A/N Hello guys...
I know, i haven't updated FOREVER. but anyways, it's back! I bet i already lost all my fans after all these months...ah well. Anyways, this is the chappie of Faramir against everyone else...
(next day)
Faramir: Eowyn, my shoulders are aching, gimme a massage, will ya?
Eowyn: Yes, master.
Faramir: That's the spot, oooh….hey, where's the hobbits, Aragorn, Legolas, and Boromir.
Arwen: (innocently) I don't know.
Faramir: Darn them. For punishment, they must feed me bananas. In the meantime…Galadriel, start fanning me.
(suddenly, the missing ones pop out wearing Indian costumes. Frodo is holding a box of tea. Wrong time period, shorty)
Aragorn: BIND HIS FEET AND HANDS! BLINDFOLD HIM!
Faramir: Ahh!
Boromir: (tying Faramir's feet) Wooh! You did a terrible job cleaning his feet Aragorn!
(Later. They are in the living room. Aragorn's sword is hung by a pulley system made instructed by Frodo.)
Legolas: Off with his head! Off with his head! It'll make the rest of his body look better!
Arwen: Too bad we couldn't find any good jump rope. Luckily, we have floss string!
Boromir: Have any last words, Faramir?
Faramir: My brother, my only regret is that I have but one life to give to my Eowyn.
Eowyn: (screaming in background) He's too young! He's too young to go! We're not even married…how will I get his things? Faramir sweet, am I in your will?
Faramir: I haven't made one yet. I rather hoped that I'd compose it in my deathbed, snug and warm. It's not everyday an honest man gets guillotined.
Aragorn: Oh well. Time to die.
Faramir: Wait! You just made me waste my last words! My last words aren't my last words because Eowyn just made me talk! I don't want to go saying that I don't have a will!
Aragorn: Fine, you can make up your last sentence. Speak it now.
Faramir: I am really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really… (five hours later) really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really…
Aragorn cuts in: REALLY, REALLY STUPID! OKAY! LET'S GET THE SHOW ON THE ROAD, PEOPLE. HEADS ARE ABOUT TO ROOOLLLLLL!!!
Frodo: (pulls rope. Nothing happens. The floss had snapped at the real top where no one can reach) Uh oh.
Faramir: really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really…
Frodo: The stupid thing broke!
Aragorn: WHAT??
Boromir: Look on the bright side, it won't be the rebroken sword!
Frodo: I guess we can hang him instead…
Arwen: Are you nuts? He's too heavy with all the food we fed him, he'll break the rope!
Frodo: Let me see you think of something better, pointy-ears!
Arwen: I think dismemberment is an awful romantic way to die…
Legolas: And get my beautiful blond hair splattered in blood? No, I think of stretching.
Aragorn: stretching?
Legolas: Yes, it was all the rage in the medieval ages. You strap the victim in this contraption and it'll stretch him to death.
Boromir: Another thing to build. We're awful architects, ya know. And like what Aragorn says, we can't lift him and pull him with all that grub in his stomach, even with these awesome guns of mines.
Galadriel: How about we press him to death? Crush him with heavy weights.
Aragorn: He's fat enough to BE the weight.
(Meanwhile…)
Faramir: (discreetly unties blindfold. Just because his wrists are bound, his fingers and arms can work. Does the worm and goes away)
Aragorn: …for the fifth time, we will NOT burn him at stake! That'll be a waste of matches. Let's just cut his head off by hand. Give me the—where's Faramir?
Legolas: (picks up bandana that blindfolded Faramir) He escaped!
Arwen: AFTER HIM!!!
(somewhere…)
Faramir: (presses ear to ground) Their footsteps have quickened…they've picked up my trail…
A/N What will happen to Faramir next??????