(I'm back! Okay, as to why 'Gigas is evil... um, because, for some strange reason, I don't like him. Maybe because I never caught the Regis in RSE. And I had to do it special for him. Yup. But he is cool. Anyway, if you seriously have more questions, send them right in. I want to see stories improved because of my shit, dammit! I don't own pokemon. Shut the fuck up, you lawyer bastards.)
Lolita sighed, and watched her pokemon play. "Damnit, I have to teach this thing." She muttered. "Three classes dead, and yet they keeping asking!" Her Espeon, Beladame, yawned.
"If you kill them yourselves, it might solve this." She murmured, licking a paw.Lolita shrugged.
"Two reasons. One, my chainsaw blade broke. Two, there's that pesky death penalty." Beladame nodded, as the kids rushed into the backyard. "Hey!" She yelled. "Sit over here, okay?!" They sat, realizing it was snowy and cold. They shivered, as their clothes made contact with the snow.
"Okay, so... Sues. OMG EVIL. Now, for something I despise, but must cover anyway; pokemon rangers. I hated that game. Very much. Fucking. MANAPHY. Took me FOREVER.
Anyway, some people need help with the plot, technology, etc..." She sighed. "Hmm. I really don't know much. I think... try following a bit of the game plot, for character things. The Go-rock squad doesn't have to be the villain; maybe Team Galactic, or Magma, or something. You don't have to set it in... what was it, Fiore? As for technology, try using that weird lightsaber-thingy as a transmitter of your thoughts.
Because, let's face it, you'd look like a total retard if you waved that thing in the air around a pokemon." She tapped her fingers on her shoes.
"Right. For partner pokemon, I suggest something other than Plusle or Minun. Maybe Skarmory, for travel purposes, and also, they pwn. And that always pissed me off. Screw Plusle, I wanted that damn Houndoom!" She ranted angrily, glasses slipping to the tip of her nose.
"Next, try to make a real problem arise; other than just grunt work. Boorriing. Like maybe Mew is being chased by Team Rocket, and you get sent on that mission. If you're new, do it with a more experienced Ranger, or if you've got nine ranks, you can go it alone." One girl with a Lugia hoodie waved her hand.
"Loli, what about having a Legendary stalk you? Or be a voice in your head?" Lolita clicked her tongue. "Wow. Good job... hang on a sec." She picked up the Espeon next to her, and set the Espeon on her lap, ignoring the hiss of dissent. "Shut it, Beladame. This is much warmer. Anyway, yeah, both ideas are good. Especially a Legendary stalking you.
I find that pretty funny. As for being a voice in your head, just... maybe make that why they were sent to an asylum. Because maybe Legendaries are feared, and..." The girl was obviously getting an idea for a story, and was writing something down.
"Anyway! So, to the effect of making a Mary-Sue parody... point it out. People won't recognize it unless you make it very cynical. For some, easy. Like me. And have them get their asses pwned." She rubbed her hands together, remembering the fiasco with the Sue. Dresden's coat still shimmered fifteen different colors.
She nodded. "And if you've invented one by accident, as to getting rid of it..." She thought. "Kill off a few of their Sue-mons. Grieving, death, and now no more Sue-mons! As for their hair, maybe have it be dye, and have it wash out in the river. Finally, just try to undo everything you've done as the story progresses. Like, if a character starts out sue-ish, and becomes less of one, that's okay, in a good writer's hands."
One girl with an Eevee on her lap raised her hand. "Um, I don't want to fight the Elite Four, or fight much, really. So is it okay if my pokemon don't evolve?" Lolita sighed, and nodded.
"Yup. But I don't know why you wouldn't want them to not evolve. Maybe a few? Like, maybe a stone evolution, something that doesn't require training." The girl nodded. "I just have one more question. What if your character looks a bit like someone, and has a few of their pokemon, like May? They'd have different personalities, too." Lolita thought.
"Uhm... Yeah, I guess... Make it good. Not like a carbon copy, but brown hair and blue eyes is fine. And different outfits are a must. And just don't do all the same pokemon. A few is okay, like Skitty and Squirtle, because, well...aw." She sniffed.
"Anyway, my next topic, cute pokemon. They're fine, but just don't have all baby pokemon, and not just because they're cute, please? Some cute pokemon to avoid, if you make them stereotypical, are:
Vulpix, Eevee, Jigglypuff, Clefairy, Totodile, Pikachu, Skitty, Squirtle, Pachirisu, Buneary, Piplup, Chikorita, Mew, Espeon, Ninetales, and Dragonair
"Now, you can use a few of these. But make them unconventional. Like, flat-out crazy, or maybe just short-tempered. Or bratty. And if you have a team of all of these, well...
Make a few evolve. Or catch another pokemon, and give a cutie to your little sister or brother. Or the professor, to give to some kid as a starter." Everyone nodded. A boy raised his hand with an air of self-consciousness.
"What about self-inserts in general?" Lolita thought. "We're in a fic where I am a self-insert. Come on. Okay, anyway, as long as you don't become SUPAH PRFCT OMGZ!11!!!! then it's okay. But just be careful. And don't seduce everyone in sight, please?" She nodded.
"As long as you follow these rules, and most of the other rules for a sue, you're okay. In this case, super-strong pokemon are okay, if the insert has been playing pokemon for a long time."
"Can a sue stalk you?" A boy asked. Lolita giggled. "Oh man, totally. Funny. Kill them while you're at it, won't you?" The boy just blinked. "Uh..."
She jumped right into another subject. "So! Making friends! Well, Ash makes friends with everyone he meets. I don't really recommend this. It makes it a bit tedious, and hard to choose people for your cell phone plan." She snorted, making the Espeon jump.
"It's okay if you make a few friends here and there, but not with everybody. Maybe a few kids your OT's age get busted out of their house, and come with you. Or two rival gangs of trainers. It's really up to you." She looked around.
"One last thing. What I'd like to see is a self-insert role in one of the video games. I might write this, but I figure it's a good idea. You already have a plot, your bad guys, and your own pokemon. And in this case, Legendaries catchable in-game can be caught, so everyone will shut up about the no-Legends rule. RBY Mew glitch, people. Missingno. OPPORTUNITY FUCKING KNOCKING HERE." She said, making the class start.
Then, her face softened, and she said, "Now go, okay? See you soon!" They nodded, and trudged out of the backyard. The heard a thunk, and a 'Damnit! So close!" from the yard.