Meredith looked up at the sound of his voice. Derek stood a little unsteady before her. The sad look in his blue eyes was mirrored in her grey-green gaze.
"If you're here to thank me for buying the next round, your special trip isn't needed. You could have called."
"Meredith." Derek sighed heavily, taking a seat next to Meredith on the step. The smell of scotch still clung to him. Meredith shifted away.
"God Derek, drink much?"
Resting his elbows on his bent knees, Derek buried his face in his hands. "Tonight, unfortunately, yes. Too much."
Meredith decided to rip off the band-aid. To hell with her banner of avoidance. "Go ahead and say it."
Derek glanced cautiously at Meredith. "Say what?"
Meredith gestured between them. "That this is done."
"Why would I say that?"
"It looked like it tonight." Meredith nervously toyed with the hem of her t-shirt. "You were walking away. Again. But with her."
Derek closed his eyes in hearing the sadness and pain in Meredith's voice. "Mer," he whispered. "There is no 'her.' And I'm not going any where." God, his heart felt so tight. "Unless you want me to."
Meredith sniffed, the curtain of her hair obscuring her face. Derek resisted the urge to tuck the silky strands behind her ear so he could see her face.
"Meredith," Derek ran a tired hand down his face. "I have an idea of what you think you saw, but nothing happened. You think something did, and I'm sorry. For whatever you think you saw, for what you're thinking, feeling right now, I'm so sorry."
Derek didn't know what to make of Meredith's continued silence. He thanked God for the bit of sobering up he received during the cab ride over. Throwing up the excess scotch in the parking lot after the O'Malleys left also helped.
"I went to Joe's tonight to get perspective. About us. We seem to be drifting apart, and I needed to figure out how to reverse it. I didn't want to sit another night in my trailer, so, I went to Joe's. Somehow the flow of scotch didn't stop. I was so wrapped up in thinking about us, I didn't really notice who or what was sitting next to me, let alone how much I drank."
"Why did you silence my call?"
Derek frowned. "You called me?"
Meredith nodded. "In the bar, before I knew you were there, I called to invite you to Joe's for a drink." She stared straight ahead at the front yard, afraid to glance in Derek's direction. Meredith was afraid of his reaction.
She missed Derek's smile. "You wanted me to come for a drink?"
"And I watched you silence my call…" Meredith trailed off.
As quickly as his smile appeared, it was gone. He vaguely remembered silencing his vibrating phone. Unclipping the phone from his waistband, Derek flipped through the list of incoming calls. The last one had been from Meredith.
"I didn't know it was you," Derek's voice was full of remorse. "Joe's was so noisy, I couldn't hear. I couldn't even focus on the display to see who was calling."
"Seriously?" Meredith whispered. She chanced a quick sideways glance at Derek.
Derek sensed a small crack in the defensive wall Meredith built since leaving Joe's. Un-noticed by Meredith, he scooted a little closer to her. "Yeah.
The late night chill caused Meredith to shiver again. Derek watched as she rubbed her arms, trying to keep warm. Should he, or shouldn't he?
Meredith heard Derek slide along the top of the step and felt his arm sneak around her waist. She didn't resist as Derek drew her against his side.
Derek sighed as Meredith leaned into him. Pressing his lips lightly against her forehead, Derek whispered, "I miss you." He wanted to say so much more, but wasn't sure if Meredith would listen tonight.
The vice-like grip around her heart eased a little at Derek's admission. Meredith knew she still loved him. She was in this thing. She wasn't walking away. But she couldn't, with any degree of certainty, say the same for Derek.
Meredith finally raised her head and looked into his piercing blue eyes. The emotion she found there took her breath away. "I miss you too."
Derek's gaze darkened as he watched Meredith's lips form the words. Lowered his head the slight distance needed to make contact, Derek's lips rested lightly against Meredith's mouth. Not moving. As if seeking permission to continue.
From that slight contact, a thousand radiant points of heat rolled through Meredith's body. Cupping his face in her hands, Meredith pressed her lips against Derek's before pulling back. As much as she wanted to continue that kiss, Meredith couldn't. Not until the air was fully cleared.
Confused, Derek looked at Meredith.
"Derek, we need to talk, but not tonight." She stood up and extended her hand to him. "And you are crashing on the couch for tonight."
Derek let Meredith pull him up from his seat on the step. He knew Meredith was right. Misunderstandings needed to be cleared up once and for all. They had to find a way to use their words on a regular basis. Derek knew he has to tell Meredith about his conversation with Dr. Webber about the Chief of Surgery position.
Derek locked the front door and followed Meredith into the living room. He watched as she pulled a blanket and pillow out from a small trunk behind the couch.
"Mer, there is something I need to tell you."
"Not tonight Derek," Meredith shook her head. "In the morning, after large amounts of coffee." She knew they both had tomorrow off. Plenty of time to talk.
"I'll be right back," Meredith touched Derek's cheek. "I have a pair of your sweats upstairs." Before she could take another step Derek drew her into his arms, and held her close against him. He buried his nose in her hair and inhaled. Meredith smiled and wrapped her arms around his back, running her hands up and down in a slow, soothing manner. They stood that way for a few moments, enjoying the simple contact.
"You're welcome to take a shower before bedtime," Meredith whispered in his ear. She could feel his nodded response.
"You can't be serious!" A voice yelled from the doorway.