Oh, Edward!
A/N : Sorry I haven't updated in a while! I'll explain in the bottom a/n. But for now, enjoy the chapter and don't forget to review!
"Oh, Edward! EDWARD!" screamed Bella between fits of hysterical laughter. I followed her insane giggles to the living room, where I saw her rolling around on the floor. Emmett was kneeling beside her with his back to me. I tuned into his thoughts, trying to figure out what was going on.
"…yeah, that's it. Call for your precious Eddie. But when he gets here and finds out why I'm tickling you, I'm sure he'll encourage me! He's a guy, he'll understand…"
"Emmett, don't even call me that in your head. And would you please tell me what my wonderful wife has done now?"
My brother jumped at the sound of my voice, but his blurry hands never left Bella's sides, knees, feet and neck. He was obviously enjoying himself, even though I could see fury and embarrassement in his eyes.
"She insulted my manhood, Edward! You can't expect a guy to just let that go!" he half-yelled.
I gave Bella a hard look.
"Bella, that's a low blow. There are lots of other ways to insult Emmett, you don't need to point out his manliness… or lack of it," I added as I whizzed by him and rescued my wife, who was by now crying with laughter.
As I settled her shaking body down on the couch, I turned back to Emmett.
"Now, how exactly did she insult you?" I asked.
I glimpsed a pink shirt being held at huge arms' length and a vision of a guy lying in bed before Emmett managed to picture his last hunting trip to the soundtrack of 'Bubbly' by Colbie Caillat. He knew I loathed that song.
"Emmett," I threatened, "if you don't tell me, I'll ask Bella to."
He glared at me, then Bella, before sighing in defeat.
"Fine. It all started in a land far, far away…"
"Emmett!"
"Jeez! I'm just joking. Okay, well it actually started about 10 minutes ago, right in this room.
I walked in wearing this pink shirt, and Bella said : What the hell are you wearing? Very ridely, I might add," he said with a dark look in her direction and an imploring one in mine. I nodded, and he continued.
"Anyway, I answered that only real men wear pink –"
"Yeah, just like 'only real men only sleep with other men'," muttered Bella from beside me. Well, that explained the guy lying in bed that Emmett had imagined.
"That's what she said! See! She did it again!" whined Emmett.
It all my self-control to keep from laughing right then and there. To take my mind off it, I examined my surroundings… and caught sight of the pink dress shirt that my brother was wearing. I held my breath to keep from laughing. And I did honestly try my hardest not to, but…
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA! EMMETT! WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF!" I roared with laughter. He looked shocked for a second, then glared at me with pure fake hatred.
"I thought you would be more mature than this, Edward. I guess I was wrong," he stated, nose in the air.
As I controlled my laughter unwillingly, I choked out my answer.
"You're also mistaken if you think you're gonna get with doing this to your shirt and not tell us about it."
He froze. We made eye contact.
"Never," he whispered.
"I'll get Jasper and Alice if you don't tell us now."
We hade a staring contest for a few minutes, but I finally stared him down.
"Fine," he spat.
He collapsed into a chair, looking weary. What was so embarrassing that he would fight so hard to protect?
We would find out soon enough, I imagined.
After what seemed an eternity, Emmett cleared his throat.
"It all started last night…
Rose and I had gotten into a small fight over – well, you don't need to know that. Anyway, it ended with her refusing to do my laundry for me – "
"Wait. You don't know how to do the laundry?" asked Bella. She seemed genuinely impressed.
"No, I don't. But that doesn't have anything to do with this story, Bella. As I was saying, I thus had to go and wash my own clothes. When I got to the washer and dryer, I just threw in all of our clothes –"
"Our?" I inquired.
"God, would you guys stop interrupting me? It's really annoying. But yes, our. I decided to wash Rose's stuff, too, thinking that maybe she would be less mad at me. Anyway, after I put the clothes in, I filled up the cap of the soap with the stuff and poured it in – "
"You filled up the whole cap?" asked Bella. She sounded nearly hysterical.
"Yeah. Duh. What, you don't think I would be able to do that?" he challenged.
"Emmett, were there bubbles everywhere when you got the clothes?" she asked.
"Yeah, and, by the way, that's not very convenient. I couldn't see what I was doing. But I bet you, being the laundry expert, could take out all the clothes through the bubbles without a problem," he sneered.
Bella simply shook her head, a look of disbelief and pity on her face.
"Emmett… you put way too much soap in. It's not supposed to overflow with bubbles. When you're done with your story, I'll give you a lesson in laundry 101."
Emmett simply stared at her. By the time he recovered, he seemed confused and scared.
"Oh, uh, thanks Bella. That's really nice of you. But I don't think Rose will let me near a washer ever again. See, because I threw all our stuff in at once, I guess the dyes mixed and turned my white shirt – the one I'm wearing now – pink. But that's not all. I sortakinda… dyed one of her favourite shirts this really ugly purple-brown-red color."
Bella and I stared at him in shock.
"Oh…my…God," whispered a voice. But it wasn't Bella.
I turned to see Alice and Jasper standing in the doorway, their mouths wide open. Alice had been the one to speak.
"Emmett, did this shirt have a lace trim around the sleeves and the bottom?" she asked.
"Um… hold on sec," he replied before disappearing. He was back a moment later, holding an extremely destroyed shirt.
There were strands of lace hanging from wher Alice had said it had existed. It was a horrible color, an indescribable shade of roanish-purple. It was wet in places, giving it the appearance of being stained several times. It was wrinkled and, if Emmett hadn't told us that belonged to Rosalie, I never would have guessed.
Alice, who had remained silent all throughout my inspection of the thing, stepped forward and took it from Emmett's hands.
She examined it carefully, turning it over in her hands, feeling the lace and scrutinizing the rips.
"Who here thinks this shirt is damaged beyond repair?" she asked.
I raised my hand, as did Bella, Jasper and Alice.
Emmett looked nervous.
"Can't you sew it together or something? Dye it?" Even as he spoke, Alice shook her head.
"There is nothing left to do… except tell Rose!" she cried, a huge smile spreading across her face.
"Tell me what?" came Rosalie's unmistakeable voice.
I was shocked. Alice had a known evil streak, but this… this was just mean. She didn't usually pull stunts like this. What was she doing?
As Rosalie walked into the room, Emmett grabbed the shirt fro Alice's hands and I heard a distinct ripping sound. I heard Bella inhale sharply.
"What was that?" asked Rosalie, observant as ever.
Bella stepped forward.
"Rose, I'm so sorry. I wanted to be nice, I thought I was helping you…"'her voice trailed off as she took a step closer to Emmett, and I saw her try to take the shirt from his grasp. But surprisingly, Emmett didn't let go.
He looked down at Bella, gratefulness in his eyes.
"Thanks, Bella. I appreciate the gesture, but I've got to be a real man." She grinned up at him sadly, and he took a deep, unnecessary breath.
"Will someone please tell me – " started Rosalie. But Emmett cut her off.
"Rose, I'm really sorry, but I wanted to cheer you up, so I tried to wash your clothes, but I put too much soap in, and I mixed our clothes together, and I totally messed it up, but it's the thought that counts…" he rambled on as he held out the shirt. Rosalie took it, looking it over, her face unreadble. To my annoyance, so were her thoughts.
She held up a hand, and Emmett shut up immediately. She turned to Alice.
"Is it irrepairable?" she asked.
Alice simply nodded.
Rosalie slowly looked up at Emmett. Then a huge smile lit up her face.
"Oh, Emmett! I love you! This shirt was horrible! A friend that I met in Europe gave this to me, and I hated it, but of course I couldn't get rid of it. But now, thanks to you, it's destroyed! And I never have to wear it again. Emmett, this is one of the best things that has ever happened to me!" She squealed in delight before throwing herself onto him and kissing him passionately. Emmett broke away to wink at us, before running off to their room.
I looked back at Alice.
"You knew?"'
She nodded, looking pleased.
"Had you going, didn't I?" she grinned.
Jasper looked at her with love-filled eyes.
"It's one of million reasons that I love you," he whispered, bending down to kiss her.
I quickly picked up Bella and brought her outside.
"You were going to sacrifice yourself for Emmett?" I asked, still impressed by bravery.
I could feel the heat from her cheeks as she blushed.
"Yeah. Emmett's my big teddybear brother. Plus, I knew Rose can't hurt the human," she joked.
I chuckled and slipped her around until she was facing me, though not touching the ground.
She tightened her legs around my waist.
"Don't worry, I'm not putting you down just yet. In fact, just the opposite," I whispered into her ear. As our lips touched, I enjoyed the moment asmuch as possible, losing myself in her warmth and love.
A/N : As promised, an explanation. Well, I've been pretty busy with school stuff. In fact, I should probably be doing a history project right now, but oh well! And also, I've been watching Youtube videos. If you want a laugh, watch smosh! They are hilarious!!! But before you do that, please review. I've been craving those dozens of emails from Fanfiction every time I update! So be a buddy, and press that little Go button down there! Review!