(I did get called out of retirement! Should I leave this open, or complete? Any more questions? Because if not, I'm closing this. I don't own pokemon. Leave me alone!)

Lolita sighed. "Wow, I didn't think I'd be teaching any more of these." Merope nodded. "But whatever. I love scaring children." The class knocked on the door. "COME IN!!" Lolita yelled over Placebo playing. Very loudly.

The kids rushed in. "Hello! Alright, Rowan dragged me out of retirement, the old coot. So, Mary-Sue avoidance. Ya want it down to a science.

Let's start with something interesting; just what the hell do pokemon do while they're in a pokeball? If you make a pokeball world, and you want to give them a roommate, that's pretty cool. Just give an explanation, like that pokeballs have WiFi. Again, be careful with canon characters. Make sure you know them in real life, and never—"

"Use Ash." The group chorused. Loli blinked. "Jeez. Wow, I'm famous." She nodded. "Right. And if you want to do something like Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends... cool! I love that show. Proving that even though I'm a teenager, I really am fuckin' immature. It is a very good idea."

She looked up. "Okay. Questions?" One girl raised her hand. "If your OT has a fake tail, is that okay?" Lolita shrugged.

"Meh. It's okay, but I advise writing a scene where it falls off at a key moment. Like in the middle of a battle with their rival, or something." One boy raised his hand.

"If someone wears goth clothing, but they're not goth, is it okay if they just like the style?" Lolita popped her gum.

"As the resident queer freak, I can say this; if your character dresses as goth, fine. Mine do. Just add a few references. Like, they don't have to consider themselves goth; maybe they just don't like labels. Which I understand. But make sure they have a few darker interests. Like, in music; The Cure, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Bauhaus, The Cruxshadows, and Nightwish, or other things along those lines." As she spoke, each of the band's songs played.

Another girl with bright purple hair raised her hand. "What about if your character forgets names, and keeps naming pokemon after other pokemon in the story?" Lolita shrugged.

"Okay, but have someone correct them. Maybe the pokemon themselves. Might be very funny, just in moderation." The girl nodded. "Okay, nicknames." She muttered angrily. "They just won't DIE."

She turned around. "Right! So, for instance, if your Marshtomp is named Driftwood, and your Monferno is Torchwood, it's... alright, but make sure they have very different personalities. And on that note, nicknames with two nouns are okay, but be careful. Nightcloud, maybe. Moonbeam, NO."

"What about reviews?" One girl asked. "Can you do one review, or no chapter sort of thing?" Lolita nodded. "As long as you keep that sort of thing to a minimum. No more than four reviews, or no chapter." She twirled her hair around her finger. "Okay. We've covered a lot, but there's one thing I didn't cover in a lot of detail; the difference between a good plot, or a bad one."

She sat down. "We all know most fics start with the trainer getting the pokemon they've always wanted, then they go on a grand and mystical adventah." She rolled her eyes.

"Stop this, already. Jeebus." She went on. "A not-canon starter is fine. But if you want a canon starter, don't make choosing it so overwrought and cliché.

Like, you get the last pokemon, which happens to be PTSD afflicted from being caught. No Legendaries. And don't breeze in, beat the Gym Leader, and then walk out. Have a few Gym Trainers, unless it's like Jasmine, who had none. I've done this before, but pretty much only in Aeroh, which I made up.

Canons usually have Gym Trainers. And if you're in Kanto, a good idea is to use that famous RBY Mew glitch. Maybe your OT sees Mew. And, for your rival, they have to be human. Not some sneering, bratty, trainwreck of a villain.

Maybe they're just competitive. Don't make one be Teh EEEEVIL, and the other Mother-fuckin'-Teresa."

They noted this, and also, "Authoress uses a lot of profanity." She saw this, and nodded. "Yes, I certainly do." She continued, "As for your respective Evil Organizations, make it interesting. Not 'OMG one kid brought us all down!!!11!!"

People. Come on. They are an evil fucking organization. At least kill the boss, and blow the headquarters up, will ya?" She sighed.

"Okay. And, finally, at least have a FEW pokemon evolve. A FEW. Not all of them, but you CANNOT beat the Elite Four with a goddamn Eevee. WTF?" She tapped her fingers on the coffee table. "Alright, class dismissed. See ya later." They all nodded, and rushed outside to the snow.

Lolita herself rolled over. "I'm going back to sleep. Screw you all."