Clenched Fists
Part Three: Urge
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Reno stared at the ceiling. What the fuck, man? He couldn't sleep. He hadn't slept in three days. He just…couldn't stop thinking about Cloud. And that would have been fine if it weren't for the fact that every time he closed his eyes…
Fingernails digging sharply into his shoulder, piercing the thin fabric of his shirt. Harsh, heavy breaths and arms that clutched at him desperately. Thrusting hips, shivering skin. Teeth-melting kisses.
Reno growled. Every time he closed his eyes, he sank right back onto that cot in Cloud's office, right back to where his hand was wrapped around Cloud Strife's cock. It was humiliating, really. Considering the way his own cock reacted to these visions, Reno had been forced to admit that he might not be an all-woman kind of guy after all because…well, Cloud was pretty and all, but he definitely wasn't a woman. And I probably know that better than anyone. 'cept maybe Zack.
Reno snarled, choking down an irrational surge of jealousy. It was stupid to be jealous of a dead man, especially when he didn't even know whether or not Cloud had ever been fucked by said dead man—or fucked the dead man, Reno's mind interrupted helpfully. Reno choked. No. He did not fucking want Cloud Strife.
With an irritated sigh, he rolled over onto his side. That, at least, was a blatant lie. He did want Cloud Strife. But it wasn't his fault.
"It's just the dreams."
"Shut up, Cloud!" Reno growled, flipping over on his stomach and burying his face in his pillow. He was hard and exhausted and fucking angry as all hell. And he refused to jerk off. He didn't want to give Cloud—or his own body—the satisfaction. It didn't matter though. The soft press of the mattress against his flesh was almost enough to get him off all by itself.
"Fuck it all, I'm not gay!" Reno groaned. He bit his lip, squeezing his eyes tightly shut and willing his hard-on to go away. I won't think about Cloud. I won't think about Cloud. I won't think about Cloud.
But Cloud remained at the forefront of his mind anyway, like a mosquito that couldn't be slapped down. He remembered the first time they'd met, back when Cloud had still been in training for Soldier, back before he'd been rejected and sent down to the grunts. Cloud had been sent on a mock mission, a solo assassination attempt to be exact, and his target had been Reno. Reno laughed despite himself. The scrawny brat actually caught me too. That had been a sight to see.
"Shit, Strife!" Reno wiped red paint from his temple where it dripped down onto his cheek, physical evidence of the "fatal" shot he'd just taken. He'd been playing it a little easy, of course—the kid was only fifteen…just a greenie!—but still… He hadn't expected Strife to succeed. Cloud Strife didn't look like much. Then again, Reno grinned, Neither do I. He held out a hand to Strife, paint and all. "You're too good for Soldier. Why don'cha try for the Turks instead?"
Cloud looked uncertain as he took Reno's hand, pulling the older man back onto his feet. "I don't…"
"Seriously, man, you'd make an awesome Turk. It's all espionage and solo shit. No big groups to fit in with and all that bullshit." Reno's eyes gleamed as he leaned in closer to Cloud. "How'd you nail that move anyway? I never would'a thought a kid could'a pulled off something like that."
Cloud frowned, but he didn't pull away from the grip Reno still had on his hand. "Getting away from your knives? It wasn't much. Just a jump and a roll to get me in close to you."
Reno smiled. "No, I mean how you sidestepped the mag rod and popped off that shot at the same time."
Cloud opened his mouth to answer, but Zack arrived at that moment, slinging his arm around the boy's shoulders and pulling him subtly, smoothly away from Reno. "Nice moves, Spikey. No one ever manages to catch this bastard."
"Liar." Reno cocked an eyebrow, a little annoyed at Zack's rather blatantly possessive attitude. Did he think Reno was gonna try and jump the kid's bones or something? Reno snorted. Fat chance of that. "I remember at least one other prick who put me in the dirt."
"Yup." Zack's eyes were gleaming. "Right before you tried to fry my balls off."
"I didn't—" But Reno's angry sputter trailed off as he glanced over at Cloud. Those eyes…they were bright. And Cloud was… Cloud Strife was smiling
Reno groaned. He didn't need to remember that, didn't need to remember the way Cloud looked when he smiled. It reminded him too much of the other night and the only other time he'd ever seen Cloud Strife smile. That was a different smile though. The first one had been bright and innocent, a laughing smile at their expense. The other… It was…softer. Sadder. Pale and fragile, like it came from a different world. Either way, though, it was beautiful.
Screaming into his pillow, Reno rolled back onto his back and threw the pillow savagely at the wall across the room. Why did it have to be Cloud?
Reno liked sex.
He'd always liked sex. And women. But it had never been about the partners, just the act. No one ever stuck out. He never got attached to any of them. It wasn't like he was a whore or anything; he wasn't addicted to sex. It was just a good distraction, a nice tension reliever when he actually chose to indulge in it, which wasn't often. Still, he took care of the girls he was with. He made sure they had a good time and went home happy. But he didn't love them. That kind of life hadn't been meant for him; after all, his job was his life. The only person he'd ever loved was Rufus, and there wasn't anything sexual there.
Reno could say that with certainty, at least.
But this… He couldn't say that he loved Cloud. Reno snorted. That'll be the day. But he was fixated. He was living, breathing, and fucking dreaming Cloud Strife, and he didn't even know why. It wasn't like Cloud was nice to him or anything. Cloud was cold and empty, almost inhuman. What the hell kind of bed partner could he make, anyway?
Reno sighed softly and forced his body to relax. As much as he would like to think that that was true, he knew it wasn't. He'd always thought Cloud was cold and emotionless, and it wasn't like Cloud had ever done anything to convince him otherwise. The kid certainly hadn't encouraged Reno's attempts to befriend him over the last couple of years, anyway. But the other night…
Reno closed his eyes and actually allowed the images to play through his mind for the first time. Cloud's lips, clumsy and desperate as they pulled Reno in closer, closer. Cloud's muscles shaking and quivering with need and arousal. Cloud's body arching, his fingernails digging painfully into Reno's skin as he came, gasping and moaning. Reno swallowed thickly. No, Cloud Strife definitely wasn't emotionless. Or cold. And maybe that was what had sparked this attraction. After all, Reno knew all about masks. Hell, he wore enough of them himself, and he knew what it was like when people refused to see anything beneath the surface. And Cloud…
He'd seemed so human, so touchable that day. He'd forced Reno to see that there was more to him than guilt and self-recrimination. Just like there was at least a bit more to Reno than sarcastic comments and willful carelessness, little though anyone seemed to know it. Maybe if he'd remembered that first smile a little earlier, he would have realized that about Cloud, that he was more than he seemed to be. And maybe that was why it had to be Cloud Strife, why there was now a face to go along with the urges he'd always felt but hadn't chosen to explore too often.
That didn't make it any easier though. Reno liked his life the way it was, and he didn't want or need anyone else in it. He'd always been alone. It wasn't like he'd ever had a family, not until the Turks, anyway. And a street kid learned early on that he couldn't trust anyone but himself. And Rufus. Reno didn't need someone else in his life, especially not someone like Cloud Strife. He didn't.
With those thoughts firmly set in his mind, Reno Sinclaire finally allowed himself to slip into a light sleep, though he knew the dreams would come. At this point, he was just too tired to care anymore.
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Reno moaned, closing his arms tightly around the shoulders of the man who moved above him, hips rolling and thrusting slowly, smoothly as he sank into Reno's body. Reno's thighs were trembling, but he didn't care. He arched up anyway, needing more, needing to feel it, to feel everything. "Cloud…"
Cloud thrust harder, slamming his lips down against Reno's in a furious clash of teeth and tongue and fierce wetness. His thrusts became ragged, desperate.
Digging his nails into Cloud's shoulders, Reno forced himself up, struggling to keep their lips connected as Cloud pulled back slightly, his breathing heavy and frantic. But Cloud did pull back, stilling his thrusts just as Reno was on the verge of orgasm. His eyes were wild, a roiling, flickering blue as he shook his head violently. "I…I can't…"
"Hey," Reno murmured, running soothing hands over the sweat-slick skin of Cloud's shoulders. "You can. I told you, I'll take of you, man."
"No, I…" Cloud bit his lip. "It's too much. Too far…"
"It's not. Just move, yo. It'll be okay."
"No! I don't want…" There were tears now in those blue eyes. Cold tears, bitter tears. "I don't…"
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Reno's eyes flew open. What the fuck was that? Even skimming over the fact that he was the bottom even in his own little fantasy world, that had just been weird. Still…even through the humiliation, the anger, and the unrelieved arousal, Reno was worried. He was truly, genuinely worried about someone beside Rufus Shinra for the first time he could remember.
He needed to see Cloud.
And he thought he knew just where he could find the little bastard.
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Reno's lips thinned out into a tight line as he stared at Cloud's motorcycle, parked quite innocently on the curb just outside the door of a rundown building. He'd been right. Cloud hadn't gone back to 7th Heaven after what had happened in the field the other night. Reno hadn't thought he would. Cloud was the type to disappear for days at a time, after all, when he had something to brood about. And Reno had definitely given the kid plenty of things to brood about.
But did he have to come here? Reno looked up at the cracked and faded wood of the flower girl's little church and sighed. He didn't like coming to this place, not after he'd kidnapped Aerith. Not after she'd died in there. But he supposed Cloud liked it inside the church. Comfort and old friends and all that. And a little bit of guilt certainly wouldn't keep Reno from going inside.
Shoving his hands into his pockets, he picked his way across the sidewalk and through the open door, steering around the clear pool of water that still took up most of the floor space to take a seat beside Cloud, just on the edge of the flower patch. He murmured, "Hey."
Cloud didn't answer. He just stared at the lilies, waving slightly in the breeze that came down through the open, shattered roof alongside the moonlight.
Reno cleared his throat, not really sure what to say now that he was there. "Look, I've been…dreaming about you too."
Cloud cocked his head to the side, his breath catching slightly in his throat. But he still didn't say anything.
"Cloud…" Reno shook his head, fighting the urge to bite his lip. "I've been thinking about a lot of things…and I don't think…" He took a deep breath. "I don't think I'm totally straight. I think…I know I like you, and I've been really, really drawn to you for like…two years now. But I didn't know why. And now, I think…I think…I think I want you." This time he really did bite his lip. "And I think…at least, I'm pretty sure…you want me too."
Cloud looked up, his blue eyes wide and horrified. His heart stopped beating. He shook his head. "Reno, I don't want you."