Chapter 15

It was now February. It had been the longest time that Remus had continuously been away. Tonks hadn't seen him since Christmas, and she was, more than ever, constantly worried about him. Her parents were growing continually more suspicious about her failure to ever bring him around for dinner. News of werewolf attacks, even apart from the full moon, were increasing.

One evening, Tonks was sitting with Molly before an Order meeting.

"Tonks, dear, are you feeling alright?"

"I'm as well as can be expected, Molly." She smiled wanly.

"Are you sure? I have the perfect casserole recipe that I'm sure would do you world of good. You have been looking peaky."

Tonks laughed weakly. "No offense, Molly, but I don't think there's any food that could make me feel better." The Weasley matriarch understood her meaning.

"It must be hard." She patted Tonks' arm. "But he did make it sound at the last meeting like he had done almost all he could. Maybe he can come home soon."

"I hope so. I think this mission's hurting him more than he would ever admit. I see it in his eyes sometimes. It's like he's starting to believe that he doesn't deserve other people's happiness." She sighed.

"Well, I'm sure you do you your best to convince him otherwise." Molly smiled fondly at her, and Tonks blushed.

"Yes, I do try." Just then, Order members began arriving. That night would be a rare meeting that Dumbledore would be able to attend.

The meeting got underway about 8:30 and was half way through when they heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Suddenly, Remus walked in the door.

He smiled slightly as everyone stared at him. "I found half a bottle of whiskey and gave it to Greyback, so he said that I should have a night out," he said in explanation and shrugged. He slipped into the space between Tonks and Sirius. Tonks entwined her fingers with his, which seemed frozen, under the table. She was just happy that he was there, but he was a little reticent at her touch.

After the meeting ended with Remus' impromptu report, he immediately dragged Tonks to the library. He seemed very nervous.

They sat on the sofa. She moved to kiss him, but he pulled away slightly. "Is something wrong?"

"Many things are wrong." She looked at him to elaborate. "I think…what I mean is…" She tried to hold his hand to reassure him that he could tell her anything, but, again, he rebuffed her. "I think we should break up." He spoke hurriedly, with a pained expression.

Tonks felt as if he had slapped her. "Why?"

"It's just too dangerous to continue." She began to protest, but she stopped when she saw the intensity of his gaze. "If Greyback ever found out, he would find you. He would tear you limb from limb. I couldn't live with myself if that happened."

"Remus, you've been underground for six months. He hasn't found out yet; there's no reason that he should discover us now."

Little did they know that Sirius was eavesdropping on them. He suspected that Remus would try this at one point. He silently applauded his cousin's reaction and the passion in her voice that would almost surely make his old friend see reason. If not, he was prepared to intervene.

"Look, they're growing more suspicious of me all the time. They might try to look into my past more deeply."

"Your breaking up with me would not erase the past year. If they found out that I have dated you in the past, they might still try to use it against you, even if we weren't seeing each other anymore." Remus grimaced at the thought.

"Okay, even if my being with the werewolves isn't a problem, I don't see why you've stayed with me as long as you have." She gaped at him; she was hurt that he trusted her feelings so little. "I have nothing to offer you. I'm old. I'm poor. And I could still hurt you." Sirius shook his head sadly at Remus' hang-ups. "You deserve someone young and whole, who can give you anything you desire."

"I thought we settled these reservations the last time we talked about our relationship. I love you. I don't want anyone else but you. Besides, Barry Pruce is 'young and whole," and rich. Do you think I should go out with someone like him?" she asked defiantly.

Remus frowned. "You know that's not what I meant. There are plenty of more suitable men who are not despicable, arrogant, hatred-inducing gits."

"It doesn't matter. If you want to break up with me because you don't love me anymore, then you'll just have to say it." She knew that this was not the case, but she was pretty angry now.

Remus stood and began pacing. "Of course, that's not the reason. I love you more than my life. That's precisely why I couldn't bear to see you hurt."

"Ending our relationship would hurt me far more than physical pain ever could." She stood also and cupped his face with her palms. He did not back away. "Do you realize that I've dreamt about our having children in the future?" She blushed as she realized that she may have said too much, but she looked at him steadily. Sirius had not thought that they were quite that serious, but thought that it was a good card to play because he knew that Remus had always wanted a family.

"Children?" Tonks nodded. "I can't say I've never dreamed about that. It's just…"

Reading his thoughts, Tonks said, "Being a parent anywhere, at any time is dangerous, Remus. It's never easy, but it's still worthwhile. Besides, I'm not thinking of having children soon, just sometime in the future, sometime in our future."

He smiled genuinely and draped his arms around her waist. "You really are a wonderful woman, Nymphadora." Sirius knew that Tonks had won her battle, so he slipped away to give them their privacy. "I just hope that I can live up to you and stop being a complete prat."

She smiled and her hair was bright pink again. "I think you'll manage." Her kiss left him in no doubt that he could somehow be what she wanted.