(THE NEXT DAY)

Aragorn: wake up everyone! We're gonna go HIKING!

Pippin: (yawns) at this time of day? Aragorn, the sun doesn't rise until another hour!

Aragorn: And the ranger's ranging skills are sharper here! Come, let us find deer prints and skunk homes!

Legolas: in that case, I shall bring my strawberry Febreze, deodorant, and perfume!

Eowyn: he's just kidding about the skunks, Legolas. Where you Aragorn?

Aragorn: But I WANNA find skunk homes!

Legolas: in that case, I'm not going!

Merry: aww, come on, pretty boy! You elves are wimps!

Legolas: are not!

Merry: (squeaky voice, imitating legolas) I'm Legolas the Elf, and I think I'm soooooo pretty and I would commit suicide if a smudge of dirt was found on my cheek!

Legolas: (gasps) would not!

Merry: face it, pretty-boy, you're a wimp.

Legolas: (sobs) am not!

Aragorn: aww, leave him alone. C'mon! This'll give us exercise!

Eowyn: Let's go then!

(two or so hours later, Aragorn leading)

Pippin: We're following the leader!

Merry: The Leader!

Frodo: The leader!

Boromir: We're following the leader!

Faramir: Wherever he may go!

Aragorn: We should've never come with those five…I knew we should never have come hiking, Legolas!

Legolas: …

Galadriel: you know where we are, Aragorn?

Aragorn: of course, silly elf! I'm not a bad ranger!

Pippin: (swinging hiking stick like baton) Look at me! Look at me! (hit's Frodo on forehead)

Frodo: (gasps) WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Arwen: Nice going, Pippin.

Galadriel: Fool of a Took! Why is it always YOU!

Pippin: Um, Um, sorry, Frodo!

Frodo: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT HURTS!

Eowyn: Aragorn, go find some kingsfoil to heal him!

Aragorn: You won't find atheles in Canada! Let's try the 'modern' way! Where's some antiseptic and bandaids?

Frodo: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Merry: Geez, Pippin, you hit Frodo as hard as Gandalf whammed Denethor with his staff in Minas Tirith!

Pippin: That looked funny, you know.

Legolas: It isn't bleeding, at least. Probably just a bruise.

Frodo: I WANT MY RINGIE! WAHHHH!

Aragorn?

Legolas: ….

Boromir: here, I packed a replica of one for the trip. (pulls out)

Aragorn: (takes it) May I ask why?

Boromir: (grins mischievously)

Faramir: No comment.

Aragorn: Here, Frodo! Here, it's your, um, favorite ringie!

Frodo: RINGIE! (rubs and croons over it) Okay, all better.

Faramir: No comment on that either.

Aragorn: Now that we're done with that little bit, let's go home.

Galadriel: Great, I need to go to the bathroom.

Aragorn: (pulls out map) Hmm…um…uh oh…

Eowyn: Uh Oh? What does that mean?

Aragorn: I can't found where we are…I mean, this place totally doesn't make sense, and I think the cottage lodge is in the wrong spots! This is a messed up map!

Arwen: So we're lost?

Legolas: Ah-bviously

Frodo: (still cooing ring)

Merry: How about we find some taters and fry em, mash em, stick em in a stew…

Aragorn: Or we can eat skunks.

Galadriel: What in the world is up with you and skunks?

Aragorn: Uh…

Boromir: How about we go find a deer or sumthin like that. You ARE a ranger, Aragorn.

Aragorn: You're right! (bends down) Let' see…I see strange, very large footprints that look like a bumpy oval, with strange markings, like special designs. Jeepers, there's tons of them! We'll follow 'em!

Pippin: Hey, look! There's MORE! Behind your own feet!

Aragorn: You're right! (turns around)

Merry: Hey look, Pippin! You're standing on some tracks!

Pippin: You too!

Faramir: GUYS! Those are your own stupid footprints.

(awkward silence)

Aragorn: Uh, Um (clears voice) I knew that. I was just testing everyone else's ranging skills.

Boromir: Riiiiiiiiight.

Legolas: great, now we're lost. This is entirely your fault, aragorn.

Aragorn: But, but, WAHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!

Arwen: Darn you, Legolas! (turns to Aragorn) There, there, sweetie, it's not your fault, it's Legolas's…

Aragorn: (stops crying) Okay.

Legolas: So not true!

Eowyn: Shhh! Look! A deer! (points to little cute bambi fawn)

Boromir: (drools)

Faramir: (whispers) We gotta kill it! Boromir! Start singing opera! It's enough to make anything keel over and die.

Boromir: …fine…LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALALALALA LAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAA! OHOHOHO LAAAAAAAAAAAAA! LA TA DI DA!DO RAY MI FA SO LA TI DO!

Deer: (gasp cough wheeze die)

Frodo: Score!

Aragorn: Excellent. (rubs hands together) I'll start a fire.

(after thirty minutes later, getting dark)

Legolas: Mmm, that was one nice deer.

Aragorn: agreed.

Eowyn: Better than any Pizza Hut pan pizza I have ever tasted!

(suddenly the fire lets out. All dark)

Galadriel: Great! We jumped off the pan and into the fire!

Faramir: …right…

Aragorn: I got it! Frodo, do you still have that crystal light thingie that Galadriel gave you when we first met?

Frodo: It ran out of batteries.

Galadriel: Shh! You aren't supposed to tell the public that!

Frodo: The fellowship already know, and we're the only ones in this godforsaken forest.

Galadriel: you got a point.

Boromir: don't you have another one?

Galadriel: Not exactly…I had to steal that light from our glowing trees. You thought those tree-lights were natural?

Boromir: Um…

Legolas: This sucks. We're lost, it's nearing our curfew, and I found dirt under my nails.

Eowyn: Give me the map, Aragorn. (takes) In the name of Middle-Earth, Aragorn, son of Arathorn! You had the map upside down! We're supposed to go this way! (points left)

Aragorn: (mutters) I knew that.

Legolas: Finally! Let's get on going, then!

(in the dark, close to home)

Aragorn: Hey look, guys, a little hole! Perhaps it homes cute pygmy bunnies or chipmunks! Let's poke it, flood it, and call it Aragorn-world. (pokes)

(suddenly, a black and white thing rushes out and squirts disgusting odor. They try to run…but it's too late)

Legolas: SKUNK!

Arwen: The odor! (cough cough wheeze faints)

Aragorn: Arwen! (catches, forgets about skunk)

Galadriel: Gag, Gag, I'm Meeeeeeeltiiiiiiing….

Faramir: Man! Arwen's unconscious and we're stinky with skunk and our own BO…Boromir, go get some tomato soup so we can bathe in it!

Pippin: bathe in tomato soup? That ruins it!

Legolas: You don't drink the soup afterwards, Fool of a Took! What did YOU do when skunks sprayed you and you needed tomato soup to bathe in?

Pippin: Um…

Everyone else: ….

A/N Well, I must say, the LoTR crew are FAR from their end of the trip! I know, they're trips take long, but oh well. Watch for the next chapter, When Good Food Goes Bad!