Aragorn: I can't believe Peter…
Arwen: How…how could he??!!
Boromir: (bravely) It doesn't matter, we are just getting relaxed!
Legolas: (muttering) Having to experience a vacation with you isn't very relaxing.
Boromir: Shush! I say we defy him!
Everyone: Yeah!
Peter Jackson: I don't think so.
Everyone: AHHH! HE DOES EXIST!
Peter Jackson: Huh? Of course I exist, dimwits!
Frodo: Santa Claus! You DID come after all!
Peter Jackson: WHAT?? (does not notice he is wearing a red and white T-shirt)
Merry: You came too late, you know!
Pippin: Yeah, where was that iPod nano I asked for Christmas?
Peter Jackson: You darn idiots, I'm Peter! Your director!
Everyone: Ohhhhhh…
Galadriel: In that case, you can go away.
Peter Jackson: Hey!
Eowyn: So what are you here for?
PJ: Oh, don't give me the clueless act, you know exactly why I'm here…
Arwen: (moans) Please, Mr. Jackson? I don't WANNA go back…
PJ: You NEED to! I still need to complete the movie! Yeah, Liv Tyler is an awesome actress, fit for the part, and is practically a twin of you, but it'll pay so much more if the REAL Arwen was in it!
Arwen: (grumbles)
PJ: So I expect all of you back at the studio in two weeks!
Boromir: B-But you don't need me! I'm DEAD, remember?
PJ: We still need you for the occasional flashbacks.
Boromir: (moans)
Aragorn: (roughly) And if we DON't??!
PJ: Then I'll have to give you a BATH!
Aragorn: (gasps) Not…a real one, right??
PJ: Oh yes, a real one.
Aragorn: (sobs)
(PJ leaves)
Legolas: This is madness!
Frodo: I agree! I am NOT going back!
Aragorn: (still in shock) But…a bath…
Eowyn: Oh please, you need one.
Faramir: We do NOT want to go, but we're forced to! Who did this to us?
Galadriel: Peter Jackson, of course!
Pippin: What if it's someone else?
Galadriel: C'mon, the only time when someone controls us besides our boss is when we're in the strange land of Fanfiction.
(Silence)
Galadriel: Oh crud we are in that land.
Arwen: I KNEW something was going to be wrong when we made that wrong turn to the right when we were supposed to go LEFT, NANA!
Galadriel: You can't blame me! You said 'right'!
Arwen: I meant a completely different word!
Aragorn: SILENCE!!!!!
(silent)
Aragorn: I know who is causing such misery and wrath upon us, and we are going to put things right. WHO'S IN?!
Everyone: ME!
Aragorn: (bravely) Then let us go to the lair…of Lady Charity.
(few hours later)
Lady Charity: (typing on laptop) Muahaha, I just love raining misery upon my victims—err, characters!
(suddenly, the door slams open. A gold light shines and unknown figures appear)
Lady Charity: Is it the darn pizza man? It's over 30 minutes, man!
Legolas: Silence, mortal! How dare you compare us to a pizza man?!
Lady Charity: Dang, sorry. Pizza WOMAN. Now can I have my pepperoni?
Legolas: WHAT??!
Aragorn: Ignore him. Now, you may wonder why we are here…
Lady Charity: (smiles evilly) But I already know.
Aragorn: Huh?
Lady Charity: Now, y'all better be nice to me, because if you don't, I'll cause wrath upon you! I am your MASTER!
Pippin: Oh yeah? How are you going to do that?
Lady Charity: (GRINS MANIACALLY)
(Pippin suddenly disappears)
Merry: PIPPIN! Where'd you take him, you old hag?!
(Suddenly, Merry screams and his morphed into a steaming pepperoni pizza. Lady Charity cackles evilly and takes a big bite)
Lady Charity: That sure hit the spot.
Frodo: Merry! Pippin!
Lady Charity: You have no power, Middle-Earthlings!
Aragorn: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
Legolas: Roger that!
Lady Charity: Not so fast! You can't run OR hide!
(Aragorn trips and falls through a funneling blue portal. Legolas squeals and runs through a wall, never to be seen)
Lady Charity: WHO'S NEXT??
A/N I don't THINK everyone's dead….or ARE THEY?? Har har har. Stay tuned for the next chappie to the read the fate of our beloved heroes!