A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ORLANDO BLOOM!
Aragorn: (yawns) It's January 13…
(moment later)
Aragorn: OMG! It's January 13! Legolas's birthday!
(just to let you know, they used to all share a room, but now they separate. Aragorn is buddied with Legolas. Aragorn quickly tip-toes away to wake up everyone else. Also, he locked the door)
Aragorn: OKAY, WAKE UP EVERYONE!
Everyone: (yawns) What now…
Eowyn: Not another hiking ranger training trip, right?
Aragorn: No! It's Legolas's birthday!
Boromir: Oh, blimey, I forgot!
Arwen and Galadriel: We didn't
Frodo: C'mon, you're old Elves! We don't even know when you're all born.
Galadriel: OLD??
Arwen: Excuse me??
Aragorn: Shut up, all of you! We need to prepare him a good party! Now, this is what I propose…
Arwen and Eowyn, you work on the decorations!
Faramir, hobbits, Galadriel, you work on the food and feast!
Boromir and I will work on the cake!
And all of you are responsible for getting a present!
Everyone: Yes sir! (moves to leave)
Aragorn: Wait! You aren't going out there till you put on some NORMAL CLOTHES! That includes you too, Boromir. Do you ever sleep with a shirt on?
Boromir: But…
Aragorn: GO!
(later)
Legolas: (yawn) It is the dawn of another birth year…I feel so messy! I should wash my hair—
(pause)
Legolas: (grumbling) Oh yeah, I forgot. BOROMIR sold my shampoo…Well, all the more reason to sleep in! (ZzZzZ)
(Aragorn and Boromir then enter the one and only Sam's Club to get a beautiful cake. After disguising in order to avoid the fan girls who knew about Legolas's birthday, they headed to the cake section)
Boromir: Um, excuse me sir?
Baker: What?
Boromir: O-Oh I'm sorry! Excuse me, ma'am?
Baker: WHAT?
Aragorn: Ignore my companion. We're here to buy a cake.
Baker: What kinda cake?
Aragorn: Strawberry.
Baker: How big'a cake?
Aragorn: You're biggest! We have a…party with about…(counts with fingers) ten people, and most of them would want to eat more than one piece (glares at Boromir).
Boromir: Eheheh…
Baker: Here you go. Fifteen dollars.
Aragorn: FIFTEEN DOLLARS? JUST FOR ONE BLOODY CAKE?
Baker: Got a problem with that?
Aragorn: Oh yes I do, in fact, I'm going to kick your—
Boromir: Whoops! (covers Aragorn's mouth) Here you go, fifteen. Thank you!
(After they leave)
Aragorn: Why'd you stop me? I could've beaten the 'free of charge' right out of him!
Boromir: Her.
Aragorn: Yeah, yeah, whatever.
(with Eowyn and Arwen at home, who already bought all their decorations)
Eowyn: I know Legolas likes strawberries and archery and all…but isn't this too much?
(Eowyn gestures to the bulbous strawberry-shaped balloons, strawberry being shot by arrows patterned all over the streamers, a banner that says HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEGOLAS with letters made of arrows and strawberries, and bow-and-arrow cups and plates)
Arwen: You know how obsessive he can be.
Eowyn: I know…but too much pink in this room…
Arwen: Yeah well, time for presents!
(with Faramir, the hobbits, and Galadriel)
Galadriel: THREE ROASTED TURKIES?? FIVE PIZZAS?? TWO VEGGIE AND FRUIT TRAYS?? THREE CARTONS OF ICE CREAM?? TWO BOXES OF ROOT BEER AND COKE?? NO WONDER WE WERE BROKE BEFORE!!
Frodo: Ah, c'mon, Galadriel. It's a big occasion.
Galadriel: Yeah, but you know we elves want to keep our body structure!
Faramir: YOU don't have to eat it all…but Boromir, the halflings, and I are going to shovel our way through after all of you have had your share!
Galadriel: You sad, sick mortals…
(A few hours later)
Legolas: I…I can't take it! It's noon and I haven't even taken my daily shower, brushed my teeth, or buffed my nails! I'm dying…
(Suddenly, the door clicks. Legolas looks up to see the door creaking open slowly)
Legolas: Yes! After my bathroom, I can die happy
(A few more hours)
Pippin: How long does it take a darn elf to wash??
Merry: We may never know. At this rate, we'll starve to death before he finishes.
Aragorn: Boromir, are you done putting in the candles?
Boromir: No, duh! You know how OLD this guy's turning?
Aragorn: (growling) Just…put…one…candle…in…Boromir…
Boromir: Okay, okay!
(Finally, footsteps step out of the bathroom. Finally, Legolas clambers down the stairs)
Everyone: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LEGOLAS!
Legolas: Wow! I didn't expect this! (gasps) That means I need my strawberry deoderant!
Faramir: Oh no you don't.
Frodo: Join the fun, Legolas!
Legolas: I want to open my presents!
Eowyn: Open Arwen and mine!
Legolas: (opens present wrapped in strawberry-patterned wrapping paper) Wow! Three gift cards to Bath and Body Works, thanks! Whoah…and two for Archery R Us! Thanks guys!
Arwen: Ohh, our pleasure.
Eowyn: (whispers to Arwen) It wasn't our money anyways
Aragorn: (thinking to self) I wonder where some of my money went…oh well!
Hobbits: Now our turn! Now our turn!
Legolas: (opens) Cool! The chess board with Lord of the Rings characters! Sweet! Hey, look at this! I'm the KING!
Galadriel: I'm next!
Faramir: That's mine, too!
Legolas: (opens) Sweet! The box set of the Lord of the Rings DVDs! Along with the Extended Version! Where'd you get it?
Galadriel: Barnes & Nobles
Boromir and Aragorn: And last but CERTAINLY not least…OURS!
Legolas: (opens) Oh great strawberry…
Arwen: Wow…
Eowyn: Where'd you guys get it…
(Nestled deep in its cozy tissue paper, a very large bottle of Legolas's favorite strawberry shampoo 2nd Generation shows)
Legolas: THANK YOU!!! (tackles Boromir and Aragorn)
Aragorn: Ahh!
Boromir: Hehe, that's replacement for the one I sold, mate. But that was only the 1st generation shampoo!
Arwen: Great! Now let's get to the archery games, Hide the Strawberry, contests, and more!
Legolas: When do we eat? I'm afraid of getting too hungry.
Galadriel: (mutters) Trust me, after this party, you'll never want to eat again.
A/N Happy Birthday, Orlando. Hope you get everything you want.