Part 7: "You Can't Help"

See Part 1 for disclaimers

Okay, so I finally finished this chapter in the car on my way home. I think I need to change the title of the chapter now, but I'll probably just leave it. I really like the way this turned out, hope you guys do too!

And many thanks to Nala for all her sweet reviews. You always make my day. Manda

A month had passed since Natalie had come home from Mesquite, and she spent her days avoiding everyone but her immediate family, moping around Llanfair and going to therapy. Then one day, her therapist had had the idea that she should talk to Todd. Natalie had been against it, but Dr. Jackson had insisted that it would help her, so she had gone over to Todd's house one Saturday.

After sitting through several moments of uncomfortable silence, Natalie had finally spoken, her voice trembling. "Why did you rape Marty? Why would anyone ever want to do something like that?" Todd had sighed and looked away, then back at her. "I was a young, stupid kid when I did that. God only knows what I really hoped to accomplish that evening, but I do know that it was one of the worst nights of my life." Natalie's eyes glinted with tears. "Don't tell me to feel sorry for that bastard."

He held up his hand. "Hey, I'm not saying that. Hate him. He deserves it, hell he deserves the entire Buchanan/Manning posse torturing his ass for the rest of eternity." Natalie smiled just a little. "Aha, knew I'd get one out of ya."

Turning serious again, Todd continued, "So you want to know why? The only reason I can give you is for power. Once I had raped Marty I had power over her, she was terrified of me. I loved that so much that it almost led me to rape someone else." He looked at her. "Don't let him have that control over your life, or you'll have given him exactly what he was craving."

From that moment on, Natalie was determined to get her life back. She and Todd had become very close, and she was almost able to forgive him for giving her to Mitch Laurence. Almost, but not quite. But there were still moments when she would think she caught a glimpse of her rapist, and it was always just when she was feeling the safest.

She had managed to almost completely avoid John and Michael since her return, but three months after she'd come home; Michael came by Llanfair and refused to leave until she saw him. They went into the living room and she closed the door behind them, not wanting anyone to overhear their conversation. She sat on the couch, hands clasped firmly. He sat opposite her, knowing from her demeanor that he would only hurt his cause if he tried to sit next to her.

"So how have you been?" he ventured. "Well, I've certainly been better, but Dr. Jackson says I'm almost emotionally ready to return to Mesquite." Michael felt a whirl of emotions arise in him at these words; he didn't want her to go back, for two reasons: he didn't want her to be in danger again, and he didn't want to see her leave already when he'd just gotten to see her. "Well I'm glad your therapy is going that well."

Natalie nodded and remained silent. "You know, if you ever need somebody close to talk to, I'm here for you." She smiled sadly. "Thank you, but you can't help. Nobody can imagine what it's like unless they've been through it." Michael nodded in silent agreement. "I understand that, but I'm still here to talk if you ever need me." She looked him straight in the eye and smiled, her first real smile since the rape. "Thank you. You don't know how much that means to me."

Michael moved to sit beside her, careful to avoid touching her. If they were going to touch, she would have to be the one to initiate it. "I really care about you, Natalie. I know you don't want to hear that right now, but I do. And whenever you feel ready, I'll be here for you." He smiled at her, and she began to cry, leaning into him for comfort. As he wrapped his arms around her she asked, "How can you still care about me so much?" He kissed the top of her head, tightened his embrace and replied, "You're still the same person you were before, Natalie. The rape didn't change anything, not even how I feel about you."

They stayed like that for a while, then Natalie pulled back, wiping her tears away. "Thank you so much. I really needed to hear that." He put a gentle finger underneath her chin and made her gaze meet his. "I meant every word, Natalie." His eyes were bright with unshed tears. "I know you did," she whispered, then leaned up and kissed him softly, wrapping her arms around his neck. She didn't know what was going to happen to her, but she knew that she wanted Michael to be a big part of whatever did.

TO BE CONTINUED