Author's Note: I got the inspiration while I was listening to a song. And later on, Brightheart will mention 'cage', but she do know what a cage is, since she's been in one before. I guess I can say I'm pretty pleased with this chappie. Thank you to all my reviewers and those who added me in their favorites list, I'm really grateful!

I Would Rather Be In Love

I don't only see him, hear him, or smell him. I can feel him. Amidst the pain, agony, and confusion, he was there… I could only see darkness, hear nothing, and smell blood. But he was there. He was right beside me. His presence made me believe I'm never alone.

It was because I could feel him that I fought with death. I couldn't be so ruthless to leave him alone; he's so impulsive and stubborn. Cloudtail needs me, just like I need him.

Death was the most invincible opponent I've met. The fight was tough, and it left me heaving for breath and longing for him to calm me down. I know he was always there, but at times when I could no longer feel him, it made my heart stop with fear. I can't fight this battle alone, not without him. It was at times like that that my nightmare returned. Horrible visions of fangs and claws… the terrifying sounds of screaming… and my battle with death became impossible, leaving me more wounded than I already was.

Cloudtail may be absent at rare times when I'm struggling to live, but when I close my eyes, he's always there. That helps.

When I woke up, my eye and ear throbbed, so does my whole body. The first thing I saw was the familiar white face that I've always longed to see again. Even though I felt like I could see more limited things now, Cloudtail's face is always within the limit.

He was more than overjoyed, to my relief. But I wondered if his concern for me was out of friendship or love. I couldn't bear to ask him. When he met my eyes that day, I was longing to tell him. "It was because of you that I got so far. I see you each time I close my eyes." And I long for him to say that he sees me in his dreams too.

Love took me by surprise, opening me into a new world I've never seen before. Love has brought me to him.

"I love you, Lostface."

My heart skipped a beat. I already lost count of how much my heart skips beats and when it started to do that around Cloudtail. But something else made me tremble. Lostface? Did he just call me Lostface? If Bluestar herself had given me that name, I must look horrible. Shrinking away, I knew he wouldn't love a ravaged cat like me. I can accept that. But why must he lie to me like that, saying he love me? There's no need to comfort me, I will manage alone, without him.

But I can't. I'm so pathetic. I can't live without him. I allowed him to care for me, even though I thought he was lying.

Maybe we were meant to live without each other. I was so selfish, allowing him to care for me despite the knowledge that we will part as soon as I am well. I guessed Cloudtail felt responsible for my state.

At that time of confusion, I told myself, I would rather be in eternal pain than be in love with a cat who doesn't return my feelings.

But each time I gaze into his eyes, I felt like I was flying in a world of warmth. Even in bitter cold, his eyes brought warmth to me.

I wish Cloudtail would stop his actions. It's totally confusing me. I don't know if he truly loves me or he just felt some kind of responsibility towards me. At lonely times, I comfort myself by thinking that Cloudtail loves me, and that he doesn't care about my looks. Of course, I hope this was true; Cloudtail is a faithful cat, but I can't help but doubt if he truly doesn't mind how I look like and look at the cat inside.

Every time I wake up in the medicine cat's den and see light pouring in, I found myself wishing again, with a pang, that Cloudtail would let me enter his heart like that trickle of light, even if it was just a little bit, a little trickle…

I was taken to meet Cloudtail's mother one day. I cursed myself for meeting his mother only after those dogs attacked me. Why couldn't it be earlier? I felt a sudden fear as a thought crept into my mind. What if he had arranged it to be like this, so that I would realize how impossible it was for me to be his mate?

As predicted, Princess was shocked to see me. I should be happy that she at least sympathizes with me instead of despising me, but that just made me feel worse. I felt more like an injured, helpless cat.

That day, I saw myself for the first time after the accident.

I looked hideous. My eye was gone, left with only a blob, and my ear was torn off. In fact, half of my face was replaced with gruesome bare skin. I had braced myself for something bad, but this was way too much. I can't believe how much I irk myself. I didn't want to appear startled and helpless like a trapped bird longing to escape its cage of nightmare, so I kept my cool.

To tell the truth, I no longer feel as shocked as I should be. Everything has numbed me. Nothing really matters anymore. Even my awful looks doesn't hurt me so much… life goes on no matter what, I'm proud to have become like this for the sake of the Clan.

What Cloudtail said after that took me completely by surprise.

"You'll always be beautiful to me."

I've heard that countless times, and I assumed he was just trying to comfort me. I don't know why… perhaps it's because it was the right moment, but I felt the truth in his words. He meant what he said. With a jolt, I realized he meant what he always said; whatever he said, they were all truth, not a single lie in it. I felt my heart lifting as I understood his words, and that he loved me all this while, despite my appearance. There will never be a cat nobler than Cloudtail. I was finally freed from my cage.

I will forever be grateful to Cloudtail, and I know I will forever love him. I knew there would be obstacles ahead of us, but I will stay firm.

I have changed my mind.

I would rather be in love.

A/N: We all know Daisy would come between them… but I don't want to mention that, it breaks my heart to see Brightheart so pitiful :( Anyway, review please!