Author's Note: Okay, I apologize for not upadating for... 5 months? Over 5 months? Wow... well, I decided to try out if my skills have deproved, so yeah. Read it and you'll know xD I made Oakheart a little like Tigerclaw; don't kill me...

I Lost

I had plans for my life. I was going to be leader. I was going to be powerful, a cat everyone would look up to. Oh yes… life was treating me good. The moment I was appointed deputy, I was close to my ambition. I was doing it the legal way, wasn't I? I never broke a rule, not once.

As you can guess, dreams don't come true so easily. There will be much obstacles in the way. But I got a much harder obstacle than others.

Care to guess?

It's something big, smaller than me, blue in color, walks on four legs… her.

She came into my life and destroyed all my hopes.

That was why I hated her.

What I hated even more about her is the way I hated her and still fell for her anyway.

We didn't meet on very good terms; Sunningrocks was the scene of our meeting. I, deputy of RiverClan, she, deputy of ThunderClan. Somehow, StarClan brought us together with snarls and threats.

Fate toyed with us. We often bumped into each other at the border. Soon, I got so used to seeing her over the border that I accidentally turned friendly. It was just a stupid moment. I thought we might get along for once. Stupid. Very stupid. A leader doesn't think of making friends with a deputy from another Clan, an arguing she-cat at that. Because of her, I broke my first rule.

We loathed each other to the core. Sometimes, I was tempted to ask her just what she hated in me. But no. I wasn't going to lose to her. In terms of quarrels, battles; I was to be the winner. Me and me alone.

I can see it in her eyes. The glow of dislike. Yet sometimes, I stare into those blue depths, and I found friendliness in them. There were times when she spoke to me nicely, but others, she simply snapped. And every day, I return to the Clan, I found myself thinking of her. Her eyes, her face, her gestures. And day to day, I would analyze and come to a conclusion; whether or not she hates the likes of me.

There was never a definite answer. It was all very new to me. The emotions she caused in me made me baffled and furious, but yet, it wasn't a bad feeling. In time, I actually grew to looking forward to seeing her.

Yes, that was me. The ambitious deputy, reduced to that pathetic state because of a dumb she-cat. And it's that dumb she-cat that I liked.

I gaze now, into the clear water. I saw a vague reflection of myself. I didn't look too bad. I didn't have a twisted jaw or a clawed-out eye. I could even be classified as handsome! What aspect about me did she not like?

"Being a vain kitty, aren't we?"

That voice froze me on the spot. It was so familiar. It tingled in my ears. I meekly glanced up.

She stood before me, across the water, eyes gleaming with amusement.

I straightened and fixed her with a cool gaze, when all I wanted to do was to swim over to her side. "Hello."

She let out a small purr. "You didn't have to observe yourself in the water. You know you're ugly."

Was she joking, or was she being serious? I couldn't phantom, so I simply took the second answer. Okay, she was serious.

Overwhelmed by a sudden rush of emotions, I growled out loud. "I hate you, know that?"

She fixed me with that firm look. "I know. Me too."

This was it. I was going to found out why she despised me. I launched without thinking. "Why do you hate me?"

"Why do you hate me?" she retaliated.

This is the point about her that I detest. It was just so exasperating. I rolled my eyes. "You tell me why, and I'll tell you why."

She tilted her head to one side and thought. The expression on her face sent a flush through my fur. I ducked, embarrassed.

"Well…" she began. "I hate your voice, I hate your face, I hate your eyes, I hate your fur, I hate the way you talk, I hate the way you're always right, I hate the way you smirk, I hate the way I hate you, I hate the way you…"

"That's enough." I interrupted quietly. I knew enough; she hated me inside out, that's about it.

"And you?" she inquired.

I remained silent. I didn't want to. I didn't want to admit it, even though the answer is clearly in my head, and in my heart.

"What would you do if I don't tell?" I played with time.

"I'd break your neck now. I'd step on your tail. I'd claw your fur out."

For all the hurt I was feeling, I couldn't help but be amused. These things don't affect me, she should know that. For a dignified cat like her; it was a strange thing to say.

"I'd snap at your warriors, I'd gossip about you, I'd… steal your prey."

Still, I kept quiet, waiting for her to go on.

She looked flustered, and almost… beautiful in that state. "Every time I see you, I'd ignore you…"

That was more than enough. No. I could never imagine her pointedly turning her back at me. In Gatherings, I couldn't picture her pretending I wasn't there. Impulsively, I stood up at my full height, silencing her instantly.

I looked into her eye. "I hate the way I love you."

It was out. The words in my heart. The moment I said it out, I knew.

I thought I had lost to a cat named Bluefur.

But in fact, I had lost to love.

Author's Note: Review review!! ) Unless you didn't even bother to read ..