So, I've updated the second chappie! rejoice Please review!

Silent Love: Spottedleaf

Wow… that was the most unexpected event I expected. He had to come into the Clan. The first time I saw him, I knew I'll grow to like him as a friend. The first time he set his eyes upon me, I knew he would be a special cat to me. The first time I talked to him, I knew I had fallen in love.

Firepaw.

I have always been watching him, from apprentice to warrior, from warrior to deputy, and finally to leader. Yet, I still loved thinking of him as Firepaw, the young apprentice of ThunderClan who was always wanted to prove himself.

Fire will save the Clan.

As soon as Bluestar named him Firepaw, I knew straight away who it was. I wanted to warn him of the prophecy, and I did. But in a ghostly kind of way. I don't know what had gripped me at that time, but something had washed over my body and I didn't know what I was doing. I was talking like some dead cat from StarClan. Even in that state, I could still hear my own voice, echoing vaguely in the back of my mind. It was creepy even for me, but I inserted casualty into my voice as soon as I became normal. The look in Firepaw's eyes at that time was priceless. It was an innocent confused look mingled with wonderment. But no matter how hard I searched, there wasn't a single trace of fear in his green gaze.

I loved him so much that it hurts to know how much barriers there are between us. A thought entered my mind, so unbelievable that I winced. I thought perhaps, I shouldn't have entered the path of a medicine cat. Love can do such thing to a cat that falls in its trap.

I had felt myself desperately slipping into insanity, as I longed for Firepaw and at the same time, wanted to fulfill my duty to StarClan and ThunderClan. I wished there was another cat like me, who shared my dilemma. But if there was, I didn't find out.

Why must things be so tough for me? I am always struggling to put on a gentle and wise front but I'm a totally different cat inside. I'm always pondering of what to do with Firepaw and my own duties.

Then, one day, StarClan answered my prayers in the wrong way. I could still remember that moment.

"Back off!" I hissed, feeling fear building up in me as I took in the other warrior's features. He was well-built, with hard muscles rippling underneath and teeth bared. I began to take a step back uncertainly. That was certainly the wrong move, because triumph entered the ugly tom's face. "Scared, aren't you?"

Before I could reply, he had leaped on me. I could do nothing. Herbs are my forte but I can die under an apprentice's claws quite easily. And this opponent is not an apprentice.

He had me pinned down within heartbeats and his unsheathed claws gleamed with water droplets. I struggled aimlessly and managed to catch a tuff of his brown fur. But that is all I could do. I felt so useless as the warrior slashed my throat. Excoriating pain hit me as blood rushed out. My sight began to fail and I felt colder than I ever felt in any leaf-bare. As darkness wash over me, and StarClan's whispers sounded in my ears, thoughts ran through my mind in a frantic rush.

Firepaw… I love you… goodbye.

Now as I watch Firestar through the starlit pool in StarClan, I felt a rush of pride. He made it. He had saved the Clan through my guidance.

I often pondered what would have happened if I hadn't died. Leafpool and Squirrelflight would be my kits. But I thought of all the advantages battling the disadvantages.

If I hadn't died, Sandstorm would be left in a life of misery. Leafpool and Squirrelflight would be replaced by my own kits. I would have broken the warrior code. ThunderClan would never have Yellowfang as a medicine cat, nor Cinderpelt or Leafpool. The chosen cats would still go on their perilous journey but there would be no Squirrelflight for Brambleclaw to fall in love with. Everything would have been different for ThunderClan and Firestar. Everything happens for a reason. Same applies to my death. This is fate.

I still wish I could be with Firestar, but watching over him as a StarClan spirit eased the pain. At least I still get to protect the cat I loved. He is older now, and the noble leader of ThunderClan. I had predicted this day would come. He needs to be on his own. So I had stopped entering his dreams.

However, I still continue guiding his kits. Even though they are not mine, I still feel a sense of affinity towards them. They are so like Firestar as a young cat, naïve, confused and unsure. I knew I had to guide them as I had done with Firestar.

Some day, we will meet in StarClan. I planned it out perfectly. Though I long to be reunited with him, when the time comes, I will keep my distance. I had foreseen everything. By the time Firestar gives up his life, Sandstorm would most likely have too. I can be perfectly content watching them spend their time in StarClan together. Even though it pains me so. No matter where he is, far away or right by my side, I will continue to protect him secretly. I don't want to be selfish. I am willing to love him silently.

However, there is one question I badly wanted to ask him. It's like a gaping wound in my heart and I longed for it to be closed with just a single word. Even though I couldn't predict what his answer would be, I wish I could look at him straight in the eye and ask:

Firestar, do you wish I hadn't died?

Poor Spotty... Okay, please suggest the next chappie!