A/n: Another short one...sorry. Hope you like, this one is more depressing than the others. Thanks for the reviews: )

I was staring at the wall.

A clock was sitting on it, ticking idly.

It didn't feel anything. It didn't have a heart or soul. It wasn't alive.

I was jealous of it.

"Miss Stewart?" A voice called, breaking me from my stupor. I looked up slowly to see Mr. Graham glaring at him,

"I asked you a question," I don't care, "but you were to busy staring at the clock to notice! Time will pass, will you?" time doesn't pass a quickly as you hope, "Now, what is the third stanza in the poem I Measure Every Grief I Meet by Emily Dickinson?"

I closed my eyes. The poem was sitting right there. I could see it, hear it, feel it, touch it.

"I wonder if it hurts to live," I stopped and took a deep breath, "and if I," I stopped and caught my mistake, "and if they have to try, and whether they could choose between, they would not rather die."

Mr. Graham looked like I slapped him. He didn't expect me to know it.

"The fifth stanza then." He demanded.

I took another deep breath as I fought for the will to do this, "Or would they go on aching still," like me, "through centuries above, enlightened to a larger pain by contrast with the love."

He narrowed his eyes, "Are you looking in your book."

I scowled inwardly. No, dumb shit, my desk is empty. You know that.

"No." I replied coldly.

"Than recite Minstrel Man by Langston Hughes. In front of the class. Without any notes."

I scowled. How did he think I kept my mind off everything? I had studied so much this year it wasn't even funny.

But I stood up anyway. I walked slowly to the front of the class Everyone's eyes were on me. I didn't like it.

"Well, any day now Miley." He said. I frowned and shut my eyes before starting.

"Because my mouth is wide with laughter, and my throat is deep with song, you do not think I suffer after I have held pain so long? Because my mouth is wide with laughter, you do not hear my inner cry? Because my feet are gay with dancing, you do not know I die?"

Mr. Graham looked ready to kill me. The rest of the day he spent drilling me on every stanza, end rhyme, rhyme scheme, and meaning behind every poem in the book.

I knew it all.

I was glad I was leaving for the cruise tomorrow. I didn't want to be around him anymore.

"Miley!" I heard someone call me. I turned around to see Oliver running toward me. He opened his arms and engulfed me in a warm hug. He kept me there for a few moments before saying,

"I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too." I whispered. He smiled at me. I wanted to smile back but my face muscles wouldn't work.

"Miley!!" A blond whirl came hurdling at me and engulfed me into another hug. Lilly looked up after a twenty second hug with tears streaming down her face,

"I'm gonna miss you, please try and get better okay?"

I didn't nod. I couldn't promise something I couldn't do.

I walked numbly to history. After history, my day was over. I waited for Jackson by his car.

He never came, and it started to rain.

I grimaced. I dug through my bag and yanked out my iPod with frightening speed. I turned it on and turned the volume up as high as it got and jabbed the ear buds in my ears. It was so loud it hurt my ears.

I liked it.

I started walking home. I couldn't hear the rain. I liked it that way. A Paramore song sifted through the loud speakers, and I focused on the words.

"Maybe if my heart stops beating...it won't hurt this much..." the band sang through the speakers. I scowled.

It wouldn't.

"and never will I have to answer again to anyone,"

Wouldn't that be nice? No pathetic looks...nothing. Just nothing. I'd be gone, dead. I wouldn't ever have to see his face again. I wouldn't ever have to hear him again.

It sounded blissfully good.

I was thinking of suicide, I realized. It didn't scare me. The thought of death was anything but terrifying...it almost felt as if a large weight was getting lifted off my shoulders. I almost felt...excited and happy.

Death? Sure I had thought of ending all this before but I had never felt so certain about it.

No more pain. No more emptiness. I wasn't sure what would be waiting for me, but anything was better than this. Anything. Maybe this hole would fill in in my heart...maybe it wouldn't hurt.

I could do it on the cruise. That way Daddy wouldn't have to find me. I would have plenty of opportunities to do it. I could even jump overboard. That way no one had to find me. I could just sink the the bottom of the ocean and never come back up.

The weight and pressure of the dark, cold water pressing against me would be nothing compared to what I've had to endure.

I could, I would. I didn't have to live like this, it wasn't fair! I shouldn't have to!

And I wasn't. Not anymore.

I will miss everyone. Then I almost felt like laughing. No I wouldn't. They won't miss me, mopping around in Dad's words. I feel bad that I wouldn't miss them. But I had no heart left to mourn for anyone else.

Maybe they could just think I disappeared.They would spend days trying to find me. When they did, I would be lifeless on the bottom of the ocean...finally without this ungodly pain.

Suddenly the cruise looked a whole lot brighter to me.

A/n: anyone know the paramore song referred to in this chapter?