Disclaimer: We're going to steal Kenshin. That Kenshin?

Commandeer. We're going to commandeer that Kenshin. Nautical term.

…-shot-

.::Chapter 4::.

"Himura-san!"

Kenshin turned towards the sound, his lips curling into a soft smile. Somehow, his ward always managed to cheer him up. He took in her youthful appearance, large black eyes set in a pale face framed by still-growing bangs. There was a breathless quality to her that implied that she had run from her home to meet him here. He raised an eyebrow in question, and she smiled sheepishly up at him.

"I was reading and lost track of time. Gomen, Himura-san," she apologized, her short hair brushing her shoulders as she bowed. He set a hand on her head and smoothed the wind-blown strands back into place affectionately.

"Iie. I also was late. Just not as late as you were, little one" he admitted, a chuckle escaping him. His ward lifted her head, a smile stretching her pale lips ever so slightly, and he moved his hand from her head to her own hand, engulfing it.

"Let us train, my little one."

"Hai, Himura-san."

He had fully intended to march right up to her and begin drilling ki exercises into her mind, but she was tired after her day spent in the practice hall, and he was beginning to remember things he didn't want to remember.

So he put it off until the morning. He needed to plan out what to teach her first, he reasoned.

The excuse felt hollow.

Still, when morning came, his day completely thought out and an outline for what he wanted to accomplish with Kaoru and when, he felt a little better about himself.

Though he couldn't get Tomoe out of his thoughts.

Fortunately, he was brought out of his broodings when Kaoru stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes blearily as her nose sought out the scents of breakfast.

"'Morning," she mumbled indistinctly, crumpling into a cloth-covered heap on one of the cushions seated around the table.

Subconsciously, he tested her ki and found it lazily threading through the room, a kind of hazy bliss the main emotion tangled in it.

'Not awake yet,' he thought to himself before rolling his eyes. 'I didn't need ki-sense to tell me that.'

"Breakfast is ready," he said demurely, setting a dish of miso soup and a bowl of rice in front of her. She sleepily took her chopsticks, and after a muffled 'Itadakimasu', she began shoveling the food into her mouth.

Kenshin turned away, slightly miffed that she didn't even seem to know she was eating, let alone have the presence of mind to appreciate it.

Not that he should care, of course. He'd spent most of his life being unappreciated.

His dark thoughts were interrupted when Kaoru mumbled around a mouthful of rice, "Aren't you going to eat something?" He stiffened slightly at the innocent question, suddenly reminded that she was not his Tomoe, that they had one very important difference.

"Spirits like myself do not require that sort of nourishment," he said quietly, starting to clear away the empty pots and utensils. There was silence for a moment, before Kaoru spoke again, this time her mouth empty.

"Have you ever eaten?"

He paused. Had he?

"...There was never a need," he replied finally. An uncomfortable silence met his senses, and he slowly turned to the table. Kaoru sat on the tatami, mouth agape, simply staring at him, her chopsticks suspended above her bowl of rice. When her eyes met his, she snapped her jaw shut and scooped up the bowl, resolution chasing away the last vestiges of sleep.

"You will eat this. You will like it. And you will not refuse me," she said sternly, thrusting the chopsticks and rice into his face. Caught off guard, he faltered for a moment before hesitantly taking the bowl and utensils from her hands. Cautiously, he tipped the bowl and nudged a lump of rice into his mouth. The texture was foreign on his tongue, like licking at a scab but grainier and softer and with a taste that was actually pleasing, unlike scabs or sand. By the time his mind registered that he was putting her chopsticks into his mouth, he had finished off the rice. Kaoru looked at him expectantly.

"Well? How was it?" she asked insistently.

"Surprisingly pleasant," he replied curtly, handing the dishes back to her. She took them, and not a moment later a furious blush raced up her cheeks. Ah, so she had noticed that he'd just eaten from her bowl, using her chopsticks. He almost smiled.

Suddenly, her expression turned into a look of horror.

"Wait."

He glanced at her curiously. Had she not noticed after all?

"If you've never eaten before...how were you able to cook so well?"

The smile that had threatened to creep onto his face quirked one side of his mouth upwards.

"Although this was my first experience tasting food, I have had to cook for other spirits with human tastes. Some had spent time on Earth during missions and developed appetites for food," he explained. "I was not one of those few, though I often did end up with cooking duties. Apparently, I had a knack for such things from creation. Though that might have had something to do with my creator..." He stopped abruptly when he realized that he was opening doors he would've preferred to keep closed. Fortunately, Kaoru had stopped listening to him and was busying herself with the breakfast dishes.

"So basically you're just a natural," she stated.

"Pretty much."

"I hate you."

"Report."

"Well, Shishio-sama, Battousai has fallen from the Realm, just as you ordered."

"I know that already. What I want to know is how he's doing."

"Hmm, that's a little bit complicated. He fell into a pure dojo, and has been maintaining his bond to the Realm through it."

"Interesting. Very interesting. Is the dojo inhabited?"

"A female kendo instructor lives there, and she seems to have close ties to the Realm."

"Intriguing."

"What are your orders, Shishio-sama?"

"Send in Kurogasa."

"Mou!"

Kaoru flopped onto her back, ignoring the way the wooden floors of the dojo pressed uncomfortably against her muscles. With a sigh, Kenshin sent out tendrils of his ki to tease her back up into a sitting position.

"Kamiya-san, it is easier to meditate whilst sitting."

"I don't want to meditate. Can't I just hit something with my bokken instead?"

"No."

"Mou," she declared sullenly, complying with the tugging of Kenshin's ki and returning to a seated position.

"If you wish to learn anything about ki, you need to learn how to properly meditate," he said slowly, in hopes that the words would penetrate this time. Kaoru gritted her teeth.

"I know that. I know. But couldn't meditation be just slightly less boring?"

"I doubt it."

"Mou."

He sighed again, head falling forward. His mind had drawn a thick line between Kaoru and Tomoe, and it was avidly recording all the differences it could find.

'Stubborn, impatient, hot-headed, sarcastic, fiery.'

'Demure, compliant, obedient, respectful, serene.'

'And to think that I was comparing them to each other yesterday...'

He shook himself from his thoughts and tried a new approach.

"Think of it this way: Clearing your mind for meditation is like calming yourself before kata, and the state you achieve whilst practicing kendo is similar to the mindset of those in meditation," he ventured. Kaoru tilted her head slightly and closed her eyes for the umpteenth time, trying to feel for her center. Her face melted into a blissful half-smile, and when he tentatively tapped her with his aura, he found her wrapped in herself tightly, her ki floating around her in a protective bubble.

'Close.'

His ki pried at her gently, pulling her this way, tucking this into that, until at last he was satisfied.

It wasn't perfect...but it was sure better than their other botched attempts this morning.

He tapped on her aura sharply, and her eyes flew oven as she snapped from her withdrawn state.

"So did I get it right?" she asked excitedly, leaning towards him. He almost smiled.

'Eager to learn; both of them.'

"Almost, little one," he replied before freezing. Kaoru looked at him strangely.

"Little one?" she questioned. He turned his head quickly, needing to avoid her eyes.

Her eyes that were so much like Tomoe's...

"That was what I called my former ward," he said quietly. "Forgive me. I will not let it happen again."

"No, no! You can, if you want. If it makes you feel better," she hastily replied. But the atmosphere was spoiled.

"I shall not. You are not her. You will never be her. No one will ever be her...because I failed her," he whispered, more to himself than to Kaoru. "I failed her; I killed her."

And with that he walked out of the practice hall, leaving a speechless Kaoru behind him.

He needed to think. He needed to get away from this girl who reminded him entirely too much of Tomoe.

He needed time. Time he had not had to mourn for his former ward.

'Former. Former ward. Dear Kami, it hurts.'

Though the fall through the void between realms had seemed like an eternity, an eternity in which to replay the moment of her death, he knew it had been instantaneous.

A single moment to recover before being thrust onto snow-covered ground.

An eternity to let the anger, frustration and guilt fester inside him.

It wasn't healthful- it could easily taint him so much he'd never recover. Somehow, he needed to exorcise the negative emotions.

How had he always done it before? Before, when he simply killed for his cause and held up the barrier for the protection of the innocent and the pure. Before, when he gave his all to shelter a half-formed spirit.

Before she had died.

She had died.

And that was the difference.

He could not simply lock his unhealthful emotions away now; he could not shove them into the recesses of his mind and deny their existence. Not when his reason for doing so was gone.

Or was it?

The soft crunch of her footsteps on the snow forced him to resurface from his dark thoughts and begin to wonder...

Could he allow her to become a substitute for what he had lost? Could he use her to keep his corruption at bay?

Could her pure heart burn away the darkness in his life?

Her aura reached out for him tentatively, soothing his despair away.

"Forgive me," he whispered, closing his eyes as he let the tension drain from his body. "I needed a moment to myself."

"I'm sorry," she said abruptly, startling him. "I'm sorry I can't be her for you. But, if it would help, I'll always be ready to listen."

He bowed his head, a sigh whispering past his lips. Even if he tried to keep himself from reacting to the soothing strokes of her ki against his, he knew it was there. He knew that she was trying to help. Why should he not accept her comfort? Why should he not allow her to help him contain himself?

'Unworthy', a voice whispered to him insistently, 'Unworthy of compassion. Unworthy of relief. Unworthy, so unworthy. You killed her. You can never be worthy of devotion like hers again.'

And while part of him agreed with the voice, the rest of him silently told it to shut up.

"Thank you," he said quietly, eyes hidden beneath his bangs. When he turned to face her, she had taken the ribbon from her hair and was extending it to him.

"This is my favorite ribbon, Kenshin. Because it's my favorite, I want it back eventually. So, bring it by my room sometime, when you want to talk," she said brightly, pressing the indigo cloth into his hand. His fingers curled around it, and a small smile flickered across his face.

"I-"

And suddenly she was gone, her ki torn from his as insane laughter filled the dojo yard.

"M-hm-hm-hm-hm-wa-ha-ha-ha-HA!"

Kenshin's eyes widened as he recognized the laughter and the voice.

"Jin-ei...!"

The black-eyed fallen flashed his teeth in an insane grin, one hand clasped over Kaoru's mouth as he leapt backwards, towards the open dojo gate.

"I see that this is your ward, Battousai! Let's see if she lasts longer than the last one did!"

Fury flashed in Kenshin's eyes as the comment brought his anger to the fore.

"Jin-ei!"

"Get angry, like you did when those demons murdered your little ward! Become the cold-blooded killer I know you can be!" he flicked a slip of paper towards the spirit before dissipating into mist.

"KENSHIIIIN!"

"Aaaaah-wa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa!"

No.

No.

She was gone. Taken, stolen, gone. The differences between past and present seemed blurred, and all he knew was that what he had sworn to protect was gone.

He had failed again.

Again.

She would die, like the last one had--

But wait.

With trembling fingers, he opened the slip of paper he'd caught and read the words.

"Challenge. Midnight, tonight. Temple at Chinshu forest. -Jin-ei."

There was a chance. A possibility. A hope. If only this bloody dojo would let go of him long enough to rise to the challenge...!

Eyes blazing, he shredded the paper and tossed it to the wind.

He would hack off the gate and take it with him if he needed to.

Failure would not overcome him again.

--

Glossary:

Gomen- Forgive

Iie- No

Hai- Yes

Ki- One's life energy, or aura

Tatami- A Japanese floor covering

Miso- A paste made of fermented soybeans or grains, which makes very good soup and very bad puns on Misao's name -coughMisaoshirucough-

Itadakimasu- A traditional Japanese saying, meaning "I shall take", but used to say "Thank you for the meal"

Battousai- Kenshin's alias, meaning something like "Master of lethal sword drawing"

Dojo- A school for training in Japanese arts of self-defense. In this fic, kenjutsu

Kurogasa- Black hat- Jin-ei's alias

Mou- Kaoru's favorite word of exasperation, kind of like "Geeze!"

Bokken- A wooden sword

Kata- a routine for practicing various forms of martial arts; in this fic, kendo

AN: Well, I -could- blame my betas for the incredibly long wait, or I -could- blame school or activities or any number of things, really, but the main problem was me.

I just wasn't certain whether I wanted Jin-ei to be a part of the story or not, wasn't certain whether it would help or hinder and really wasn't certain whether or not I could write a decent fight scene if I did include him.

…Mi-chan says the fight scene's good. So therefore, Jin-ei.

I love my betas. SOMUCH.

They're just slightly less lazy than I am. xD