Confessions Part 1 Chapter 7
Jackie and Severus spent most of their time indoor getting caught up on homework; Jackie also wondered if James let her win the match even if it was a week later… she worried about it a lot and hated that her fear might be right. What if James would continue to let her win; for her? Himself—NO! For Sirius then…? Hell no, he had told her what James wanted them to do the morning he punched him in the face. After Sirius told her that she went and found James, they worked out a few differences and Jackie offered to race him on brooms that moment. He laughed and held out his hand and she took it.
Severus and Jackie got along fine; since-the fight that Sirius didn't tell her about overhearing- they often look up at each other and go back to whatever they were doing previously. Narcissa and Lucius noticed this and Lucius got Severus to tell him what he didn't want to hear. Plainly Lucius told Severus to get over it or try out for the team next year…. Of course that wasn't the entire story but what else could Severus say without giving away his and her secrets? Narcissa got nothing from Jackie but hear it all from Lucius when he dragged her away.
Jackie had also been thinking hard lately, something she doesn't really do outside of class… she wanted to tell Severus about her and Sirius Black. She wanted someone to tell that she loved him and not just him or his three friends; she could write to Chelsea, however Jimmy could intervene with the letter and who knows what could happen then…. At breakfast that same seven days later, Jackie's owl appeared with a letter for her:
Jackie, your father and I are finally working things out since he's been banned from James. The girls are with Gamma and Gammpa in Dublin, they moved from Berlin, Germany to Dublin Ireland over the summer. Didn't they tell you when they came to visit, no you know apparently since I otherwise just told you. Gammpa will be sending you a box of Irish sweets...
Just then another owl landed and dropped off a envelope sized box full to the brim with sweets. Jackie opened it and took one out; she ate it slowly as she continued the letter:
…. I hope you're getting along well and I'm sorry about June. I never imagined Jimmy doing that to you; when I told you in me, he was so thrilled! Then something changed I guess, I don't know what and I'm afraid to know. Well be good and have fun this year okay! I love you very much.
Love, mother
Jackie hadn't used her cane in a long while; she didn't plan on going back to using it either, unless if she needed to beat Jimmy with it, then she would. Until then it was in her trunk with her broomstick and other unused knickknacks. Severus asked what the chocolates were and she handed him one, he took it and admitted he liked it. They sat comfortably with their backs leaning against each other's and reach over and taking an Irish chocolate as they talking about the future. Severus wanted to live forever and Jackie just wanted to live. She saved some for Sirius when she would be meeting them later that day in the Library when they went over work. For classes they both would have throughout the day; Sirius corrected her a few times on the work that had to get done. Finally, he asked her what was wrong. She only shook her head and said nothing wrong, just not having a good of a day of what she would like to have. He held her hand from across the table they worked on and he smiled at her, she looked up and smiled back.
It seemed that whenever he made sure she was doing something right, she was always doing it the wrong way; she even misspelled her name three times before Sirius finally did it for her. "Okay something is definitely wrong Miss. Jackie, just tell me." He begged her. She sighed and sat back.
All day she's been thinking of telling Severus about her Sirius, he deserved to know and Jackie was tired of pretending she hated her beau anyway. What would Severus do anyway? Break off their friendship… okay so yeah he probably would, but he could also come back to her and ask for her forgiveness as well; couldn't he? She looked up at her boyfriend of over a year and tried to smile, but couldn't.
Sirius sat back and frowned, "Do you want to break up or something?"
"No! No, of course not- unless if you want-." She said praying inside that he felt the same as her when it came to their relationship. Both students were in their robes yet; James and Remus, and Peter were out somewhere. Severus and the gang were in the dungeons…. The place they were in, in the library was secluded so it was unlikely they would be found.
"Hell no, I love you Jackie, I love what we have." He told her assuringly, "but there IS something bothering you, I can tell." He muttered to her, she nodded and leaned forward again although it took a lot of energy to do so. "Tell me, please." He begged.
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "I want to tell Severus… about us." She breathed out slowly, her hands in lap and her thumbs twiddling quickly waiting for his response. Sirius Black is serious when it comes to Jackie, at that moment he realized he loved her even more then yesterday or the day before. "Say something…" her voice trailed off slightly before she added 'please.'
He smiled and laid his arms out on the table, the sleeves of his robes were pushed up; his hood was inside out and he looked absolutely wonderful. "I agree," She twirled her thumbs slower now. "I agree we should tell people about us Jackie, I am really happy you think we should because I want to tell people about you. I've wanted so many time this past summer to tell my mum and dad about you, I even wanted to tell Regulus!" he said as if it was impossible. She forced a smile and she reached above the table and took his hands, he pulled her forward and kissed them gently both twice. Then he kissed her mouth sweetly and they leaned back again.
She smiled for real this time, "I've wanted to tell people too, I mean besides James, Remus, and Peter anyway. Severus deserves to know I think."
"Old Snivellus, Mr. Clean." Sirius sneered, she frowned and glared at him. "What?" he asked as if he didn't know.
She told him quietly, without anger or anything. "He's my friend too Sirius, I mean really; I don't talk about James like what you do to Severus."
"James is my buddy, he'll understand something if I tell him it."
"Like how he understand it when you told him that you loved me, yeah that's really understanding sweetie." She said rolling her eyes, she didn't to fight and she knew that's what was going to happen if she didn't steer their conversation away from James and Severus.
He must have known that as well because he said, "Look I don't want to fight. You're right as usual, James didn't understand soothe way I see it… Snape won't either. But really do I have to stop calling him Snivellus?" she laughed and shook her head.
"No just when you're around me," she told him grinning. "You can when I'm no where near you, as long as I don't see you saying or hearing you saying it- everything will be just fine. James can because he's not you, sorry luv." She added. He smiled and shrugged and kissed her cheek. He asked her what the future held for them, she smiled and sat back thinking. He watched her as she told him what she saw: "A home- a safe home of course, you and me in that safe home. Maybe two or three kids, if you want more we'll talk about it but anymore then ten and we got some issues to work out okay?" He laughed and nodded, still smiling as she told him her dreams. "I see us sitting outside with the kids, while the dog or dogs, that we have play with them; our owls are upstairs asleep. James and his wife are near by and come over with their little ones, Remus and Peter join us as we spend our lives together." She frowned slightly and looked at him, "I would want you support when I say that I would love to have Severus in the Future of Us as well." He nodded although he would have to think about certain things first, "Thank you." She told him and swallowed hard. "I know you don't like him but having him with me throughout the rest of my life is important to me, you know that right?" he nodded again, this time he knew that for sure. "I love you Sirius Black, that can never change." She whispered and felt a tear come her right eye as she continued thinking of him and her forever.
He got up when he saw the tear and went over to her; he kissed her. "I see you and me together forever and our kids, will be taken care of by us. They'll come to this school, and meet their friends and future lovers; me and you will grow old together and forever we'll live." She chuckled and kissed him; he used his thumb to rid her skin of the tears. "In six-seven years I will take you away for a week; just you and me and together we'll go through every thing. Then in twenty years, our kids, James', Remus', and Peter's will marry each other and we'll all be related. I've always wanted to be James' brother you know." He added for her pleasure. She just smiled and he stood her up as he comforted her, then he held her at arms length from his face. "Nothing would make me happier then knowing your happy Jackie Cross." He told her, she cried harder as she hugged him.
"I can help you with wanting to be James' brother Sirius," she said finally. She was ready to tell him about being his half sister, nevertheless, before she got her chance Severus came from nowhere.
"What do you to her!" he snapped, he saw her crying and thought he said something terrible to her. They both looked worriedly at him and he looked down at her. He stepped forward and being the brother he is, he grabbed Jackie's hand and pulled out his wand ad gathered her things and picked it up for her and handed it to her. He held his wand at Sirius' heart. "What did he do to you Jackie?" he demanded.
"Nothing, we were talking. I'm crying because I'm happy Severus, not sad." She tried to tell him as she rid her face of the watery mess her ducts got her into. He didn't believe her because he stated that Sirius was probably forcing her to say that if asked. "No," she snapped and broke free of his grip and went back to Sirius, she set her bag down and he put his arm around her waist and she did the same thing. Between her fingers, she grabbed onto his robes.
The two boys glared at each other, "I've been dating Sirius for the past year. Actually, since September of our first year Severus." His jaw dropped and he stormed out of the library. She turned to her boyfriend, "I better go after him. I love you," she said as she stooped down and grabbed her bag again. They held hands as long as their arm length permitted as she left the library to go after her friend who was seriously pissed off at her. She didn't see how she would ever become friends with him all over again; is had hoped that if Severus found by her telling him, then he wouldn't be so angry. But since he found out this way, he was majorly P-Oed!
Jackie Cross followed, actually ran, after Severus Snape into the Common Room; he turned to her and threatened to hit her, but didn't. She was grateful for that. "You lied to me!" he yelled finally, she dropped her bag on the couch closest to her and even nodded. Maybe admitting would help her situation a little bit. Everyone went quiet; Narcissa went to get Lucius from his Dormitory, they came back down almost at a run.
As Malfoy and Black re-entered the Common Room Severus had just called her a liar again, she did nothing and her expression on her face didn't change. "Say something!" he snapped.
She bit her lip and said, "You're right." Everyone looked at each other. "I lied to you because you would have hated me, but guess what Severus I'm happy with what I did."
"But I'm always there for you, ever since our first damn day here at this school1" he swore when he noticed the entire Common Room listening to their brawl; Jackie half expected Severus to take out his wand and try to hex her. "Why him?" he said finally, everyone looked at each other: they thought this was a matter of Jackie dating someone and Severus being jealous because possibly he likes her and can't let her know that. "Why him Jackie! Tell me!" he yelled again.
"I don't know why him- Severus as my friend you should be happy for me, if it weren't for him, I would be home right now because I would dropped out of school to stay with my mother!" she said, her voice rose. He stepped towards her and she stood her ground. Narcissa looked up at Lucius, everyone was waiting to hear who it was she was with. "We've been together for the past year Severus. I wanted to tell you-."
"And what he forced you with magic so you wouldn't?" he growled.
Jackie shook her head, "I told him I was ready to tell you about us Severus; today even, not twenty minutes before you found us in the Library-, we were doing homework for those who started thinking we were doing something else!" she snapped at the listeners.
"But the bloody hell would you chose Black! Of all people that I hate, besides that Potter?" he added in disgust. Everyone gasped; Sirius Black was whom she was going out with.
"Yes I'm dating Sirius, get over it will you?" she yelled at them, Narcissa clapped her hand to her face; the way she figured was that if Jackie and Sirius dated she'd join his side and not Voldemort's when the time came. Lucius glared at Jackie with murder and hatred in his eyes.
Severus growled something in Latin (from knowing spells so well) and then looked up at her as he began pacing, his fists were formed and against his hips. "You never told me why?" he asked her his voice somewhat calmer. His face was red from anger and his eye blazed black.
She sighed and sat down on the couch that was behind her, "because I don't want to lose you, just like I don't want to lose him Severus. I- I love him, I was planning on telling you sometime in the near future I swear." She promised standing up again and going over to Severus Snape, his right hand twitched towards his wand. She didn't notice. She put her hands on his shoulders. She looked him in the eyes and said, "I never told anyone how you and Lily Evans were such great friends, have I?" she whispered, he shook his head. Lily told Jackie and Jackie told Severus she knew about their friendship before they started school. "I love him Severus and nothing you say or do can change that, I'm sorry you found out this way." She muttered and turned to leave. Her Quidditch Captain came over to her, she was ready for being booted off; she hated competing against James anyway.
"Your off." He said.
"Perfect," she smiled. "I hate competing against family anyway, good luck finding a new seeker as the snow falls." Okay so maybe she didn't want to leave the team, but they didn't need to know that. He stared after her as she left.
"We're through Jackie!" Severus yelled, she got to the door and turned to him.
"We never started Severus, I understand how you feel; just remember that you are not the only person or friend in my life." She said and left, her bag disappeared and reappeared on her shoulder as she walked outside.
The weather was colder so she pulled out her cloak from her bag and put it on, she walked quickly to her spot on the lake and soon got there too. Hydra and Hydro would be huddled in their den with their parents and brothers and sisters so she walked the lake alone for a long time. She thought about what Sirius told her in the library about their futures together and came to one conclusion: she couldn't wait.
A week or so after the big fight between Jackie and Severus and her getting kicked off the team, the entire school had finally heard about it. It only took so long because no Slytherin wanted to talk about such a disgusting ordeal. Finally word leaked and spread like wildfire. But finally, Sirius and Jackie were able to hold hands in the open and James could talk to Jackie about it now too; Sirius of course felt guilty that their relationship got her kicked off the team, but the guilt swelled into nothing when during breakfast eight days after the fight when the Quidditch Captain for Slytherin team begged Jackie to come back. No one wanted to have tryouts during winter season let alone train, Jackie would have happily and he knew that.
So after being reinstated back onto the team, she spent her weekends training with her once again teammates. In December before the Holiday break Ravenclaw and Slytherin competed against each other and Slytherin won by more then a hundred points; Sirius cheered for her as from what Remus told her later. When the Break did come, Sirius begged Jackie to come back with him, James, Remus, and Peter. She said she couldn't, too much work to get done and she planned on trying to get Severus to talk to her again; maybe not become friends all over, but at least talking to her. He finally gave up and boarded the train a day later, she jumped up to him and they kissed. They told each other they loved the other and the train started to move with her still on it; he told her to hurry up and get off and she jumped off finally. He waved through the window and she waved back until he was gone from view. Jackie spent the entire vacation trying to get Severus to talk to her again, she failed every time. Finally she went up to him and slapped him for being so stubborn and she told him about Sirius calling him Snivellus; that he never calls him it anymore because of her. He didn't believe her but the more he thought about it, the more he realized she was right. The remaining Slytherins also tried to get Jackie to kiss some other guy under mistletoe. They failed as well. Even though it was mistletoe and Sirius wouldn't mind, she was sure, she still didn't proving to everyone that she was definitely faithful.
Sirius found that out when he got back, in person he gave her her present. A necklace his mother gave him to give to her, he told her finally about Jackie and she insisted that she wear the necklace. Jackie had given him a gift too, but that didn't compare to his. He had her close her eyes and she felt him tying it around her neck, he told her to open her eyes and she was speechless when she saw it hanging there around her neck. It was beautiful, with a green diamond in it; the jewel itself hung off the chain and went down her chest an extra inch or so, the diamond was about the size of a nut, and there were two of them hanging there. Another, thicker, chain wrapped around the place were the two single chains hung from. He apologized for it being green, he wanted a different one but his mother was very persistent apparently. She just laughed at him and said she loved him and hugged him, thanking him over and over for it, he laughed and hugged her back. They kissed and he held her for a few minutes before departing to go back to separate Common Rooms. He walked her down and kissed her again, James smiled from the stairs as he waited for his friend. Her handsome beau and his beautiful girl would end up together, they both knew that and they wanted to make sure nothing came in their way from that becoming a reality.
Severus started speaking to her again finally after Gryffindor won their second match of the season in January; they went against Hufflepuff and won by over fifty points. That night Remus disappeared again, Jackie realized as she lay in trying to sleep why he was always disappearing, he was a werewolf once a month and a boy for the rest of the time! She also knew where he must have been too, she jumped out of bed. The necklace was in her trunk closed and locked with three different spell combinations. She dressed in jeans and a sweater and her cloak. She snuck out of the castle and went outside to the tree that hits back, if memory served her right Professor Sprout called it the Whomping Willow.
Jackie Cross raced to the tree in the dead of night with only the full moon to guide and finally she reached the tree. Her jeans were soaked her fingers numb as well as her toes, her breathed was visible and she still risked her life and freedom to go and see Remus as a werewolf. She's never seen one before and she needed to know. She got onto her belly and crawled (a little to determine wouldn't you say?) over to the opening that she saw as she got closer. The tree still sensed her there and began trying to beat her but she rolled, jumped up and dove into the opening. She suffered a cut on her forehead and it bled buts he ignored it for now. She walked with her wan out and in position to strike incase wolf-boy jumped out at her, the light from her wand led her way and she depended on it completely. She must have walked at least a half-mile before finally coming to a stop when her head hit something made of wood. Trapdoor, she thought. She pointed her lit wand up towards where the wood had been just a moment ago and saw that her theory was proven correct, she smiled to herself as she put her wand back in her pocket and reached up above her and pushed slowly but quickly. She stopped suddenly when she heard a rip noise taking effect. She frowned hoping it wasn't a creature from a near by forest or den or something, she shivered a few times before trying to open the door again and she took her first glimpse into the world of the werewolf.
The only thing she could really see was the floor, covered in claw marks, the walls already being stripped of the new looking wallpaper and furniture torn in half. She had heard a rumour not long ago that ghosts from the Wars Past lived in the place she thought was looking into at that moment: the Shrieking Shack. The ghosts were violent and deadly, was the rumour she had heard from older students in her first year but didn't believe them since ghosts could touch anything, let alone rip apart a wooden chair and throw it across the room. She waited to see it Remus was close by, he wasn't, so he had to have been upstairs…. She lifted the trapdoor open all the way and set it down even slower and carefully then when she opened it, the hinges didn't squeak and it made a soft bump as she set it down. Turing around she realized she expected him to be standing right there behind her, breathing down her neck, ready to tear her apart limb from limb; when Jackie Cross turned around all was behind her was what she first saw when she arrived only in a whole new angle. The room was large, about the size of her bedroom actually; the desk with a mirror wasn't cracked or anything and the drawers were still in the desk itself still. At least Remus didn't break everything…yet… She went over and stood with her back against a wall so no surprises would scare her to death, right ahead of her were the stairs that led to the upstairs of course. The room she was in was about twenty feet in height, the stairs had to have been at least forty steps maybe more. The railing for the steps were broken so no use in using them apparently; Jackie looked down and saw a wand. She recognized it as Remus' wand, she picked it up and went over and put it on the desk where he would hopefully find it in the morning after he's been turned back into a human again. When she turned around this time, there was a growl and howl from the wolf on the second floor, he smelled her. She whipped around and realized she also left the trap door open: if he saw that, went through and got past the Willow. He could hurt, kill or even bite someone and it wouldn't be his fault but her own! That guilt would kill her and ruin her life and the one she planned on having with Sirius.
Remus as a werewolf, wow what a sight! He was bald, small for a werewolf, but then of course he was only twelve or so years in age. As a full-grown werewolf he'll be almost twice as big, he stood on all fours, but his hind legs stuck out at a odd angle as if broken. Maybe it was just the oddly shaped bone in his hind legs. He even had a tail; Jackie laughed when she finally noticed it. She also noticed that as a wolf he was muscular, but of course that could be from spending months ripping things, breaking, and running a locked house for a while…you never really know with werewolves.
Remus came towards her slower smelling her out, she back away. "Remus it's me, Jackie." She whispered, barely a whisper actually. More like she mouthed it: she was terrified; right away though she promised herself that no matter how much she was begged by people she wouldn't tell them who the werewolf was. She brought back out her wand and pointed it him, she used the disarming charm and he was blasted backwards, stupid yet smart. He was thrown back and she ran to close the trap door, it fell shut with a thump and she turned just as Remus tackled her to the ground. Her wand went flying from her hand and she cried out as his claw of his right hand dug into her stomach. The only real concern was his mouth and if he bit her then she'd be joining him in this terrible place. "Remus Stop it!" she yelled, she knew he didn't understand her, but it was worth a shot.
She was able to kick him and he whined as she got him in the head, she muttered an apology. Before she could stand back up, he came back even more pissed off and she used her legs to keeps his fangs off of her; instead he clawed her legs to hell and right away blood seeped through and she felt the warm liquid fall down towards her mid section. She yelled again when he scratched her throat. She put her hand over her neck and saw that it wasn't bleeding enough to be worried about it so she didn't care about that right now. Bringing one leg back she went forward with it again as hard as she could and he was distracted long enough for her to go into fetal position and pray that he would think her dead. Remus had whined again, and came back over to her. He smelled her and a claw of his ran down her back to test her, she figured. She shivered but he didn't seem to have noticed it as he grabbed her and threw her into the wall where she passed out.
Jackie woke up in the hospital with Remus Lupin sobbing right next to her, his face was buried in his arm and he dressed but looked terrible. When he had turned back to normal he went downstairs and could see her; he immediately thought of Sirius and how that would affect their friendship. He carried her back to the school where the nurse was waiting for him by the tree, she screamed and nearly punished him herself. Like what Jackie expected her found his wand on the dresser and hers as well; he wondered what spells she used against him last night as they hurried up to the hospital wing. Once there the nurse fixed her legs, arms, and back up; cleaned and dressed her wounds that were everywhere. Apparently after she had passed out he continued scratching at her skin, he sobbed as he sprinted up to get Sirius, James, and Peter. He told them nothing about him causing it but had fallen to his knees next to Sirius' bed and tried to tell him about Jackie's second attack in only six months. He fled back down as they got dressed and sprinted down to see Sirius' girl in the hospital.
Remus got down there, not bothering to get into different clothes; when he got down there he stayed at her bed and a minute later she woke. Jackie smiled weakly at him and put her hand on top of his head, he looked up and gasped. He hugged her carefully and damned her.
"I almost killed you Jackie!" he yelled in a whisper. She giggled.
"But you didn't." she told him, he stared at her and then hugged her again, "I'm sorry, I was just tired of no knowing." She whispered. He let her go and shook her apology away.
"You fault will never make up for mine." He told her, "I'm sorry I nearly killed you. Right when I saw you laying there, I thought of what Sirius would do to me…" he trailed off as they got to the doors. They stopped to breathe for a moment as for Peter to catch up. He stepped aside.
"Don't worry about Sirius," she mouthed. He cried again as he took her hand as Sirius, James, and Peter ran over. The nurse looked up from her office, but did nothing to stop it; Jackie would beg her to let them stay anyway. Right away Sirius went to her not stopping, he embraced her.
"What were you doing, you could have gotten killed!" he snapped as he let her go and held her by the shoulders.
"I like it when you angry with me, you're cuter." The drugs to rid of her pain in the legs, chest, throat, arms, and back had a odd effect on her apparently because she never said that before. He smirked at James and he smiled back, trying hard not to laugh out loud. He kissed her anyway. "Beside I had no control over it anyway, Remus said I was sleep walking; I never sleep walk, never too late to start though apparently." They turned to Remus who had decided to sit down on the bed next to Jackie.
He didn't know what he had mind, but he had no idea it would be so… well just keep reading.
"He came down to get something to eat before breakfast, urges you know? And I guess he saw me and came to make sure I wasn't in trouble or something. I think I got away from him and he got there just in time to save my life. I owe him my life Sirius," she told him. He took her hand looked at his best friend. He let go of Jackie and he hugged Remus thanking him. Sirius thought along with the other two that Remus fought off what-ever-it-was because he was all scratched up as well and had a bruise on his face (where he was kicked). "I passed out, I don't know what happened afterward. He's a hero," she said smiling looking over at him. The other three looked at him too, Remus didn't smile or anything; his red blotchy eyes, scratched face and bruised knuckles. He looked terribly tired as well. "Thank you Remus Lupin," she said, she took Sirius' hand and he kissed her again.
"I don't know what I'd do with you Jackie, I don't even want to think about it…." he whispered as he leaned closer to her. James took her other hand.
"You're practically my sister-in-law now!" he announced, Sirius smiled at him and went over and sat next to Remus and put his arm around his shoulders. "You and Jackie, Remus and his girl, Peter and his, and me and Lily!" he nearly cried just thinking about having Evans as his wife. Jackie smiled and nodded, he grinned back at her as the nurse came into the room.
"Alright you've seen her, now get out. Cross needs to rest and it's early enough for you four boys to go back to bed as well." She snapped hurrying over and ushering them, Jackie sat up.
"But I don't want to stay in here," she whined. Madam Pomfrey looked back at her, "Please, I can't stay in here all day, things need to get done; what about class?" she asked, saying anything to get out of bed.
She chuckled, "No," Jackie frowned and sat back.
"I'll let you know about any homework, but she's right," Jackie's jaw dropped when James said this.
"What about me being your sister-in-law?" she asked.
He laughed and went back over to her, "Look, your all cut up and you're in pain and on meds, you need rest. Sirius help me out here," he said. Sirius ran over at a slow pace and whispered that he'd come back during lunch to visit her. She kissed him quickly catching him by surprise and he left with James pushing him forward. Jackie would sneak out later and visit the kitchen with the house-elves. she got big trouble when she was caught getting back into bed by Madam Pomfrey.