I'm sorry for the long wait.
My Power of the Pen competition is this Saturday…
February 24…2007.
Anyways…i don't own Sue-Off. hehehe.
Boromir: I get your plan on breaking the Mary-Sue's heart, but…
Aragorn: What?
Boromir: Does she have a heart to break?
Aragorn: …you got a point.
Boromir: Of course. So what'll we do?
Frodo: Well, I have found something on this ad….
Arwen: What is it? WHAT IS IT??
Frodo: This brand new anti-spray called Sue-Off. It was invented by someone called…Avalon's Mist.
((((SOMEWHERE))))
Avalon's Mist: (sprays Mary-Sue off computer) That'll teach you all a lesson, suckers! (peers at screen) Hmm, funny. ¾ of the fanfiction from is missing…
((((BACK))))
Legolas: Can we really trust something like that? Mary-Sues are writhing army of perfect females ready to strike at every link in Fanfiction world!
Eowyn: And to think we even have Mary-Sues here in Canada.
Faramir: Screw the person who let them loose then.
Lady Charity: (far away) Uhh…(blushes and whistles)
Frodo: I don't know about you guys, but I'm buying this Sue-Off. It sounds promising.
Galadriel: Yeah, you can REALLY trust things that claim to eliminate a certain body of mankind with just one spray…
Aragorn: I agree with the elf. I think Legolas, Boromir, Faramir and I are gonna do the male way of killing things. C'mon guys, let's go find my turbo gun.
Everyone: …
Frodo: Well, I'm off.
Pippin: Where are you going?
Frodo: I'm calling 1-800-SUE-OFF.
Merry: kay…
(((MEANWHILE)))
Boromir: Okay, we're out of the cottage. Now how are we going to kill this Mary-Sue.
Legolas: Well, fate of the Mary-Sue is based on the fates of others, so we have to think this one wisely.
Aragorn: This is harder than planning how to guillotine Faramir…
Faramir: Hey!
Boromir: How about we shoot her with a gun or a bow and arrow?
Aragorn: Can't. You see, due to Sueology, if we plan to shoot the Sue, the weapon would suddenly aim at someone else, and then the Mary-Sue will make a stunt jump to block the target and gets hit, and then die a slow, bloody death where the supposed victim will cry over her dying body.
Boromir: I don't know what you just said but it sounds bloody excellent. The Sue dies. The End.
Legolas: But that won't work! Have you ever studied Sueology in Steward school?
Boromir: Not that I intend to.
Legolas: That is a beautiful and tragic death of a Mary-Sue, which will only produce more.
Faramir: What about drowning?
Legolas: No! Then her corpse will magically be floating lazily in a creek, her hair floating and flowers suddenly appear around her. That cause even more Mary-Sue Spores!
Faramir: How the bloody heck do you know this?
Boromir: What do you expect, little bro. They're Mary-Sues themselves.
Aragorn: (gasps) How…how dare you even think that!!!
Boromir: I was kidding!!!
Faramir: Burn her at stake? Hang her?
Legolas: No, no, NO! They're all too romantic!
Aragorn: How 'bout we cut off her head. Nothing romantic about that.
Legolas: You're right.
((((LATER))))
Hydriana: Prepare to meet your doom! I shall spread my Mary-Sue spores and suffocate you!!!
Eowyn: No! Please! We'll do anything! SPARE US!
Arwen: Yeah! Spare the beautiful women! Here, you can take the ugly halflings!
Pippin: Hey!
Merry: We're not ugly!
(Suddenly, the door flies open. A small, short creature stands, his arms outstretched with a small yet treacherous bottle gleaming in his hands. Wind blew Frodo's hair back as he yelled a war cry)
Frodo: STOP MARY-SUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sprays Hydriana)
Hydriana: Ahh! I'm melting……
Frodo: Ha! Never mess with…(flips curly hair) The Legend of Frodo.
(Suddenly, the door flies open once more. Aragorn, Legolas, Faramir, and Boromir appear while dragging a bulky package)
Boromir: Where is she? Wheerre is she?
Faramir: We've got a guillotine from WalMart! We're ready to cut her head off!
Galadriel: No need, the halflings already sprayed her.
Legolas: What? The Sue-Off worked?
Frodo: Yup!
((((MEANWHILE))))
Lady Charity: ZzZzzZz…mmph? (after a nice nap, peers at computer screen) Nelarun….NELARUN WAKE UP!!!
Nelarun: Mm? (yawns)
Lady Charity: The Sue! The Sue is gone, the Sue is gone!
Nelarun: …couldn't you have saved the news AFTER I had my nap? You know how many hours it took us to plan how to destroy Hydriana? It's 1:00 AM!!
Lady Charity: I couldn't contain my excitement!
Nelarun: You never can.