(I don't own pokemon; new chapter. If you like Opal's story, let me know, I'll teach this shit that way.)

Lolita was dancing around her house to the RENT soundtrack. As the teens headed in, they heard a lament. "WHY CAN'T I BE MIMI?!" Everyone sighed.

One of the kids yelled, "LOLITA! We're here for the class!" She looked down. "Yes, of course. Come on." They followed her to her room this time. "Oh, my god." The room was black. Shrunken heads were scattered aimlessly around the desk. Wax candles dripped on them.

"Right, just watch out for the spiky stuff. It hurts to sit on." They nodded, found the place without random shit on top of it, and sat. "Okay, Sue-ness! Let us start with names. Again. Food's a no-no, in most cases, but what about gems?

Well, since about half of the manga characters are named after gems, I say... okay. But again, moderation. Like nothing such as Ruby Silverstorm Shimmerwing. Or something. If you use a gem, try something like Emerald Pashal. Or Diamond McArgen." One girl waved a hand.

"What about original names? Like Sodapop, from the Outsiders?" Lolita cracked a piece of gum. "I loved that book, so I say okay. But make it a nickname. Like Soda's. They never referred to him having another name, but he did. So just mention it once in the beginning, explain they never use it, and leave it at that."

The girl nodded. "And last names?" Lolita sighed. "Godamnit. Lemme think; Moonbeam, Starshine, or anything having to do with an element, magical object, or a plant. Especially two-syllable names. Try something like Maylene Gray, Isis Louvre, or Deidre Uslin."

One boy raised his hand. "What about naming your pokemon after food?" Lolita sighed. "My pokemon have names like Amaranth, Roisin, and Siouxsie. But I understand using a food. So go ahead. Just don't use something like Spaghetti. Like, maybe Chococat for a gentle Persian. If such a thing exists." (A/N: Hello Kitty pwns you all.)

Another girl piped up, "What if your pokemon automatically likes you? Too Sue-ish?" Lolita nodded. "Certainly! Your pokemon first loving you is Sue-ish and lazy; pokemon form bonds with their trainers with time, care, and a bit of travel." The girl continued.

"Can you base it off the game?" Lolita thought. "Um, since you don't really have a set party lineup, and Carbos and such are probably too expensive, no. But try SOME pokemon game tactics. Like Poffins or Pokeblocks."

She continued. "Now, for pokemon traits. Pokemon can have a few traits of their trainer; that might even be why the trainer likes them. But they can't be carbon copies. Please, give them a few conflicting interests. Whatever you wish. Pokemon are independent beings. And if they are with you for a very long time, and develop your traits, okay."

One boy raised his hand. "And what about falling into your game? Too cliche?" Lolita shrugged. "I have a story like that up. But it must be balanced. Not like, 'OT was changing the batteries, and then suddenly appeared in the pokemon world, OMG!!" Lucy got shot in the head. Make them die, and not by car."

One girl asked, "What about if the Sue story is a bit well-written, and just the work of an inexperienced author?" Lolita nodded, and opened her notebook. "Ah. Well, I have an example of that."

The Totally Straight-faced Sue Story

A parody by Lolita of the Damned

Opal Ketchum woke up one morning, looking at her beloved Mew. Mew had been her best friend for nine years, ever since she was a baby. Mew had given her a magical amulet that could help her talk to pokemon. And now her journey was about to begin! Placing her makeup, and everything else she owned into a teeny-weeny bag, she rushed out the door, Mew at her side. Her parents didn't want her to be a trainer; Ash was nowhere to be found, and her mean old aunt made her stay inside all day. Opal and Mew teleported to Pewter City where Ash was running the gym! Opal met up with her father, and with his help, became a great Pokemon Mastah. And all this was accomplished with one pokemon."

Lolita sighed. "I'll point out the glaring defects; one, if Ash was in Pewter, he could've gotten his kid. Unless the kid was a bastard, in which case, Ash wouldn't really want them. And Mew isn't gonna show up at the age of one. And you wouldn't be able to process shit at the time, and would have no idea what was going on.

And with no training, you wouldn't even get through Viridian Forest. Bullshit. Next, the 'magical amulet' was not given any detail or plot line, except it helped her talk to pokemon. Making it this way is even more Sue-ish. Bad. And the bag thing."

The kids nodded. "Now, I want you to take that home, review it, and meet me back here tomorrow. Okay?" They nodded, and rushed out. Unfortunately, it was nighttime, meaning Regigigas was out again. He proceeded to eat the entire class. Lolita screeched. "GODDAMNIT! NOW I HAVE TO TEACH THAT AGAIN!"