V – All Around Me
(Lyrics copyright Flyleaf)
My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you
He is beautiful. I reach for him with trembling fingers and they shyly brush against one of his reddened cheeks.
"What...?" he mumbles, turning his eyes away from me. I feel the heat from his cheeks on the palm of my hand.
"I love you," I say. His lips twitch in a soft smile.
"I know that," he replies gently.
This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you
I'm alive, I'm alive
The bedsprings creak. He turns to me, within my arms. He's so thin, so frail, but just to look at him, you would never be led to think that way.
"Hey."
"Hmm?"
"Are you happy to be alive?"
I blink. What an odd question... "I suppose," I shrug in response. "Why do you ask?"
He turns away, and I can hear the difference in his voice: "No reason."
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
There was something. Frowning to myself, I puzzle over his question: Are you happy to be alive? Well, I can't complain. My life didn't take the path I wanted it to, but I'm breathing, I'm with friends, I'm living together with the person I love; to me, everything's okay. I look at his back. His shoulderblades jut out like small, bony wings. So frail...
My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place
I touch the skin of his back, I feel him flinch beneath my touch. I've unconsciously hurt him. How have I come this far with you? That I can read your every thought, your every movement, glance, touch, word? It's like we are one being split into two bodies, and our attraction is the need for two halves to become whole. The power between us is so strong. So then, why are you mad? Is that what you wanted to hear? That you make me feel alive?
The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you
You complete me. We are two halves of a whole. Where you end, I begin. Without your love, there is no life for me. Without you, there is no me.
I'm alive, I'm alive
I roll him back over. He stares at me with dull eyes. Unfeeling eyes. I wince on the inside.
"Why can't you just ask me things directly?" I scowl at him.
He pouts, frowns, tries to turn away. "I did."
"No, you didn't," I pin his shoulders down so he can't run away from me. "Why can't you just ask me if I love you?"
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
"My hands always search for you. I'm always reaching for you. My tongue wants to say it loves you until it falls off."
He blinks. I plunge ahead.
"You make this fire in me burn hot and bright, letting me know that I'm alive, with you. I want to feel you all around me, breathe you in, hold you close, and savor every minute of every second of every single day that I am with you."
And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you
"Is that what you wanted to hear?" I ask him.
I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
There are tears rising in his eyes. He tries to lift his hands to cover his face and I don't let him. Instead, I lean down and kiss them away. The bittersweet drops wet my lips and I taste another essence of him. I lower my forehead against his neck, hold him close, and breathe.
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
"Idiot..." he whispers.
"Yeah," my voice is muffled by his skin and the pillows. Slowly, gently, his arms come around my back and draw me tighter against him. Our bodies fit seamlessly, smoothly together.
Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe
"Thank you," he says, and I feel it from the vibrations in his chest more than I can hear his words.
"Let me ask you, then," I turn my head so I can brush my lips against his cheek. "Are you happy to be alive?"
There is a pause. Then his arms tighten and I am crushed to him, robbed of breath. His embrace is powerful, weakening, comforting, loving. How can so much emotion fit into such a small container?
"Yes," he says softly. "I'm happy to be by your side."
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed