A/N This is a long chapter, about 8 pages long on Microsoft Word. Oh yes, Nelarun, you're in here (grins)
Arwen: W-Who are you?
Lady Charity: Elf, I'm afraid you're thicker than a goldfish. I'm the controller of all your souls, har har har!
Eowyn: Where is Pippin, Merry, Legolas, and Aragorn??! Why'd you kill them?
Lady Charity: How do you know they're dead? And besides, I have a small bedroom, I need some more space.
Galadriel: What are you doing right now?
Lady Charity: Why, I'm writing my fanfiction, of course!
Boromir: Ooh! Can I see?
Lady Charity: Sure!
Boromir: (Reads)
Arwen: W-Who are you?
Lady Charity: Elf, I'm afraid you're thicker than a goldfish. I'm the controller of all your souls, har har har!
Eowyn: Where is Pippin, Merry, Legolas, and Aragorn??! Why'd you kill them?
Lady Charity: How do you know they're dead? And besides, I have a small bedroom, I need some more space.
Galadriel: What are you doing right now?
Lady Charity: Why, I'm writing my fanfiction, of course!
Boromir: Ooh! Can I see?
Lady Charity: Sure!
Boromir: (reads and suddenly whisked away by a UFO)
Boromir: Hmm, strangely it sounds so familiar. But I don't know about that little part at the end…Ahh! (is suddenly whisked away by a UFO)
Faramir: Boromir!
Lady Charity: WHO WANTS TO READ NEXT??!!
Galadriel: I-I think I'll pass.
Lady Charity: YOU DON'T WANT TO READ MY LOVELY WRITING??!! DO YOU KNOW HOW INSULTING THAT IS??
Galadriel: But…but…AIEEEE! (Suddenly, is swallowed by a whirlwind)
Arwen: Nana!
Lady Charity: Do you really think you can surpass the magnificent power of ME??!!
Everyone left: No master!
Lady Charity: Then…I will give you a challenge.
(suddenly, the ground rumbles and shakes, and the room morphs into a large, menacing, dark maze. Lady Charity is nowhere to be seen, but her voice and an outline of her body lingers)
Lady Charity: Pass this maze, along with its many monsters, traps, and abbeys, and I will let you free. But if you get eaten, hurt, or whisked away, insurance will not cover for you. Farewell, and bad luck. (disappears)
Eowyn: WAIT!
Frodo: She's gone!
Arwen: There's only four of us now! Eowyn, Frodo, Faramir, and me!
Eowyn: Frodo and Faramir?? We're DOOMED!
(meanwhile, Lady Charity is resting on a silk hammock while Aragorn is massaging her feet, Legolas is feeding her assorted fruits, Merry and Pippin are belly dancing, and Boromir and Galadriel are fanning her in a tropical island)
Lady Charity: Ahh, this is the life.
Aragorn: I'm afraid that this is somewhat of a déjà vu…I have seen and massaged too many feet in my lifetime, I think.
Pippin: At least the song's different to dance to.
Merry: Yeah…Fergielicious.
Lady Charity: ARE YOU COMPLAINING??!!
Hobbits: (squeaks) no!
Lady Charity: Good…Legolas! Blackberries!
(A large bowl of plump, juicy blackberries appear next to Legolas. He sighs and pops them in to her mouth)
Merry: (whispering to Pippin while shaking his tummy) is there any way to get out of this? Instead of a fake belly ring, she gave us real ones!
Pippin: (moans) It still hurts…
Merry: And those strawberries, with cream…(stares at a porcelain bowl of fresh strawberries covered in whipped cream)
Pippin: (drools)
Lady Charity: NO DROOLING! That is, unless you are mesmerized by my good looks…
Merry: (who has a bite-size chunk of hair missing) Err…
Lady Charity: HOW DARE YOU! THEN I HAVE ONLY ONE CHOICE, TO PUT YOU INTO MY MAZE OF DOOM…ALONE!
Merry: NOOOOO! (hazes away)
Pippin: Merrrryyy!
Galadriel: Err, just a small, innocent question. What's worse, the maze or serving you?
Lady Charity: YOU THINK I AM A NUISANCE??!! THEN AWAY WITH THEE! INSURANCE SHALL NEVER COVER THE LIKES OF YOUUUUU!
Galadriel: Nooooo! (disappears)
Everyone else: (gulps)
(meanwhile…)
Eowyn: Faramir, are we lost?
Faramir: Ehh? No, no, of course not!
Eowyn: We're lost, aren't we?
Faramir: Hey, look! A little pathway!
Eowyn: We're lost.
Arwen: It's so dark…and damp…eek!
(A swishing blade pendulum suddenly swings, almost slicing Arwen)
Frodo: That was close!
Faramir: Watch out, Frodo! You're about to step on a razor trap!
Frodo: Too late!! Owww! (foot is bleeding)
Arwen: Fool of a Baggins! What do we do now?
Eowyn: We can just leave him here…
Frodo: No! Wait! I destroyed the ring and saved all of your miserable lives, and this is how you pay me back??
Faramir: If you put it that way, yeah.
Frodo: No! (jumps on Farmair's back)
Faramir: fine, fine.
(meanwhile)
(The scene has changed. Instead of the tropical island the captives had endured, it was a majestic and diamond castle. The floor was made of a translucent periwinkle marble and the walls and dome-shaped ceiling was a pure diamond with crystal filigree designs. Lady Charity is resting on a beautiful diamond throne with a pillow made of magically formed water cushion that won't make anyone wet. The Lord of the Rings captives are in frilly maid dresses and aprons.)
Lady Charity: Hurry up, my slaves! My dear friend will be entering at any moment!
Galadriel: It would be a whole lot more comfortable if we didn't have to wear these dresses.
Aragorn: (moaning) with lace.
Legolas: I've got an itch in a bad place…
Boromir: Well, she DID make us wear Victoria's Secret lacey underwear.
Aragorn: (whimpering) It's only made of lace…
Lady Charity: Don't complain! Be happy I gave you something to wear in the first place!
Pippin: It'll be a whole lot less itchy.
(The pure silver doors swings open, with golden light pouring out, and a majestic, tall silhouette stands proudly in the middle)
Pippin: Is it…is it our savior?
Legolas: Save us O great one!
Nelarun: What are you talking about?
Legolas: My…my bad.
Lady Charity: Hello, Nelarun! Long time no see!
Nelarun: Well, actually, I just visited you three days ago…
Lady Charity: HOW DARE YOU CONTRADICT ME?? DO YOU WISH TO BE ETERNALLY PUNISHED?? (hold fingers threateningly over laptop keyboard)
Nelarun: Er, er, no!
Lady Charity: Much better.
Nelarun: Er, just wondering. Why are your servants, the Lord of the Rings characters, in frilly dresses?
Lady Charity: They are my servants. Would you rather them naked?
Nelarun: (grins)
Lady Charity: Nela! I'm ashamed! I thought you were a virgin!
Nelarun: I AM!
Lady Charity: Good. Now, you guys (points to servants) You can be banished to my evil maze of doom. If I need anything, I'll just summon you back.
LoTR: But…but…
(is whisked away)
Nelarun: You know, Charity, you're being a very cruel author.
Lady Charity: We do what we do best!
(meanwhile)
Frodo: Look! There's everyone else! MERRY! LEGOLAS! ARAGORN! BOROMIR! Dang, how many of you are there?
(everyone reunites)
Legolas: You wouldn't believe it! We had to pass about five swinging pendulums, two poison arrow shooters, three rolling boulders, and two portals that led to the evil land of Mary-Sues!
Faramir: (gasps) How could you endure the last one?
Aragorn: Luckily, we shoved an unexpected fanfiction reader in there just to test it out. They screamed bloody murder and ran the heck out of there.
Arwen: Dang, that was close!
Merry: How do we get ourselves out of this mess? We're powerless!
(thinks)
Aragorn: I got it! Apparently, whenever something happens, she already types it down! But if we erase the stuff that we don't like, then it would never happen, Peter Jackson won't make us go back home, so we don't get made at Lady Charity and end up here!
Legolas: So it's pretty much our fault we're here?
Eowyn: In a way.
Boromir: But how do we get the laptop?
Aragorn: (grins) Hurry, does anyone have a laptop or a piece of paper and a pencil?
Galadriel: I have a layered robe.
Legolas: And I have some blueberry juice.
Aragorn; Excellent!
(Aragorn takes the blueberries and a bit of Galadriel's cloth. He scribbled onto the cloth, "Aragorn suddenly had a membership of and a laptop. Suddenly, a laptop appears)
Legolas: WHOAH, HOW'D YOU DO THAT?
Aragorn: I wrote a fanfiction. Now….
(after a few minutes, he typed himself into the castle of Lady Charity, invisible. He looked around and immediately typed that he had the power to stop time. Suddenly, everything froze around him as he snatched Lady Charity's laptop off her lap and erased everything after New Years. A whirlwind suddenly appeared before his eyes and black…)
(Then, a loud voice burst beside him)
Everyone: HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!
Aragorn: Woo! I did it!
Legolas: Did what?
Aragorn: Y-You don't remember? We went to the lair of Lady Charity, and then cursed! Then I saved us by writing a fanfiction that saved us all!
Arwen: Aragorn, sweetie, are you sure you didn't dream it?
Faramir: yeah, you were asleep for a while.
Aragorn: (finds himself sprawled on the couch) Wha…maybe…maybe I did…
(That was before he noticed that the cloth with blueberry writing was proof on what happened…and it was in his shirt pocket…)
A/N: Haha, well, actually Aragorn DIDN'T dream this, but he forgot to put in his fanfiction to make everyone remember their little epic adventure with me. Next chapter would most likely be updated on January 13, Orlando Bloom's birthday…