In the Living room….
Frodo: All right, Boromir, since you signed first your meeting would be assigned three o' clock sharp.
Faramir: Hey! Why can't I go first? I'm her boyfriend!
Frodo: Then you're treading in bad waters.
Faramir: since I'm his brother, can't I go with him?
Frodo: would you rather not go at all?
Faramir: (shuts his mouth)
Frodo: much better. Now. Since Pippin and Merry are small, they get to go together at three thirty exact.
Faramir sulks.
Frodo assigns everyone at a certain time. Faramir is last.
Legolas: (comes downstairs) We may start the visiting sessions.
Boromir climbs up the stairs to Eowyn.
Arwen: Please keep your hands to yourself. Here, wear these.
Arwen hands Boromir rubber gloves, suit and mask.
Arwen: Please stay at least one foot away from her, please.
Boromir: ...
And so on and so forth. It is Faramir's turn.
(Same routine)
Faramir: Eowyn!!
Faramir stares pitifully at Eowyn's pale limp form. Her bandaged head, her golden hair, her…
Arwen: You've been staring for thirty-one minutes. Your time's up.
Faramir: What??!!
Faramir climbs downstairs while the hobbits are cooking a beef stew for dinner. Frodo strips out of his receptionist clothing and helps with the garlic bread.
Galadriel: I'm bored, who wants to play twister.
Boromir: ME!!!!
Aragorn: (just came downstairs) Me.
Arwen: me
Faramir: Me I suppose.
Galadriel sets up the twister object and spins first.
Faramir: right hand (sob) red. Like blood of Eowyn...
Galadriel puts her hand on red. Faramir is thinking tediously about Eowyn.
Boromir: I have left foot green!
Arwen: Hmph, I have right foot blue.
Aragorn also plays.
Faramir: Left foot blue (sob), like the color of the sea Eowyn plunged into...
Arwen:...
Aragorn: ...
Galadriel: ...
Pippin: Merry, you're putting a lot of garlic on your bread.
Merry: That's a specialty, Pip. Hey Frodo, how's it going with the tots?
Frodo: good…
Merry: Pippin! You're eating the soup!
Pippin: (blushes) oops.
Legolas: (comes downstairs) Eowyn is awake. Those who wish to see her line up here.
Faramir bounds in front of the line before anyone else get up.
Legolas: All right, Faramir, sign your name next to four o clock.
Faramir hurries to sign and rushes upstairs.
Faramir: Eowyn! Are you all right.
Eowyn: I'm all right.
Faramir slips on his rubber suits and all and kisses Eowyn. He notices that her lips were pale and a bit cold.
Eowyn: My head hurts every now and then, but it's not too bad. Legolas says that it's not too deep. And Aragorn says that my lips aren't that cold.
Faramir: HE TOUCHED YOUR LIPS??
Eowyn: I hope not.
They both hug for a very, very, very, very, very ,very long time.
Legolas: (comes inside room) Your times up, Faramir.
Faramir: get well soon, Eowyn.
Faramir climbs down the stairs to see the rest of the clan playing Sorry.
Frodo: Dinner est servi!
Everyone runs to the table and stares hungrily at the food. Nurse Arwen picks a plateful of food, puts it on a tray with a glass of water, and brings it up with a small vase of flowers to Eowyn.
Faramir: (runs to Arwen) Let me do it.
Arwen: All right, but leave her after you give it. She hinted she wanted a nap.
Faramir: (brings it up to Eowyn. Arwen is right, Eowyn was sleeping, puts tray on table next to bed and leaves)
Aragorn: Mmmm, this is good, you little halflings.
Frodo: Thank you, Aragorn, it's a shire specialty/
Legolas: (comes downstairs) Everyone, since the atheles were spectacular, Lady Eowyn has gotten better.
Faramir: (Rushes to his love) EOWYN SWEETIE MOOCHI-POO!
Eowyn: J now, I already had dinner. How about we play Monopoly after this?
Legolas: fine with me.
After Dinner.
Legolas: Ha! You landed in my house, so you owe me four dollars, Aragorn!
Aragorn: Shucks. (forks over the ca-ching)
Legolas: my turn then…(rolls dice) move six! Ha, I got the railroad track! (rolls again) two. I'll buy the house.
Arwen: Since you passed the go, get two dollars.
Faramir: Ah, Arwen! Why did you tell him that? Now he's still the richest!
Galadriel rolls dice.
Galadriel: I'm back at my house!
Faramir: (rolls dice) NO! NOT THE JAIL!
Pippin: either cough up or stay Faramir.
Faramir: (gives money) I'm so poor.
Frodo: Let's see, I pass the beginning, I get two dollars, then…Ah shucks, I don't even need to go to the bathroom!
Legolas: Fork it over and lose a turn, Frodo.
Merry: Hmm, I'll buy the house.
Aragorn: I'm a bit tired…I'll stop for tonight.
Arwen: so am I.
Galadriel: let's stop then.
Everyone goes to bed.
Arwen: So, Aragorn, how do you like Canada?
Aragorn: I think it's really nice.
Arwen: (sigh) It's so romantic here.
Aragorn snuggles up with Arwen and sleeps.
At morning, Arwen wakes early.
Arwen: (yawn) let's see, I'll cook everyone pancakes then.
Legolas comes out.
Legolas: Mmm, those pancakes smell good Arwen.
Arwen: Why thank you J
Meanwhile in the bathroom.
Frodo: (brushes teeth) wfy fillu fiffin…
Pippin: what did you say, Frodo?
Frodo: mmfy fmed, wfy fillu fmiffmen!
Pippin: I'm sorry, I just can't understand:
Frodo: (spits) I SAID, WHY HELLO PIPPIN. SHEESH, WAS I SPEAKING ELFEN TO YOU??
Pippin: looks like someone got up on the wrong side of the bed…!
Galadriel: (enters the bathroom) make room, halflings.
Frodo and Pippin stand aside as Galadriel brushes her teeth.
In Faramir's bedroom.
Faramir: (wakes up) Yawn! What a terrible ordeal I had to go through!
Eowyn: (wakes up) what is it, honey?
Faramir: I dreamed, I dreamed you plunged into the sea again! And when you came out… you looked like…. gasps Boromir!
Eowyn: That's scary?
Faramir: To me it is.
Everyone goes downstairs to eat pancakes.
Boromir: mmm, this is good Arwen! Is it blueberry?
Arwen: no.
Boromir: Raspberry?
Arwen: no!
Boromir: (exasperated) blackberry??
Arwen: (bursts into tears) You can't tell? It's ELDERBERRY! Am I that bad of a cook??!!
Aragorn: (pats Arwen) Boromir, did you have to say that? Even I knew it was strawberry pancakes!
Legolas: Um, it was actually elderberry, Aragorn.
Arwen: YOU CAN'T TELL EITHER??
Aragorn: Arwen! I just got tongue-tied! I knew what it was and it was delish! (crosses fingers) You make the best raspberry pancakes
Arwen: …
Boromir: What should we do today?
Merry: It's raining, there's practically nothing to do.
Boromir: How about we arm wrestle?
Faramir: nah, we already did that.
Boromir: thumb war?
Faramir: fine, but you owe me something.
Boromir and Faramir: (does thumb war, grunt grunt)
Boromir: onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightnineten! I win!
Faramir: (massages thumb and sucks it, returns to eating elderberry pancakes)
Legolas: How about we play Sorry?
Galadriel: I suppose so.
This is the instruction of middle-earth Sorry. You are Frodo. You want to go around middle earth to get to Mordor (home) so you could dump the ring. Every now and then when someone bumps you back to start, which means that a Nazgul carried you all the way back to the Shire. Sometimes there are cards you draw that says things like "you lost your lembas because of darn Gollum who showered Sam over it, lose a turn".
Legolas: Sorry Aragorn, you have to go back to Hobbiton.
Aragorn: (grunts)
Frodo: (draws card) five. One, two, three, four, five. Ooh, I'm in the safety zone. I just need three more!
Galadriel: that's easy to solve. You ARE Frodo
Faramir: My turn (draws card) walk eleven or switch spots with an opponent. I'll switch with Legolas!
Legolas: (sulks)
Arwen: (draws card) Orcs have kidnapped you. Lose three turns. My word, what a nightmare!
Boromir: (takes card) Ah Ha! The Sorry card! Who should I pick…
Boromir looks around the room and stares hungrily at Faramir's piece, which is near Boromir's 'Mordor'.
Faramir: nuh uh, no way, you owe me something so you don't do that.
Boromir: (sulks and switches with Pippin)
Pippin: No fair!
Boromir: should have prepared early, nunskull, now pick a card.
Pippin: (draws card) Shelob has eaten you. You lose. NOOOO!
Merry: well, when one person draws that card the game ends.
Legolas: Frodo won.
Frodo: (looks modest).
Legolas: (sniffs) what's that scent?
Boromir: what scent?
Legolas: It smells rosy, like a rose garden, but lighter. The scent drifts into my pleading nose, like a light rose fog that is warm to everyone, and it weaves through my fingernails, and-
Faramir: (reddens) that's my shampoo.
Boromir: Wow, little brother, I never knew you were-
Faramir: shut it, you. Just because I have rosy shampoo doesn't mean I'm-
Eowyn: Someone stole my shampoo! (cries from bathroom)
Galadriel: what does it usually smell like?
Eowyn: it's Tulip. Faramir gave it to me. He says it is from his favorite Bath and Body Works sho-
Faramir: Eowyn! That was a secret!
Boromir: haha.
Faramir: (reddens) it's in my, um, suitcase.
Legolas, Aragorn, and Boromir: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Eowyn takes a bath.
Arwen: So, why are we all talking about shampoos?
Boromir: we never did, but let's start, then! Legolas, what's your sham-
Legolas: Strawberry Bubble bath with the strawberry bubble soap, strawberry shampoo, strawberry conditioner, strawberry toothpaste, strawberry lotion, strawberry hair gel, strawberry floss, strawberry perfume (though I'm not sure if I need it), strawberry hairspray, strawberry shower gel, strawberry bath salts, strawberry bath milk, strawberry Listerine, and strawberry deodorant.
Galadriel: You really like strawberries!
Legolas: what about you, Arwen.
Arwen: (smiles) I have the Blueberry and Cream, Aragorn gave it to me for Valentine's Day.
Eowyn: (steps out of bathroom with towel over her head and towel covering her body) how romantic!
Boromir: Hubba hubba, Eowyn!
Faramir: back off, bro, she's mine.
Aragorn: I feel bad talking about shampoos.
Eowyn: Then what would you propose to do?
Aragorn: for starters, put on clothing.
Boromir: nah, I like her better this way.
Faramir: Boromir!
Boromir: heheh.
Eowyn changes into normal clothing while the others are playing Middle-Earth Idol.
Legolas singing in the tune of the LOTR theme song: Straw-aaa-berr-air-air-ies! Straw-Straw-Straw-ber-ber-ber-ber-rie-ries! Straw-ber-ries!
Arwen: next.
Faramir singing: Eowyn, for you…I WILL DIE FOR YOU!!! LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR YOU…!!!
Eowyn: Awww, Faramir…
Arwen: next.
Aragorn singing in the tune of Claire De Lune: A-R-W-E-N! ARWEN! AR-WEN! AR-AR-AR-WEN!
Arwen: hmm, can't compete with that…still next
Pippin and Merry together: WE ARE FAMILY! ALL MY HOBBIT BROTHERS AND ME!!! WE ARE FAMILY! FAT RING'S GONE DOWN HISTORY, WHOAH WHOAH WHOAH!!!!
Everyone laughs and claps.
Arwen: now, Frodo.
Frodo sings with emotion: twinkle twinkle little ring! How I still think of that thing! Even though it's melted down, even though Gollum has drowned…twinkle little ring! How I want to wear that thing!!!!
Everyone: ...
Arwen: All right then, the winner is Aragorn.
Faramir: Aww, Arwen. Even Simon is fairer than that!
Arwen: (blushes) I liked that song!
Pippin: yeah, yeah, nice excuse.
Arwen: (blushes deep red)
Eowyn walks up to Faramir
Eowyn: Faramir?
Faramir: Mmm?
Eowyn: You know how you have a rosy shampoo and I didn't give it to you and I doubt you would choose it yourself?
Faramir: Look, I'm not-
Eowyn: I know, I know, but…did any OTHER woman give it to you?
Faramir: Fine, fine, her name's Dien.
Eowyn: YOU'RE CHEATING ME?? YOU BETRAYED ME??
Faramir: NO! NO! She just sold it to me, she showed it to me. It was on sale and she said it was all the rage in the north farthing.
Eowyn: Positive?
Faramir: Why would I lie to you, sweetie pie?
Eowyn: (more cheerful) come on, they're playing survivor right now.
They are playing survivor. You have to get to one end of the room to the next without touching the floor. You touch, you're dead. The team is split up into two. Aragorn, Legolas, Faramir, Galadriel, and Boromir. The other is Pippin, Arwen, Eowyn, Merry, and Frodo Your items, two pillows, one hoop, which counts as no floor when you step in middle, a foot scooter, and a rope. The dining room wall to the living room couch. Play Survivor!
Legolas: (leaps) YES!
Pippin: wow, right slap-dab on the pillow.
Eowyn: Pull my rope, Pippin!
Eowyn is on the foot scooter. Pippin is on the hoop.
Pippin: (fiddles with rope and pulls) YAAAA!!!!
Eowyn: Can't you do it a bit faster?
Pippin: Next time, don't eat that many elderberry pancakes anymore, please?
Legolas: (jumps onto living room couch. Passes pillows to Aragorn, who is on the other pillow) Come on!
Aragorn leaps onto a pillow, he puts the old one in front of him and walks on it. Then he takes the other pillow and step on it. So on and so forth. He reaches the couch and throws the pillows to Pippin, who follows Aragorn's way. Then the same with the rest.
Meanwhile…
Pippin manages to pull Eowyn over. Eowyn scoots over to the couch and rolls the scooter to the person on the beginning. Time is running out. Only three minutes left…
Legolas: Come on, Galadriel, you can do it!
Aragorn: yeah, you're our last person!
Faramir: 加油加油加油！
Boromir: what did you just say?
Faramir: nothing.
Galadriel: How many more minutes?
Aragorn: One!
Galadriel hurries up and touches the couch. The Legolas Team wins.
Faramir walks up to Eowyn, who is out of breath.
Eowyn: There. Go on. Brag.
Faramir: I'm not a type to brag.
Boromir: Little bro, so it is that you've found a girl.
Faramir: shut up, you.
Boromir: (snicker snicker)
Frodo: (looks out the window) Man, it's still raining.
Galadriel; Phooey.
Legolas: (looks out window too) Wow, it's so dark.
Aragorn: Ooh, look, there's a basement in this cottage.
Arwen: Really?
Suddenly, the tornado siren blasts out, and it starts raining and thundering!
Legolas: Grab the valuables and needs! (lunges for Strawberry accessories.)
Everyone grabs everything they packed (their suitcases) and tumbles downstairs. To their relief, it is a complete finished basement, with bathrooms and carpet.
The Hobbits sing softly: Rain rain, go away, come again another day.
Boromir: Either way we would experience this, you numbskulls.
Legolas: Hey, I got a pack of cards. Who wants to play Black Jack?
Everyone joins. Legolas uses money as the little strawberry beads he strangely brought. He is the dealer. He passes a card to everyone.
Boromir-five, ten, bets one
Faramir-six, three, bets two
Aragorn-ten, ten, bets three
Arwen- two, ace, bets one
Eowyn-ten, eight, bets one
Legolas- one/eleven, ten, card one flipped over.
Legolas: Aragorn, do you want more?
Aragorn: NO!!!
Legolas: What about you, Boromir?
Boromir: yes.
Legolas hands Boromir a card. Boromir looks at it with shaking hands. He looks at it and jumps a mile high.
Boromir: Oh yea, a four!
Legolas: That's nineteen then.
They all do the same thing. Eowyn lost her bet. Legolas turns over his card to reveal a ten, making Black Jack.
Aragorn: Is it just me, or do you win too many games?
Legolas: just lucky.
Pip: I think the storm stopped.
Everyone tramples downstairs to see a trampoline in their living room
Aragorn: All right, who packed the trampoline?
Legolas: if it were me it would be pink.
Boromir: Wow, are you-
Legolas: no
Then, the door opens to enter a man that owns the cottages.
Cottage Man: Hello, and welcome to Neptune Cottages. Every now and then we would send you things for you to own.
Hobbits: Howubunga!
Legolas: why would you send US the trampoline?
CM: we don't have change for a million, so…
Hobbits jump altogether, making them leap higher.
Pippin: (bumps head on ceiling) Ow!
Frodo: Ow!
Merry: Ow!
Faramir: Clumsy…completely clumsy…
Legolas: yawns I'm so bored.
Faramir: (looks at sky) Hey, maybe we can go to that swimming pool close to here.
Frodo: AWWWW, I wanna stay here with the trampoline!
Aragorn: And get your head flatter and flatter?
Legolas: don't worry about Frodo, Aragorn. His hair is cushy enough to protect him.
Aragorn: I guess.
Swimming Pool.
Legolas: clambers on strawberry suntan lotion Nice swimming pool, aye?
Arwen: Yeah…(returns to sunbathing and snores)
Faramir: hey, where's Boromir.
Eowyn: uh…oh…(rushes away from spot)
Faramir: What is the―ARRGH!
Boromir swims underwater and pulls Faramir's ankles down.
Faramir: (glub glub) I'm siiiinkiiiing…. grabs Eowyn's hand
Eowyn: I won't let go Faramir… (lets go)
Aragorn: (stands on diving board) I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!!
Galadriel: So how much longer do we have here?
Legolas: few weeks. We have to go back to Middle-Earth soon. I heard from Gandalf back from Rivendell that Elrond is getting restless. Peter Jackson ain't so happy either.
Boromir: stands on floaty boat I'M…I'M FLYING, LEGOLAS!!!!!
Legolas: …
Meanwhile….
Pippin: hey Merry, how about we play Silly String?
Merry: Sure!
Pippin: ready, set, GO!!!!!