Frodo: Guess what guys? It's almost Valentine's Day!
Boromir: I figured that part out myself, funny enough. Did you know practically all the stores down the street are practically drowning in pink hearts? When you look at it, it makes you feel like you're in a Valentine card!
Arwen: You don't have a romantic bone in your body, do you?
Aragorn: What do you expect? Only he, the hobbits, and Legolas are the only characters who don't have a love interest.
Legolas: You make me feel so unwanted.
Merry: Well, if you want to go and hook up with one of your fan girls, you can go right ahead.
Legolas: On second thought, being single doesn't look so bad after all!
Eowyn: So what do you guys think we should do for Valentine's Day?
Boromir: Nothing. It's so overrated.
Faramir: Aww, come on! Valentine's Day is the only day we could express our love freely without getting funny looks from strangers!
Boromir: I'd give you funny looks if you were eating Eowyn's face off in public, even if it was Valentine's Day.
Eowyn: Haha, very funny.
Galadriel: We could give each other Valentine cards!
Pippin: Ew! Cooties! I don't like all the romantic gushy stuff! It's so awkward!
Aragorn: There's chocolate involved.
Galadriel: And cookies.
Pippin: ...Valentine's Day is a great idea!
Boromir: (groans)
Legolas: So how about this: we all give cards to people, and we all get one from a different person, how about?
Boromir: But there's more girls than guys.
Faramir: We don't have to write to a different gender. And it doesn't have to be a love note! Just something that says "Happy Valentine's Day" or something like that!
Boromir: Phew! That's a relief...
Merry: Argh! Making paper hearts is hard!
Pippin: Why are you making paper hearts?
Merry: I don't want to spend the money to buy pretty cards, so I'm writing notes on paper hearts.
Pippin: (stares at mutilated hearts) Well, you'd be spending a lot of money either way, because you're going to need a lot more paper by the looks of it.
Merry: ...good point.
Pippin: Besides, we have a gazillion dollars ever since we sold Legolas' shampoo long time ago. What's the point of just leaving it there, gathering dust?
Merry: You're right! Good bye, ugly hearts, hello dollar store! (shreds hearts)
Aragorn: Legolas, can I have your advice?
Legolas: What is it?
Aragorn: I don't know what to get Arwen. Red roses? White? Dark chocolate? Milk? White? Caramel? TRUFFLES?!
Legolas: Whoah, calm down! You're asking the guy who never gets paired up with anyone.
Aragorn: You're right. But what would you prefer if you were getting roses and chocolate?
Legolas: Well...I can't say I want roses, but chocolate-covered strawberries are always nice. They do sound romantic.
Aragorn: Okay...
(On the day of Valentine's, Frodo approaches the gang wearing only a diaper and sporting Legolas' bow and arrow)
Frodo: Hear ye! Hear ye! I am Cupid, also known as Eros in Greek! I am here to deliver the Valentine's card!
Everyone: Hooray!
Boromir: Great. This place is going to have cheesiness up the wazoo.
Eowyn: ...wazoo?
Boromir: Don't ask.
Frodo: To...BOROMIR! From...MERRY!
Aragorn: This ought to be good.
Boromir: (reading out loud) "Dear Boromir, Hi. Bye. Sincerely, Merry." What kind of Valentine's Card is that?
Merry: Hey, you said you didn't want anything gushy or tender-hearted.
Frodo: NEXT! To...ME! From...Boromir? "Dear Frodo. I like you, but not as much as I like your Ring. Can you tell your Ring that I want to get together? Thanks." Uhh...I'll let him know...
Pippin: Awkward...
Frodo: To...ARWEN! From Aragorn!
Arwen: Cool! "Dearest Arwen, my love for you is stronger than the forces of Middle Earth. Whenever I hear your angelic name, my heart skips a beat and I am immediately washed with serenity-"
Eowyn: Aww, that's so sweet-
Arwen: I'm not done yet. "-even the snowy white roses I present to you cannot compare to your beauty and fragrance. Your skin is snowy white like a pearl, and your eyes are the wellpools of my happiness. Your fragrance is sweeter than a flower bed, like a sugar bun out of the oven-"
Boromir: Is there no end to this novel?!
Arwen: "-your touch always warms my entire body like a cheery fire, but softer and more beautiful. You will always be the reason of my existence and the joy in my life. Love, Aragorn."
Galadriel: Isn't that romantic?
Frodo: Cheesy is more like it.
Arwen: You guys are just jealous you didn't get such a flowery and extravagant card like I did!
Frodo: A-n-y-w-a-y-s! A card to Legolas, from Galadriel!
Legolas: Ooh! "Dear Legolas, Happy Valentine's Day! I reckoned I should give you a card even if I'm married, because you're a loner anyways. Love, Galadriel." I don't know whether I should be happy or insulted.
Frodo: Be happy. We don't need any gloominess putting a damper on our mood. A letter to Galadriel, from Pippin!
Galadriel: "Dear Galadriel, I've written you a poem. Happy Valentine's Day, I have nothing else to say, this is a day for happy lovers, but we have none of those." Hey, that doesn't even rhyme!
Legolas: And it was stupid and didn't make any sense.
Pippin: That's...quite cruel.
Frodo: Hey, Eowyn, here's a letter for you from Faramir!
Eowyn: "Dear Love-bird. Love ya, sweet cheeks! Sincerely, Faramir." Awww!
Boromir: And you say I don't have a romantic bone in my body...
Frodo: Here's a letter from Eowyn to Pippin! No wait, it isn't a letter, it's a gift!
Pippin: Yay! (rips open gift) A...chocolate bunny! COOL!
Galadriel: ...chocolate bunny?
Merry: Isn't that for like, Easter?
Eowyn: That was what the stores were selling today! So I thought it was for Valentine's Day!
Legolas: Yeah, but the stores always sell things for holidays five months away right on the day of a holiday. They're strange that way.
Aragorn: Amen.
Pippin: I'm not complaining, I got meself a chocolate bunny...
So I changed my mind. I decided to put a Valentine's tribute for this chapter before I end it.