Zaneta: Ok, I seem to have a mix-up somewhere regarding Alucard, so I'm going to explain something now. For the most part, Alucard is described to appear in his early 20s. Since the description was from other people's perspectives, I used that. It has been confirmed that Alucard is Dracula, which means that he was born in the 15th century. This is why we explained a little about Vlad Tepes.

Chapter 6- The Wrath of the Nosferatu

Two weeks later Integra, along with Seras and Alucard, were waiting patiently in the conference room for the Minister for Magic to come and forward information from their informants in Hogsmeade village. Alucard stood next to Integra's seat on one side, and Seras, standing to attention, on the other. Professor McGonagall, as acting headmistress, was already present sitting a few seats down to Integra's left.

It wasn't long before Walter opened the doors, bringing in Scringemour, Percy Weasley ("How many Weasleys are there anyway?" Alucard thought), a man with blond hair and a short, squat woman who made everyone present think of a toad.
"Minerva," she squeaked.
"Dolores." McGonagall answered coldly.
That confirmed the matter to everyone. This girly toad of a woman was none other than Dolores ('pain-loving' as Alucard took to calling her) Umbridge.
"Yes, Dolores, Weasley, Amos, if you would all sit down. Sir Hellsing, may I introduce Dolores Umbridge, my senior assistant, and Amos Diggory of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures."
"Are you sure it is wise to bring Miss Umbridge into the estate when three quarters of the student body, if not all, above the age of thirteen loathes her for what she did in the post of Defence Against Dark Arts teacher?"
"I believe loath is a strong way of putting it." Umbridge answered.
"I, however, don't, I was given a very detailed list, and I must state, by modern Muggle law, whipping and chaining anyone, let alone students, is illegal, and that is only the beginning."
"Muggle law means nothing to wizards I'm afraid Sir Hellsing."
Integra mused at the irritation and indignity expressed in the woman's voice and face, "Very well, just a few things I thought I should point out. Mr Diggory, I was told about Cedric, and I am sorry to hear it."
"Thank you Sir Hellsing, I'm sure you can imagine that I am keen to bring this menace to an end as soon as possible."
"Of course, Minister, if you would be so kind."
Scringemour nodded and took out a scrap of parchment, "Ever since September the seventh, ghouls have stopped appearing at night, however, the curfew remains standing until we are certain that it is safe."
"A wise decision, anything else?"
"Reports suggest that some of the Death Eaters were also seen at the gates to Hogwarts, they came in but left empty handed. We believe he was looking for something but either can't get it or it's right here on the estate."
Integra looked thoughtful, "Then everything is falling into place."
"What do you mean?"
"If they're after something it is in one of two places, the headmaster's office, currently off limits to all, or right here. To be frank, Voldemort is going to have to swallow a lot of pride if he is going to step foot here. He wants to rid himself of non-magical connections. It's probably the ideology and the aims of Millennium that appealed to him enough to cooperate. However, I am sure that sooner or later, Voldemort may plan to turn on them, whether it will be fatal or not is hard to say, he and his followers have magic, but they have a battalion of vampires."
Scringemour nodded, "Miss Victoria?"
"Yes sir?"
"I understand that you're filling for the Defence Against Dark Arts post, did you overhear anything in the classroom?"
"No sir, besides, you forget student-teacher confidentiality."
Scringemour paused, "Yes, of course."

"It's like The Wizard of Oz met The Wind in the Willows." Alucard mused, "The cowardly lion and the mad toad's equally mad wife."
Seras looked at him, "No offence master, but most people would say 'mad' for you is putting it mildly, so I don't know if you should talk about madness."
"Look who's talking, you should see yourself when you go berserk, besides, you make it sound like they think I'm a lunatic."
Seras, hiding it from the nosferatu, thought that some of the soldiers thought 'lunatic' summed him up perfectly. Others thought he was downright creepy.
Meanwhile the conversation was continuing, "You want what?" Scringemour asked.
"Dumbledore's pensieve, if we can look into it I'm sure we can find clues as to what was going through Dumbledore's mind before he passed away."
"But… there's no way to open the door."
"Let's just say where Alucard is concerned, locks mean as much as they do to Santa Claus in children's stories."
They look at her in complete confusion.
"In children's stories Santa can get anywhere, often via chimneys, but even if a house doesn't have one he manages to get in. Alucard doesn't need a door to get in."
"If you mean Apparition…"
"No, no, I mean something completely different."
"And that would be?"
"Something that gives most people nightmares I'm afraid, and I'm sure you don't need another giving current events."
"I'm sure we will cope." Umbridge answered.
"You wouldn't if you realised that he can't abide you." Integra retorted, "He's been listening to the comparisons between you and Seras, and let's just say the things the students have said make him angrier than a low-life vampire on a rampage."
"Meaning?"
"If there is one thing he can't stand, it's seeing someone harm a child, even if he's a monster himself."
"And what is that supposed to mean?" Umbridge squeaked.
"Let me put it in terms you'll understand," Alucard answered, "I've destroyed armies, killed hundreds, some quickly, others in the most painful ways you could ever imagine, but I have never harmed a child with no reason."
"I admit that I was hard, I should've realised that someone would've had to be unbalanced to tell a lie of something along the lines of You-Know-Who coming back, but…"
"You wanted to silence him but keep him alive while you buried your head in the sand!" Alucard roared, slamming his hand on the table, "Don't you even think about trying to deny it!"
"Alucard! Calm down! I do not need a bloodbath in my own conference room!" Integra snapped.
"I wouldn't think of that, I'd take her outside first," Alucard answered.

Seras looked between her master and the toad-woman, "I don't know who's going to pay more, Umbridge or Master," she thought.

"After this, come to my office Alucard, maybe I'll teach you as lesson in manners."
To Seras and Alucard, that meant that he was going to end up regenerating something after being blasted with the woman's handgun.

Seras looked at Alucard, "You've done it now Master, I hate the thought of what she has done as much as you do, but she still has influence in a community which could cause a severe uproar if they chose to."
Alucard straightened up, looking at Integra, "Give me the order and I'll have that woman's guts for garters," he told her silently.
"Alucard! I will not have such ideas during meetings!" Integra shouted.
The wizards blinked.
"Telepathy, let's just say Alucard enjoys using it about as much as anagrams."
"Anagrams?"
"Letters from words rearranged in order to produce something completely different." Alucard translated, "Let's just say you'll be surprised what you can find if you look."
"Anyway, is there anything else to be said?"

There was a silence.

"Very well, I'd say this meeting is over." Integra concluded.
Diggory, Scringemour, Percy and McGonagall all stood up to leave, Umbridge stood, but turned towards Scringemour, "Minister, if it's all right with you, I have a few queries I wish to settle before I leave, go on and I'll catch up."
"Very well." Scringemour nodded, "Sir Hellsing," and with that he left.
"Now see here Sir Hellsing, I don't know what your man's problem is, but I say you need to teach him more than a few manners."

"That sounded so wrong," the three thought simultaneously.

"He's an operative Miss Umbridge, and I'm afraid that he's about as easy to change as a leopard's spots." Integra answered calmly, "Rant at him if you so wish, but I must warn you, only a Hellsing family member has ever won an argument with him."
"We'll see about that."
"Incoming trouble," Seras thought.

"Now you see here, I don't know exactly what makes you top dog in the force here, but you'd do well to show respect to figures of authority…"
"Since when were you authority around here?" Alucard interrupted, "Not one of those working for Hellsing is a wizard, so you mean about as much as a toad sitting by our neighbour's pond!"
"You should respect your elders!"
"Elder my foot!" Alucard snorted, "Now you listen here, your attitude is unsuited for someone in your position, so unless you like pain, I suggest you leave."
"Are you threatening me?"
"Well I'm not offering you cake, not that you need it!"
"You vile little…"
"Little? The way I see it I have a foot or two over you," Alucard answered.

"Miss Umbridge, why don't I go and fetch you a nice cup of tea, as you can see Alucard is rather impervious." Seras stated, trying to be friendly.
"Stay out of this Victoria!" Umbridge barked, turning towards Alucard, "I don't know what your problem is, but I can guarantee you that the moment this fiasco is over…"
Seras backed away nervously. In a flash the nosferatu pinned her in place by the cardigan against the nearest wall, her feet hovering above the ground as she found herself nose-to-nose with him, "I'm only saying this once, so you better pay attention!" he growled, "Things go on within these walls, in both the past and the present, that would have a sickeningly falsely sweet hag like you shuddering in the corner in fear. I have seen things, done things even, that would leave the bravest of warriors cowering. So if you think for a moment that I fear a woman that looks like a toad in a pink cardigan wielding a stick you've got another thing coming."
"Y-you can't be human." Umbridge muttered.
"Is that what you think? What would you do if I told you I wasn't?"

Seras watched, "He seems to be enjoying himself."
"He would enjoy something like this," Integra answered absently, lighting a cigar and drawing from it before exhaling the smoke thoughtfully, "Obviously he's taking out his frustrations in the only way he'd be allowed, by terrifying her."
"Don't you think we should stop him?"
"We should, but knowing Alucard, the sooner he takes out his frustrations, the better for the lot of us."

"You… you're worse than a monster, you're a demon."
"If that's so, then what does that make you? You've spilled the blood of children for being who they are. You threatened to have a couple of harmless clowns whipped raw! You threw out the gamekeeper when a student put a Niffler in your office. You're human, but you're a monster too."
"How dare you? Monster is a term for the threats against us!"
Alucard chuckled darkly, "That is so typical of a human, in complete denial in the face of someone who speaks of their inner demons."
"Shut up you punk!"
"Punks refer to children you fool!"
"And you would be how old exactly?"
"A good deal older than you are you overgrown baby!"
"Baby! Can a baby do this?" she muttered words, pointing her wand at his gut, sending him flying, but he flipped and landed on the table.
"Is that all?"
She raised her arm, only to find that her wand wasn't in it, "Huh?"

"I'd say this has gone on long enough, any longer and someone's blood is going to end up on the floor," Seras answered.
"How did you…? When did you…?"
"You should really learn to hold things much more firmly."
"You little… give that back!" she lunged for Seras, whose reflexes kicked in and she kicked her in the jaw. With a yell she crashed onto the floor.
"Oops!"
Alucard burst out laughing, "Nicely done!"
"Sorry, my reflexes kicked in."
"Ow!"
"Now, if you're quite done, I suggest you get patched up and make your way back, the Minister is probably waiting for you."
Moaning in pain Umbridge left the room.
Alucard walked off the table, still laughing, "That was the best fun I've had in ages!" he declared.
"Only you would find that fun Alucard, do you know how long it will be before she pieces it together? Her reputation is what stopped us telling her!"
"This is what happens when you mess with the likes of me." Alucard answered

Author's rants

Omega: 'Well I'm not offering you cake' That is such a sweet line!
Zaneta: Ack!
Omega: D'oh!
Zaneta: Two bad puns in two chapters, what is wrong with you?
Omega: We did warn them didn't we?
Zaneta: (sigh) True. By the way, Omega really said that when we finished the chapter.
Omega: (flushes) Preview time!

"You're worried that they'll try to kill Potter out on the field."
"No, I'm worried that they'll maim him. Which is why I want both of you keeping an eye on it, Seras, I want you to referee this match."

Harry's assembled his team and the first match of the year is underway. What will come about after last year's events?

Find out next time in Chpater 7: Underground Qudditch

See you on Tuesday 30th January!