Quick Note: Man, I hate when this happens. I have a to-do list of all my literary tasks, which includes finishing this fic. Seeing as this should be easiest with the least to go (hehe, I know how it ends) I'm doing it first. Sorry about the holiday hiatus. That should be mostly over, though I might be a little slow until I get back into the swing of things.

Reviews, please! I'm being nice. You're top priority. So can't I have some reciprocal niceness? Here, I'm finally going to get out what happened before Sawyer left and why he did. By the way, has anyone figured out the title yet? I think I haven't gotten the message across as well as I wanted to, and to do so would require me writing an extra dozen filler chapters. So 'meh'.

--Okay, I know this isn't fair, the long hiatus. But I now own a computer with internet (where before I was using the family computer which was always in high demand). I have the story a chapter or two ahead, and I've been writing even though I couldn't publish until now.

Chapter Eleven

They had settled into a routine quickly enough. And only now did it seem entirely pointless. They would wake, eat a mango, walk, stop for lunch (more mango, or maybe papaya), walk some more, and finally look belatedly at their stash of mangoes before deciding to go to sleep without 'dinner'.

Where they were walking to wasn't actually somewhere. Running that thought through her head, Kate wondered if her sanity had been damaged over the past two weeks. Add to that: their destination wasn't anywhere until they knew where they wanted to end up. Which was the main problem.

They wanted to go back. They wanted to look for other survivors of the attack. They hadn't seen a soul. Even the animals of the jungle seemed to be avoiding them – maybe they understood Sawyer's complaints of hunger and desire for a real meal.

Suddenly Kate lifted her head, and sniffed the air. Sawyer paused.

"What is it?" he asked worriedly. A half-smile touched her lips for a moment, then it was gone.

"I think we've gone about as far south as we can," she replied. Leading the way, Kate followed the smell. In a few minutes, the pair stepped out onto a beautiful beach, which held the feeling of never being touched by human feet before. The sand was sparkling and white, the water a warm blue, and it was almost begging them to come and have a swim.

The old Sawyer would already be halfway down the beach towards it. The old Kate would be following, smiling wryly to herself. Now, they just stood and looked at it. Kate thought how perfect the spot was. How ruined they were. The horror and bloodshed and pain they had seen and inflicted.

"C'mon," she said, turning away. "We need to get moving." Moving to where, she didn't say, because she didn't know.

They slept that night in the shelter of a large stand of trees, situated next to a large rock face. It sheltered them from the wind, and hopefully from any potential attackers. They didn't keep watches – they knew it would never work. The time they spent walking each day, they needed the sleep. And they probably wouldn't be able to hear or see anyone coming anyway. Some nights they put together the efforts for a fire. Tonight they didn't bother.

Kate tried to remember when this had all started. This feeling of hopelessness and abandonment. It had been there before the beach had been attacked. That had sent her into shock, but hadn't harmed her. This was deeper. This was betrayal.

She knew, technically, what had caused it. But she liked to torture herself, going over it slowly. Only after she went through it each night could she bring herself to sleep. Sawyer was already asleep, so she knew he wouldn't wonder why she was still sitting up, looking into the darkness.

She sat in her tent, staring hard at the opposite wall. Another spasm ran through her, and for a few seconds she had to clench her teeth to stop from crying out. The pain was enormous. Like nothing she had ever felt before. It didn't twinge or stab, but every minute or so there would be a clenching in her gut that reminded her of someone wringing out a wet cloth. Stretch out, and twist...

She could guess what was happening. But she'd never known it was like this, so painful and damaging. She'd never even taken a test, to confirm her pregnancy. If she didn't know, she didn't have to tell anyone. Now, she realised, she'd never need to tell anyone. It was over before it began.

Probably for the best, Kate thought. Another cramp hit her and she bit her tongue, at the same time as she leaned forward, her hands clenching her abdomen. Please, please make it stop! She begged silently. Jack would probably have some sort of pain relief, if she asked him. Juliet might know how to work around the pain. Sawyer would hold her hand. Everyone else would sympathise with her and cast pitying looks. If she told them.

If. And no amount of pain was great enough to make her call for help. She'd never asked before and she wouldn't now. This was private, anyway. Not even Sawyer would know –

"Mornin', Freckles," came a voice outside her tent. She tried to call out, tell him not to come in (though he probably would anyway) but right then another wrenching cramp tried to turn her intestines inside out, and she had to fight hard not to scream.

"You okay?" Sawyer asked, pulling open the flap. Kate forced her body to relax, and in a moment of painlessness cast him a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired. Having a nap."

"Sitting up?" he asked, frowning. He was a good enough liar to know when someone wasn't telling him the truth.

"Mmm," Kate replied, already seeing Sawyer poking bowling ball sized holes in her story.

"And you're tired? You slept like a bear in hibernation last night, and I know cause you wouldn't wake up even when I poked you."

As he spoke, Kate felt another spasm run through her. It felt smaller. Less pronounced. Good, maybe it was settling down. More like a shaking dry than a wringing out.

"Well, I did have to deal with your snores," Kate said, trying to sound light hearted. The seeming dying-down of the pain allowed her to participate in their banter a little more effectively.

"What you talking about? I don't snore," Sawyer protested. Kate met his gaze evenly, ready to argue back, to convince him to leave her alone –

– But just then a colossal wave of pain hit her, ricocheting all the way from her groin to her chest. Her words turned into a grunt and then as she clamped her mouth shut, a hissing, pain-filled sigh. Sawyer started forward alarmed, the tent flap falling shut behind him. Then he looked back at it, seemingly making up his mind.

"I'm going to get Jack," he said, turning.

"No!" Kate gasped. Jack couldn't know. She would never ask him. Bad enough that Sawyer knew. "Just... go. Get out. Do NOT tell Jack."

This only confused and alarmed Sawyer further. He crouched down, hovering between questioning her further and disobeying her and getting Jack anyway.

The intense waves of pain passed, and Kate tried to smile at Sawyer. "Just a stomach ache. I'll be fine." He still didn't seem convinced, but she thought the worst of it might have passed and so she tried to act normal.

"You sure?" he asked. She nodded, and even forced herself to her feet. She began pushing him out of the tent, but then another cramp hit her and she doubled over. To stop herself from falling, she grabbed the closest object – Sawyer. She was now pushing him out and pulling him towards her at the same time.

"Kate!" he yelled, and lowered her down carefully. Suddenly his eyes widened and Kate cursed herself. He knew. "Kate, talk to me."

"Just go, Sawyer," she said again. But she knew he wasn't going to leave her. And she hated him for it.

"You're pregnant," he accused.

"No, I'm not," Kate replied harshly.

"You should have told me."

"Why? I didn't even know myself –" she cut off and grabbed her stomach. He sighed.

"We can't keep doing this. Keeping things from each other."

"Not now, Sawyer."

"It's never now."

Somehow, they both realised then. Whatever they'd had, however short it had been – it was over.

The sun was setting the next day when Kate came out of her tent. The cramps had settled down. She had eaten a little earlier. She hadn't let on that she wasn't feeling well, because Jack would almost certainly want to check on her. Speaking of...

"Maybe he's hurt. Or lost," Jack said. Few people around him seemed to care. Kate didn't have to ask who he was talking about.

"He's fine," she said. Jack looked over. She could sense his evaluation of her appearance – her hair wild, huge bags under her eyes. Luckily, he didn't say anything.

"Where is he? Sawyer? No-one's seen him since yesterday."

Kate didn't know for sure. But she had a fairly good idea, and she knew why.

"He's gone," she replied, turning away.

"Gone where?" Jack asked, looking more confused by the second. "Kate, what's going –"

"Gone. He's not coming back," she interrupted, and she had walked off before anyone could ask her anything more.

She lay on her bed and cried, for so many reasons she wasn't sure what was hurting the most.