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"The List"
"James mate you look like you've just seen a ghost, the bloody baron given you a fright again eh? Ha-ha" Sirius laughed when he entered the dorm.
"I'm ignoring Lily"
"Why? Did she spit on your mum?"
"It's step number 3 on 'The List'"
"You're actually doing the stuff on that stupid list?"
"Remus knows Lily better than anyone else"
"James, when was Remus' last girlfriend?"
"I dunno…Jenny Higgins in third year I suppose…"
"And how old are we now?"
"6th year"
"And what does that tell you?"
"That Jenny Higgins is blind?"
"No, it tells us to not trust Remus!"
"That's not very nice"
"Love isn't very nice James"
"Lily's love is, it's the best thing in the world"
"You're such a puff! You're going to get beaten up!"
"You're just jealous"
"Oh yeah, jealous that the girl I'm in love with wants nothing to do with me"
"You fancy Ellie"
"I do not fancy Ellie"
"You do!"
"Prove it"
"I can't"
"Innocent until proven guilty mate"
"Guilty until proven innocent buddy!"
"You're pathetic"
"Oh go cry me a river"
"Go jump in a river"
"Go play with your mum"
"Do WHAT with my mum!"
"I dunno…play chess"
"Eff you James"
"Eff you Sirius"
"Fine"
"Fine" And the two boys stormed off in different directions, however they only got as far as Sirius' bed post before realising they both wanted to stay in the same place.
"I think you should leave"
"I was here first!"
"That's why you should leave; it's my turn to be in the dorm"
"We'll flip for it"
"Flip yourself"
"Fine then, you leave"
"Get out"
"That's not what your mum was saying last night"
"Stop talking about my mum!"
"You're right she's not worth it"
"My mums twice the woman your mum will ever be!"
"You mean twice the man"
"Don't say that about my mum"
"It's not her fault, I'm sure all women start growing moustaches when they reach her age. How old is she now? 85?"
"You little!" Sirius made to grab at James' neck but he ducked and Sirius got a fist full of curtain draping over his four poster bed.
"Catch me if you can OLD MAN!" James ran out of the dorm and down the stairs, stumbling a few times but carrying on anyway.
"Come back here Potter!" Sirius screamed, slipping on the fifth to last step and tumbling down, his cloak flying over his head and encasing him in a black ball on the floor. Muffled screams were heard from beneath the fabric but James didn't stay long enough to find out what they were saying. As he made a run for the portrait he knocked Lily's friend Ellie over and she fell back, over the arm rest, and landed, sprawled onto the sofa.
"Sorry!" He shouted at her as he opened the portrait hole and climbed through it. He realised once he was outside and nearing the lake that he was far away from Sirius and he wasn't following. He stopped running, out of breath, and slid down a tree, gasping in the fresh air.
"James?" He looked up; there in front of him was Lily Evans in all her glory, "are you ok?"
"I have to go" He said remembering that he was supposed to be ignoring her. He got up and with the rest of his energy, which wasn't a lot, he hobbled back to the castle.
"But James!" Lily was befuddled, two hours prior to this they were getting on fine, she was even considering taking him off her 'dislikes' list.
"Potter there you are!" Sirius shouted across the courtyard as James was slowly creeping back to the school; he was so worn out from avoiding both Sirius and Lily that he was resigned to crawling on his hands and knees. When he saw Sirius in the distance, pointing a finger at him, he quickly turned around and crawled back the other way.
"You, stay where you are!" He was screaming after him.
"Sorry Sirius, I have an appointment to make"
"POTTER!" This was enough for James; he got up from the floor and staggered away before he could be hexed into the next millennium.
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"Ellie, something strange is happening, I am being ignored by Potter"
"I thought that would be a good thing"
"Yeah of course…of course" Lily said quickly, "But still…I don't know why"
"Did you do anything mean to him?"
"No"
"Well…that is strange"
"So what do you think I should do about it?"
"I dunno…why do you want to do anything about it?"
"Oh I don't it's just…you know"
"Lily…are you upset that Potter is ignoring you?"
"I just don't like being ignored is all"
"Hmm, I think you might like him"
"Ha! Me? Like Potter? You must be Potty!" Lily laughed in a strained sort of way.
"That laugh is so fake!" Ellie squealed, "You fancy Potter!"
"No I don't!" Lily shouted at her friend.
"Geez Lily no need to go psycho on me I was only having a laugh!"
"Well it wasn't funny. I don't fancy Potter; he's just being a dick. He's already ignored me once today and now he's doing it again. It's starting to get on my nerves, like he's following some kind of list that tells him just how to wind me up"
"Don't be silly Lily, why would James be following some kind of list? He can get girls fine without one"
"Well maybe I'm different aren't I? And I never said anything about the list being to get me"
"Look Lily, if Potter continues to ignore you then why don't you just ignore him back?"
"Huh?"
"Act like you don't give a damn, look away when he looks at you, laugh at him like he has some giant spider crawling along his shoulder when in fact there's nothing there. Ruffle his feathers a bit, you know"
"Now Ellie, that's just mean, that's like manipulating someone"
"Oh you're too soft Lily; it's a fool proof way to get him to like you again"
"I DON'T LIKE HIM!"
"So…I just thought you liked the attention"
"Oh yeah, Attention…I like that"
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"Remus…Remus!" James was cowering in a dark corner between their Charms classroom and an empty broom cupboard on the fourth floor. Remus was walking casually through the corridor but stopped abruptly when he heard his name being called, "It's me, James"
"James?" Remus inquired, squinting his eyes in the dark, attempting to catch a glimpse of him.
"Is Sirius around?"
"James, what's going on?"
"I said is Sirius around?" James asked anxiously.
"No he's not, but why are you hiding in there James, you should really come out, if someone walks by and sees you they could think you're a peeping Tom or something"
"Ha, peeping Tom!" James laughed, "I got accused of being one of those last week"
"Why?"
"I watched the next door neighbour get changed each night"
"That's quite sick!"
"Nah she was gorgeous!"
"Just shut up James and come out"
"I'm not leaving until I know I'm safe!"
"What did you do James?"
"I…er…insulted Sirius' mum"
"Again?"
"Oh come on he insults my mum all the time!"
"Not really…"
"Well when he does, it really stings. At least his mums an old bag with a layer of hair in every place you wouldn't expect to find it, oh and with that weird crooked tooth in the shape of a unicorn horn, and oh, that incredible fungus on her feet I mean EUGH that is just disgusting"
"Erm James"
"And the way she says my name, and the way she spits on me while she says it"
"James"
"And her breath, WOO, smells worse than my Great Aunt Brenda when she hasn't been out of her bed for three months"
"JAMES!"
"WHAT?"
"We have company" James looked out into the light and saw a furious looking Sirius standing there with his arms folded and a hideous glare plastered across his face.
"Well…I guess it's time to go then…" James said lightly, "Bye!" Without another word and before Sirius could react he had raced from his hiding spot and jumped dangerously onto a moving stair case.
"WHEN I GET YOU POTTER I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU HURT SO BADLY THAT YOU'LL BE BEGGING MY MOTHER TO SHOVE ME BACK INTO HER WOMB!"
"Well at least you know you can fit up there, being as loose as she is" James said to himself, after all, he didn't want to give Sirius any more reason to kick his arse straight back home.
"Sirius…are you ok?" Remus asked cautiously.
"IM FINE! Can't you tell?" He screamed at him. Remus stepped back, stunned.
"Oh of course, how could I not have realised, you're beaming!" He said sarcastically. He rolled his eyes and strolled off to the Great Hall for dinner.
"Stupid werewolf" Sirius muttered.