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All day Saturday as they worked side-by-side finishing up her mother's yard, she watched him, imprinting every move, every glance, every touch for Monday morning. Somehow she hoped it would make it not hurt so badly when she walked in and the cubicle next to hers was empty. Somehow, but even as she thought it, she knew it was a lie. Nothing could make that feeling any better.
"Oh, it's so beautiful," Lorelai said, pushing through the backdoor and then ducking back into the inn. "Sookie! Sookie, you've got to come see this!"
Sookie came out onto the patio as her and Lorelai stood, taking in all their hard work. Tears stung Rory's heart as she felt a sense of accomplishment.
"The soaker hoses are out," Brian said, standing from the walk where he had just finished brushing the excess concrete from the last stone. "So all you'll have to do is turn the water on and off."
"Oh and there are rosebushes," Sookie said, dragging Lorelai across the lawn to the fence edge, "and a real garden! We can plant a few radishes and carrots and tomatoes; maybe even give Jackson a run for his money. Oh I love it!"
Lorelai smiled as she hugged Rory. "Well I am certainly impressed. I might just sleep out here tonight," she continued, sitting down in the little swing. "It's so peaceful."
Rory smiled as the tears prickled her eyes. She was glad she'd had a hand in doing something to make her mom and Sookie so happy; and she had the chance to leave her own mark on the Dragonfly. At that moment, she felt Logan's hand brush hers, and like grabbing for a lifeline, she pulled it into her own.
Although the short-term looked bleak, she had no trouble at all picturing them sitting in their own backyard years into the future. It would be heaven on earth.
OoOoO
Never in her life had she dreaded something so completely, and suddenly it was upon her. Monday morning. April Fool's day, and for all the rationalizations of her brain, she wished that all this was just one, big, unfunny joke.
Feeling his absence like a wet blanket, she stepped off the elevator and kept her head up as she walked past the sympathetic glances of her coworkers. Somehow she would gee through today, and then somehow she would get through tomorrow. One day at a time until somewhere down the road it wouldn't feel like a thousand tiny needles were being shoved into her heart.
She slipped into her office, forcing the tears to stay down. Carefully she dropped into her chair, and pulled the first stack of notes her hand chanced onto. Just get on with it. Keep walking. Don't think, and maybe you're heart won't shatter into a million pieces.
"Miss Gilmore?" a man asked as he suddenly stepped into her office and she jumped.
"Yes?" But the word lodged in the center of her throat when she looked up and saw the bouquet of daisies, gladiolas, and tiny pink carnations he was holding.
"These are you for, Ma'am." Carefully he transferred them into her hands, and then handed her the card with a smile. "Have a nice day."
"Th-thanks," she squeaked out, but he was already gone. In a daze she looked down into the flowers and pulled them to her to smell their fragrances, which met somewhere in the middle of the bouquet in perfect accord.
Her fingers opened the card even as her other hand held the bouquet.
'I am with you always, now and through all eternity to come. With all my love, Logan.'
And in one breath the tears came.
OoOoO
When she regained enough composure, she walked down to the bathroom, filled the vase with water, and set the flowers in it. It was strange, but it really did make her feel better. The telephone picked that moment to ring, and off-handedly she answered it, still gazing at the incredible bouquet sitting on her desk. "Features, this is Rory."
"Well, hello, features this is Rory," Logan said, and she smiled.
"Hello, you."
"I just wanted to make sure everything's going okay."
"Yes, it is. In fact, I just got this unbelievable bouquet."
"Oh, really?" he asked innocently. "From whom?"
"From the most amazing guy I know."
"Huh. You'll have to introduce me sometime."
She smiled. "So, why are you calling me?"
"Just wondering what you're doing for lunch."
"Sandwich and chips." Her heart turned over thinking of sitting under the canopy of trees alone.
"Want some company?"
"Do you have to ask?"
OoOoOO
"Hey Ace," he said, slapping the side of her wall at five 'til noon.
When she looked up, every thought other than him screeched to a halt. Gone were the starched shirt and the loafers. They had been replaced by a nice t-shirt and jeans, and she knew it was an image she could definitely get used to.
"Nice flowers," he said, stepping over to her desk and admiring them.
"Yeah, I thought so myself." Slowly she stood, crossed past her desk, and folded him into her arms as their lips met. Instantly white-hot flames engulfed her as she pulled her to him hungrily. After a forever of holding him, she backed away enough to arrest the passion flowing between them. "You know, I think I'm glad you quit."
"You're glad? Why?" he asked, pulling back and looking at her in confusion.
"Because I kind of like you like this."
"Like what?"
"Like this," she said, and she pulled his lips to hers again. In all her fantasies about what it would be like if he walked in and did exactly this, it had never been this perfect.
Slowly he pulled himself back. "You know, if we don't go get lunch, I'm thinking we're going to wish there was a door here – if not a ceiling ."
She laughed even as one part of her said that would be all right. "Fine, if you can't handle it."
"Oh, I can handle it all right." His hand wrapped tightly around her waist. "I can handle anything you want to give me."
Her eyes sparkled as she gazed up at him. "Don't be so sure about that."
OoOoOo
The sandwiches were gone, and they sat, just enjoying the time they had left together.
"So, what are we doing this weekend?" he asked, leaning back on the bench, his thumb rubbing circles on her shoulder.
"Why? You got something in mind?"
"I just thought you might come over. I could make some Tahitian Chicken, and we could put on a cd, and we could have our own little party."
"Tahitian Chicken? What are you expecting a full moon?"
He smiled invitingly. "Actually I consulted my calendar this morning, and I called North Carolina earlier."
"The tides?"
With a smile he nodded, "They're out. So, what do you say?"
"I say tell me what time, and I'll be there."
OoOoOo
With one more check of the napkins and the candles, Logan brushed off the main light, plunging the room into a glow of soft candlelight. Everything was in place. Not just in the apartment, but between the two of them. He felt it, and he knew she did too.
Brian had gone out for the evening, ducking out with the words, "Don't worry. You can have the apartment to yourself. I'll just crash at Dave's tonight."
Although Logan was grateful, the look in Brian's eyes brought back a familiar ache. If only Brian could just find someone as wonderful as Rory. Someone who loved him as a friend fist, and then…
The doorbell rang, and quickly Logan checked his hair in the mirror one more time. With a deep breath, he swung the door open, and then the last piece fell into place.
"Hello, you," she said, from behind an enormous bunch of flowers.
"Hi." His eyebrows went up as she held them out to him.
"For you."
"For me? Flowers?"
She shrugged. "I had to find some way to use the vase, it was looking all sad on top of my television."
Carefully he lifted the bouquets and the gold-leafed crystal shone back at him. "But it's your vase."
"Yea, well, I figured loaning it out this once wouldn't be a crime."
"Well, thanks." He turned the flowers and met her lips on the way up.
"You're welcome." She followed him into the apartment and shut the door.
The table sparkled in the faded light, and she stepped to it as he placed the flowers in the center of it and looked at her.
"Nice," she said appreciatively.
As his nerves threatened to overwhelm him, he strode into the kitchen and banged the pans around a little more than he wanted to. Even his movements screamed how unbelievably nervous he was.
"I hope you like broccoli." Another pan lid clattered sending his nerves scattering again.
"I'm sure I'll love it," she said softly, and something told him she wasn't just talking about broccoli.
OoOoOo
As they sat over the candlelight dinner, Rory cocked her head to one side. "So, how's work going?"
"Good. I got final approval on Mrs. Helsley's sketches today, so we're starting on that tomorrow."
She nodded. "And how many others do you have lined up?"
"Three, but I got another call this morning about one at Buckhead."
"Buckhead?" she asked in amazement.
"Yeah, I think I'll wear my jacket and tie for that one."
"I'd recommend it," she said, taking a sip of water. "So what does Brian think about all of this?"
"Well, if we get any more orders, he's thinking about quitting with his Uncle Jack."
"Then what?"
Logan shrugged. "Then we shift from temporary to permanent. Take out a loan, get our own equipment, set up shop."
"Easton and Huntzberger?"
"Design and Landscaping." His happiness spread from his heart to her smile. "We design and plant your dream."
OoOoOO
When all the dishes were cleared away, Logan took her hand and pulled her into the living room and onto the couch. Gently he rested his arm around her shoulders.
"So, how's your work?" he asked, gazing at her profile as she nodded.
"I'm getting by." She leaned back against him and brushed her hand across his shirt. "But it's still really weird."
"I can imagine."
They held each other motionless for a long time.
"I'm glad you're happy," she said. "You deserve it."
"I don't know about that. I was the idiot who almost let this slip through my fingers."
"But you didn't. That's what's important."
She turned her face up to his, and although every piece of him wanted nothing more than to pull her to him, he remembered what Brian had said about taking it slow.
"You want to dance?"
"Dance?" she asked, following him as he stood. "But there's no music."
"Does there need to be?" he asked softly.
He offered her his hand, and she stepped into him. Her hand lay effortlessly against his heart, and he folded his own hand over hers.
So many nights he had sat here, wondering what it would fee like to have her in his arms. So many times he had told himself to give up the dream because he would never have it, and now suddenly here he was in the middle of it. No matter what, he would be there for her. He would always hold her in his embrace.
Their bodies moved in perfect sync with the imaginary music and with each other. Slowly, they moved, guiding and then following, following and then guiding, with no questions, no hesitation.
Slowly Logan stopped moving and he pulled away from her just enough to be able to see into her eyes. "I love you Rory. You're the one I've been looking for forever."
She smiled into the fading light. "I love you too. I have ever since the day I saw you at the Courant."
"Draped over your desk with a computer in your hands."
She nodded. "I just never thought I had a chance with you."
"You have more than a chance." Control slipped away from him as he bent his lips to her neck and met the soft skin there with a moan. All of her would never be enough. Eternity itself would never been enough. The want pulsing through him told him that with perfect clarity. "I love you Ace."
Slowly his lips slid further down until they pushed past the v at her neck, and suddenly he felt her stiffen and push away.
"Logan, no."
"What?" he asked in confusion, even as he felt the emptiness of her departure from his arms.
"I can't do this," she said, backing away from him, and the panic was in her eyes.
"What?"
"I can't." she said brokenly
"Rory." He reached for her, but she evaded his grasp.
"No!" In wild-eyed fear she fled around the couch for the door.
But letting her go wasn't an option, in four steps he caught her at the door, and braced himself against it to prevent her flight.
"Let me go," she said, looking pleadingly past him to the door.
"No," he said with a simple shake of his head and then he took a breath to calm the pain in his own soul. "Not until you tell me why."
Her whole body was quaking with the unshed tears. Gently he reached out to her, and this time she didn't run. He took hold of her arms, but instead of the couch, he led her to the stairs and sat her down on the second one up. "Talk to me."
She looked at the floor two steps down. "I… can't."
"Yes, you can." He sat, watching her. "Whatever it is, you can tell me, and you aren't leaving before you do."
Her eyes fell closed as she fought against the onslaught of tears.
"I'm right here, and I'm not leaving – no matter what." His words reached across the chasm between them. "Whatever it is, you're not alone. We'll deal with it together."
"I already told you about it. My whole life, I've caused my mom so much trouble," Rory choked out through the tears. "She got pregnant at sixteen and I don't think my grandparents have ever truly forgiven who for how much she disgraced them. Not to mention my dad's parents."
Logan's head furrowed. "Rory…"
"No, Logan," she interrupted, and the dim light flickered off the single tear that slid down her cheek. "All the fights and snide comments we've endured, it's all because my mom had me. It's my fault."
"Your fault?" he asked as a multitude of questions crashed into his mind. He watched as she curled further and further into a tight ball of fear and sadness.
"If my mom hadn't gotten pregnant with me, she could have gone to Yale and my dad could have gone to Princeton. She wouldn't be a disappointment to my grandparents and maybe her and Chris could have gotten married later. There's just so much that would have been different," the pain screeched across her face as her chest heaved with tears.
"I remember one night at my grandparents, Chris' parents were there too. They were all so upset, shouting at each other. They said mom derailed my dad's life by having me. She drug him down with her…"
Slowly he slide across the step to her side and pulled her in to him. Her sobs echoed in the room as he bent and brushed her hair with his lips. He was here, that's all that he had to do.
"They started screaming and yelling and I just stood there and did nothing. I stood there, and watched them criticize my mom, and I didn't say anything."
"But you're not responsible for their actions, or your dad's."
"And over the years, I always thought they would work it out. They could get together and we could be one happy family. But when he finally did and they had the chance to be together, we found out his girlfriend was pregnant." She clung to him as though her very existence depended upon it.
"They broke up. After he came to my grandparent's house looking for us, we never saw him again."
He pulled her closer.
"He wasn't there for my high school graduation or when I graduated from Yale. He wasn't there to go to my debates and he didn't call on my birthdays."
"Rory," he whispered as his eyes fell closed.
"But I love my mom. She is all I really need, and growing up, we depended so much on each other. But I still would have liked to have my dad around…"
He pulled her closer.
"So after he left us for the last time, right then and there, I swore I would never trust any guy that far. Never."
Logan let the words hit his heart. He needed to feel her pain, to understand it, because more than life itself he wanted to help her through it, but he couldn't do that from above her – he had to get down into the pit that she was in, take her hand, and together they would find their way back out.
The first thing he had to do was get as honest with her as she had just been with him. "You know, I always thought waiting was stupid. I mean, big deal, so you sleep with somebody. You get what you want, she gets what she wants, and everybody's happy. You knew me at Yale."
A blonde lying naked in a purple bedroom flitted across his mind, and even as he held Rory, the regret for that mistake twisted his heart. "But it was never about love for me. It was about self-satisfaction.
"It was just a way for me to pass the time. I can't explain it exactly, but I was looking for something to fill this big, gaping hole in m heart. When Mandy and I were together, for a few brief moments, that hole felt full, but it never lasted."
Softly Rory laid her hand on the middle of his chest. "And now?"
His smile came easily then, and he pulled her loser. "Connecting with you, letting you into my world, and you letting me in. That's real. And when we sleep together, it won't be out of self-satisfaction or because I'm bored. It'll be because we are together, bonded, cemented together forever."
He wrapped one leg over hers, and she snuggled against him in perfect trust. The light fell across them as their bond solidified.
"Thank you for listening," she said softly after a few moments.
"Thank you for telling me about what's going on."
"You don't think I'm old-fashioned?" Rory asked.
"No, I think you're perfect." Slowly he tightened his hold on her as his head slipped back to the stair post.
OoOoOo
When the candles had burned down to almost nothing, he stood and led Rory to the door.
"I love you, you know that?" he asked, wrapping her into the security of his embrace again.
"I know," she said, with a smile. If all the rest of life was a lie, she knew with no question whatsoever that this was the truth. "I know."
I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter... I hope to have the last chapter up by the weekend. Please review!