A/n: Sorry for the delay. This chapter is dedicated to RIP GG and VM, without their threats to my life this chapter probably wouldn't be here for another year. How I hate re-writing chapters...this one basically sucks now because of it...but I tried to make it long to make up for the long wait..if you've read the sequel to this and the sequel to that and the sequel to that (omg, lol) then this chapter is full of wannabe irony. I originally wanted irony to take over the chapter, but I think I went over board and now it's like packed with things that don't even act like irony...anyway, If anyone can find all (or whoever got the most because I don't think anyone will be able to catch all of it) the irony, coincidences, just plain weird things that could relate to the future stories, named spoofs... (like if there is a character named Lola that's married to a character named Oscar ((you know, Lilly and Oliver?))) then you get to be in this story/make a character as a future antagonist! Not a very good prize, but all I own is my laptop, my plot lines, my iPod, and my Louis Vuitton purse... and you get to be a bad guy! Who doesn't want to play a bad guy!? Anyway, if you win I'll message you. Enough of my talk, on with the chapter!

"Bud...wake up!"

A voice viciously intruded my dream. I tried to ignore it. I was having a wonderful dream that circled around fields full of yellow roses, and a certain male blond...

"Leave me alone!" I cried as I pulled my pillow over my head.

"Miles...you have to babysit in an hour...do you want me to get the bucket?" Dad threatened. I groaned and said,

"Daaad! I don't want to babysit! I hate kids!"

"Then I guess it's a good thing you are a role model to millions of kids around the world!" Dad said sarcastically. I turned around and pulled my red bedspread over my head and muttered,

"That's Hannah, Dad. No one said Miley liked kids."

"Bud, come on, one day when you grow up your gonna have kids and your gonna say to yourself "Gee, I'm glad Dad forced me to babysit all those kids and get practice!" so get up!"

"Nope, I don't want kids when I get older. So shoo and let me sleep." I mumbled into my pillow. He sighed,

"Fine, honey, I'll just go get someone who can get you up."

"Whatever."

I curled up under my blanket and hugged Beary closer to me. I rested my face on his head, liking the way his fur was soft. Just as I drifted off into unconsciousness, something large springs on my bed, sending me flying off it.

"Shit!" I yelled.

"Better not let Dad hear you cursing." Jackson said as he perched on the side of my bed with a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

"Oh leave me alone and go eat some yellow skittles!" I snapped. He looked at me oddly,

"Miles, you are so strange."

"That was not strange! Everyone knows the most hated skittle is the yellow one so I just basically told you to go eat crap!"

"Yellow skittles are far different than crap."

"Go to hell."

"See ya there!" He exclaimed while smiling and waltzing out of the room,

"DAAD YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT WORD MILEY JUST SAID!!" He hollered.

"Ugh!" I screamed as I picked myself off the floor. I stumbled to the bathroom and attempted to tame my nightmarish hair and brushed my teeth. Once my hair didn't look liable to come alive and eat me, I tripped (yes, I mean tripped) down the stairs in my pajamas.

"Yellow, green, yellow, green...what the freak! All my skittles are yellow and green!" Jackson screamed as he looked inside his skittles package. I wasn't surprised to see Lilly alive, cheerful, and energetic in the kitchen.

She was eating orange, purple, and red skittles with a sly smile on her face. Jackson jumped up,

"Hey! You took my skittles!"

As unsurprised I was that Lilly was not only here so early but had stolen Jackson's skittles, I was surprised about something else.

The person who stared in my dreams was sitting at the kitchen table. He smiled at me and stood up. I froze.

"OH MY GOD, DAD YOUR SO MEAN!" I screamed hysterically before running up the stairs. I ran into my room and slammed the door. How dare my dad not tell me he was here! I looked horrible!

I locked my door and ran to my closet. The day I let Jake Ryan see me in my old, holey pajamas will be the day a murderer falls in love with me!

I pulled a red T-shirt with silver glitter on it and jean Bermuda shorts out of my closet and quickly put them on. After ten minutes of trying to smack my hair down with a straightener, I gave up and pulled it back into a ponytail. I quickly applied some lip gloss to my lips and mascara to my eyelashes.

"There you are!" Lilly screamed the moment I came down from upstairs. I glared at Dad,

"Someone didn't tell me company was downstairs!"

"Sorry, bud." Dad apologized. Although, he looked as if he thought it was funny. Jake hugged me and leaned in to kiss me, but before he could Dad cleared his throat and said,

"Keep your lips to yourself."

Jake pulled back and said to me, "I came by to see if you wanted to come with me to see a movie and then to lunch."

I grimaced, "That sounds wonderful, Jake...but I have to babysit."

"Oh, well then I'll call you later?" He asked with his heart stopping smile. I nodded and smiled at him. He caught my eye and we stared at each other for a few moments before he leaned in and kissed me. I felt someone grab hold of my arm and start pulling me.

"Come on," Dad said as he pulled me toward the door, "your gonna be late!"

"Bye, Jake!" I called as Dad drug me to the car.

"Bye!"

I sighed and walked the rest of the way to the car and climbed in.

"So who am I babysitting again?" I asked.

"A seven year old, one year old, and 1 month old." Dad replied. I groaned,

"Dad, please don't make me do this! I'll kill the poor kids!"

"Just call me if you need anything." He said, ignoring me. The house was in the next neighborhood so we were there before I would have liked.

"At least tell me the kids names!"

"Seven year olds name is Adrian, the one year olds name is Charlie but you call him Buddy--

"Why?!"

"Who knows. And the little baby's name is Caden, do you want me to walk you to the door?"

I groaned, "No, but I really don't want to go!"

"Go. They pay good. And Cody is my friend, so you better NOT embarrass me!" Dad warned.

"Whatever, Dad. Bye."

I slammed the car door and stomped up to the stairs to the front door. I could hear the boys screaming and yelling from inside the house.

"Oh no," I moaned to myself. The door opened to reveal a very tired looking man. He had sandy blond hair that was peppered with gray hairs. His green eyes looked so tired, as if he could barely keep them open. Poor, poor man.

"Miley! Your here! Hope, the babysitter is here!! Come in, Miley." I walked in and heard a crash then a "ow!" before a red headed woman with blueish eyes appeared at the door looking just as tired. Her hair was everywhere and a lollypop was stuck in it.

"Um, you have..." I trailed off, pointing at the Hope woman's hair. She reached up then sighed,

"Dang it, not again!" she turned to the man, "Cody, call Lola and tell her we are stopping by her and Oscar's house so she can get this out of my hair! Oh, and ask her if they ever figured out what that rash on Emily was..."

I felt awkward standing there while the red haired woman tried to get the sucker out of her long, curly hair.

"If you use peanut butter it might come out..." I suggested in a small voice.

"Peanut butter..." She repeated to herself, "Cody, call Alina and ask her if she has any peanut butter."

"What am I, a phone service? And of course my mother has peanut butter! We should but someone let the dog eat it all..."

"Hey! He was hungry!"

"Most people feed dogs dog food!"

"Luke is a special dog! He's worthy of human food!" She exclaimed. As if on cue, a GIANT dog comes prancing in the kitchen. He looks at me and a low growl comes out of his mouth. He comes hurdling across the room and crashes into me, sending me on the floor.

"NO! LUKE GET OFF HER!"

I was screaming, waiting for this Luke dog to eat my face. Instead, his giant wet tongue starts licking my face.

"Ew," I call as I tried to push him off me.

Hope pulled him off then hugged the giant bear of a dog, "Sorry about that, Miley. He was just trying to give you a hug, he's a giant love lug! He couldn't hurt a fly!"

I gave the dog a clinical stare before saying, "I'm sure."

Her phone went off with a old Celine Dion song as the ring tone and she answered it, "Lola! Darling!"

Ha, someone actually named their kid Lola!? I thought the only Lola in America was Lilly Lola...

"Oh course Luke isn't being bad! Stalking me? Why would you say he was stalking me?"

I stared at her in confusion.

"No, Lola, tell Oscar he's a freak. Just because Luke follows me everywhere doesn't mean he's a demon dog," She paused then snorted, "Oscar is afraid of EVERYTHING."

Suddenly, a little blond boy comes running into the room.

"MOMMY! BUDDY IS CRYING AND HE WON'T STOP!! AHHH MAKE IT STOP!!"

Hope sighed and hung up the phone before saying to me, "I swear, these kids are going to drive me to therapy again."

...Again?

She went into the living room and motioned for me to follow her. The house was GORGEOUS. I wondered what on earth Hope and Cody did to have the money to get this house! Hannah couldn't buy this thing! I don't think Jake could either! And we're rich!! Of course, combined we could but still...

"NO!! ADRIAN STAY AWAY FROM THE OCEAN! DON'T GO OUT THERE WHILE DADDY AND I ARE GONE!!" Hope hollered out the back door that Adrian had wandered out.

She smiled and turned to me, "Don't let him tell you we let them swim, because we don't. He's been trying to go out there every night around three...we've had to nail the door shut," I looked at her with wide eyes. She sighed, "I guess that's what Cody and I get for deciding not to live in North Carolina. Of course, there Adrian might have wanted to play with the black bears..."

I gasped. She shrugged and said, "Well, I guess we're gonna go now. Buddy is in his room screaming, and Caden is still asleep. Caden's bottles are in the refrigerator and Buddy's is too. Although he'll want a bottle and one of those Gerber toddler entrees. Adrian will eat anything. Emergency numbers are on the refrigerator."

I nodded. She caught Adrian as he ran past her as if he was on a sugar rush and kissed his cheek,

"Bye, Adrian. Be good for Miley, I'll be home shortly."

He smiled sweetly and said, "Okay, mommy. I love you."

She smiled, "Love you too."

Once her and Cody were gone, his sweet smile slid off his face and he kicked me.

"Hey!" I screamed as I grabbed my leg.

"Miley? What kind of name is Miley?" He snickered. I glared,

"What kind of name is Adrian? Oh I know, a GIRLS name!"

Another voice added to the crying and Adrian laughed,

"You've done it now."

I glared at him, "You sit right here on this couch and don't move while I go get Charlie and Caden!"

He kicked me again, "IT'S BUDDY!"

"You listen here you spoiled little brat," I started. He burst into tears suddenly. I stopped.

He stopped just as suddenly and smiled evilly, "you say another word, I'll do that and I'll tell Mommy you hit me."

I stared at him in shock, "Fine!" I stomped up the stairs and tried to find Charlie and Caden's room's in mix of all the millions of other rooms. Finally, I found a door labeled "Caden". I opened it to see a howling baby in it. The baby was small. I reached in and picked him up. He kept crying.

"He doesn't like you." Adrian said from the door. I glared at him and walked further down the long hallway until I saw a door labeled "Buddy".

I opened the door and saw a baby crawling around on the floor. He picked up a ball and threw it at me.

Who were these kids?! Spawns of Satan?!

I picked up the one year old in my other arm. He started screaming and kicking.

I hate kids.

"Come on, stop it!" I yelled at Charlie. He kept kicking me.

I stumbled down the stairs with the two screaming infants and the evil Adrian. I shoved Charlie in his high chair in the kitchen and set Caden in the baby seat carrier thing that was on the glass table.

Adrian was laughing.

"What?!" I snapped.

"You don't know anything about watching kids do you?" He asked me.

"Not exactly." I replied as I glared at the screaming children. I already had a headache. I walked to the fridge and pulled the bottles out. I stuck one on each of the babies mouths. Caden shut up, but Charlie threw it and laughed. It spilled all over the floor. He was still laughing.

"You think that's funny?" I asked him. He kept laughing, "Well it's not! So shush up!"

I bent down to clean up the mess and I felt something sticky cover me. I shrieked and looked up to see Adrian whistling and Charlie holding a now almost empty container of apple sauce.

"Ugh!" I screamed as I tried to get some of it off me.

"I'm NEVER having kids, and it's all your guys fault!" I yelled at the kids. Adrian smirked,

"It's a good thing your not, they'd be ugly like you." Charlie flung some apple sauce at me again.

"When were you born," I asked him, "6/6/06?!"

What had my father gotten me into?

Suddenly, the house phone started ringing. I grabbed it,

"Hello?!"

"Wow, Miles, you sound edgy." Jake said.

I sighed, glad it was him, "Yea well, I just got covered in apple sauce and kicked multiple times."

"Aw, do you want me to come over there?"

I knew I should have said no, but I couldn't handle these demon children by myself.

"YES!" I screamed. He laughed and said,

"Good, because I'm standing outside the front door."

I hung up the phone and ran to the door. Sure enough, he was standing there. I pulled him into a grateful hug.

"Your a life savor!"

"You've only been here for a few minutes!" He laughed. Suddenly, Adrian clicks his tongue.

"Your not supposed to have boys in the house."

He kicked Jake in the knees.

"Ow! Damn it!" Jake said.

"Ooh! You said a bad word!" Adrian screamed.

"Okay, listen here," I said to Adrian, "you need to behave!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!!!"

"NO!!!"

"YES!!"

"NO!" He threw a cup at my head. It hit and hurt like hell.

"Hey! Don't hit her!" Jake screamed at Adrian.

"Okay, I'll hit you!" He threw a cup at Jake too. Jake's eyes narrowed,

"Oh it's on now. You are going to behave whether you like it or not!"

Then, he picked Adrian up and tossed him over his shoulder.

"HEY! Put him down!" I yelled at Jake, hitting his shoulder, "I'm going to get in trouble if you kill that kid!!"

He ignored me and carried the kicking and screaming kid up the stairs while I continued yelling at him,

"I'm serious!! He may be the devil, but you can't just throw him over your shoulder like a rag doll!! What if you drop him? Then he dies and my life is so screwed!"

I cut in front of him midway up the stairs and jabbed my finger at his chest, "And if I go down you're coming down with me, bub!"

He merely grinned and lightly pushed me out of the way. Then he continued carrying Aidan up the stairs. Once on the landing, he went into Aidan's room and set him on his bed. As soon as he was set down, he opened his mouth to yell again.

"YOU LITTLE--

Jake's hand slapped across Aidan's mouth.

"Not another word. Now, I happen to know where the key to the blue room is."

The kid's eyes widened. Jake slowly took his hand off his mouth, but the kid stayed surprisingly quiet.

"Ah, that's better. Now, if you behave for the rest of the night, the key will be yours."

Aidan nodded chastely then reached up to his mouth, mimed it being zipped shut, mimed it being locked and threw away the key.

Hey. That's my thing!

"Good, now, we'll be downstairs..."

Jake left the room, beckoning for me to come, and shut the door. I began my questioning as soon as we were out,

"What is the blue room, how did you get a key, and why did he care so much, and more importantly, how did I not know about it!?"

"The blue room is where his mother keeps his Christmas presents. I only know that because that Hope woman is my mother's friend."

"Ah, rich people tend to travel in packs I see." I joked.

"Yep, like wolves, except with far better groomed fur." He replied as we walked down the stairs. I laughed and felt relieved Jake had showed up, but partly ashamed because I knew I would have never been able to handle that kid.

Both the babies were wailing. I wanted to pull my hair out, it was the single most annoying sound I've ever heard.

I grabbed them both out of the carriers and held them, trying to shut them up. They kept crying. Finally I set the one year old into a swing, and bounced the little baby back and forth in my arms.

"You were pretty good with Aidan," I noted to Jake who was sitting beside me. He laughed and said,

"Maybe but I'm rubbish with babies."

"Rubbish? What are you Harry Potter or something?"

"Goodness no, I'm way more sexy!"

"I don't know, the lightening bolt thing he has going on is kinda hot..."

"What that scar on his head? No baby, that isn't hot. Scar's are ugly." He said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Not one shaped like that...besides, he saved the world." I said stubbornly.

"So? I saved the innocent from zombies!!"

"Let's see, let's compare this...saving the world from a evil, powerful/1/7th of a soul wizard that can kill you in a flick of a wand, or saving the world from a few dead, slow, smelly zombies who's heads keep falling off and saving you the trouble anyway...personally, the first sounds more noble."

"Well...well...well...um...uhh...I've got parents!" He stuttered.

"He's had a godfather."

"I've got thousands of adoring fans."

"So does he."

"I've got friends!"

"He has Ron and Hermione."

"I...I can act!"

"He can ride a broomstick."

"I have a beautiful face!"

"He has a cool scar."

"I've got...lots of awards!"

"He's modest."

"Well...um...I've got you!"

I fell silent. He grinned triumphantly and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

"I love you baby." He said.

"What? Just because I'm the only thing that makes you better than a fictional character?"

There was a long pause.

"...wait, what...Harry Potter isn't real?"

The sad thing was, he wasn't being sarcastic. Man, talk about being in the dark!

A/n: If you hated/liked it, review!! If you think you got all/almost all the irony/wannabe irony/coincidences/name spoofs, review!