Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Sasuke was a logical person. He always thought things through… hence the reason why he was always so quiet. But even the Great Uchiha Avenger Boy slipped up from time to time, and there had been a time or two where he had not been very rational with his actions, and walking out of the apartment that day had actually not been one of those times. Getting drunk at the party, on the other hand, had been.

If not for getting totally wasted at his birthday party, he - probably - wouldn't be having all of these damn headaches all the time. Also, if he hadn't have gotten wasted, he would remember exactly what had happened that night, and therefore he would be able to inform little miss Ayako that he had, in fact, not slept with her or Naruto. The sad fact was though, he had gotten wasted and he couldn't remember exactly what had happened that night. For all he knew, he could have slept with everyone there.

The very thought sent shivers up his spine. It was a very scary notion.

Rubbing his forehead, Sasuke headed straight for Naruto's apartment. He would find Naruto, tell him what was going on, and together they would be able to sort this whole thing out. The plan seemed simple enough. That petit, pathetic little girl could no way on earth be Naruto Uzumaki of course, so surely it would be no problem to find the Kyuubi boy.

The only problem was, when Sasuke reached Naruto's apartment, the place was deserted. In fact, it looked as though there hadn't been anyone there in quite a while. Dust was collecting on counter tops and the furniture. Not a single one of the ramen cups in the counter had been opened, and even they were a little dusty.

Sasuke found that absolutely ludicrous. Naruto not eating ramen? It was a thought that was hard to process.

Where is he? he wondered. There's no way that girl could have possibly been telling the truth. He actually laughed aloud at that - the whole notion was just totally insane! There's just no way.

With a small sigh, he plopped down on the couch - (instantly dust rose up around him, making him cough and then grimace). Perhaps he should just wait an hour or two for Naruto's return. Of course the blonde boy would be back soon. There was no way Ayako could have possibly been telling the truth.

"…Ayako?" The way Sakura said it made the name itself sound like a question.

"You heard didn't you?" Naruto said in between sobs. "The whole thing?" Sakura crossed the room and sat next to him, placing her arms around his shoulders. Naruto sank against her and just let the tears come. He felt so completely drained. Had he ever seen such a cold, disbelieving look in Sasuke's eyes before? If he had, it had been a long time. A very long time. It stung deeply. "He just… walked out," Naruto sobbed, unable to do much more than cry at this point. "Like it didn't matter at all. He just walked out." He cried even harder.

Sakura rubbed his back comfortingly. After a while she asked, "Is it true?"

"Huh?" Naruto sat up, rubbing his watery eyes. He still absolutely hated being a woman - well, having his emotions run amuck like a woman's anyway.

Sakura looked at him for a long moment, staring into his eyes, probing, searching for some kind of answer. "Are you really Naruto?" she asked quietly.

Avoiding her gaze, he nodded. "Yeah." What followed was a short, painful sort of silence. "Are you mad?" he asked, to fill that silence.

To his surprise, she actually laughed. "Of course not, silly. Why didn't you just tell the truth in the first place?" She laughed a little more and wiped a tear from his cheek. "Now I guess I understand those little meetings with Tsunade every week."

"What?" Naruto asked in surprise.

Sakura laughed again. "Don't you think the amnesia story was a little… far-fetched? Of course I didn't believe you! None of us did, actually. It was obvious you were lying, but I figured you had a good reason to fake amnesia… and it turns out I was right."

Naruto was quiet for a moment. Finally he asked quietly, "Sakura…?"

"Hm?"

"Could you… could you go talk to Sasuke for me?"

She smiled warmly. "Of course, Aya- Naruto.... Now? Alright. Everything will be just fine. I promise." She touched Naruto on the arm before heading out the door.

Sasuke had not been sitting there even 20 minutes when he heard the door to the apartment open. So Naruto was back after all. He smiled. Now they could get this whole mess straightened out.

When he stood, though, he found not Naruto standing there, but Sakura instead. "Sasuke-kun," she acknowledged him darkly.

Uh-oh.

"Sakura… what are you doing here?"

She crossed the room slowly, and silently. A cat stalking it's prey. "I figured this is where you would go." She glanced around the apartment and scrunched her nose in disapproval. "We'll have to clean this place up a bit later," she mumbled. Then she turned her attention back on Sasuke.

"Uh… Sakura?"

Sakura stepped up and slapped him sharply across the face. Even Sasuke heard the distinct pop! it made. He had been hit much harder than that before, of course, but by god that girl had a hand on her! "Ah…" he sighed, rubbing his cheek and wincing slightly.

"How could you just walk out on him like that?!" she flared. "Naruto loves you, you idiot!" She went to smack him again but he caught a hold of her wrist just in time. She wasn't unhinged in the slightest. Instead, she contented herself with simply glaring up at him. "How could you do that to Naruto?" she demanded.

"How can you expect me to believe that's really him?"

"You are a jackass Sasuke Uchiha!"

As if that was a signal of some sort, the room fell quiet again. They both simply stared at each other, neither of them blinking. Eventually he released his hold on her. Sakura rubbed her wrist as if it hurt, but kept her intent gaze on him. "How?" she demanded in a heated whisper. "How could you just walk out on him?"

Sasuke snorted and looked away. It's just not possible. There was just no way. There was no way that girl was Naruto, and there was no way that Naruto could be pregnant. "Naruto cannot get pregnant," he finally muttered.

"And have you forgotten about him strutting around downstairs in your mansion during the party, up on the bar in his sexy jutsu form?"

She fell quiet. She actually expected an answer? "That I remember," he mumbled.

"I saw you two leave the room together, Sasuke. And TenTen saw you two kissing, believe it or not. Kissing in the hallway, ripping each other's clothes off like you were ready to go at it right then and there. And Naruto was still in his little sexy jutsu form."

Sasuke's face burned red. "That I don't remember."

"Of course you don't," she mocked. "Because if you were in a state that allowed remembering, you wouldn't have been kissing him at all, isn't that right?" He still wouldn't look at her, and he wouldn't answer her either. He would not give her that satisfaction.

Finally Sakura took his face in her hands and jerked his head around. "Naruto loves you," she told him firmly, staring him right in the eye. "And I know you love him too, no matter how much of a stupid, stubborn, blind, idiot you are. So... you are going to stay with him through this pregnancy, he is going to have your baby, and you two will be very happy together."

He jerked out of her reach and said the first thing that came to mind. "What? Suddenly you want me to be gay?"

"Stop being so self righteous, Sasuke. Your pride is just going to have to suffer. And think of it this way, at least everybody else will see Naruto as a woman." She smiled sweetly.

Sasuke growled under his breath. Slapped twice in one day. The first thing Naruto -Ayako- did when seeing him again was hit him. Right across the face, and twice as hard as Sakura had. He growled again.

"Oh, look happy Sasuke-kun," Sakura laughed at him.

For some strange reason, they were walking through town. And for some other and even stranger reason, one of Sasuke's arms were locked with one of Naruto's -Ayako's. The girl - the girl! - standing next to him looked up and smiled shyly. Sasuke could still hardly believe that this was truly Naruto. He wanted to believe that they had kidnapped the real Naruto and had killed him, and that this girl had gotten pregnant on purpose in order to get close to Sasuke.

The women were conspiring against him. Sasuke was going to prove it one of these days. It was those damn fan girls trying to manipulate him and get into his pants.

He glanced down at Ayako's belly, which wasn't showing in the slightest. She's supposed to be pregnant? he wondered. Whore.

Ayako looked sad at his glare, and she turned her head away to look disappointedly down at the ground. Sasuke had to admit to himself, she was quite cute, even if she was evil. All women are evil, he thought, glaring at Sakura's back. They have to be.

"Now tell me, what are we doing again?" he asked, sounding bored. He was getting sick of the shocked stares he was receiving from the other villagers. Hadn't Sakura said something about the whole town knowing about Ayako being pregnant? His eyes widened. Oh fuck! They're all gonna think I'm the father! A tiny, little, traitorous part of him wondered if he really was the father... and the rest of him screamed defiantly back at that one little part.

"We're going to Tsunade's," Sakura answered him then, walking backwards in order to face him and Ayako. Of course, it wasn't as if the girl was going to run into somebody by not watching where she was going; Sakura used to be a ninja, after all. "We're going to prove to you that Ayako really is Naruto, and that he-she is pregnant."

"Don't say it so loud Sakura!" Ayako hissed. Sasuke glared at her, that little part of him wondering.... He wanted to smack himself.

Sakura made a guilty face. "Oops," she said with a shrug of her shoulders and a little giggle. "Sorry!" Turning back around she said, "I just think it's so cute!" And she just had to say it in the most infuriating sounding voice possible!

Sakura giggled and they went on walking, Sasuke trying to look as bored and as annoyed as possible, and Ayako looking as if she wanted to suddenly turn invisible. Sasuke glanced at her from the corners of his eyes again. How could he possibly think of this little girl as Naruto? No, he absolutely refused to even consider doing so.

Before he knew it, they had reached their destination and Sakura was knocking on the door. Tsunade raised a questioning eyebrow when seeing the three of them standing there on her doorstep. "So… she told you?" she said carefully. Then she sighed. "Come in. All of you."

Once inside, they were each made a cup of tea, and they sat to discuss the situation. "So…." Tsunade started. "You know of… Ayako's little problem, I assume?"

Sakura nodded. "Yes. And we know who Ayako really is, too. It's just that some of us are a bit… unconvinced." She glared accusingly at Sasuke, and Sasuke felt his eyes turn into angry little black slits.

Tsunade turned to Sasuke. "I assure you it's the truth." She rubbed her forehead. "Though, I almost wish it wasn't."

"I cannot believe that this is really Naruto," Sasuke argued, gesturing rudely to Ayako. At this point, he didn't really care if the girl was offended or not. They had offended him by claiming that her baby was his. It just wasn't possible.

Tsunade folded her hands in her lap, glaring coldly at him. "Alright," she said in an icy voice. "Would you like me to prove it to you?"

"You can try."

Tsunade smirked at him.

It took a full 24 hours for the test results to come in, and somehow the next day Sasuke found himself back at Tsunade's with Ayako and Sakura. Tsunade was sitting there in a chair with a big orange envelope in her hands. "Sasuke Uchiha…" she carefully pulled a piece of paper out of the envelope. "…you are the father."

(A/N: omg Dr. Phil! Haha… Sorry, I just couldn't help myself.)

Sasuke sank into his chair, sighing and running fingers through his messy hair. Sakura frowned at him with a look that clearly stated 'I'm buying you a comb for your next birthday.' Ignoring her, he glanced over at Ayako.

"That doesn't prove to me that you're really Naruto," he informed her curtly.

For a moment, the girl looked as though she were going to stay silent, but then suddenly she got angry. She glared defiantly at Sasuke. "Then how would I know about you getting sick the night before the party? And about your argument with me -Naruto?"

He paused uneasily for a moment, then waved it off as nothing. "Naruto could have told anyone about that."

"Oh really?" Ayako asked, standing up from her chair and placing her hands on her hips. "And how about what happened in the ramen shop? And about you needing a shower that first day you got back? Remember, Naruto took you back to his apartment, and had to push you into his shower? Then when he went to get your clothes, he got drunk. I got drunk. That was me!"

Sasuke hesitated, then shook his head. "I don't believe you."

Tsunade reached over and gave Sasuke a good thump on the head. "Will you give it up already?" the woman demanded. "It's obvious you don't even believe yourself."

Sasuke growled, rubbing the place on his head she had hit. "Alright already," he grumbled. "So let's say I'm willing to accept - for the moment - that this Ayako person really is Naruto…. So what next? Where do we go from here?"

"Well," said Sakura thoughtfully, "usually marriage."

Sasuke choked on that. "Marriage?!" he demanded. Marriage?! He stared at her in shocked silence for a moment. "You really mean it don't you? Marriage!" He then glared at Ayako. "No fucking way."

"Sasuke…." Sakura started carefully, taking time to bite off each word individually. "You would almost have to get married. What would the village elders think? They know about your little group of fan girls -well, not so little, actually. If they found out that Sasuke Uchiha has gotten a girl pregnant, and doesn't want to get married to her, they would just take you for a player. And how would you like that?"

"And if that doesn't convince you," Tsunade added on to Sakura's statement, "just think about how your fan club will react."

"Oh yes," the pink haired girl agreed eagerly, grinning as if it were a good joke. "Can't you just imagine it Sasuke?"

"Alright!" he complained. "I get it okay! I get it." He took a quick breath and sighed. "Marriage. Okay. Just… give me a little time to consider it okay? This wasn't exactly written in my agenda." They just want to marry me off to her, he thought, glancing over at Ayako who had stayed silent during the entire spiel. Women are all evil. He glared at the three of them. Well, you won't lure me into your little trap so easily.