Sword and Shield Chapter 10, a supernatural fanfic

Ben, his much more common and easily pronouncable name anyway, was laying on his stomach in the middle of the meadow watching Leonidas prance on fluttering butterflies. The small black cat had yet to catch one, but he never stopped trying. He didn't look for Mickey, but knew he was there. Even if the others didn't know it yet.

His own arrival had gone unheralded, which was fine with him. He slipped in quietly, and there was a bit of a sigh of relief that he didn't NEED to eat. He liked to eat, he liked to sleep, but he didn't need to do either of those things. So he just looked over the research a few of the others already had and watched his cat settle in. Leonidas had had a bit more of a difficult time. Here he wasn't the ruler of his domain, no matter who he hissed at. And there were plenty that he hissed at.

"You know what your problem is?" He said to the archangel, never taking his eyes off his cat. "You just never stop and observe. All you do is watch and judge. No wonder your life outside the Gates pretty much sucks." He'd spent most of the last century around colleges, and had picked up a great deal of its vernacular, even as it changed.

Michael shook his head. "It's what I'm supposed to do. " He said simply. "I don't have the luxury of just hanging out with the mortals. I still have a job to do."

Ben chuckled at his cat as he missed yet another butterfly. "Luxury? For a long time I thought it was a curse. Having no purpose any more, having to think of my own." He said with a shrug. "So what's your job now? Azazael's been defeated. That's one headache gone at least." Even if his 'passing' did bring more. "I didn't think your boy could do it, so good work there."

"He was fighting for his brother's soul and both of their lives." Mickey pointed out. "He was nowhere near ready but he didn't have a choice. Next time... next time he may not have the same drive." He knew Dean's training was far from done, but he also knew that pushing it again would do nothing but break him.

"Does he know he's become your one human army?" Ben asked with a raised eyebrow, looking over his shoulder and up at Mickey. "And you know, having a job and still being in His grace doesn't have to necessarily preclude you from having a personality."

Mickey scowled. "I have a personality, and he isn't a one man army. He has an entire base here, other hunters ... he was chosen. That's the way it is. He also chose this way of life before he ever found out about it, so don't go assuming I've taken his choices away."

"Ooh, did I hit a nerve?" Ben asked. "Ever notice how by making a choice, you effectively lose all choice? And you don't have a personality. You have an image. There's a difference. And it's really an obnoxious difference at that."

"And what pray tell do you consider a personality? It may not be one that you like but it's there. Its always been there, it's always going to be there."

"Okay, you don't have free will. I get it. But you're allowed to evolve." Ben said, rolling onto his back and looking up at Michael, propping himself up on his elbows. "You don't have to be that guy who speaks to the mere mortal through a burning bush. Not all the time. Welcome to the twenty first century, Michael."

"I haven't used the burning bush. I talk to people... in person." He said defensively. " I've even been nice to some of them." He added rolling his currently dark eyes.

Ben laughed. "Oh, okay. You've been 'nice' to them. Which means you're not pointing out all the possibly ways they could be damned to hell." He said. "I guess for you that is nice. I think they're bothered by the fact that you don't seem to like them though."

"I... watched a foot ball game." He said. "And I talk to them... including the one that doesn't talk. I like that one... and the priest is worthy of the order. A little too forward at times but a good man."

Ben rolled his eyes. "That's progress. I guess." He said as his kitten came over and flopped tiredly next to him. "So what's next?" He asked, expectantly. "One down, a bunch more to go. Hey, if I get put on the list, you'll warn me, right? For old times' sake?"

"You aren't on the list." Mickey said. "At least not that I have heard. I would know. Right now, it all depends on who makes waves first. I hate waiting, but that's the way it has to play out. You know things are going to go to hell before they get better."

"I know that." Ben said. "I was the one that wrote it down, remember?" One of God's proclaimations. Back in the day. He'd faithfully written it down, and it had been passed down ever since.

"You gonna take sides this time? Or bury your head again?" Michael asked. Lucifer's betrayal of them all had hurt, but Ben's... that was in some ways worse. The others did it out of misguided convictions, or hero worship of their older brother. But Ben had simply stood to the side and watched, as though it didn't matter. And that still stung.

Ben was quiet for a moment, and laid back off his elbows, staring at the sky. Glad he wasn't human, he could look at the sun without going blind. "We're back to that again?" He said quietly. "No one told me I had to take a side. I don't take sides, I'm not supposed to. I'm supposed to record, not judge. What I'm doing now goes so far against my grain sometimes I feel my skin crawl." Aiding the hunters. Choosing a side however passively. "No one told me until it was too late that we were all taking sides!" He said emphatically. "And don't you think I've paid for that? Haven't I paid enough?"

"Paid? You haven't paid. You get to sit back and enjoy your life like a human. What pay?" Mickey shouted. "You get the best of both worlds and still you mope. You're as bad as the humans."

"I have no home!" Ben shouted back, getting up. Mickey was taller than him, archangels were supposed to be imposing. But the form God had chosen for Ben wasn't exactly short either. "I have no family. I have no purpose. I wish I was human, because then this torment could end! I'm the soccer ball kicked off the moon, sent into a spin, flailing around looking for some source of gravity and I'm not finding it! Paid? You don't think I've paid? You spout off about free will and consequences like a knowledgable scribe, when you're spouting off what I wrote down! You quote my words like an expert, then ask me for help, then condescend and accuse me? Say I haven't paid? You think I enjoy this? Anyone I possibly make a connection to dies. And I never see them again. There is no paradise for me, there is no salvation. It's maddening, and you think I haven't paid?"

"No! You haven't! Do you know how many died! How many cared enough to take a side died? They just... ceased to exist. Not merely archangels. All the choirs lost members to the battle, pain, searing pain and then nothing. They don't have a paradise to go to either. You abandoned us. You left us to face it without you because you didn't know you had to take a side. You sat on the sidelines like a human at the colliseum, because you didn't know you had to take a side."

Ben put his arms out. "That's right. I didn't know. To take a side would have meant some free will, because I was made to observe. Observe and record, and I did so faithfully. I thought I was doing my job! And I did my job. I can name you every single angel that died. Every single angel that cried in pain, I can describe it in vivid, horrible detail. And I see it all the time!" And it haunted him. In ways that Michael could never understand, because he was righteous. But Ben's memory was a gift, and it was a curse. "I did my job, I did my purpose. He never told me to stop and pick up a weapon. Fine, He was busy. I get that. Now. But no free will means no free will. You wanted me to make a choice I was incapable of making!"

"Then why are you here instead of above? Why did HE in his perfection cast you out for something you were incapable of doing differently?" Mickey countered. He could no more believe in God making a mistake than he could believe that Lucifer had made the right decision and had done it for the benefit of all angel kind, rather than to feed his own pride.

"I don't know!" Ben shouted. "I'm not all knowing like Him! And He doesn't have to explain himself, least of all to me. He has His reasons, and He chooses not to share them, but in the meanwhile I'm stuck in a void, waiting out my penance with all the patience I can muster. You think it's so easy to act like a human? To not fall like the rest of them? To lose this shape, the last thing He gave me? If you think it's easy, you really don't know anything. You're still in His light. You don't feel the pull from Lucifer every single moment. You don't hear the promises he makes in your ear when you're weakened. You can't understand."

"You're right. I don't understand. I don't understand any of it. And as much as I want to believe it's some part of His divine plan... I just can't stop seeing you on the side line scribbling madly away." He shook his head. Ben didn't understand how much that ate at him. He supposed no one but another archangel would.

The one small consolation Ben held to was his 'scribbling'. Because he did, it made its way down to Man. And they knew of the sacrifices of his brethren. But it was such a small comfort, really. "Then why did you ask me here, Michael?" Ben asked. "Your world is black and white. And I'm black. Am I here as a cautionary tale? Of what happens if these kids don't join the fight in some way? Am I here to make you feel better about yourself? Why?" He demanded.

"Because you haven't given in to Luc...Because you're my brother..." He said quietly. And that was what it all boiled down too. He felt responsible for those of his bretheren less martially capable like any older brother looking out for the younger ones. Ben was vulnerable, especially where Lucifer and his minions were concerned. This was the only way he could protect him... even then unofficially.

"Why now?" Ben challenged. "Is it all going to happen that fast? I don't understand. There is no place for me in Heaven. There's only this. This endless existence that stretches on forever. If it all ends, I get to sit outside the gates and listen to the wolves howl."

"You chose to come here, little brother. I didn't do it. You and the Winchesters decided it was a good idea. You make the right choices now. It's in flux right now... whether it's going to come or not. But there is a chance that it's going to go down hill fast in the next few years. "

"Fine. I chose. Is that what you're really mad about? That now I get to choose?" Ben asked, shaking his head. "The whole timetable has been moved up. By centuries. Nothing's right, everything's off. We're at a disadvantage you know."

"Apparently Luc was able to choose too, wasn't he? Free will leads to damnation." Mickey said with a sigh. That was the center of it. Free will was the excuse given for every evil that had been perpetrated since the dawn of time. Beginning with Lucifer and cascading to new depths of depravity with human kind. Performing acts of evil that not even the fallen could take credit for. "And yes... we're at a serious disadvantage. That's why they need you."

Ben laughed. "Mick, I have a photographic memory, with a camera thatI can't turn off. I can tell you exactly what order Ash at his food today. Not because I really want to know, but because that's just the way I am. If I were human, I'd have been insane long ago. I don't really know what possible use I can be, I don't fight, and any off color jokes I might know will hardly turn the tide of battle. But Michael...you need to remember as well. That free will can also lead to salvation. Please, please keep that in mind."

Michael sighed and leaned against the nearest tree. "So I've been told. Free will has been the excuse for letting so many things happen. No you can't prevent the war in HIS name, they have free will. No you can't keep the bastards from torturing HIS chosen people to death, because the bastards have free will. "

Ben got up from the ground with a sigh and put his hand on his oldest brother's shoulder. "True. And free will also is the reason that common people risked their lives to save strangers from holocausts. Free will had people standing up for injustices and making change. Free will is the young man who helps the old woman load her groceries. Free will is the firefighter who runs into a fire to save children. Free will is the child on her knees praying to Him not for herself, not for a toy, but for someone else."

"Do you have any idea how few those are in comparison to the others?" Michael asked, heart broken. "Yet HE loves them all. Even the ones that turn onHIM, even those that deny HIM."

"God loves all his creations." Ben said. "He is the Holy Father after all, He didn't take that title lightly. Maybe...maybe you need to stop thinking along that trail of thought. About why He loves them."

"He loves them because they have a choice in whether they love him back." Michael growled. "I have no choice,but it doesn't matter. Days like today I almost understand Luc. "

Ben looked at Michael in horror. "Don't say that." He said. "Don't even think it. You don't want to go down that route. Believe me. It's not worth it. It's a horrible route, trust me, I know."

"Almost understanding. Hell, even if I understood completely, doesn't mean I would ever go down that path. Makes me wonder sometimes though... How he could actually manage it... if none of us have free will, how did he and the others manage to ..." he shook his head and shut the thoughts from his mind quickly. That way lay madness for an angel. Particularly one as single minded and loyal as Michael. For him the war wasn't over yet. It never would be. How could it be? It was his job to look over those that continued his work. It would never be done until Lucifer was bound.

Ben wondered about that too. But he was intensely curious by nature. More so than Mickey was. But the only answer he could come up with that made sense was that it was all God's plan. In one way or another. Otherwise that would mean there was a flaw, and that wouldn't happen. But he knew better than to tell Mickey that. That would start him off again. "You need a hobby." He said with a nod. "Or a pet."

"A pet... what would I do with a pet?" He asked looking at the little black kitten. "A ferocious predator... and you call it cute and cuddly... and a pet."

"What would you do with a pet?" Ben asked, stooping to pick up the black ball of fur scratching at his leg. "You feed it, and play with it, wash it when it needs it, get it toys, you can even have playdates. Though that's usually with dogs. And he's not a ferocious predator, he's not a panther."

"Tell that to the butterflies he is terrorizing, or the mice and birds that he was created to eat." Mickey pointed out. "What sort of cat would he be without being a predator?"

Ben scowled. "You mean the butterflies he's failed to catch? And the mice and birds he doesn't eat because I spend a fortune on cat food." He held the cat right up to Mickey. "Come on, he's adorable. And fluffy."

Mickey blinked and pulled his head back, but reached out to scratch the the kitten behind the ears. "He doesn't eat mice and birds or snakes because he isn't big enough."

"You know why you're miserable? Because you're a pessimist. Next you're going to tell me that he's going to try and eat me one night when he gets big enough." Ben said as the kitten purred.

"He won't ever get big enough...and what makes you think I am being a pessimist by calling an animal made to hunt down mice and birds and snakes a predator? What's wrong with being a predator? I just don't see what's so precious about it, is all."

"You pidgeonholed him. He's not even neutered yet and you pidgeonholed him into being a predator. He can be more than that you know. Entertainment. Company. Comfort. Something that sheds all over my clothes and tears up my furniture." Ben said. "Fine, he's a predator. But that's not all he is. But it's all you see."

"You're gonna get him neutered?" Mickey asked wrinkling his nose a little. "You know, I'd watch it when you sleep. That could be enough to make him consider eating you when he's grown."

"Possibly." Ben said with a laugh. "At least I vetoed getting him declawed." He put the kitten back down so it could curl up in a patch of sun and doze. "But that's your problem, you pidgeon hole people."

"Maybe... I know there are good people in the world. I also know how few of them there are. Most people aren't evil. Don't get me wrong. They are well behaved and non-violent, but their hearts... the things they think and feel and wish for...and those are the majority of humanity."

"And with their free will, they're well behaved and non-violent. Gotta give them credit for that." Ben pointed out.

"Doesn't make them good. Just makes them... not bad." Mickey said with a sigh.

"And 'not bad' is a good start." Ben said. "It'sa lot more than some people can say. 'Not bad' is the new good I think."

"That's just it, Ben... there is no new good, there is only the old good. But they don't want to commit to virtue because that would cost them too much."

"You know, you should take what you can get. Because you're not going to change them." Ben said. "One could make an argument that your boy is guilty of some of the cardinal sins after all. Lust, gluttony, possibly wrath. But he was chosen anyway."

"He was chosen before he himself chose to do those things. Believe me I know what he has done. I just don't understand these humans. They are given the greatest gift... two of them really ... yet all they do is complain that God isn't their personal genie in the lamp."

"They're children." Ben said patiently. "They don't understand, and very few of them are capable of understanding. So we have to wait patiently by, no matter how much we just want to rain down fire and ash, and wait for them to grow up."

"I know." He said and began to pace. Do you have any idea what it's like to realise that the best heart amongst them belongs to a man who can't remember how many women he has slept with?"

"I don't know what one has to do with the other." Ben said. "Love and sex are two completely different things. So's his heart and...his...well...you know." Ben said, shaking his head. "You could look at it as him celebrating...often...the fact that God gave humans those nice interlocking bodies and all. That whole premarital sex thing was started up by prudish mortal men who wanted to control women."

Mickey sighed. "I need to go... with things heating up, I need to take care of a few things. Keep an eye on the boys. They are trouble magnets."

"I've noticed." Ben said with a chuckle. "I'll do my best, but I'm a little less fearsome than you, remember. Always was."

"I don't think you need to be fearsome. But they are more likely to listen to you than me."

"Yeah, we'll see." Ben said with a shake of his head. What did he know? He'd never led an army...or anyone for that matter. He was a historian. At his best in the academic setting. So maybe Sam. Probably not Dean.

"Relax...you aren't in charge here. That's Sam's job. All you need to do is advise and hope they listen."

"Keep your fingers crossed for me." He said with a chuckle. "That they listen, and they don't find a way to banish me into the void. Not quite ready for that." He still had hope.

"They can't banish you without HIS approval. You're safe enough." Mickey said. Ben was where and what he was for a reason. Not that either of them understood it, but they didn't need to understand, simply to obey.

"Okay. Good point." Ben said. "Hey, do me a favor. If you go somewhere populated, stop at a gift store. They're fun."

"What is it you want me to pick up for you?" Michael asked with a confused look.

Ben rolled his eyes and sighed. "You're supposed to pick up the tackiest, wackiest, dumbest, most useless thing that you can possibly get." He said patiently. "It's one of man kind's greatest inventions...gift stores and tourist traps."

Mickey gave him a look of utter lack of comprehension. "Oookay." He said and faded from sight. "You have gone completely native, you know that." Came the disembodied voice, then nothing.

Ben shook his head with a grin. Michael would probably walk in, walk back out in disgust and pout in his own way at being defiled like that. Though Ben honestly did enjoy gift shops. And street fairs. And carnivals, especially the Renaissance Festival, they made it look so clean and joyful. Ah, revisionist history.

Sam hadn't slept as well as he had pretended to the night before. He pretended for Dean's sake. Dean had a deep seated need to make sure Sam was okay. Even if there was nothing he could do.

"Hey, you getting settled in okay?" He asked Ben, as he rubbed at the stubble he hadnt bothered to deal with.

"Oh yeah, everyone's been great." Ben said. "As soon as they stopped walking on eggshells. Think they finally get that I don't have, nor ever had, the power to rain down fire and level whole cities with a glare." He said with a chuckle. "You look tired."

"Yeah, it's a permanent expression I think." Sam said with a smile."They will get used to you. I think they will like you. Give 'em a little time. Ash is already singing your praises, so it shouldn't take long."

Ben laughed. "Of course they'll like me. I have Leonidas. When in doubt, bring an adorable furball, and it does the trick every time." He said holding his black kitten, who knew he was being praised and purred in response.

"You named a kitten after a Spartan. That's a lot for a little guy to live up to." Sam said as he reached out to stroke the kitten's fur.

"Nah, not for this cat." Ben said with a grin. "He'll make it look easy. Already had offers to watch him if I have to leave and he can't come with."

"I don't doubt it. Especially around here. So what do you think of our little sanctuary?" Sam asked. They were doing well for what they were with what they had, he thought. He would like to give them more but right now there wasn't much he could do about it.

"It's nice. Quiet." Ben said. "But what you need is a pool. And it could even be a group project. Pools are good, recreation for all really. And it will get hot here in the summer."

"That's not a bad idea. I'll talk to Andy and Bobby and see what they think we can pull off. They have been around a lot more than I have, got a better idea of what people are capable of." He and Dean had been off in search of the sword after all.

"It was just a suggestion." He said. In his observing experience, pools pulled people together. They could have parties there, relaxing time there, recreation time...just about everything. And water (when it wasn't being used to flood the world) was immensely calming.

"It's a good one. I think we all need a break from... worrying about what's out there. We're all a little shell shocked still I think. Especially since there was more than Azazel after us."

"I can see how that can be heavy." Ben said. He'd had things after him since the war also. But this was hardly the time or place for one upmanship. "So we'll see what we need. I once made a pool. Years ago. Think I remember how." Which was an inside joke, Ben never forgot anything.

Sam chuckled. "You probably have us all beat." He said. "I don't suppose you've seen my brother around this morning, have you?"

"Don't quote me." Ben said with laughing eyes. "But I think he's sleeping. Because I think I saw Bobby Singer slip something into his beer. Something about him not sleeping or some such."

Sam grinned a little. Good thing Bobby was easier to fool than Dean or the ... man... before him or it would be Sam that had been slipped a mickey and not his brother. "Good. He needs it."

"There was the theory that if he wasn't staring at you, maybe you'd get sleep." Ben said. He wasn't easy to fool. He just seemed that way sometime. "So it was an experiment. The result is that we have one rested Winchester brother, instead of no rested Winchester brother. I guess it's progress?"

"Considering Dean has the worse temper." He said, which wasn't true by a long shot, but Sam didn't realize that. "It's definitely progress."

"Dean has the more hair trigger temper. There's a difference." Ben said gently. "I'm lucky, I don't need to sleep. And even if I did, Leonidas does more than my share anyway. So how are people really doing here? I think I'm getting the best face right now."

"We're all pretty ragged. I spent a very short time in the government's care." It was only a half lie. He remembered years, but he had only been there a little more than a day. "The others have been there for years. A lot of PTSD, alot of reality to come to terms with. On top of having to learn to control abilities that were pushed to powerful levels before we could control even the easy stuff. Then there's the people stuck with dealing with the rest of us." He laughed a little at that. "Wouldn't surprise me if Bobby was in as much need of sleep as Dean. In other words... about as well as can be expected and not nearly as well as we pretend."

"Yeah I guessed that." Ben said with a nod. "But your only choice is to keep on going, as much as that choice might suck somedays. So let's see what we can do about a pool, it's at least something. Then we can figure out everything else step by step."

"Yeah, that's all we can do. It's all we have been doing." Sam shook his head. "Come on, I will introduce you to some of the others. That is if Ash hasn't already shown you off to the entire colony." He said with a grin.

Ben laughed. "He's excitable, but he's a good egg." He said. "But I love people, so on with the tour!"

Sam grinned. "First stop, the kitchen. I'm starving." He said with a laugh and led the way. He knew someone would be in there this time of day.

"I bet. Sorry I kept you from your meal." He said, sincerely. "I forget humans have to do things like eat...sleep...shower..." He said with a laugh. "I"ve been bouncing between different colleges for the last twenty years."

"I remember college life. Students tended to forget things like eat...sleep ... shower." Sam said with a grin. "No wonder you get confused."

"Thankfully I never had to deal with them not showering. At least not for long. Great ventilation systems, I always insisted on it." He said with a laugh as they headed into the kitchen, where he got his cat a shallow bowl of milk.

Sam raided the fridge for sandwich fixings. He still hadn't gotten used to having real meals again. "Did you ever teach out at Stanford?" He asked trying to make normal conversation.

"I did." Ben said, sitting on the counter as Leonidas drank his milk. "About...fifteen years ago? Did this whole series on occult manifestation in pop culture. The courses people get paid to teach!"

"I was there a few years ago. Wow... 8 years ago. If I had stayed in school, I wouldbe the ultimate evil on earth. A tax lawyer." He said. "What's worse, I think I would have been bored out of my mind."

"I know people who would say the true evil is divorce lawyers." He said. "I have this fellow historian, he specializes in WWII, when he got divorced, his ex's lawyer snagged her a certain percentage of all his books. Even the ones he hasn't written yet."

"Damn...I knew I picked the wrong specialization. But to be honest I was hoping to avoid being needed to represent any of my family." He said with a laugh. Divorce and trial lawyers were entirely too probable.

"Hey, at least you have a justice system." Ben pointed out as he found a can of tuna fish and opened it. "Where I come from, it's one strike and you're out. Okay, so it was a very big strike. But no due process or anything."

"Yeah but our judges are only human." Sam pointed out. "You want one? " He asked before wrapping the the food and putting it back in the fridge. He then waved to Dierdre who entered the room.

"I'm fine." He said, waving off the offer of food. He ate in social situations because it was expected. That was about it. Otherwise, he didn't need to eat at all. He waved at Dierdre when the girl came into the room. "Hello." He said. "I'm Ben." Easier name to go by.

She smiled at him and waved. So this is Michael's bother.. so much easier to think of him that way than as a demon. He doesn't feel like a demon. and Sam wouldn't bring a real demon here. Not a real one.

"Nah, I'm in limbo. Neither one nor the other. Though sometimes I like to think of it as a really really long time out." Ben said with a chuckle. "You must be Miss Blue." He'd asked Michael to give him the run down. When he got to Diedre, he said "She's blue." "Like sad?" Ben had questioned. "No, like the color."

She smiled a little. I'm Dierdre. She thought. I'm glad you can hear me. I was going to miss having someone to talk to since Mickey left.

"Oh he'll be back." Ben assured her. "He just had to go take care of some of his normal business. He left the sword for Dean, after all."

She nodded. He said he would be back. He's very nice to me. Doesn't ask me to speak out loud. I like that. The others think they are helping but they aren't. It just gets frustrating. He understood.

"The others think he's not as nice." Ben said, knowing Sam was still in the kitchen. But Michael was his brother. Someone had to defend him. "He comes across that way, I know. He's just battle scarred."

I know. We all are. He gets a little too lost in his philosophy sometimes. Hurts people's feelings to be told its our own fault we were screwed up as babies and tortured for it later. I know he doesn't mean it that way but ... it's hard to hear it anyway.

"He spends a lot of time down here. More so than Home. His philosophy he thinks is the only thing that separates him from you. And to do his job, he needs to be separate, so he holds to it probably tighter than he should."

I guess. I thought he was supposed to watch over us... protect us. That's what the prayer to him is about. That probably makes him crazy too I guess.

"He does." Ben said. "But he's still not like anyone on this planet. He's not even really like everyone else in Heaven. He holds himself apart, because he's held higher. Before God created even dark and light, He created Michael."

Not sure if that sucks, or if it's the coolest thing ever. I mean... the first creation of God... the first thing He thought to create and it's you... and then your snot nosed arrogant little brother gets to sit at His left hand... which wasn't a bad place to be until the snot nosed little brother made it... well.. sinister.

"It wasn't sinister until he made it so." Ben said. "And that's what he fears. Pride. Lucifer's greatest sin, really, was developing the amount of pride that he did. And humans, well, you're full of pride. It's the way you were made, it's all right. But he's so afraid of heading down Lucifer's road...he didn't wake up one day and decide to try and overthrow God."

Pride isn't all bad... there is good pride and then there is arrogance. Michael isn't lacking in pride either. Or at least he thinks he's better than we are... even if he is nice to me.

"You're wrong. God created angels. He created the sun and the moon, and the fish and the beasts. But his greatest creation was you." He said, pointing at Diedre. "He demanded we bow down before His greatest creation, made in His own image. Lucifer refused, there was no way some mortal piece of flesh could be better than him. His sin of pride. Michael? He was the first to bow. I know, I was there."

I guess... but obedience has nothing to do with how someone feels. It just means he obeyed. Not that he agreed. Oh well. Doesn't matter if he agreed or not or what he thinks of humans really. I don't think anyone here other than Bobby, Dean and Ash are really what you could call human anyway. Well... Josh too.

"You're human." Ben said. "Whoever convinced you that you were anything else is wrong, even if that person was you."

They did things to us when we were little. they changed us. We started out human enough but... we're different now.

"They changed you, more like amplified you, but you're not non human." Ben said. "I would give anything to be human most days. The other days I just want to go home."

Dierdre impulsively stepped forward to hug the outcast angel. Until then you have us, she thought, knowing how he felt, even if her idea of home was something a good deal different. Even if she was human by his his estimation, she didn't feel like she was.

"Yeah I guess I do." He said with a chuckle. "And Leonidas." He said as Dierdre pulled away. He picked the cat up. "This is the real scene stealer right here."

She laughed softly and started to play with the kitten, getting him to bat at her fingers.

Sam smiled as he leaned against the wall, eating his sandwich. It was good to hear sound coming from the girl. Even if it was just laughter. It was the little things that made him feel that everything might just be alright after all.

Ben grinned watching the two of them and looked at Sam with a nod. It was the little things, it really was. And little things were enough, they eventually led to bigger things.

"So it looks like you have kitten sitter all lined up there." Sam said, nodding to Dierdre. "From the looks of it, you could pay her in bandaids."

"He's exceedingly gentle." Ben said. At least with those needing gentleness. The cat had an inner way of knowing that. With Ben, he's scratch and bite. With Dierdre he'd probably purr and playfully swipe. "She'll wear him right out."

"Shall we leave them to play while we continue the tour?" Sam asked. If the others reacted to cats this way, he might have to break into the humane society and liberate some animals. That thought made him grin even wider.

"I think Leonidas is properly entertained." Ben agreed. "Could start a whole petting zoo and Dierdre wouldn't mind."

"Don't tempt me. Right after we sort out that whole swimming pool situation." Sam said with a smile.

"What swimming pool situation?" Bobby asked as he came in to the kitchen.

"We're going to build a pool." Ben said. "A nice community project with great benefits...in that when we're done, we have a pool."

Sam laughed. "It was either that or a petting zoo."

"You need more sleep." Bobby said figuring exhaustion was playing a part here. "Where are we gonna get the supplies for a swimming pool?"

"Hardware store." Ben said as he grabbed a piece of paper and started jotting down what he remembered. Which was everything. Bobby had to bite back a chuckle as he took the list. Compared to the only other angel type he knew, Michael, Ben was nearly overflowing with wide eyed innocence in some ways. Amazing when you considered he was the banished one of the two. "It'll work." Ben said. "Some work, but it'll work."

"Guess we need to find out who wants to put in the work to get a pool, and have Andy start working on getting supplies for it." Sam said with a smile.

"A group project might not be a bad idea." Bobby agreed grudgingly. But he wasn't the swimming pool type. Didn't mean some of the others weren't.

"That's what I was thinking." Ben said with a nod.

"Right then... " Sam said with a nod. "I can get Andy started on the supplies and set up a sign up list." He looked to Bobby. "Thanks for knocking Dean out last night. He needed the sleep."

"So do you." Bobby said with a hrmph. "I was hoping if he wasn't checking in on you all the time, you'd get some too."

Sams smile faded a little. "I don't see that happening any time soon." Sam said. "It's alright. I'll sleep eventually. Don't worry."

Bobby scowled. "You never buy that line with your brother, why should we buy it with you?" Bobby said. "Don't worry you say. If your last name is Winchester, I'm going to worry." Because he'd never met such pig headed obstinate men in all his life. The worst part? It was obviously hereditary.

Sam gave Bobby a look worthy of John himself. "When I have time and inclination to sleep, I'll sleep. You can worry all you want to, it's not going to change anything."

Bobby did the same thing when he was faced with such a look from John himself. Shook his head and rolled his eyes. Gave a sigh. Sam was fighting a losing battle with himself, didn't have much to do with what Bobby did or said. "I realize that." Bobby said. "Doesn't stop me from worrying though."

Sam sighed. "I'm alright." He said once more. "Come on... let's go see about getting this swimming pool project started."

Dean came out of his room finally, and blinked against the sunlight. Two beers. Damn, he was getting old or something. He felt it today! He swore he didn't move all night, instead he'd just flopped and then next thing he knew it was a day and a half later. Maybe more. Certainly not this bright when he fell asleep.

Nope, he was drugged. It was a trick that was supposed to only be played on Sam. Sam probably did it. He was sneaky like that. In New Orleans, after...everything...when Dean would turn down his morphine, or in some cases turn it off, he'd go to sleep and wake up with it on, and his brother having a slightly guilty expression and asking 'how he slept' or some such bullshit. Yup. Had to be Sammy. Or Bobby. Or maybe they were cahoots together. That was also a possibility.

Just because you were paranoid didn't mean they weren't after you.

Andy was coming down the hall staring at a list of things on a piece of paper. "Swimming pool. One angel shows up and they want training and swords and the next one wants a swimming pool." He said more to himself than anything.

"Huh?" Dean asked. Was he still asleep and having some fucked up dream? Because Andy wasn't making sense. Oh he remembered about Ben. And he definitely remembered Mickey. But swimming pools? Where did that come into the equation. "Hey, Andy...how much did I drink last night?" If he forgot how much he drank (had to be more than two beers, he wasn't Sammy), then maybe he had to expand his dating pool to the AA crowd.

"Not much. Bobby thought you could use a little sleep." He said, knowing it wasn't exactly a secret "Figured if you stopped staring at Sam he might sleep. Didn't work, but hey you got some rest finally."

"I was fine." Dean said, and it came out cranky even to his own ears. He ran a hand over his face and hair. "Okay, so angels and pools? You lost me."

"Ben thinks a great community project. Get every one involved in the construction... and of course in the partying in it afterwards. Me... I have to go and mojo the supplies."

Dean laughed. "That's what you get for being co in charge person." He said with a grin. "Come on, I'll ride along. You can tell me what I've missed in my drugged out state, since we both know Sam won't tell me shit. Like I'm made of glass or something."

"Co incharge person... more like the guy with the magic voice." He said with a chuckle. "And hey yeah, come along. Could use the company. Zoe is off with Father Reynolds taking care of some of the more... skittish members."

Made sense. Zoe was so small and quiet and unassuming, she'd be best with the skittish ones. "How are the skittish members doing?" There were many reasons why they were skittish, and none of them were easily resolved. But he was warming to the idea of a pool, the more he thought about it.

"They are doing better now that old yellow eyes is dead. I think they were too afraid to hope with him still running around. So, you did a huge service toward their sanity. Speaking of sanity and the potential lack there of, what is going on with your brother anyway?" He asked. "I heard he nearly took Bobby's head off for worrying about his sleep habits."

"There's nothing going on with Sam." Dean said automatically. "He's just tired. A little tightly wound. He's fine. He'll be fine." Again, automatically. Then he sighed. "He remembers more than he should about that facility. Things that didn't happen, I don't know, it's weird."

"What do you mean he remembers things that didn't happen?" Andy asked, very much confused by that statement.

"Good question." Dean said. "It's a lot more fun to go hang out with Gordon than it is to try and get some answers out of him. And he accuses me of being closed off and against caring and sharing." He said with a shake of his head. "It's always, 'talk to me, Dean. Tell me what you're thinking.' But try it with him, and you've got a better chance of carrying on a conversation with George Washington."

"Sounds like he is afraid of worrying you or something. I don't know. You two are weird." Andy said. "Don't take that the wrong way, but man...you are so interconnected yet you don't share anything with each other except space."

"We share lots of things. Food. Money. Beer. Sometimes even clothes." Dean said. "We're not 'weird'. Why does everyone keep saying that?"

"Because you sure as hell aren't normal, man." Andy said with a laugh. "Not that I am either, but hell, at least I admit it. You guys don't talk. You instinctively know each other so well, that you don't talk. You aren't comfortable with talking to each other." He said. "So ... you know... you're weird."

"Dude, you know how many years, collectively, we've been sharing small spaces? Either the Impala or some hotel room? Few times a holding cell or a hospital room. Eventually you run out of things to say." Dean said with a shrug. "I don't know, I'll see if I can get some of that truth serum, sodium pento-something, and make him talk."

"Sure if you want to level the place. You know it lets go of inhibitions in the subject. And with the power levels Sam has demonstrated, and the repressed anger... dude... we'd be lucky to survive."

"Fine. I'll stick to booze then." He said with a chuckle. Dean had no serious need to see his brother on truth serum. Who knew what would come out? And he wasn't talking about Sam's abilities.

"Yep, two beers gets kareoke, who knows what three would get you?" Andy said. "It might get him talking or it might put him to sleep. Not that... that's a bad thing. I mean the last thing I want is to see that man on sleep dep."

"I'm gonna find out what Bobby slipped me and give Sam a dose of it." Dean said. "Should knock him out for a few hours, and you're right. He needs it."

"Yeah he does. Big time." He said as he parked the Barbarian Queen in front of the nearest hardware store, going over the list and sorting out his con in his head for a moment.

Dean waited. Tapped his foot. Played with his lighter. "Okay, just tell him we're taking it." He suggested.

"Taking it? Just having him say okay and have a nice day? Or that we had an order that we are picking up?"

"Sure. We had an order." Dean said with a chuckle. Hey, he was already wanted for murder, what was shoplifting added to that? They headed into the store where a 'McKendrick for President' sign was prominent on the bulletin board. "Wow, this guy's got fans all over." Dean didn't follow politics. He just knew what he caught on the news and what Sam told him.

"He's a presidential candidate now. It's either gonna be his face or the other guys you see everywhere till November. " Andy went looking for the store manager and started talking to him.

The manager listened, and apologized profusely for not having their order ready. He'd just been busy, and it slipped his mind, there wasn't an excuse, but could they forgive him? He went around the store quickly and gathered everything up and signaled one of the stock boys to help him load it in Andy's van. There were a good deal of supplies, but nothing overwhelming that needed a Uhaul truck or anything rented. Dean bit back a grin. Watching Andy work his mojo on other people was amusing, even if it hadn't been so much fun to have it used on him.

"Thank you so much for getting it all together for us so quickly. " He said, almost feeling sorry for him, as they headed out the door to get into the van.

Dean grinned at Andy when they got into the van and headed back to the compound. "Looks like we're going to get a pool after all." He said. "Good job."

"Yeah. Gonna have to start shopping further from base though. DOnt want to get people asking questions when thousands of dollars of supplies disappear with no actual sale. "

"Probably." Dean said. "We're supposed to avoid attention and all that. Ash has our electric and cable hidden pretty good, no one's gonna find that stuff." Ash was a genius, he really was. Even Dean had to admit that.

"And we're on well water, so no one should notice the water useage. " He said with a nod. "Looks like a couple more buildings can be brought on line too. "

"Good idea. Before people get claustrophobic." Dean said. Him and Sam, they were used to tight quarters. Usually the Impala really. Or a hotel room. Spacious living space, not usually.

"Yeah, not everyone understands the finer points of life in a small spaces." He got it. He had thought the Impala was the coolest car ever when he had made Dean hand her over. But even before that he had lived in the Barbarian Queen by choice, rather than circumstance.

"And not everyone wants to learn." Dean said with a chuckle. Not sure what he and Sam would do with space, they'd never really had it. The closest they'd had to space was when Sam was at Stanford, and that didn't count.

"Yeah I know. So how long has it been since you have had your own room?" Andy asked with a grin.

"Last time I was seriously in the hospital." Dean said with a laugh. "Sam got discharged first and got an apartment, and I chased off, scared off, and nearly killed every roommate they tried to set me up with. While in traction!" He said with a grin. "So I had the whole hospital room to myself. Then there were the times Sam went missing. And when Dad and I did separate jobs while Sam was in Stanford...so yeah, I've had my own room before."

"Betting the hospital was the longest you were ever able to stay in one place too."

"Not true." Dean said. "When I was eight, we stayed for ten months, a whole school year, in Texas." Dean said with a grin. "Obviously you didn't get mind reading."

"I can implant images though... from long distance even. There was this one guy..." he began to explain about a particular prig that he had given repeated images of gay porn.

Dean laughed hard. "Man that had to suck." He said. "I'll try not to piss you off." He said still laughing.

"It takes a lot to get me pissed off I promise." Andy said with a grin. "I've always been a pretty laid back kinda guy."

"All that pot." Dean said with a laugh. "I use beer to stay nice and laid back." He said with a grin.

"Would explain why Sam is so uptight." He said with a grin. Everyone knew that Sam didnt indulge in pot and barely managed to handle his beer.

"Sam's always been uptight." Dean said easily. Even though he was the worrier of the two, Sam still managed to be up tight. "I used to think he'd grow out of it. Now I know it's permanent."

"Yeah, some people are like that. I bet he would be that way even if he wasn't a hunter. Just seems one of those ingrained things."

"Then he'd be an uptight tax attorney." Dean said, shaking his head. "At least now he has a chance to get laid."

Andy laughed. "Trust me, he would get laid. Girls like money and attorneys, even tax lawyers make money, throw in the puppy dog eyes and he'd have it made. Wouldn't make bets on him being happy though."

"I don't know. He's not happy now." Dean pointed out. "He always wanted to be normal. Apple pie. Safe. And I can't give that to him. Yet. Working on it."

"Sam has to figure out that you find happiness in what ever situation your in. You wait for everything you want and ... wow life can suck. It did for me before this ability kicked in."

"Yeah, well, he tried to be normal. And that's when this whole mess kicked into high gear." Dean said. "I don'tknow, just wish I could fix it for him. It's kinda my job you know."

"Dude, no it isn't. Your job is to be there for him when he needs you, not make the world perfect for him. Sam has to find his own way in some things. You can't do it for him."

Dean gave him a look. "He's my kid brother. It is my job." He said.

"You two are pathological, you know that?" Andy said shaking his head. "But what's a little codependence when the world is going to hell in a hand baske?"

"We're NOT co-dependent." Dean said. "Why does everyone keep saying that? It's ridiculous."

"Because the two of you can't stand to be apart more than a night at a time, and then only if your getting some, because you feed off of each other's baggage, and you can't go 15 minutes without thinking of each other. And I am going to be nice and add, unless you're getting some, although there is some speculation that you worry about him even then."

"Okay, in my defense, every time Sam's out of my sight he ends up possessed, kidnapped, held hostage, used as an experiment or all around bad things happening to him." Dean pointed out. "Someone's gotta worry about the kid. Dad's not here to do it, Mom's not here to do it, I guess Bobby and you guys do, but it's not the same."

"Yeah I know, man. I do. But you both have got to learn to take care of your own needs too. Otherwise you aren't gonna be any good to each other when it goes to hell again. "

"You know, it used to be, after we got the first guy, we could stop." Dean said. "Now it's wait until the next guy. It never ends. I don't have any real hope to give him, and Sam...he lives on hope."

"I wish there was an easy answer. Believe me I do. It would make my job easier too. I would give just about anything to be able to work my mojo on him. But Sam... I don't think anyone can do anything to help with what's eating at him. Not even you. Cause what's eating Sam... is Sam."

"There's nothing wrong with Sam." Dean said automatically. "I just gotta convince him of that."

"Dude, he turned a guy into a jello sack." Andy said. "It was like watching Dune on acid. That's gotta mess with a guy. I mean... especially a guy like Sam. I dig my abilities. I've never been tortured because of them. But sam... he's ... Dude... there is plenty wrong with Sam. Just not what Sam thinks is wrong."

"Fine. Then what's wrong?" Dean said. He knew where Andy was coming from...but Dean had let countless people incinerate inside that facility because they had dared to touch his brother. Sam did what he did because that guy had sliced Dean's stomach open. Karma and fair play.

"Guilt." Andy said simply. "He feels guilty for what he is, what we are, for what it's done to you, to your family, and for what he has done, and if you say he has memories of things that didn't happen, or of things that happened that we prevented from actually happening... who knows what all he did in that time or what ever it was. "

Dean closed his eyes and exhaled. Well, that was going to be a mofo to work through. "It's not his fault. None of it is." Dean said. Of that he was convinced.

"Hey, you're preaching to the choir here." Andy said. "I know that, I didn't choose to be what I am so I know he didn't. What he went through, no one would choose. Demons and Angels playing chess. That's all it comes down to really and Sam ... Sam's a powerful piece on the board. He makes it to the otherside and the bad guys get their queen back. And that's something that scares the hell out of him."

"Dude, did you just call my brother a queen?" Dean said, shaking his head. "Okay, so the bad guys don't get him no matter what. That's my job. I can do that at least. I think." Well, he'd try. He'd do it or die trying.

"Man, see... there you go again. You can help Sam but you can't fight the battle for his soul for him. It's not how that works. It's Sams... only he can lose it or give it away or sell it. All you can do is be there."

"Well he's not fighting it. So I have to." Dean shot back. "Look, he just has to run this community and all that stuff. It's my job to keep him safe, and I'm not going to fuck that up again."

"Okay, now who has the guilt complex? Dude, you might be the chosen , sword wielding, Demon Slayer of Doom but you can't be everywhere at once. "

"I don't have to be every where at once." Dean said calmly. "I just have to stop them from getting the queen." He said, and he couldn't help but grin at calling Sam a queen.

Andy laughed. "He isn't a queen yet. He's just a pawn... one that is reluctantly being pulled to the other side of the board. You aren't all the other pieces you know. Theres more of us than just you here that can help look out for him. "

He was all the other pieces on the board. He'd always been all the other pieces on the board. But he rolled his eyes. "Fine. Point taken." He said. "Me, you, Ash, Bobby, Josh, Father Reynolds. The rest are in awe of him, or are borderline dismissive." Like Mickey. Still undecided about that Ben.

"Yeah well if you were looking at a total stranger that did what Sam had done, you would be in awe of him too. He's your little brother, awe doesn't come into the equation." Andy pointed out. "We'll figure out how to help him... together. We all care about him too, you know."

"I didn't say you didn't." Dean said. "We'll figure something out." Even if he felt like he was drowning under the weight of it all. Save his brother, save the world, it was all one thing. Couldn't do one without the other.

"Yeah... just remember that We part in there okay?" Andy said as he pulled the van into the compound. "We gotta work on hiding our entrance some how. Just a feeling I got."

"I don't know, know anyone who can super grow some plants for us?" Dean asked.

"Not off hand but we'll see what we can do. It's a good idea. Maybe a gate that we can make look rusty as hell too. " Illusion was the best way really. Make people think there was no real way in and they wouldn't look for anything inside.

"We'll keep the signs saying it's a radioactive area too, maybe move them out a bit more." Dean mused. Whoever had cleaned it up did a good job. No one was sick after all. And Dean knew it would be his luck to be the one that got sick. "Start posting some look out people."

"That's a good idea, I'll get Josh working on the signs. He seems eager to do anything to up the security around here."

"Yeah, he can be a little much. But he knows his stuff." Dean said. "He's been a hunter, before that he was a Marine, plus he's a redneck." Dean said.

"I'm from Oklahoma, remember. Land of red neck. Even the politicians are red necks. I seem to see a pattern with hunters though. A lot of red neck hunters out there. "

"Well, hunting is a red neck thing." Dean said with a laugh. Sometimes he wished he was 'from' somewhere. He was born in Kansas. But after his mom died, well, he and his brother became 'from' everywhere and nowhere.

"I guess it makes sense really. What with all that you have to do. You either become red necks or unibombers"