My mother is a very reserved person.
When you first glance at her, the first thing you see is her extremely long, platinum blond hair pilled on top of her head in a strict bun. No hair would be hanging in her face, and no hair would be sticking up. I used to think it was painted onto her head.
She wasn't always like that, though. I remember when her hair was long and flowing, and she wore bright summer dresses instead of black and tan suits. It was right after her mother, my grandmother, passed away that she got obsessed with work and her entire disposition changed. Work was something she could control; it was her safety blanket. She was in charge; she knew what was going to happen. She spent all her time in her office with crazy people, trying to cure them. When I was in high school, I used to sit in my room and wonder why she'd rather fix completely insane strangers then spend time with me.
And then there were those times when I came home in the early hours of the morning from partying all night or being with a current girlfriend. And she'd be there and I used to hate her. It seemed to me that she purposely wasn't there when I needed her, only there when I didn't want my mind picked apart, examined, then put back together completely.
She used to get so mad at me. She always knew where I was when I came home late, but I still denied it. If I was drunk and I threw up all over the carpet, I'd still deny it. When my ex-girlfriend announced at dinner that she was pregnant, but had gotten an abortion the previous day, I denied to my mom that I'd ever slept with her. We all knew I had, but admitting it would just make me feel worse about myself.
Of course, back then I was in a slump.
A never ending slump it had seemed. I got into drugs, drinking, smoking and late night partying. I was no longer in control of myself; I couldn't stop myself from doing these things. Every girl I had, every drink I drank, every drag I took just aided in the Fall of Everything.
The Fall of Everything was the explosion that happened when my mother caught me doing all of the said things. I figured since all the big wars in history have a name, ours should too. After all, it was absolutely horrific.
She had started it, really. She followed me to a party in her black BMW, and found out what she had wished wasn't true. When she'd first walked in, I was the buzz of the party. Well, Ashley Dewitt and I were. I could tell you what everyone was gossiping about, but it wouldn't matter. I can tell you what really happened, though. While Ashley and I took part in some sexual rendezvous', my mother snooped around down stairs getting the low down on what was going around at this party. She found there were drugs going on in the attic and that, yes; Jake Ryan was part of it. She found out there was a peg, and that I was in the bedroom upstairs with a girl. Let's just say, hearing my mother outside the door ruined any kind of mood we had set.
Later, when we in the car, she was absolutely furious. Normally when she's mad, she'll scream and scream and scream…
She wouldn't talk to me at all for a week. After the week was up, she started crying. She thought it was her fault that I resorted to all of those things. After she got past that phase, she went into Super Mom mode. I have guide lines set out. I couldn't stay out past seven P.M., I couldn't go anywhere except school and the set, I couldn't talk on the phone, I couldn't get on the computer, I couldn't watch TV.
I couldn't do anything. I was extremely pissed and I hated her again. I thought she was out to ruin my life. But still, it made me a little unnerved that she wouldn't talk to me. She just wouldn't. She'd told me my guidelines and that was it. I was mad, so I starting looking for ways to break all her rules.
Then my friend Andrew Bolden died.
He was high and drunk in the car with his girlfriend and he ran into another car. He killed his girlfriend, paralyzed a mother, and killed her newborn baby.
That could have been me; I had thought as I stared at his body at visitation, I could be responsible for the death of a baby and my girlfriend. I could have been a murderer, all because I wanted to get a little high.
The day I got back from the funeral, I started anew. That was senior year, a week from graduation. I realized that in order to start new, I needed to leave.
So I left.
I moved out the day after graduation. I went to New York City where I went to Juilliard. Everything was going extremely well (except giving up on girls…that I couldn't do too well)…until I got a call from my sister that my nephew was hit by a car. I was scared to death that's for sure. I flew home to Malibu to be with my sister, Anna Gail, and her son, Ethan. Even after Ethan was better, I stayed there with them. Anna Gail's husband had died one year ago when Ethan was eight, and needed some help as he grew older. I was happy to help my older sister, and that's where I've been ever since. Until I jumped out of the limo, of course.
♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥-♥
"Jake?"Anna Gail's voice calls above me. I open my eyes. She's standing there with a tear-streaked face. I got released yesterday, and she wasn't taking the news very well at all.
"Hey," I say softly as I sit up on the plush, red sofa. Ethan is playing video games in his room with his best friends Charlie and Sophie and screaming at the TV, or them, or maybe both.
Anna Gail fiddles with her hands as she sits down beside me. It's silent for a moment while the clock on the wall ticks loudly. She sniffs and she's wringing her hands like she always does when she's trying not to cry. I want to make her feel better, but I don't feel okay myself.
I hadn't cried that much. Mom said it's because I'm in denial, but I don't know. All I know is, I've got like eight months to two years to make up for seventy.
"Jake, I…" She stops again and chews the inside of her cheek, "what do I tell him? He adores you."
Ethan. She hadn't told him yet, and frankly, I didn't want her to have to.
"I don't know, Ann." I said as I leaned back and closed my eyes, "I think maybe I should tell him."
"He's already lost his father…now he has to lose his uncle too! It isn't fair...to him, to me. I don't want to lose you!" She was lightly sobbing. My sister and I were never exactly the best of friends, but as we got older we bonded more. She's my best friend now.
I hugged her warmly. A few moments later she sniffed and passed me a watery smile. Anna Gail wasn't a crier at all; it took a lot to make her cry. And even when she started, she finished fast.
"Everything's going to be alright," I felt the need to say.
She shakes her head and her red hair danced.
Anna Gail is adopted. She knew from the moment she was old enough to realize she looked nothing like our family. My mother has clear, tan skin, bright blue eyes, and light blond hair. My father has light blond hair, tan skin, and green eyes. I have blond hair, blue/green eyes and tan skin.
Anna Gail has deep red hair, pale (almost translucent) skin, her nose is sprinkled with freckles, and her eyes are an intense hazel. Her body built is different then ours, too. My mother stands at an astounding six-feet-two, my dad at six-feet-three, and me at around six feet. Anna Gail is five-four. While mom, dad, and I have a very boney build, Anna Gail has a more curvy build. While she wasn't overweight, she is larger then the actresses I worked with everyday.
But the fact she is adopted never bothered her. In fact, she felt it made her unique from everyone else. My sister is a very bright, sunny person. If she was a color, she'd be yellow. Or maybe orange. She can see the bright side for anything. Except this, as I was finding out. She was never close to mom, but was close to dad. Maybe it was because a few years back, Anna Gail had asked my mother about her real parents. Mom went insane, trying to dissect Anna to figure out why she wanted to know about them.
Our mother was quite the drama queen.
Her and Anna constantly rubbed shoulders over everything. But they loved each other, and that's all that really mattered. Or, that's what they said anyway. A few months back, Anna finally found out about her parents.
Her birth mother was sixteen when she had her. Ironic really because Anna was sixteen when she had Ethan. Her mother was poor and couldn't support a child. Her name was Marie Howard, and she never even got to see Anna after she birthed her. Anna used to joke about how she can remember when the doctor just pulled her out and covered her with a blanket and hid her until mom and dad got there.
Her birth father was unsupportive the moment he found out about Anna Gail. He abandoned Marie and that was that. I envied my sister. She had been through so much, but still stayed strong. She was my hero. When she found out about Ethan, she was strong about it. She sat down Carl, her boyfriend at the time, and our parents and told them all at the same time. Mother freaked out. No, freaked out was an understatement. She went insane. Dad wasn't happy, but he loved Anna Gail. He was there for her no matter what, as was I. Carl stayed with her until they turned eighteen, then they happily married. They had the real thing, I knew that from the moment Anna Gail first introduced us to Carl. Mom came around during the time Anna Gail was five months. Anna never complained about her feet, back, or anything. She always told me it was going to be worth it, and it was.
"Jake," she says to me. I look up at her.
"I'm scared," she says. Her saying that scared me. If Anna Gail could get scared, then I was supposed to be paralyzed.
"I think I might be," I say as I stare at the wall.
"You should get the best out of these eight months," her voice cracks at eight months, "you know, travel…see things, places, people."
I shrug, "I'd rather stay here with my family."
Her spirit sparks up again as she jumps up and flings her small arms out. She dances around the room and exclaims,
"You need to adopt a dog! Learn to speak pig Latin! Dance in the rain! Eat snail at some weird restaurant in France! Fall in love!" Her stops there and her arms fall her to her sides. She stares at me, waiting for my response.
She's right; I think as I look at her, I need to do all that and so much more! I can't just sit here for eight months! I've got to do something with the time I've got left!
I jump up and throw my arms around her, hugging her so euphorically that her feet leave the ground.
"You're so right, Anna!! I need to! I'm going to!" I exclaim.
She grins, happy again.
"Look on the bright side; you can waste all your money on pointless things."
So she really can find the bright side to anything. I knew she still wasn't happy though. I wasn't either, but I felt better. As if maybe I'll be able to die accomplished. I couldn't waste any time mourning for what I was going to lose either, my time is very precious.
The only problem with Anna Gail's list of things I should do is the last one.
I've only truly loved one person (still do, even, but I'll never admit it) and it's someone getting in touch with and getting her to love me back will take longer then eight months, probably ions.
Even as I knew it was impossible, her face came to my mind. Even if she didn't love me, I should be able to see her before I have to leave.
"First things first," I said to Anna Gail, "let's go to the dog pound!"