Hey everyone! I've been in and out of the hospital lately and juggling work and school lately so I haven't had time to write. I also decided to end a story I was writing because I didn't like it and forcing myself to write something I hate destroys my love for my other stories. So for those who know what I'm talking about I'm very sorry, but now I can focus on my other works like this one!

Zell-Chan: Hey everyone! I would like to announce that Tamaki has come back from therapy and Kyoya has now hired a new police force full of single non child having police officers (winks at one and watches him swoon.) I guess we'll just have to break in the newbies..so lets see the next letter. OO (looks around nervously) Well today is going to be interesting…it seems a very dear friend of mine has decided to write…and I seem to have no choice but to read it to you all…

Tamaki, although I find your weird and spazzy ways amuseing, but lines of thinking agreeable, do you ever realize that you may be hurting your so called "princesses" by flirting non-stop? You're getting their hopes up and overall thinking they have a chance, which they don't concidering your weird obsession with Haruhi with the whole father/daughter relationship, but in the end you're only crushing those poor girls' dream by flirting with one girl after the other, do you really think you're making these girls happy by drawing them into a false sense of security and lying to them?

And do they know you're secretly a closet pervert?

NEXT!

Kyouya, have you read the wonderful one-shot concerning youself and Haruhi, written by our wonderful hostess, Zell-chan?

NEXT!

Kaoru, what will you do if Hikaru's possesive feelings towards Haruhi turn into love? And will it cause you to search for someone else to tell you apart from your brother?

NEXT!

Hikaru, do you ever get annoyed by the family like relashionship forced on you and Haruhi whenever Tamaki is around?

NEXT!

Haruhi, which bathroom do you use? Mens' of Womens'?

NEXT!

Mori, what are you going to do after you graduate?

NEXT!

Hunny...can I buy Mori from you?

I LOVE MORI, he's silent, but oh so fun to look at...oh, um, that is all the questions I have for the time being.

I have to go eat some cake now, I love cake. It's chocolate, with fudge frosting and there are strawberries between the layers! It's a welcome home gift from my mommy, and it's all for me hahahahahahahaha!

BYE!

LadySoftball

(Hunny begins drooling at the mention of cake and goes off in bunny lalaland)

-- My dear lady-chan…your soooooo dead when this over! So Tamaki what do you have to say for yourself and your cheating ways?

"I am appalled that anyone would think that I would crush a poor delicate princess's hopes! I am clear and true with my intentions and they all know I love them all. And there is nothing weird about me and my daughter Haruhi!" Tamaki states proudly.

Zell-Chan: and the whole "False sence of security thing?"

"I do not lie when I look a princess in the eye and tell her she is my world, my life, the very air I breathe, because for the time she has requested me, she truly is all that and more." Tamaki sparkles causing girls in the audience to awe.

"Does anyone else feel insulted?" Renge asks her fellow fangirls who nod heir heads "No" while gazing at Tamaki.

Zell-Chan: So all that said do they know you're a closet pervert?

"I am not a pervert!"

"So you admit to being a pervert?" Hikaru asks.

"No!"

"So you're still in the closet about your pervertedness?" Kaoru asks innocently next to his brother.

"I'm not in the closet you unscrupulous twins!" Tamaki yells aggravated.

"So your out of the closet?" Hikaru asks.

"And a pervert?" Kaoru quickly adds.

"Yes..i mean no…wait!" Tamaki tries to clear up but it's too late because the twins are already laughing simultaneously…

"His perverted higness is out of the closet! Id watch out if I were you Kyouya-sempai!"

The twins quickly shut up as Kyoya sends them a demon glare which they have never seen before.

Zell-Chan: (nervously rereads the letter) Now before I ask the next question I would like to take a moment of silence for Ladysoftball who will no longer be among the living for making me ask this. (Can feel the cold eyes of death grinning at her from Kyoya's direction) s-s-so…kyoya…buddy..pal! heh..heh..(nervously fidgets with her fingers) you wouldn't have my chance…well I don't know. May have read theoneshotiwroteaboutyouandharuhi?

"Could you please repeat that my darling hostess I didn't quite hear you." Kyoya smirks.

Zell-Chan: (sweatdropping) You wouldn't have by chance r-r-r-read t-t-t-he o-o-oneshotiwroteaboutyouandharuhi?

"If I translated that right your asking me if I read the "one shot" as you call it referring to me and Haruhi…am I correct?"

Zell-Chan: (pales and gulps) nod

"The one where Haruhi imagines what a night with me would be like and I ravish her only to treat her like dirt afterwords?"

(gulp and nod)

"The one where she imagines all the passion and lust I could bring out in her?"

(pale nod)

"No never read it in my life." Kyoya dismisses causing the hostess to fall flat on her back with a crash.

Zell-Chan: (foaming at the mouth with a vengeance) YOU HAD ME SQUIRMING IN MY SEAT AWAITING MY OWN DEATH KNOWING DAMNWELL WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT WHILE YOU JUST SAT THERE SMIRKING LIKE A JERK ENJOYING MY MISERY!!!

"Your summary is correct, Psychological torture is much more rewarding then physical." Kyoya smiles.

Zell-Chan: THAT'S IT YOU BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP LICKING BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BITING BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP GRAVE beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep CROSS-DRESSING BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Everyone in the audience watches with wide eyes as the hostess goes on a tirade and a the camera man quickly switches to a picture of a bunny with the words "please stand by" typed on it.

Show-producer: (whispering to the host) Do something to stop her!

Everyone looks at each other Except Hunny who merely nudges Mori who nods as he gets up and walks over to the rabidly pissed off hostess.

Zell-Chan: NO I WONT CALM DOWN YOU CAN BLEEP IT! (mori taps her on the shoulder) AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?!

Mori merely puts a finger to her lips when she wips around to him and looks intently in her eyes.

"….calm." He says as he walks away leaving a dazed and goofily smiling hostess standing with wobbly knees.

"Wow I didn't know Mori-Sempai was so powerful." Kaoru murmurs.

"It must be the whole strong silence or something." Hikaru murmurs back.

Zell-Chan: (blushing madly) Well it seems I got a little too worked up and acted very unfangirl-like so I hope you forgive me. (bows) So lets continue with the show and answer the next question which is for the Kaoru. If Hikaru's possessiveness turns to love what will you do? and would you search for someone else that can tell the difference between you two?

"I don't know what I would do if Hikaru fell for Haruhi…" Kaoru whispers to himself sadly.

"Don't you dare even think about it! Haruhi is our toy and that will never change." Hikaru says forcefully as he cups his brothers face.

"Oh Hikaru if you ever fell in love I wouldn't look for anyone else I would rather die knowing you were happy!." Kaoru croons as tears fall from his eyes.

"If your not the one I'm with then I am dead!" Hikaru answers as they look into each others eyes and embrace.

"Oh my god such touching brotherly love!" A fangirl squeals, wiping away tears as her nose bleeds on the floor.

Zell-Chan: (dazed) Yes, yes how touching. Love is such a splendid thing.

"Eh zell-Chan you ok?" The twins asks nervously.

Zell-Chan: (suddenly is in forest with little animals flocking to her and birds nesting on her finger) Whatever do you mean?

"Uh..nothing…" They both shiver.

Zell-Chan: (smiling sweetly) Well there are more questions to answer so lets move on. Hikaru do you ever get annoyed by the forced family-like relationship forced on you when Tamaki is around?

"Now why would I ever get annoyed? My brother is all that I need but we can make room for another sibling in our bed." Hikaru teases as many fangirls faint due to lack of oxygen.

Zell-Chan: oh come on girls, please don't forget to breathe you silly things. (giggles) now lets ask The important question, Haruhi which bathroom do you use?

The audience seems to lean forward intently putting a spot light on Haruhi.

"The private hostclub bathroom of course." Haruhi deadpans a tad nervously.

Zell-Chan: Such a silly question to ask, but thank you none the less for answering Haruhi .

"What did you do to her Mori-Sempai?! She's scaring me!" Tamaki shivers as he hides behind Kyoya.

"….I calmed her?" Mori deadpanned with a nervous sweatdrop as he watched the hostess start to pick flowers which sprouted throughout the studio.

Zell-Chan: (humming motherly) Oh silly silly boys (sigh) I guess we should move on yet again. Oh it's for Mori (sighs and sparkles as she locks eyes on the somewhat frightened Mori) Mori, my friend, my sempai, my snugglewuggles (giggles as all the host sweat drop and suddenly feel bad for Mori) What do you plan to do after you graduate?

"Open a dojo with Mitsukuni." Mori says straight to the point.

Zell-Chan: Aww that would be so splendid. Cousins joining forces in the power of blossoming youth!

"Someone please make her stop!" Kaoru and Hikaru cry with tears in their eyes.

Kyoya sighs and stands up walking towards the hostess who is now flashing a niceguy pose.

SLAP!

The audience is quiet as the sound of Kyoya's hand meeting the side of Zell-Chan's face leaves a deafening crack throughout the studio.

"I grow tired of your ignorant stupor and suggest you cease this moment before I do something drastic." Kyoya's voice rings out with authority.

Zell-Chan: (smiling) I am aware that people in your position are more prone to S&M then others. I should let you know that though I'm flattered I just don't see you in that light but I hope we can be friends. (sparkles as she skips away to ride on the back of Bambi.)

Kyoya was left in a state of shock but quickly cleared his throat and fixed his glasses as he goes to his seat but not before giving Hunny a meaningful look.

Hunny merely sighs as he hands Usa-Chan over to Mori and skips up to Zell-Chan.

Zell-Chan: (smiling brightly) How can I help you Hunny? The last question of the day is for you anyway so if you want me to ask it just let me….

But before Zell could finish Hunny leaned forward, his bangs covering his eyes and his dark side emitting an evil aura that rivals Kyoya's when he first wakes up.

"If you don't act your normal self so help me I will be upset."

Zell gulps as the forest around her disappears and Hunny looks up at her from underneath his bangs.

"Believe me you wouldn't want me upset, Ne?" Hunny finished with a tilt of his head.

Zell-Chan: (her eyes widen and her haze disappears as she looks around lost) What happened Hunny-Sempai?

Hunny smiled and pats Zell on the head.

"Nothing you just have to ask the last question, I think it's for me ne?"

Zell-Chan: Oh yeah, Ladysoftball wants to know if she can buy Mori from you.

"Takashi is my cousin…why would anyone think he's for sale?" Hunny pouts causing everyone to awe as he quickly departs and jumps in Mori's lap.

Zell-Chan: (still somewhat lost) Well, I guess that's our show…um see you next time on:

ASK A HOST!

Why do I suddenly feel like I've been watching a Disney marathon?

(as the credits roll)

"I didn't know that Hunny-Sempai could be darker then Kyoya-Sempai." Hikaru whispers to Kaoru.

"I guess it makes sense that the only cure for Mori is Hunny." Kaoru shrugs only to feel the death glare of Kyoya as Hikaru feels a glare from Hunny.

"Your highness save us!" The twins yell in unison as they hide behind Tamaki's chair.

"Oh no, I'm a closet pervert remember? I might do unsightly things to you." Tamaki says sarcastically with a pout.

The twins grin at each other.

"So you admit it!"

"You unscrupulous twins!" Tamaki yells as he begins chasing the twins around stage.

Meanwhile Zell is looking at the taping of the show and looks up at Mori and Hunny with a shiver.

"Their so powerful it's scary." She mutters to herself.

The Show producer nods and waves to the camera

"See you next time on….

ASK A HOST!!!