Dealing

Part 17: Pain and Regrets

Recaps: Honestly I don't know… Here goes my lame attempt: Natalie left Llanview to get over John and was raped. She conceived a baby from that and is now married to Michael McBain; they are raising the baby (Shane). Natalie and John have now slept together, Natalie felt guilty and tried to kill herself…

Author's Note: Okay I am trying to get this story to wrap up but I don't know how long it's going to take. Please enjoy what's left to go!

Also, the Cristian reveal has been done to death—mostly by myself—so I've decided to ignore it. He died in Vegas. (Which in my opinion the REAL Cris did die there—this hack is NOT Cristian Vega)

Dedication: This one is for Dana who basically gave me the rest of the story when I asked her what should happen. Thanks, and hope your little boy feels better very soon!

Natalie squinted into the bright light she saw shining directly in front of her. "Is this the typical "it's not your time" message?" she asked bitterly. An audible gasp escaped her throat as Cristian and Michael walked from the light. "Michael? What the hell are you doing here?" He looked at her sadly. "When you didn't come home, I took Shane to Llanfair and came to look for you. I didn't see the truck coming until it was too late." His voice cracked.

Natalie's eyes widened and she took an involuntary step backward as the truth hit. "What are you telling me?" Michael walked towards her as Cristian stayed back. His moment would come, but right now he knew he wasn't needed. As Michael took Natalie into his arms she began to shake. "No, no… You can't be dead!" She finally began to cry against his shoulder as he stroked her hair, tears falling freely.

"Sweetie," he whispered in her ear after a few moments. Her body had finally stopped shaking and he knew it was Cristian's turn. They didn't have much time left. He gently pulled back, pushing Natalie back as she tried to move with him.

Michael's tears came faster as he tenderly pushed the hair back from her face and cupped her face with his hands. She moved her hands up to cover his as her sobs began again. He kissed his forehead fiercely and forced her eyes to meet his own. "Baby, you're not supposed to be here yet. You have to go back and take care of our son. There are bad things coming, things only you can stop."

Natalie looked at him, terror and vulnerability written deep in her eyes. "Why can't you come back with me?" she asked, her voice young and child-like. "It's my time. You and I were the real thing honey, but your true soul mate is waiting for you." He kissed her one last time before turning and disappearing into the light so she would not hear him break.

Natalie fell to her knees gasping for breath. She felt Michael's departure with every fiber of her being, and there was a pain in her heart. Cristian slowly approached leaning down and taking her into his arms. "Natalie, you have mourned me so I won't take long. You need to mourn the loss you just suffered, but I have to tell you this." She looked up at him quietly and waited. "

"I know you often worried about what I would think of everything that happened to you and your moving on." He nodded at her look. "Yes, every time I heard you say my name I listened. Natalie, I want nothing more than for you to be happy. I may not like the man you belong with for eternity, but it is not my call. If he makes you happy I'll be happy." He kissed her forehead. "I love you, Natalie." She couldn't speak as he disappeared too.

Realizing she was entirely alone, she let out a scream filled with anguish—and suddenly heard the voices above her. "I think she's coming around." Natalie's vision slowly came into focus and she finally saw the smiling faces of her mother and John above her. "Mom?" Viki smiled and embraced Natalie. "Thank God you're all right!" she whispered into her ear. "I'm going to get the doctor." She left.

Natalie's eyes filled with tears as she remembered what had just happened. "God I had the most horrible dream about us John—" she began, then stopped when she saw John shake his head slightly. Realizing it hadn't been a dream she put the back of her hand to her mouth as she tasted bile. "Oh my god," she spat, disgusted at herself.

John looked down. "There's something else." Natalie's eyes widened as she remembered her dream encounter with Michael and Cristian—hadn't it been a dream? John opened his mouth to continue but suddenly feeling a rush of panic Natalie cut him off. "I also had a dream that I saw Michael and Cristian. Michael told me that he had been killed because he came looking for me. Isn't that funny?" She laughed desperately as the icy grip fear held on her heart tightened at John's shocked look.

"Oh my god…" she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself. "He—NO! He can't be dead!" she screamed. John moved to put his arms around her as she began to sob but she slapped him. "Damn you!" Her voice tightened and grew ice cold as she finished, "It's our fault he's dead. If I had come home he wouldn't have been out." John stood. "It's my fault. I should have known better, and now my baby brother is dead because of me." He left the room as Natalie stared down at her tightly clasped hands without comprehension.

What the hell had she done?

TO BE CONTINUED