Thanks for all your comments! And someone asked if I was from Atlanta - I'm not but realize some of the places mentioned are in Atlanta.
The darkness surrounded them as they stood with lighters creating pinpoints of light all around the Philips Arena. Rory laid her head back against Brian, who pulled her in against him. As David Bowie sang on stage, Rory could feel herself falling for Brian.
His whiskers scratched her temple as she tried to make sense of this. If she had seen him walking on the street, she would never have even pictured them together, but they were here, and somehow they fit. As unbelievable as that was. They fit. For this one moment she could pretend that they were the most perfect couple ever to grace the planet.
When the song ended, Brian pulled his watch up in front of her and looked at it. "Five minutes and counting."
She smiled as butterflies jumped into her stomach. A kiss at midnight. Their first. Her nerves sent shivers up her back as David Bowie plowed right into a pounding rock song.
"You cold?" Brian asked in her ear.
"A little," she said softly, and his arms tightened around her. The butterflies danced to the beat as Brian's body moved both of them. She tried to sing along, but the words kept getting caught in the realization that this was actually happening. Her mind started to trace the parts of her body that were touching his, but midway down her shoulder blades she stopped the tour.
"Hey Boston!" David said from the stage when that song ended. Instantly the arena went into pandemonium. "This is it. You're going to have to count down with me now. Ready? Ten, nine, eight…"
"Seven, six, five," Brian said behind her.
"Four, three, two, one," she said softly. "Happy New Year!"
On a cloud Rory felt herself spin around until she was face-to-face with Brian. "Happy New Year, Rory."
"Happy New Year Brian."
His hand on her back pulled her in to his lips.
OoOoOo
Logan tipped up his third beer of the night and took a long swallow as the ball dropped in Times Square.
"Thrilling. Absolutely the best New Years I've ever spent," he said, tipping the bottle to the television in a toast.
He looked over at the empty couch, and his mind went on a little fantasy of what would've been happening right now if she had come. His arm would be around her ever-so-casually as it would've been for most of the night. He would lean toward her, and she would look at him with that hint of fear in her eyes. Softly he would brush a stray highlight off her temple as trust replaced fear. 'Happy New Year, Ace. I love you.'
And then his lips would touch hers, and everything in his life would make sense again.
"Damn," he said, shoving the dream away from him as he hit the channel button. Once, twice, three times. Everywhere they were celebrating. It was totally nauseating. After five more channels, he hit the off button plunging the room into silence.
With an exasperated sigh, he stood, picked up the bottles from the table and carried them to the kitchen. When everything downstairs looked presentable again, he climbed the stairs to his room. It made no sense, but instead of trying to put her out of his mind, he went over to his stereo, pulled out his David Bowie CD and popped it in the player.
As the first strains of Suffragette City wafted out of his speakers, he flopped on the bed and pulled the pillow to him. If this was what New Years felt like without her, he never wanted to see another one as long as he lived.
OoOo
"Now, that was an amazing concert," Brian said as he leaned against her doorframe.
"It was great," Rory said, fumbling with her keys, the heat from his kiss still burning on her lips.
"So, I guess it's time to say goodnight."
"I guess." Forcing her hands to stop shaking, she pulled the right key out.
Gently he reached up and touched the side of her hair. "I had fun, you know?"
"Me too," she squeaked out, fighting to get the key to fit into the lock.
"No," he said softly. He took hold of her arm and turned her to him. The laser intensity of his gray-green eyes forced the shaking in her hands to invade her entire body. Suddenly the element of risk she associated with him jumped into her consciousness. "I really had fun."
His hands wound around her neck, and he pulled her lips to his. The first touch was soft, a request, but in a heartbeat, it became more like a demand. She fought to calm the rising panic that invaded her entire being as with both hands she pushed him away.
"I've got to go," she said, fumbling with the keys.
The intensity in his eyes turned to frustration. "I don't understand. I thought you said you had fun."
"I did," she said, feeling a dire need to escape through the door that opened with absolutely no help from her.
"So, what's the problem?"
"No problem. I just really have to go. I'm sorry, I'm going in. Goodnight," and with that she slammed the door in his face.
She half-expected him to knock, but he never did, and after several minutes she finally started breathing again as she moved away from the door, and went to get ready for bed. Except for the last few seconds by the door, it had been a good night. No, a great night. One of the best in a long time, and she was determined not to let that last memory overtake all the others.
David Bowie played through her mind as her body relaxed into the pillows. If she was truly new Rory, she would've invited him in, and right now… She chopped that thought in half. Nobody was worth reneging on the promise she'd made to herself and the unspoken pact with her mom. She'd almost made that mistake with Dean a few years ago, but was glad she didn't.
She had seen the devastation those relationships caused, and although she knew she might lose him if she stood firm, she knew if he didn't accept her wishes, he wasn't someone she wanted to be with anyway. But still she couldn't help but hope he was someone who would accept her – just the way she was.
OoOoOoO
"How much do you know about Rory?" Brian asked the next afternoon as the Sugar Bowl played on the television.
They had moved their newest model, a business-front, to the coffee table so the could watch and work at the same time.
"Enough." Logan said although the glue skipped a little further than he had intended. "Why?"
Brian shrugged as a puzzled look cross his face. "I don't know. It just seems like sometime we're doing really great, and then all of a sudden she shuts down. Things are great and then wham, she slams the door in my face."
"Well, what did you do?" Logan asked, not really wanting to know the answer except that where Rory was concerned he was willing to ask.
"Nothing," Brian said, perplexed. "We've had four dates now, and still nothing. I got two kisses last night, but I think that was more about it being New Years than anything. I just can't figure it out."
That was really more information than Logan wanted to know, and he had to shove the picture of the two of them kissing away from his heart. "Maybe she's only out for a good time. Maybe you just happened to be there."
"That's just it. All during the date, she acts like she really wants to be with me, and then at her door, it's like she can't get away from me fast enough."
Logan glued a tree down and held it there. "Have you talked to her about it?"
"No," Brian admitted with a sigh. "It just seems strange talking about it, you know? Usually it just happens – no talking necessary. Like with Mandy. I mean, we met, we danced, we went back to her place…"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Logan said, cutting him off. "And we know how well that turned out."
"True. I just wish I could figure out where Rory's coming from on this one."
"Talk to her," Logan said, wishing he could take a little of his own advice. "I'm sure she has a good reason."
OoOoOo
Logan and Rory ate lunch together the next afternoon, but nothing was said about her date of his solo New Years Eve. It just seemed safer that way.
"How's the ankle?" Logan asked when even the trees were louder than their conversation.
"Oh, great." She wound it around to prove it. "Thanks to this really great doctor I know."
"Oh, really? And who might he be?"
A half-smile played at the corner of her mouth. "You might know him. He's this guy I know. Just take my advice and don't let him talk you into the ice-hot torture. It's not worth it."
"It worked didn't it?" he asked, looking at her.
"Like I said, it's not worth it." She wadded her wrapper up and threw it into the trashcan. "You ready?"
"Sure." He stood at her side, and she started toward the elevators as he smoothed out his slacks and tie. His heart told him to just reach out to her, take her in his arms and say, 'Forget about Brian, I'm the one who loves you.' But he kept his distance. If friends was all she wanted, he would be happy with that. He would have to be.
OoOoOo
She wasn't surprised when Brian called to ask her out for Friday, what did surprise her was that instead of hitting a noisy club, he took her to Bushnell Park. Hand-in-hand they walked across the small wood chips to the swings as she did her best to figure out what was going on.
"Here you go," Brian said, holding a swing for her, and carefully she sat down, wishing her black jeans weren't quite so tight. "You good?"
"Yeah," she said, leaning back as he pulled her up and then swung her forward. In the dim amber light, it was difficult to remember that she wasn't actually flying. Once she was going full speed, he backed away and straddled the swing next to hers to watch.
"What's up? You chicken?" she said as she pulled her feet straight out in front of her and leaned all the way back.
"No, I'm just having fun watching you." He twisted in his swing as he leaned his face against the chain.
"You're missing out," she said, pulling her legs underneath her.
"No, I'm not."
The heat in his words flamed through her cheeks, and little-by-little she stopped pumping so that gradually her swing came to a halt by his side.
"What's the matter?" she asked with concern.
"You like me right?" he asked, and she heard the vulnerability in the question loud and clear.
"Yeah."
"So, why do you keep pushing me away?"
"Pushing you away?" She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I'm not pushing you away."
"Yes, you are. Every time we get to your door, you act like you can't wait to get away from me."
The chips at her feet crunched unseen as her lungs let go of every trace of air in them. "It's not you."
"That's hard to believe."
"No, it's really not. I just… It's me okay? That's just not what I want for my life."
"You don't want to have a little fun?"
"Not if it means jeopardizing my future."
"I don't understand."
"I know it's boring and old-fashioned but I don't want to do anything to ruin my chances of becoming a foreign correspondent. So I don't want to sleep with anyone until I know for sure we'll last." It was a statement she had never made out loud to anyone.
"So you're saving yourself for marriage?" he asked, puzzled, and she felt him pull away from her.
"I'm sure you don't understand. I mean I'm sure you're got girls falling all over you. Beautiful girls. Girls who don't think anything of jumping into bed when presented with the opportunity. But I'm not one of those girls – in more way than one."
"What does that mean?"
"It means this is all a sham," she said, holding her hands out to the sides. "That night we met, that wasn't me."
"It wasn't?" he asked slowly. "Okay, now I'm really confused."
"It's just… I'd had my hair done on a bet with a friend, and those clothes were more about putting on an act than how I normally dress."
His gaze burned through her. "But since then?"
She took a long breath and then shook her head. "When I met you and you seemed interested, I knew you wouldn't like the real Rory, so I kind of buried her under these clothes, hoping you wouldn't figure it out." Her swing twisted in the breeze as she sighed. "I know it wound rotten. It 's just that it was nice for someone to finally be interested in me, I guess I got carried away."
"So, you chanced your life around to… impress me?"
She laughed a little at that. "Yeah, I guess so. But I really didn't expect you to call again."
"Why not?"
"It just doesn't happen," she said, and the ache she thought she'd buried tore through the words.
"Rory." Brian's hand reached through the darkness and brushed her arm.
"No." Unsteadily she stood from the swing and started across the park, not really going anywhere other than way from the Rory she hated.
"Hey," Brian said, jumping from the swing and jogging to catch up with her.
"Look, I'm not stupid," she said, fighting the tears, "you expected one thing, and you got another. If you want to walk away right now, I'll understand. Hell, I wouldn't even blame you, I'm not sure I would stay."
"Now just stop right there." He reached out and arrested her flight. In a breath she found herself only inches from him, the tears of all the rejections in her past coursing down her cheeks. "Just because this is a little new for me doesn't mean I'm not willing to take it at your pace. We can go slow if that's what you want."
She shook her head. "But that's not what you want."
He shrugged. "It might be a nice change of pace."
"You're lying," she said, wiping the water stream from her cheeks.
"No, really I'm not."
Then she felt his hands slide from her arms, and he turned and started away fro her. Quickly she turned her own steps to catch up with him. Wordlessly they walked in lockstep, neither saying a word.
"I was supposed to be engaged by now," he finally said quietly as his feet kicked their way through the grass. "Dave didn't give me those David Bowie tickets. I bought them two months ago. I was planning to take Mandy to the concert."
Her heart filled her chest until she couldn't breathe.
"I was going to propose right after it." He walked several more steps over to a small bench and sat down. "Pretty lame, huh? I had the ring and everything, and then that night we met in the mall… I already knew I was going to prose then, but when I saw you… man, this sounds bad, but I never really thought about Mandy."
"You never thought about her?" Rory said incredulously. "But…?"
"Exactly." Brian shook his head in disgust. "The truly bad part is I really thought I was in love with her – I mean real love – the kind everybody dreams about. It wasn't until I saw her with that jerk at Kaya and then I saw the look on your face that I knew I'd really screwed up."
"So why didn't you go back to her?" It was a question that had hounded Rory since she'd first seen the bottle of Eternity on her desk.
"Because it wasn't real. Mandy and I had a great physical relationship, but that was about tit. Taking things slow was never I her vocabulary, and I guess it wasn't in mine either." He leaned back against the park bench and looked up into the ambient light painting the sky. "I don't think Mandy and I talked this much in all the time we were together combined. It's kind of nice."
Rory smiled. "Yeah, it is."
Hesitantly he turned to her, slipped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her head to his shoulder. "We'll go as slow as you want to. Okay? And don't worry about me, I'm pretty resilient."
As her eyes closed, she nodded and prayed that was the truth.
OoOoO
Brian and Rory had gone out every Friday and Saturday since The Plan had begun, and it was all Logan could do not to spontaneously combust every time Brian walked out the door. Over and over again Logan told himself they were too different and sooner or later they would come to that conclusion, and when they did, he would be there waiting to pick up the pieces of her shattered world.
For the hours when Brian was gone, Logan would put David Bowie on his ipod and wish that she was in his arms instead of Brian's. If only he and Brian weren't getting along so well, he'd just punch Brian's light out, sweep Rory off her feet, and carry her away. But the only time Logan really hated Brian was when he walked out the door to be with Rory. Every other time, it was as though they were long lost brothers, separated only by some horrible mix-up in the hospital.
In fact they had started decorating the living room with models they'd completed. While they worked, they mostly talked about football or business plans, but on a few occasions the topic had turned to Rory, and Logan's heart always found a watch to change the subject.
Mental pictures of them together were killing him. The worst part was that he could see the change I her everyday. She looked stronger, more confident, and more beautiful than she ever had, and Logan couldn't decide if that was because of Brian or because he'd finally stopped long enough to look.
It was the last week in January when Logan had helped with five models that he finally got curious enough to ask how to do a layout.
"Come on, I'll show you," Brian said, and together they were up to Brian's computer set up in his room. He sat down at the desk, and in seconds the computer was up and running. "Tunes."
With two clicks of the mouse, The Loneliest Guy cut right through Logan, and instantly he regretted asking about layout.
"Okay, basically, you look at the space. Usually you start with some kind of physical layout. Say for example there is a gasoline here and an existing set of trees here. It depends on what you're designing, but you need to plot out all the existing features first." He drew in a few more things and leaned back in the chair. "Then you just conceptualize the space in your mind. On here it's pretty easy to see how things will work or not work."
He clicked the mouse, and suddenly there was a fence with bushes in front of it. "Let's say you want a pond here, you just click over here, and lay it out where you want it." Instantly the pond appeared. "then you can lay a bridge over it." Click. Click, and the bridge appeared. "Most modern stuff is designed with very flowing lines. Think circles rather than straight lines."
Logan hadn't really thought about it, but with that bit of information, he suddenly saw a major component of all Brian's models.
"That's about it." Brian clicked a few more times, adding flowers and a small ornamental tree. "You want to try?"
"Sure," Logan said, wishing the song on the computer wasn't tearing his heart out. Carefully he sat down and took hold of the mouse.
"Just pick up some things and click and drag them around. Get used to it."
One click at a time, Logan worked, putting in and taking out trees, flowers, steps, bushes, fences. "Cool."
"Now, when you get something you like," Brian said, taking the mouse from Logan's hand, "you can click here, and get an elevation view of your design, see how it looks from the ground." The screen shifted. "Then you can spiral around it to get a look from different angles."
"That's unbelievable," Logan said truly fascinated. Logan resumed control of the mouse as Brian sat back and watched. "So how do you know which plants go where? Like that tree you didn't want."
"The elm?"
Logan nodded even as he continued working with the layout.
"I wouldn't put a Chinese Elm anywhere, but putting them next to a walk or next to lines is defeating the purpose."
"Why?"
"Their root system doesn't understand stop. They burrow through everything looking for water. You hear about sewage lines being clogged with tree roots a lot. Chinese Elms are some of the worst trees for that. That's one of the reasons you want to know about as much of the existing physical aspects of as it before you start designing. That way you can avoid landscaping something into a suicide trap."
"Interesting, and you learned all this in school?"
"Most of the computer stuff, but the plant stuff you've just got to work with. Learn the plants, make a few mistakes, and not keep making the same ones again."
"Huh." The mouse clicked as 'Can't Help Thinking About You' pounded through the speakers. "And how long have you been doing this stuff?"
"I got into it when I was about 12. I went to work mowing lawns over the summers like a lot of kids, but I guess it just stuck. I could spend hours out in a flowerbed weeding and pruning and deadheading. It was fun."
"Fun." Despite the day they'd had shoveling walks, Logan still couldn't picture himself elbow deep in a flowerbed.
"Just wait, you'll see."
OoOoOo
"Okay, I know you're learning all about football from Brian so who do you have?" Logan asked, swinging into Rory's cubicle on Thursday before the Super Bowl.
"Titans, 9; Giants, 8," she said proudly.
"You lucky girl." He slid into the chair and reached for the donuts perched atop her desk. "You mind?"
She waved him off. "So what do you have?"
"Titans, 2; Giants 1," he said mournfully before biting into his donut.
"My sympathies." She curled her hands onto the desk and leaned forward. "It could be worse, you could have 5."
"35. 35 is doable."
"12? That's four field goals." The look of disgust on his face made her laugh. "Hey it could happen."
"With Dawson kicking? Not in this lifetime." He grabbed another donut. "So, what are you and Brian doing for the big game "
Rory shrugged. "He talked about going over to the Sports Grill, but that's not really our scene. You know?"
Logan sat digesting his donut as the clock on the wall ticked off the seconds. "You guys could always come over to our place if you want."
"Oh, I don't know," she said hesitantly. "I'd hate to put you out."
"The game's going to be on my TV anyway, so you wouldn't be putting me out."
She smiled at him sadly. "I'll talk to Brian and see what's going on."
"Okay," Logan said softly as he looked down at his fingernails. "But think about it, okay?"
"I will."
OoOoOO
By the time Brian picked her up on Saturday night for the movie, Rory had been over and over Logan's invitation ten thousand times. On the one hand, she knew she couldn't stay away from Logan's place, and by logical progression, Brian's place forever, and yet spending time with both of them at the same time might send her coping mechanism into hyper-overdrive.
"Two for Winter Sky," Brian said at the ticket window and then stepped back and took her hand. "You want popcorn?"
Rory shook her head. "I'm not really hungry."
"You're not hungry?" Brian said, raising his eyebrows. "Okay. Here hang onto these, I'll be back." He handed her the tickets and disappeared into the crowd.
She had to ask him. Somehow she had to find a way to ask the question that she herself couldn't answer. Being here with Brian was a dream come true for her, and the last thing she wanted to do was jeopardize that. More than that, however, she didn't want to make Logan feel uncomfortable.
Ever since she and Brian had been going out, a wall had gone up between her and Logan. Before, they had been able to talk about anything, but every time she brought up the subject of Brian, a cloud formed in Logan's eyes, and so after awhile, she had simply stopped bringing the subject up.
"Ready?" Brian asked, striding up to her and offering her an elbow because both hands were full.
She smiled at him and pushed the questions to the back of her mind. Now she would enjoy this time. Later she would deal with the questions.
OoOoO
"You've been awful quiet tonight," Brian said at her apartment door as he held both of her hands in his. He leaned down to get a better look at her face. "Something wrong?"
"No. I just… I was wondering. Umm, Logan invited us to spend the Super Bowel at your place tomorrow night, and…"
Relief flooded through his face. "Cool. You told him yes, right?"
She looked up at him and smiled. "I didn't know what to tell him."
"Well, do you want to go over there?" he asked as uncertainty jumped into his eyes.
"Yeah. I just wasn't sure you did."
"It's my place, why wouldn't I?"
"No reason," she said, shrugging and wishing her heart didn't feel like it was standing in front of a speeding truck. "I guess I'll be there at three?"
"Sounds good," Brian said and leaned in to kiss her only once. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"
She nodded as he let her hands drop. With one more smile, he turned for the stairs, and her heart fell. He had been the perfect gentleman, putting her wishes in front of his own. If she had asked for the most important things in a mate, she couldn't have gotten anyone more perfect than Brian, and yet, something was missing. Some piece that she couldn't quite figure out.
Shaking the feelings away, she turned and opened her door. Why can't I ever just be happy with what I've got? he's great, you're great together. Be happy and move on. But to her heart, it wasn't that simply because it wasn't Brian she wanted, and it never would be.
A/N: I hope it doesn't seem like I'm dragging it out to much, for those who want Rory and Logan together right away. But I think stories are better if Rory & whoever end up together because they are right for each other, not because they're dating jerks (does that make sense?) Anyway, please review!