Pippin: You know what, Merry?
Merry: (yawns) What?
Pippin: I think I'm homesick.
Merry: Homesick? How can you be homesick? We've only been away from home for a paltry one and a half years! Compare that to our trek to destroy the Ring!
Pippin: I know, I know, but you know, I think Middle Earth needs us. If you haven't noticed, we still haven't destroyed the Ring yet.
(Merry and Pippin turn to see Frodo)
Frodo: My...precious...(rubs Ring)
Merry: You've got a point.
Legolas: I agree. I'm tired of fangirls, Mary-Sues. and Lady Charity.
Galadriel: Yeah! If we leave this so-called 'Fanfiction' world, we won't be able to be controlled by her anymore!
Boromir: But then I'll die.
Legolas: (solemnly) We all need to make sacrifices.
Aragorn: Where in the world is my socks...Arwen! Where are my socks?
Arwen: Don't ask me, you're the one always throwing your clothes around!
Aragorn: Boromir, did you sell those too when we were broke?
Boromir: Uh, no...
Aragorn: This is madness! How am I supposed to pack if I don't know where the clothes are?
Frodo: Did you look under your bed?
Aragorn: Yes!
Faramir: In the drawers?
Aragorn: Of course!
Eowyn: How about the microwave?
Aragorn: ...what?
Eowyn: Well, that's where Faramir found his underwear...
Faramir: Don't ask...
Aragorn: I don't know where it is!
Merry: How about in your suitcase!
Aragorn: I told you, I lost them, I couldn't have packed them and lost them at the same time! Look! (wrenches open suitcase to reveal a neat pile of socks)
Aragorn: Well...um...carry on with your packing! We gotta leave soon!
Eowyn: I think we have enough time. I mean, who really needs to arrive at the airport seven hours early?
Legolas: But we have to drive a long time, remember? Especially if Arwen goes left instead of right. Or right instead of left. Whatever.
Arwen: That was so not my fault-
Boromir: Can you guys stop bickering and hurry up? Considering our luck, we're probably going to end up-
Frodo: Don't curse us! Every time we curse ourselves, we end up cursed! IT'S A CURSE!
Faramir: Gee. I wonder why.
Aragorn: Okay! I'm all done packing! What about everyone else? All ready? Let's get into the car!
Galadriel: Who will be driving?
Pippin: I want to try driving!
Legolas: You won't even be able to look over the steering wheel.
Pippin: Not unless I sit on a suitcase or something!
Faramir: I'll drive...
Aragorn: Hurry up guys! We have six hours, fifty-three minutes,. and seventeen seconds, let's MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!
Eowyn: All right, all right! We're going!
(Everybody piles up in the car. But now due to eating so much food like Boromir's barbeque and Applebee's, they can barely fit in comfortably)
Aragorn: Dang, I knew we should've taken those early ranger hiking trips more often.
Legolas: You're the one to talk! You practically polished off all of Arwen's Valentine's chocolate!
Faramir: No time for fighting! I've got to drive and I can't have you two arguing!
Legolas: Well, look who's arguing!
Faramir: Just shut up! Okay!
Everyone: ...
(later)
Merry and Pippin: We'll be coming around the mountain when she comes!
Boromir: Yeeha!
Merry and Pippin: We'll be coming around the mountain when she comes!
Faramir: Yeeha!
Aragorn: Not...again...
Frodo: Uh oh...UH OH! STOP THE CAR! STOP IT!
Faramir: I can't stop, we're on a highway!
Frodo: I LEFT THE RING IN THE COTTAGE!
Everyone: WHAT?!
Legolas: How the heck can you forget the Ring? Isn't that like, your life and purpose?
Frodo: Please, Faramir! Turn back! I have to get it back!
Faramir: But I've been driving for two hours already! I can't just turn back now! Let it stay there, get someone else to destroy it for us-
Frodo: NOW!
Faramir: ...okay...
(later)
Frodo: (runs into cottage) My dear Ringie! I'm so sorry for leaving you! I'll never forget you again! Will you forgive me?
Galadriel: We won't. Now we're going to miss the flight and it's all your fault!
Frodo: It's worth it.
Faramir: Can we please get on going? We're not supposed to be here, anyways, we already gave away our key!
Legolas: Then how did Frodo get back inside the house?
Boromir: Well, we never really fixed that hole he broke in the roof during the flood...
(three hours later)
Aragorn: Augh! We've only got one hour to get checked in, get our bags into the plane, and all that other stuff! Come on, let's move!
Galadriel: Hey! It's not that easy dragging all these suitcases with you!
Aragorn: Maybe next time you won't bring as many clothes with you! Geez, women these days...
Legolas: We didn't leave anyone behind, have we? I don't want a Home Alone event happening to any of us.
Merry: Wait...WHERE'S SAM! OH MY GOODNESS, WE LEFT SAM AT THE COTTAGE!
Pippin: ...I thought Sam stayed back in Middle Earth.
Merry: ...oh yeah. I knew that.
Aragorn: (groans)
(later)
Aragorn: Oh geez...we managed to get our luggage into the plane...got ourselves through those security things...in thirty minutes.
Legolas: Yeah, but now the whole airline hates us.
Merry: That's awfully tiring.
Boromir: Come on guys, get in the plane! Unless you want to get left behind!
(later)
Boromir: Who wants to do some arm wrestling?
Faramir: No. More. Arm. Wrestling. Or. Any. Kind. Of. 'Macho'. Games. Got it?
Boromir:...fine.
Food Trolley person: Hello, first class passengers! Today you have a selection of sea cucumber, cow tongue, and chicken legs.
Pippin: ...do we know you?
Food Trolley person: I'm afraid I don't remember all of my passengers, kid. Now, what would it be?
Merry: Legolas, do you still have that corned beef sandwich?
Legolas: Yeah, if you want year-and-a-half old rotting, moldy meat on black bread.
Merry: ...I think I'll have the chicken legs.
Aragorn: No wait! There's something else over there! You forgot to mention one food!
Food Trolley Person: Oh yeah! Here's some Applebee's pudding!
Faramir: Ooh, I'll have that!
Boromir: I think I'll pass...
(ten hours later)
Frodo: I can't believe we're back! WOOHOO!
Pippin: I don't see why you're so ecstatic. Now we'll have to work.
Legolas: Rivendell sweet Rivendell.
Elrond: What are you guys doing here?!
Arwen: Daddy! We're back from our trip!
Elrond: Trip? What trip? I thought you guys were destroying the Ring!
Pippin: Oh, we were, but then we got tired and decided to go on a year-and-a-half long trip to Canada.
Elrond: Fools! Idiots! While you were off on vacation, Mordor has managed to destroy off almost all small towns and half of Gondor! AND NOW YOU'RE BACK WHERE YOU STARTED AND HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY BACK TO MORDOR TO DESTROY THE RING!
Everyone: NOOOOOO!