. Kelsey ran to Aragorn and Gandalf with our work from last night, and getting approval (She insisted). When everyone else was in order, Legolas, Gimli, Pippin, Aragorn, Elrohir, Elladan, Gandalf, Imrahil, Ernie and us girls all rode up toward the gate.

"Come forth!" Aragorn yelled, "let the lord of the Black Land come forth! Justice shall be done upon him . . ."

"I thought Sauron didn't have a body." Ernie whispered to me.

"Shhh . . ." Everything was silent as Aragorn finished.

And then the mouth of Sauron came forth, 'Is there anyone here in this rout with the authority to treat with me?" He asked, rudely.

I laughed.

Ernie's PoV

"There is." Nickel told the Mouth of Sauron, "We have complaints against your master in regard to his political actions." She took a deep breath, "Firstly, his destruction of certain groves of historical trees by the work of that idiot Sauruman. This act causes a great danger to the delicate balance of the environment."

The mouth of Sauron, I noticed out of the corner of my eye, was taking notes.

Nicole continued, "In compensation for this loss and greiviance, we request that Sauron bequeath this land as the Mordor Concession so that we might make said land into a national park."

Kelsey took up the complaints, "Sauron has kept slaves in violation of all common moral codes and standards. This practice is ungodly and endangers one's state with controversy and strife. It is therefore our request that all of Sauron's slaves be set free, given property, jobs and voting rights."

Mandy continued to the next complaint we had planned, "Sauron's mistreatment of his slaves has caused great enmity between their race and our own respective races. There is no difference between the free people and the orcs save a severe lack of hygiene. This has been discovered through scientific research and so we request that Sauron provide his slaves – who will be freed – with hygienic products – soap, shampoo and clean bathing facilities. These things we request for the betterment of the world."

Then Gandalf butted in with the real reason we were here. I glanced at Mandy and Nicole, confused. I was supposed to talk next. Grrr.

Kelsey's PoV

I glanced at Ernie nervously. He looked mad. Gandalf didn't want Ernie revealed to Sauron just yet, but I hadn't had a chance to tell the others. Thank Eru Gandalf stepped in. As the others bandied words, I took the remaining moments to check my weapons and say a prayer of safe keeping. Eru help us.

And then there was battle.

We retreated quickly to the hills, which bristled with spears and other sharp pointy objects. I drew my sword and unhooked the sheath which had this had metal bit on the end that made it a great weapon to know orcs out.

"Morez!" Nickel yelled by my side.

"What does that mean?" I asked her, shooting distant orcs in their faces with straight pins from a pistol-like contraption.

"Die!" She yelled, killing a troll over by the other hill using a blast of light from her staff, "I love how I can use French with this thing!"

I rolled my eyes and concentrated on the battle. Suddenly, I heard a scream of pain from behind me.

"MANDY!" Nickel and I yelled, turning to look for her.

Suddenly, I felt as if a sword had slashed me through my middle (believe me, it hurts). I looked around, clutching my stomach, looking for the orc who'd done it. There weren't any. I saw Nickel crumple to the ground and suddenly I understood. . . sort of.

Haldir's PoV

"MANDY!" I turned to see Mandy crumple to the ground, Nicole and Kelsey running toward her. Suddenly, Nicole and then Kelsey bent over as if they had been wounded, though no orc had yet crossed the pools of filth and all the trolls were at the other hill. They collapsed, and I was running toward them.

"Elbereth, le nallon sí di'nguruthos!" [Ellbereth, to thee I cry from beneath death-horror!. This was too much. Kelsey couldn't die again - what if this time, she didn't come back? Before my eyes, her body, as well as that of Nicole disappeared.

Nickel's PoV

"A Elbereth Gilthoniel

Silivren penna míriel

O menel aglar elenath!

Na-chaered palan-díriel

O galadhremmin ennorath

Fanuilos le linnathon

Nef aear, si nef aearon !" Someone was singing.

I slowly opened my eyes to see white mist. Kelsey had described death pretty accurately, so I couldn't say this was death, though maybe it changed. The mist parted to reveal Kelsey and Mandy lying next to me on the – well I guess I could call it a floor. It was like standing on a piece of glass that is so clear, you can't see it - except, I couldn't feel any glass.

I looked down to see the battle raging below us. I could see the mist out of the corner of my eye as a fast moving cloud – so we couldn't be dead exactly. I could see everything clearly, though it was far away. Even if I didn't focus on one thing or another, I saw both the big picture and all the tiny details. It soon gave me a headache, having that sort of vision, so I decided to look around.

It was at this moment that I noticed Melkor was with us. I'm not sure if he had always been there or if he had just appeared. Looking down, I realized Ernie was not anywhere in the battle, and neither were we.

"Nicole." Melkor smiled, Could you explain to me why we have returned to the void just as I was about to regain all?"

Erm . . . well this was bad. "I have no idea." I told him.

"YOU BROUGHT ME BACK HERE! I WILL NOT TAKE IT ANY LONGER! SET ME FREE!"

"This sucks." Mandy muttered next to me, "Could you stop screaming, Melkor and act like a grown up?"

Kelsey sat up, "None of us wants to be here anymore than you do, Melkor, but since you refused to behave yourself, we're stuck babysitting you, so shush."

Melkor went to sulk in a corner. I glanced down at the battle below us – actually, it was kind of over.

"This is annoying." A nasally voice muttered angrily, "I knew that ring idea was stupid, but did I listen to myself – no." I looked around.

"Hi, Sauron." Melkor said angrily, glaring at his former servant.

"Hi." Sauron waved nervously and was then force to run for his – well, I'd say life, but none of us were exactly alive in the normal sense.

"Now what?" I asked Kelsey and Mandy.

"We can go back down, if you like." Mandy suggested, Melkor's too busy to follow us right now."

"Let's go then." Kelsey said, standing up, "Iâ, auta!" [void, pass

And we were falling, down, down to the earth below us. We landed without harm upon the road and started to walk in the general direction of Minas Tirith. We were quiet for a while.

"Who goes there?" Came a shout and we were surrounded by gaurds.

"It's the ladies that went with the army!" A boy cried out, excited beyond belief.

"What day is it?" I asked them.

They looked rather confused at this question, but answered, "It is the twenty-first day of the New Year!" (Fifteenth of April by shire reckoning)

Kelsey, Mandy and I glanced at each other. I shrugged, "Time runs differently there, I suppose. It's like Lorien."

The Guards led us to where everyone was packing up and preparing to return to Minas Tirith – much slower this time.

"Mandy!" Legolas came running the moment we entered the camp, Haldir at his heals, calling Kelsey's name. As they were embraced by their respective elves, I searched for Gandalf – there was something I had to tell him.

Everyone dies. Mwahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's like Hamlet!

I love killing people. of course, our fanfic has this problem that nobody stays dead very long. . . .yeah.

remeber to reveiw. Our sale is not over yet. You have one month to apply reveiw now! (See our profile for all details)

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