DATE 102 Chapter 3: D, E, F, G, a naruto fanfic

DiScLaiMeR: I own nothing, except that ref over there, and that oven, and that TV, and that bed, and that, and that, and that….

AuTHoR's NoTe: I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!! You people had thought that this fic had died didn't you?? Nuh-uh!! I was just busy (being lazy). Hehe.. But here am I!! Ready to give you another fun chappie!! Hope the wait is worth it…

ReVieW RepLiEs:

Briryan, Saturnblue, Phantomsnow and -kyuubi11- : this chap will show some clues to your question, -smiles-

Acacia Jules : thanks! I changed it now…

DarkNinjaBunneh : I'm sorry if recognizing the dates disappointed you, I just thought that making the datees who are well known, would make it more funny. But since you want to read someone who you do not know, well, I put some here.

FallenPie, crimson nightmare and Miss-Janine: yes, I'm going keep up to 102 dates. I'm insane like that, and thanks for the good luck, I'll really need it.

Kyuubi-Kit: I'm sorry if the fic disturbs you…

Thanks For the Reviews of the Following:

FoxxyGoddess; Angel20012; evanescenceangel18; MydridFox09; azurefirewulf; may.neuma; DeathNoteMaker; nikkiru; shadow danser; Akaatje; Crimson Aries; Sasunaru-rikusora-akuroku; kirallie; Sesshy's angel 18; Shiva-iceflame; MissSilver; SchizoNeko; Chibi Strawberry; Kuro Ookami Hatake; Blue-eyed Fox; just a rambling romantic; xXxLuna-the-ChosenxXx; Akane-chan34; Shinigami - Momo; Arisu Arisugawa; XxTypoMasterxX; frogger666; MonkieChese; Ebil-Baka; UchihaUzumaki baby; AngelOfContemplation; insanechildfanfic; DarkRavie; Koharu Kage; MysteryLady-Tx; Gothic Tigress; Rabbitzan; Namikaze Hatake; sakura's conscience; DedicatedReader; Heaven Cobra; Shimo Ino; shadow lupus; Ignorince-Is-Bliss; cutsycat; Daemon Unix; DeathAngel90

Warnings: Silly cross-overs, Cursings (Lots and Lots of it), Spoilers, Crappiness, OOCness, Craziness, and YAOIness, heh.

DaTe 102

CHAPTER 3:

Damn! Everything's Fucking Great!!

-NARUTO'S POV-

-- Day 7: --

7:53 a.m.

Datee 014:

It's been a week and I'm still alive!

I knew I could do it, dattebayo!!

Yeah, sure, it had been a rough week, what with being forced to date freaks, insane lunatics and perverts but at least I survived it, and although a little (?) molested, and a little (??) mentally scarred, at least I'm still my gorgeous self.

… Wait! wait…

Speaking of being my gorgeous self…

…

I forgot to do the inventory this morning. I have to make sure that I'm still complete in any way, shape or form. It's one of the habits I developed since I was asked (please read: BLACKMAILED) to do this date thingy.

It's just that, I could never know (and could never be safe) what those stalker's now conned datees will steal from me. Boxers being stolen on the middle of the day, on the middle of the streets, will make anyone wary.

Just ask me, tsch!

Let's see, I still have a few minutes before my next date arrive so I think I could do the inventory here. Now where is that damned mirror --

–fumbles in clothes then suddenly stops-

Err…maybe I could just use the reflection on the river over there.

–walks off and mumbles something about beasts appearing on mirrors-

Ok, let's start!

Blond hair…. Still silky, and so—hey! I think I got split-ends, Note to self: must remember to go to the salon later. Maybe I should have my nails done too? Hmm… -blinks- So uhh, yeah… hair Check!

Ears… still exceptional as ever. Check! -sighs happily- I love hearing the sound of nature. Especially this time of the year. They made me relaxed and forget the worries of the world. The rustling of the leaves on the trees and the barely-there sounds that the fallen leaves emitted when they slowly fell on the grounds. The chirping of the morning birds. Gentle whoosh of the winds and the soft ripples of water. The --

-heard some perverted giggling about 100 m away, the general direction of the women's onsen, and some sounds of scratching on the paper-

Note to self: Buy earplugs. And Toad-sennin poisons.

Pair of cerulean eyes… still as beautiful as ever though a little bloodshot from stress… check! Note to self: buy cucumbers, and that eye cream. I heard they're on sale. And very effective.

Lips… pouty, pink and kissable… check! Note to self: find someone to kiss so lips will not remain virgin

…

-pause-

-remember the scene on academy with Sasuke-teme-

-eyes glinted dangerously, malevolent aura being emitted-

P.S. Note to Self (URGENT): Find and Kill Sasuke. Must not use Rasengan. Must be discreet about it. Must hide the body. Must not be suspected about it.

Clothes… a white muscle shirt with red collar, khaki pants were a little baggy but nonetheless still gives an I'm-fucking-hot-so-come-and-ravish-me-look clothes… Undershirt and boxers. Check! (The drawstrings of the boxers are tightly knotted, and for precautionary measure, had packed another two pairs of boxers. There is a saying that "One could never have too many boxers, especially when surrounded by perverts". I'm merely following it, and taking the saying to heart.

–raises eyebrow- What?

Never heard of that saying? Of course you won't. I invented it, ever since that damned Bakura stole my boxers. Tsch!)

Note to self: Must buy more of this boxers, their comfortable. And orange. With green frogs. Cool.

Body… still the normal gorgeous tan and still toned, especially these abs. Yep! Check! Note to Self: I'm really gorgeous, no doubt about it.

Virginity… is still intact, Halleluya! CHECK! This is one of the most important aspect of the inventory. I have to check this constantly, because as I had said before this whole date thingy, most of the datees here are just after my beautiful body. –Snort-. As if they could take it that easily. My virginity will be only for my most most precious person. Now who could it be, will still remain a mystery. Cause I don't know it yet. Note to Self: Buy a chastity belt. And a spray mace.

And, oh my precious precious sanity. God, I love you so much! I never thought that there would come a time where I will pray so much that my sanity will remain as it is (not wholly whole, but at least it's there). The whole week had been trying to my precious sanity, I had fought hard for it, almost lose it many times, but it still remained intact. A little traumatized, true, but still intact. Note to Self: After this mission, make an appointment to the village psychologist. Maybe reserved a room in the mental hospital too.

"Anou…"

At the sound of the voice, I almost jumped out of surprise. I was too engrossed –coughobsesscough- on doing my body inventory that I was caught unaware. How disappointing for a jounin like me. Good thing no one here was going to tell about it.

–glares menacingly at the reader-

(NORMAL POV)

Naruto turned around towards the sound of the voice, ready to give the one who dares interrupt his must-do-inventory a piece of his mind, only to be faced on what could be one of the most soulful eyes that he had ever seen.

It was a pair of wide and bright chocolate colored eyes. Obscured by long eyelashes on a heart-shaped face framed by spiky reddish-brown hair. There was a hesitant smile on that face that seemed to melt anyone who dares to look at it. Over-all the teen in-front of him was a pretty boy. A very very pretty boy.

"Uhmm… You're Naruto, right?" the owner of the voice asked him softly, almost timidly.

And at that melodious voice, all of his annoyance of being interrupted quickly vanished into thin air.

Such a softie, he really was.

Seeing that the boy was still waiting for some kind of answer he nodded. "And you are..." he quickly fumbled on his clothes for the parchment to look for the name of his date and a frown cross his face "Dark/Daisuke?" (1)

"… I'm Daisuke." The teen mumbled.

He blinked confusedly at that. "Then what's with the Dark? A nickname or something?"

"Anou … Dark… Dark is my other half. He's in me." Daisuke answered.

At the answer, Naruto looked intrigued. "You mean like sealed in you or something? Because that will be cool, since I used to be a jinchuuriki…" he trailed off when he remembered the fox that was sealed onto him. He really missed the fox, now that he was gone. Especially since the fox died to give him, Naruto, his chakra when he was almost at the brink of death and fighting Pain, the leader of Akatsuki.

Sure, the fox may have brought him the misery that he had suffered when he was still a child, but he was a constant on his life. He was always at his side (well, to be precise at his stomach, but who's being precise?) no matter what happened.

The fox was always there every fight, (always snarking, shouting and spatting at him).

He was very supportive ("Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill them all!")

Always there to help him ("You want my power don't you? C'mon and get it, you know you waaaant toooo… then I will gain control of your body, foolish mortal,")

Telling him to prove himself to the enemy ("You, worthless and pathetic Mortal, you're so weak you can't even beat your enemy. And you dare become my vessel and not accept my help? Insolent human.")

And when he was about to give up, the fox is there to encourage him ("You can't die you filthy Human, If you die I will die as well!!")

-sighs nostalgically- He really really misses the fox now that it was gone.

He woke up from his reverie when the soft answer of his date reached his ears "Sort of. He was a trait of our family. He… he's a thief" the teen admitted but hastily added "But he's good. A-and he… he only appears when I feel… when I thought of my crush…" here the boy trailed off, a hint of pink appearing on cheeks.

Aww… he's blushing. So cute.

"Oh…" the jounin nodded understandingly.

Suddenly, a bright light engulf the boy and when the bright light was gone, instead of the brown haired boy, there standing in front of him was a violet-haired teen. Much older than the other boy. And if the other one was pretty; This one was handsome, devilishly so.

"You're Dark aren't you?" Naruto asked curiously, further studying the teen.

The other just nodded.

"Eh? Why did you appear? I thought… are you going to steal something?" Naruto asked, tilting his head slightly in curiosity. He was debating what to do if the teen in front will steal something from Konoha. After all, it was his duty to protect the village from anything untoward, even if the culprit is handsome.

Here the teen smiled roguishly "I'm here to steal Konoha's most precious treasure." The thief said, winking at him.

Then Naruto did something he thought would never happen again, he blushed in pleased embarrassment.

Comment: Aww… He's so sweet….

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Hours Later:

"What do you mean that the Konoha's most precious painting was gone?!" a surprised voice shrieked as wind blew and a paper flew in the gush of the winds bearing the words,

I will steal Konoha's most precious treasure tomorrow.

-Dark (signed Day 6)

P S Comment: I'll kill him!! How dare he make a fool out of me?? No one is allowed to do that!! No one does that to me. Well… except you…, and Sakura-chan… and Ero-sennin too… and maybe Sasuke-teme… and the Konoha 12 I think… and… all right, many is allowed to do that, but dammit! He isn't one of them! So when I saw him again, I'll make him rue the day he ever heard (or read) the name Uzumaki Naruto! Believe it!

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1:15 – 6:15 p.m.

Datee 015: Dee-Dee (2)

Comment: I don't know if I'm going to cry or laugh madly. The girl was insane, no not Anko-like insane nor Akabane-insane. The girl has a whole category of her own. First he asked me to play with her. Since she was my date, I agreed. I never thought that her idea of playing is tea party, (I could have forgiven her for that) but she forced me to dress a gown and pretend to be a princess (I could almost forgive her for this, somewhat…) then when she had been bored with my lack of cooperation, she decided to go on a riding on a horse. With me. As the horse. And that's where I can never forgive her. (If you dare to tell about this to anyone, and I mean anyone, all the sakes and alcohol in Konoha will mysteriously disappear, I mean it)

So, ignoring the fact that all I want to do is punch the girl in the face or bitch slap her silly, I let the girl on my back and run around on my hands and knees (I had no choice but to go along, she had tied me beforehand with chakra-depleting ropes, I had no idea how he had gotten her hands on those things)

So there we were, me running around like a damn horse, neighing and her singing "La! La! La! La!". Thank goodness that the girl had a short attention span and get bored easily.

After the most humiliating experience of my life, she then dragged me to the basement of her house where her brother had a big secret laboratory. There she proceeded to destroy it, thru clicking all the buttons on the big machine there, laughing maniacally. And me, with all my frustrations from my date with her and all others, I joined too. I mean, she was already wrecking it, what was one more right? But apparently, I miscalculated the force of my rasengan (and my frustration) because the next thing I knew, the lab, along with their house, and a part of their subdivision where in ruins. And all the calmness that I had acquired from blasting that rasengan was gone because I was too busy running from the police and angry neighbors.

And here I am. At the police station, shackled and being accused of crimes I was not even aware existed. I'm trying to plead insanity, after all I'm a little close to it, but the idiot police don't believe me. Oh well, bail me out, will you?

Oh, I almost forgot. I'm applying a restraining order for that girl, because it will be hell on earth before I do again all the things that I did on our date. And I'm enrolling her on a mental hospital. And her brother too, because I think the boy had a mental breakdown when he saw what we did to his lab.

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6:30 p.m

Datee 016:

Oh, god!

"Naruto-kun!"

Oh my God!

That voice.

"Hello, un!"

That disgustingly cheery voice.

Masaka!

"Naruto-kun?"

It's not possible!

"Is something wrong, yeah?"

That dreaded accent.

How could this be??

"Are you sick, un? You look pale, yeah!"

"Do you mind??" he snapped to the owner of the voice who had inched closer to him, trying to touch his forehead in a gesture of checking is temperature as he had slapped the hand away. "I'm in denial here!" Then he glared fiercely at the man. Looking at his face.

And that dumb blond mane.

And that blue eye, that peered curiously to him, along with the camera-like left eye.

And the prosthetic left arm on the otherwise stump arm.

He was sure of it. It was him!

But it couldn't be! The man was dead!

He knew it.

He had seen it.

Heck, he was one of the people who had instigated it!

So, why??

…

Oh…

Ohhhhh…

He must still be sleeping. And this is all a dream. And a bad one at that.

Imagine being faced with this man. And imagine him being his date. Heh, what a nightmare!

So with that thought in his mind, he plopped on the bench gracelessly and closed his eyes. Intention clear; to sleep the nightmare staring at his face.

"Oi, what are you doing Naruto-kun?" the voice asked curiously, poking at him.

He didn't answer. Why should he? There was no need for it since all of this was just a dream. He knew that if he concentrated enough, he could wake up from this nightmare. Now, if only the stupid pokes from his side will stop. "What are you doing, un?" And that stupid voice to be gone.

When minutes after, and he realized that none of his wish will happen, like waking up from this horrendous nightmare, or for the insistent poking to stop, and the dreaded owner of the voice to just curl up and die. He sat up abruptly and screamed.

"Arrrgghhhh??!! What the hell are you doing here??" he asked, pointing crudely at the man, almost flattening the man's nose.

"Are? Mou, Naruto-kun. I'm here to be your date of course, un." was the pouting answer.

"Ehhh??" he quickly search for the parchment on his clothes, and when he found it he looked at it with trepidation. Heart pounding, chest heaving, hands shaking. His eyes widened when there, he saw it. Beside the words Datee 016, the name Deidara was glaringly written, as if taunting him. "But you're a missing-nin!" he accused "Tsunade baa-chan wouldn't—"

He was cut off by the man declaring proudly "I'm no longer a missing nin. I'm now a jounin from the hidden village of the lightning, yeah. Ever since you killed the Leader, I figured to make an honest living, I'm tired of running away from ANBU's anyway. It's so tiring, un. And don't worry, I promised the Hokage that I won't harm you, un." The man pacified.

"You better not." he warned, eyes narrowed dangerously.

"I promise, yeah!" Deidara said.

Naruto had no choice but to believe it, after all, ever since all of this had happened, he had no choice in anything. "So, what are we going to do?" he asked evenly.

Here the man looked excited, and if the future will be honest looked bit, a teeny weeny bit cute. "We're going to fly, yeah!"

He was about to tell the man to go kill himself because human's don't fly when he noticed the monstrously big white bird at the edge of the forest, and the former missing-nin was heading towards it.

"C'mon, Naruto-kun!" the blond called out, he was already at the top of the bird and he was holding a hand out for Naruto to take.

The soon-to-be Rokudaime hesitated for a bit, before taking the hand and he was hoisted up at the top of the bird. He wouldn't admit it, but ever since he had seen the bird almost four years before he had been wondering how it feel to ride it.

And soon, they were hundred of meters away from the ground, flying above Konoha.

"A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view"

They were circling the village, and Naruto was enjoying the rush of the wind on his face. It makes him feel alive, being airborne like this. Like here at the sky he was free, he could do whatever he wants and no problems would reach him.

No insane missions, no stalkers, no nothing…

"No one could tell us no, or where to go,"

They swooped down a little to fly around the Hokage Tower and Naruto had to stop his whoops in enjoyment and had to contain his laughter of their sudden movement. They slowly gained altitude again and continued flying until they almost reached the clouds in the sky.

He giggled a little bit at the dampness on his cheek when they encountered a cloud. Minutes later, the bird glided down.

"Or say where only dreaming"

A flying brown bird were flying along side of them and perched on Naruto's shoulder to have it's well deserved rest. The nip it gave him on the ear told him that yes, this wasn't a dream no matter how this seemed too good to be true.

"A whole new world,"

Now, they were flying on top of the forest of death and the leaves on the trees rustle as they pass by. He couldn't help but feel grateful to the other one for giving him a chance to fly. And the happiness he felt that he would have never thought possible for seeing the wonderful scenery.

"A dazzling place I never knew"

The moon was shining brighter than any other night. And its rays gave the village a glow that made one's breath hitch in awe. The sky was void of any clouds and the stars were twinkling brightly forming well-known constellations. The former jinchuuriki gave a gasp as he saw a falling star. And another. And another. And another…

A meteor shower, he thought in awe. He closed his eyes and just let the beauty of the night washed over him. 'I wish I could find the person who will love me truly and whom will I love in return.'

A hand on his shoulder made him open his eyes.

"But when I'm way up here, it's crystal clear"

Naruto looked at his date and the man, whose hair was blowing in the direction of the wind, was smiling roguishly.

A tick formed on Naruto's head.

"That now I'm in a—"

"If you do not stop singing right now, I'm going to shove you off the bird." He warned threateningly. "You're ruining the moment!"

Deidara pouted "But on the film Aladdin (3), Aladdin was singing to J-"

He abruptly cut off the man, "One, Aladdin lived on an Arabian country and we" he pointed to himself and Deidara "are in a hidden continent. Two, they are dark-haired and olive skinned, we are both blondes. And three" he ground out "do I look like freakin' Jasmin to you?!"

"Mou, Naruto-kun, you're no fun, un!"

Naruto's death glare answered the man.

The other sighed "all right then, but I had a surprise for you. It will be great, yeah!" He patted the bird's head as a signal and they landed at the top of the Hokage monument. They got off the bird and the Uzumaki teen looked curiously at the man, wondering what the surprise he was talking about was.

And to the surprise of the young man, Deidara pulled something from his clothes. He blinked to try to see if what he was seeing is what it really was. After blinking more, the golden oil lamp that Deidara was holding was still there. Naruto groaned in annoyance. "Deidara, you baka, if this is another of your Aladdin jokes, I swear I will—"

"No. This is not a joke I promise, un." The other jounin pacified.

Still looking distrustfully at the man, he crossed his arms and said "Fine. So what does it do?"

The Former Akatsuki grinned and rubbed the lamp, and to his shock a poof of smoke appeared. And something else too. A big bad brown something.

"Bwahahaha! I'm free! I'm free! Shukaku no Tanuki is free, finally! Bwahahahaha!"

That's right. The big bad brown something was Ichibi no Tanuki. Otherwise known as Shukaku of the desert. And currently he was bellowing too loudly and pulling the trees in glee. Intent on causing mayhem.

Naruto was looking wide-eyed at the scene in-front of him. Masaka! He whirled at the man beside him, looking as shocked as he was and bellowed "What do you think you are doing??! Why did you free the bijuu?!"

"B-but… I did not…" suddenly the man's eyes lit up, and searched at his clothes again. When he found another lamp that looked exactly like the one where Shukaku came from he looked slightly embarrassed "oh… I must have rubbed the wrong lamp… un"

"You think?!" Naruto shrieked. He clutched the man's collar between his hands and pulled towards him and hissed "Listen here, if, after two minutes that demon is still free and creating chaos, I will personally kill you, you hear me?" and he shook the man for emphasis

Deidara looked frightened from the threat and nodded meekly. Good thing that the seal placed in the Bijuu was not broken and the man easily sealed Shukaku back to the lamp again. After much struggling, bellowing and cursings, of course.

After a few minutes of tense silence, when it was apparent that the demon will not suddenly poofed in again, Naruto growled out questioningly "why is Shukaku sealed on the lamp anyway? And why are you carrying it around?"

Here, the man looked sheepish again, "well, when you killed Leader, the Bijuus were left on the cave and on the verge of breaking free so me and Tobi thought of a way to seal them on something that they cannot break free, un. We found a seal, but we can not find a container and the only available one were these oil lamps. So… yeah" then the man added chirpily "and I always bring Shukaku's lamp for sentimental reasons, un!"

Naruto was hard pressed not to just kill the man on the spot. If only Godaime hadn't forbidden him, arms will not be the only missing limb from the man.

"How about looking at my real surprise, yeah?" when the other didn't budge Deidara turned pleading "This is the real one, I'm sure of it, un."

Sighing, the future Hokage nodded. He couldn't say no to the childish enthusiasm that the other projected, no matter how annoyed he was.

Deidara rubbed the lamp again, after making sure that it was the real thing. When nothing happened after rubbing it for a full minute, a cute frown formed on his forehead,

"Why it is not working?" Naruto asked curiously.

Deidara was about to answer when a loud hissing filled the night.

And then a poof was heard again.

"Tadaaah! Never fear! Tobi is here!"

Only for Tobi to came out. Clad in a genie vest (violet with gold lining on it) over his black overalls. His nin-sandals were replaced by the pointed golden shoes. It looked like he had tried to tie his short hair into a ponytail, but since his hair is so painstakingly short, well… there was no other word for it, it came out as a pigtail. Tobi's left hand was perched on his hips while his other was raised in the air, fingers forming a 'peace' sign.

"I think it's broken" commented Naruto, not even sparing Tobi a glance. He squatted down on the grounds while looking down at the lamp on the other's hands.

"I think so, too." Agreed Deidara, he was currently shaking the lamp, trying to find what was wrong with it. He, too, is ignoring Tobi who was waving his arm frantically trying to get their attention. "But I tested it yesterday. It was working then."

"Then what was wrong?"

Still ignoring Tobi, who was now doing a wild tap dance trying to attract their attention, the former missing-nin replied "I don't know. It should be a surprise, flowers and gifts should be coming out from it, not… not this."

"Tobi did it!" the orange-wearing mask chirped

This got the attention of the two. "What did you say?"

"Tobi did it!"

"Tobi… what the hell did you do?" Deidara asked dangerously, a tick forming on his forehead.

"Deidara-sempai said he wanted to surprise Naruto-kun, and Tobi thought that Tobi will be a good boy and make a good surprise for both of you, so Tobi exchange the lamp to summon himself instead of the other one because he knew it would surprise you too, Deidara-sempai." Tobi declared proudly.

As the former Akatsuki member continued to talk, the tick on Deidara's forehead grew larger and larger and when the man finished talking the long haired blonde ground out in a deceitfully calm voice "Tobi, you had a 10 second head start to run before I kill you."

"Ehh? But why Deidara-sempai? You did not like the surprise?" Tobi asked, rubbing his head in wonderment.

"10.."

Through-out it all, Naruto who was just watching the two former Akatsuki members didn't know if he would be amused by it all, or just kill them all.

"9…"

"But Tobi is a good boy" the other whined.

"…6…"

When Deidara started to go through his pouch to get clay which he used to produce bombs, Tobi finally understands that the other was serious and started to run.

"…3…2…1…0… Come here Tobi! I'm going to kill you! You idiot!" And the blonde give chase, hollering obscenities to the other and promising different ways of killing, growing more gruesome and gruesome than the other,

The last thing Naruto heard before the voices faded out was "but Tobi is a good boy!"

Comment: I'm having a migraine because of those two…

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--Day 8:--

9:00 a.m – 2:00 p.m.

Datee 017: Donald Duck (4)

Comment: What the hell is this baa-chan?? Do you think it's funny to give me a date such as this?? What do you think of me?? Goddamit baa-chan, I don't practice bestiality and I have no inclination to do so!!

So why the hell did you give a talking duck as a date?? And a sailor one at that. Do you know that he even knows more curses than me, that I think, if my mother is alive and she heard all of the words spouting at that mouth (or should I say beak?!) she will likely had a massive heart attack?! He put sailors to shame, well, he is a sailor but that's beside the point! And did he have to be so grumpy?? He complains about everything, namely Mickey Mouse (whoever the hell he is), Daisy Duck (whoever the hell she is), his nephews (whoever the hell they are), Mickey (whoever the bloody hell he is), Pluto the dog (whomever that dog belongs too), Goofy (whoever the hell he is. By the way what kind of name is that?), and Mickey???!! (Whoever the bloody hell he is, I don't bloody care and I hope he bloody die for the migraine his bloody existence caused me!!!)

I hope I never seen that duck again (because I will roast him), or find his other friends because I know I will be arrested for animal cruelty. If barbequing and eating them would be considered as such.

And one more thing. I hope that this will be the last of the talking animals that you picked to be my date. 'Cause otherwise, there will be hell to pay.

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-At the Hokage Tower:-

The twitch of the lips of the Hokage, along with the amusement on her eyes, while reading the parchment that was connected to the one the blonde jounin currently owns were noticeable. And very suspicious. Very very suspicious.

And of course, being as perceptive as she is, especially when it comes to the blonde-haired Hokage, Shizune noticed it right away. "What is it Tsunade-same? What did Naruto-kun said?"

"Oh… He just said that he doesn't like his date." Tsunade said dismissively.

"Why? Who was his date?" she asked curiously. Still wondering if it was a wise decision to continue this date mission of Naruto considering what happened on the week of the preparations. She was still having nightmares about that day of the full moon.

"Donald--" here the blonde woman's lips twitches again "…Duck"

Shizune's eyes went wide when she heard the answer and a cry of "Tsunade-sama!" rang out on the office, making the birds on the nearby trees to fly away due to fright.

"Eh, But I really think he was cute..." The Hokage pouted, propping his chin on her palms.

Her apprentice gave a huff and snatched the parchment from the desk, she read the content and a tick appeared on her forehead "please tell me this is the only 'cute' animal you put on the list of the datees." She pleaded, hoping for an affirmative answer.

"Yes, yes, he was the onl-…" she stopped faltering when she remembered something "Eheh… Oops?"

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-At the Date's Official Meeting Site:-

2:15 p.m.

Datee 018:

Naruto's chest was still heaving on anger after he had written his comment over his last date. He wasn't kidding when he had written it. That date was disastrous at best. The blonde jounin almost had a heart attack when the duck trudged to where he was sitting and then announced that he was his date. That duck has to be the most ill mannered and grumpiest duck that had ever graced Earth. He never, ever, wanted to see that sailor again. Or god forbid, he will commit 3 murders. One for killing the duck, one for killing the Godaime, and one for killing himself afterwards.

His murderous thoughts were stopped when he heard footsteps nearing him. Naruto took calming breaths and when he felt himself calm enough to face his date without having sudden urges to kill everyone on sight. He looked up and come face to face with his date.

His eyes widened when he took in the sight in front of him. Because here in front of him, is a smiling someone. With a purple mask covering his eyes and what looks like a pole, along with a shell were strapped on his back. A laptop was also clutched on his hands, and many other gadgets. But what struck Naruto odd was the someone was green. Very very green.

"Yo! I'm Donatello (5), got any pizzas here? I'm kinda starving."

A cry of "Baa-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!" was heard through-out Konoha.

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-At the Hokage Tower:-

"What?" the Hokage asked her assistant who was looking at her exasperatedly. "He was very intelligent and I thought the turtle was macho, with all that bulging muscles…"

Silence.

Then,

"Tsunadeeee-saaammmaaaaaaaaa!!"

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11:55 p.m.

Datee 019:

He was not afraid.

Of course not.

He was an elite jounin. Son of the hero Yondaime Hokage. Protégé of the Sandaime and Godaime. Apprentice of the great Gama-sannin. Soon-to-be Rokudaime, the youngest Hokage ever. Of course he was not afraid. Nope. Not one bit.

He was special. He was strong. He was powerful.

So of course, he is not afraid to be walking alone here in a dark forest at the middle of the night, with the sky void of any stars and the fluffy clouds the only present thing on the sky that obscures the moon from peeking and spreading its rays on the lands; holding a flashlight to see his way (His hand is not shaking from fear, he was merely shivering. Never mind that the night was humid (and he was sweating) and Never mind the fact he was wearing a black undershirt, a white collared shirt and a blue sweater over it, and jogging pants and sneakers. Was it his fault that he easily got cold in warm weather and even he had warm clothes? Silly.)

And the reason he was stiff was not because he was scared, he was just angry. Come on, no one would like to walk in this hour solely for a date. He should be asleep, not trudging the frightening –err…- dangerous – Yep. That's it. Dangerous forest where ghost –uhh- thieves and bandits. That's right. Bad people resides in the forest in evening. That's also the reason why his eyes where darting everywhere, he was merely on the look-out for the bad people, not the ghost.

When the sounds of rustling leaves reached his heightened ears, he did not jump startled and squeaked in surprise. Nope. He did not. He also did not gut the unfortunate rabbit that had caused the noise in the bushes in a fit of revenge for frightening him. Nope. He did not.

And when a howl pierced n the otherwise silent night, he did not shrieked in fear and almost run home, and stumbled on his haste. He just didn't seen that stone on his way. Damn, that stone. Yep, damn that fucking stone.

And when he arrived at the gloomy and horrifying –ehemm- mysterious castle, that was standing at the top of the hill, he never thought to just forgot all about the date and just lie to the Hokage that his date was found dead and rotting, so there was no point in doing the date. No, he never thought that. Not once.

When he approached the castle door and it creaked open, he didn't start shaking and almost peed in his pants. And when a figure suddenly appeared in his line of vision, clutching a candle holder he didn't start hyperventilating. It was all because the man was ugly and he was afraid that it will contaminate him. It was only because of that. Damn the hunchback and his ugliness. Damn him to hell.

Even when he was lead to the darkest part of the castle, trailing after the butler to get to his date, he was never afraid. No, never.

But his eyes grew wide when the hunchbacked man brought him to a room where instead of the bed in the middle of it, there is a coffin. And when the lid of the coffin opened and the body that was lying there, who had not been breathing let alone live, suddenly opened his eyes and stood up, he was certainly afraid. And when the man spoke flashing his pointy fangs at him and announced that he, Count Dracula (6) was his date, he screamed like a girl and hightailed out of there. And this time, he called for his mother.

Yes, even the great Uzumaki Naruto can be scared sometimes.

Comment: Baa-chan, do you have any garlics in there? Even a cooked one? And wooden cross and holy water too, the church and the stores are already close for today.

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--Day 9:--

9:00 a.m.

Datee 020: Dumbledore, Albus Wulfric Brian Percival (7)

"Do you want a Lemon drop, my boy?"

He looked at the wrinkled hand that holds the sweet. Then he slowly raised his eyes to look at the bony arm. Then the frail body that was covered by a dazzling purple robes with twinkling stars that nearly blinded him. He continued scrutinizing until his gaze fell on that long white beard (is it tucked on the belt??), and the wizened face and that twinkling blue eyes framed by half-moon spectacles.

He blinked his eyes. Then he blinked again. When the image on his eyes didn't disappear or de-aged (or drop dead, what is that man doing alive anyway? Men that age were supposed to be food for ravenous worms), he cleared his throat, and excused himself for a minute.

"Go on, my boy; take all the time you want. I was just merely passing time while looking for something. You didn't by any chance saw a golden cup here did you?" the old man asked peering at him closely. Twinkle on his eyes were now long gone.

He shook his head frantically; the wizened man's gaze unsettled him. It's as if the man was reading his mind. So saying his apologies, he hastily distanced himself from the old man and took out the parchment. He held it with trembling hands due to anger and wrote:

Comment: I soooo hate you.

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2:15 – 7:15 p.m.

Datee 021: Eiri Yuki (8)

Comment: He's cold. Too cold. His name fits him perfectly, the bastard. I mean, I was just minding my own business while waiting for him and I decided to write my comment on my last date, then there was this gush of wind and the parchment flew out of my hands and landed on his feet. He then read it, and then told me straight to my face that my writing sucked!! The nerve of that guy! He was the one who was imposing, but he had the gall to tell me that?? So, what if he was a writer? Tsch!

He almost looked like me, you know. Gorgeous, soft blond hair and blue eyes. Toned, but slim body. We could have been brothers but with that personality, he most undoubtedly was related to the Uchihas. Hope they all burn in hell.

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7:30 p.m.

Datee 022:

Wow.

There was no other word for it.

The beauty in front of him is probably the prettiest girl he had ever seen. Her blonde hair was in an elegant bun tied by a blue ribbon, and she was wearing a sparkling a white gown. Her dainty hands had been covered by white gloves. And she was wearing –blinks in disbelief- glass shoes??

And she arrived in a beautiful coach with white horses that was pulling it, and a coachman.

Naruto wondered if the girl thought that they will be going on a ball. Or maybe, she was not his date and was simply lost. Better ask her now. "Uhmm…W-what's your name?" he stammered out. This beauty just makes him speechless.

"Cinders-ella, I mean Cinderalla." The girl answered.

He looked at the parchment, and the name Ella (Cinderella) (9) was written on it. Oh well, lucky him. He looked at her again and couldn't help but conscious at what he was wearing, he looked like a peasant compared to her. Why the hell is she wearing a gown anyway??

Then suddenly, music filled the night air. He frowned in confusion and wonder where the music were coming from considering they were outdoors and almost at the edge of the forest before he saw Ero-sennin hiding in a tree and tuning the component. The pervert gave him a thumbs up before giggling and pulling out his ever present notepad and scribbled furiously. He squelched the urge to go to the man and pound him senseless, because it will ruin his date with the girl.

Seeing the girl watching her expectantly, he asked gallantly while holding out a hand "May I have this dance?"

He do have manners and etiquette, you know.

Hours of dancing later…

Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong!

"What's that?" the girl asked curiously.

"The midnight chime." He answered. His right hand was still holding the soft hand of the girl and his left her narrow waist. To his surprise the girl looked surprised, and even a hint of fear flashed through her eyes.

She hastily wrenched herself away from him, and said "I'm sorry, but I had to go."

Dong! Dong!

Before he could even react; the girl had run away from him. She stumbled a little and her right shoe fell from her foot but she seem not to notice it and hastily get on the coach and then the horse took off, running as if there was a bandit hot on their trails.

He stood there shocked; rooted on the spot, unable to comprehend what had happened. He didn't even move when Jiraiya approached him and handed him the glass shoe.

Dong! Dong!

"What did you do? You didn't grope her did you?" the sannin asked with a lecherous grin on his face.

"Shut up." He growled. And stomp off.

Dong! Dong! Dong!

Comment: What the hell just happened? Who does she think she was leaving me like that?? And why did she run away anyway? Does she have a curfew? Boy, she must have strict parents. Oh well, Poor girl.

And what the hell will I do with this glass shoe? I can't very well sell it if it has no pair.

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-Naruto's POV-

--Day 10:--

7:00 a.m

Datee 023:

I looked closely at the teen in front of me. He has a long golden hair that was braided and hung on his back, and long bangs that almost covers his eyes. His body was clad in a black high collared shirt and in a tight leather pants (I had to wipe the drool from my mouth) and a red coat. I could tell by the way his clothes hugged his body that even though he was lean, he was still muscular. He was leaning (I must say sexily) on the edge of the bridge where we used to meet when I was still in team 7, apparently now it was one of the date spots too. I don't know if baa-chan's making me meet the date here for moral boost or just to plain old annoy me. Either way it worked. I cleared my throat a little and asked "So, you're name is Elric, Edward (10) right?"

The teen nodded and said "yeah…" and nothing else.

I raise an eyebrow at that answer. This teen was certainly interesting. He looked very calm and collected, and the way he carried himself a bit cockily and with a bit of arrogance, as if he was merely telling the world in subtle way that he was powerful and to not mess with him. It was not boisterousness. It was a fact. And he knew it. And the world should very well believe it. Especially those eyes of his, those wide gold eyes that radiated of knowledge and intelligence and as well as strong sense of righteousness. And I knew that his right arm and left leg was made of steel. Even if those were well-oiled, my keen-hearing still hear the soft clang of metal hitting metal when he moved a muscle. But somehow, even with all of this, I still couldn't help but feel attracted. Like a moth in a flame. The spread on a sandwich. The berry in a strawberry. A fly on a crap—

Okaaay… those descriptions were disgusting. I should have read those love letters that my fans wrote to me to learn how to describe people like a lovesick person who has an unhealthy habit of stalking the love of his/her life.

Shaking my head on my stupid thoughts I look again at the enigma and tried to make another conversation "so… how old are you?"

"..16…" was his short reply.

I was a bit surprised at that answer. I thought he was only about 14 or something. Alright, I know. I'm turning into a pedophile. Damn that old hag. If I got into the jail for corrupting minors in the future I will personally held her responsible. It isn't my fault for turning into a pedophile if I was forced to date a 7 year old and 10 year old. Let me see you try it and did not emerge a pedophile. "Uhmm… I didn't mean to sound tactless or something, but aren't you a little bit.." I hesitated a bit on what I was about to say but finally decided 'what the hell, I was born without tact' so I plunged on "…small?"

Well it's true. He is really small for his age. I was just merely being honest. So of course, I almost had a heart attack when the calm and cool Elric Edward suddenly grabs me and shook me like a paper doll and proceeded to yell the life out of me.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE CAN'T EVEN REACH THE TOP OF THE TABLE WHEN EATING OR REACH THE DOORKNOB WHEN GOING OUT OF THE DOOR OR TO EVEN BE ABLE TO SEE THE—"

"Hey, hey hey.… I didn't mean anything bad about that," I said, trying to calm the homicidal teen. But –sigh- it looks like all my effort was in vain because the other didn't stop yelling let alone loose his grip on me. By the way, I'm a little close in passing out due to lack of air.

"HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF MY LACK OF HEIGHT, I'M SURE WHEN YOU WERE ON MY AGE YOU WERE JUST A SIZE OF PEANUT!!"

My vision turned red at that, and it's not because he was suddenly on top of me and his coat covered part of my eyes (although a part of it came from that), but the real reason was nobody, and I mean NOBODY ever call Uzumaki Naruto a size of Peanut!!

And soon we were both yelling our throats raw with obscenities and curses and insults ranging from "You look like a girl with that hair, who do you think you are Rapunzel??" to "Well, at least I don't look like a damned porcupine with all of my hair standing up like that! Been electrocuted recently, haven't you??"

Ah, well. I guess boys will be boys, because after we exhausted our energies in insulting one another and our eyes met, a silence ensued. And then we were laughing like there was no tomorrow.

"Maa… I'm hungry, I know a good restaurant that we could have a good breakfast. Come on." And then I held out a hand for him to reach into. He looked at my hand for the moment and then with a smile he took it.

We ate at a restaurant where they served Japanese breakfast and while eating we talked about our lives. I found out about his past. The way he and his brother attempted a taboo and got punished for it by the laws of nature. His metal arm and leg were the result of that and his brother lost his body. I'm still quite shocked from knowing this bit of information. (I wonder who made the laws on the laws of nature? Is it just the nature alone? If so, are trees parts of the judges? Because if that is so, then I'm sooo screwed. Imagine all the trees that I have rasenganed trying to get their revenged on me. Oh, Kami-sama don't get let the big bad trees get to me.)

Thankfully, I was distracted on my line of thought by Edward when he asked me about myself. I shrugged a little at that and just tell him that I was just an ordinary jounin who had a harsh past because of something I couldn't help. I told him I'm nothing special. Yep, I'm humble like that. After all, I want him to like me for me, not for what I am and what I could do. Although I don't think it will be a problem seeing he is a prodigy on his line of art, alchemy.

I shifted the conversation to his brother. I was kinda curious what kind of guy this Alphonse was. I think he was a great brother, and from what Edward was telling me, I wished I have a brother too… "Well, I admire you for putting your own brother first before your own needs." I said to him after he told me their adventures in finding the sorcerer's stone, and his and his brother's reasoning behind finding it "And at least you had Alphonse throughout the whole ordeal. And at least, he appreciates what you were doing for him. Unlike some people I know…" I muttered, gritting my teeth when I thought back the whole Sasuke fiasco. Sure, I had forgiven Sasuke for running away, but the guy could have been a little bit repentant, but noooo. The stupid prick just walked in the gates of Konoha, stoic as ever, the when he saw me, the bastard had the gall to smirk at me (Smirk! Imagine??) and said "Dobe." If I was not too happy and too speechless at that moment, I would have pounded that smirk off the bastard. But alas, I was too sweet for my own good. I really should make Sasuke pay for what he did to me, and – Oh! I just remembered my Note to Self about him. Hmm… I should probably put that Note in High Alert too… in blinking red lights.

We talked a little more (thankfully my murderous thoughts had gone down, not entirely gone but at least on ignorable level) and I found about his friends in the military especially Roy Mustang, who Edward insistently argued that is not his friend and never will be (I smell something fishy here) and I also found out that he had somehow got transported into a world where alchemy didn't exist due to some encounters with homunculi. He had found a way to return on his world but it seems that instead of being back on his own world he landed on this world. He really ran out of luck, this guy, but at least here he could use alchemy here.

And before we know it, 5 hours had gone by and we were back on the bridge about to say goodbye to one another, after-all, he was not really serious in winning this date-whatever because his priority is still to get back to his brother, when we heard sounds of footsteps about to head to us.

We looked at the newcomer and we both stared. And stared. And stared some more. Though I think me and Edward had a different reasons for staring. I'm staring because… well, the guy was wearing the same outfit like Sai. A black Halter top, but the guy took the outfit much farther because when Sai wears black baggy pants, this guy was wearing what looked like… black skirt…

I glanced again at Edward he was still staring at the guy, now with loathing on his eyes. "What are you doing here, you bastard?" he hissed.

The guy looked at the teen, he was momentarily shocked before a malevolent grin spread on his face. "Ohh? What do we have here? It seems I had found you, chibi. I actually entered the gate so I could finally kill you, and look, here's my chance."

The braided teen's body shook in repressed anger, anger for the gall of the man in calling him small or for threatening to kill him; personally I think it was the former, seeing that he cared more for his short stature rather than his well-being. And when the guy still grinned at him maniacally he finally snapped and rushed to the man with an angry yell of "Envy! Teme, Omae o korusu!"

I stood rooted on the spot as the man named Envy charged at Edward too. I was about to stop them from fighting when a bright light from the parchment diverted my attention. I frowned in confusion before I remember that it was time to meet my date so the name had been finally revealed.

" I will kill you for what you did to us, bastard!"

"Ohh? Could you really do that?" Envy taunted.

Suddenly, I had a really bad feeling about this. A really really bad feeling. I slowly raised the parchment and peeked at it with trepidation. And there beside the words Datee 024:, written in bold letters for all the world to see, was the name Envy (11)

I really really hate my life.

I looked at the fighting duo again when I heard a loud crash and there I saw the trees lying on the grounds in splinters. I had barely dodged when Edward came wheezing past me, hands already transmuted into a sharp metal, and almost cut off my head. "Oi! Watch out will you!" I bellowed, but the chibi maybe didn't heard me or just ignore me. I was about to shout again when another blur wheezed past me and this time I hadn't had the time to dodge and my face bled due to a cut.

With shaking fingers, I touched the wound, and again I see red. Nope, not just the blood, this time it really was anger. How dare them mar my beautiful face like that??! that's it! No more nice guy!

With a battle cry, and a rasengan on each hand, I charged at them both.

Hours of Battling Later…

The grounds were surrounded by fallen and broken trees. And the three of us were surrounded by the ANBU; out of breath, panting heavily full of scrapes, bruises and wounds. Not to mention that now, instead of beating the crap out of each other, baa-chan was beating the crap out of us…

Comment for Edward and Envy: That was fun! I've never had a good fight like that for a long time. I would have like to do that again but you had banned them from ever entering Konoha again… Saa, maybe I could meet someone like them again, although probably not someone like Envy though. The guy's too insane, too sadistic and too envious. He sure suits his name to a "T". And I hope Edward could finally return to his real world so that he could meet his brother. And that Roy Mustang, I think he has a crush on him even though the guy had an attitude. Oh, well, tough luck for his tough love.

And yeah, do you really have to beat me that hard??

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5:30. – 10:30 p.m.

Datee 025: Fiona (12)

Comment: a heartwarming love story, accompanied by a horror story, that woman has. Although unfortunately (or should I say fortunately) it wasn't with me.

It started innocently enough. I went to the place of the designated date, which were miles away from Konoha. (By the way, do I have to travel all that mountains and battle that gay dragon that looks like he wants to mate with me?)

Then when I arrive there, the wolf who was in a pink dressing gown, of all things, had told me that she was already saved by her prince charming. I was about to head home when I heard that, but his parents had found me there and asked me to save her from the guy who was brainwashing her, their ogre-of-a-son-in-law. I was honestly thinking that it was just a description concerning his manners, but never in my wild imagination figured that it was literal!

So, being as gullible I am, (I never thought I was this gullible, really) I went to the ball that her parents prepared for her. She was quite beautiful I must say, with her slim figure, melodious voice and flaming braided red hair. The party was in full swing, when tadah! Here comes her husband, in a beautiful white stallion, riding gallantly.

And then Mushy number 2 happened (number1 was Belle and that beast lover of hers). The man asked if what she wanted was to live looking what they look like that forever (I had no idea what they meant at that moment), and then Fiona, said (quite heartwarmingly, I must say) that all she wants was for them to live together forever.

And when 12 midnight chimes (what's with the 12 o'clock anyways??) a soft glow enveloped the two. And lo and behold, the two became ogres. I almost had a heart attack about it, you know. I wasn't expecting that. I thought they were going to become more beautiful, or something; not uglier. Definitely not uglier. Oh well, that must be love. Bully for them.

After that whole fiasco, I gave the Frog King a piece of my mind; do I look like a home-wrecker? He should be grateful that I had a soft spot for frogs or I would have killed him on the spot. As it is, I just arranged a summoning contract with him. Hey! One couldn't have too many frog summons.

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--Day 11: --

9:00 a.m. – 2:00 p.m.

Datee 026: Flintstone, Pebbles (13)

Comment: If I hear one more "Yabba-Dabba-Doo!" I'm going to kill my self.

And oh, one more thing. Her family is really oooold fashioned, that much is sure.

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2:15 – 7:15 p.m.

Datee 027: Frodo (14)

Comment: I pity the man, really. I mean, he journeyed to Mount of Doom (who the hell would name a place like that?? though I couldn't complain much since Konoha had a Valley of Death. Really –rolls eyes- must have been a relative of Akabane fellow or Anko-san.) Together with the Fellowship-groupie (I personally think that it was just a cult or a male harem), and became a Ring-bearer (I actually thought at first that he was just the ring-bearer to a wedding, how should I know that it was a different kind of ring-bearer??). All just to destroy the One True ring. Che. Why didn't they just brought the ring to the pawnshop? It would save them a lot of time and energy.

But oh well, it was his funeral, though I think he needs good luck for his travel. Badly.

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--Day 12:--

9:00 a.m. – 2:00 p.m.

Datee 028: Fujin (15)

Comment: She's too loud. Especially with my enhanced hearing. I think my ears are still numb due to her. I mean, does she have to shout out all the things she have to say? And what's with her one word shouts anyway? Like "You!" "Me!" "Together!" "Date!" She's worse than Sasuke (on her one word sentence) and Lee (on her loudness) combined. I had a newfound respect to all that had endured my loudness on the past. Wait… you picked that damn woman to get a revenge on me aren't you?? If so, I hate you.

I wish she had been born a mute. And I, deaf. And you, dead.

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2:15 – 7:15 p.m.

Datee 029: Fujimiya Aya/Ran (16)

Comment: Honestly, couldn't he just decide on which name he will use. He got a real sister complex that one, cause if it was I, and you were on a coma, I'd celebrate. And I would kill gladly commit seppuku first before calling myself Tsunade-baachan.

He was gorgeous no doubt about it, that creamy skin and red hair of his, and his pretty face. But he's a teeny weeny bit homicidal 'cause when I asked something about that Taka-whatchamacallit that caused his sister's coma, he goes into this state and he started shouting "Shine! Shine!" to me while attempting to cut me with his sword in half. Tsch.

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-Normal POV-

--Day 13:--

9:00 a.m. – 2:00 p.m.

Datee 030: Goco, Jimmy (17)

-Scene 1:-

"So, you're Jimmy, aren't you?" Naruto asked the young man in front of him, who had his slitted eyes closed.

"Yes…" –silence- "What am I doing here?" the man named Jimmy asked curiously, looking around them in wonder.

"Eh? You're here for the date." Naruto answered impassively, deftly wondering if this is another case of amnesia or something. I hope not, he prayed fervently.

"Date? What for?" the brunette man asked perplexed.

"You mean you didn't know what it was when you were falling in line on the day of the full moon?" He asked flabbergasted.

"… I thought it was the line to the Pokemon Movie."

Scene 2:

"All right, since I'm stuck here with you, we might as well make the most of it." Naruto said calmly. He, after all, has an ability to think and adapt to any life-threatening situation. This is one of those situations.

"All right," Jimmy answer.

At least he was agreeable, Naruto thought. He didn't know if he would be amused, amazed or exasperated with the man's stupidity. Imagine confusing the queue line of the date on the Hokage Tower over the line on the ticket booth at the theater. How remarkable this man is. "OK, let's go."

"…are we going to watch the Pokemon Movie now?"

And astoundingly idiotical.

Scene 3

"Here, I bought this on the store." Jimmy said happily, handing Naruto a card, "I bought it on the store that we had gone to."

A moment pass while Naruto was reading the card. Then, "You've just picked a card randomly, didn't you?" he asked, with a twitch on his perfect eyebrows.

"Eh? You can tell?" the man asked perplexed, rubbing his neck sheepishly.

"How couldn't I? This card says, Get Well Soon, Grandma??!" he shrieked.

Scene 4:

"Jimmy, I think we should get out of here." Naruto said calmly, betraying nothing of the inner turmoil on his emotions.

"What? Don't you like watching movie?" Jimmy asked, while munching on his popcorn.

"Jimmy…. We are in a video rental store" the blond soon-to-be Hokage ground out.

"Shhh... we are not members here."

Scene 4:

"I think… we should head home, this date is clearly not working out." The jounin said calmly.

"Ehh? I thought it was romantic walking around the park?" the raven-head man asked curiously.

"We are in a parking lot Jimmy!! A car park!" he wailed exasperatedly, his arms flailing wildly, as if to better pinpoint their exact location.

"Err... Why don't we make the most of it? I've already paid the first three hours."

Scene 5:

"So I guess this is it." Naruto said. They were on the front door of his apartment, since he figured that he will take a shower first before his next date.

"Eh? Is there no goodnight kiss? I thought all the date ends with a goodnight kiss?" Jimmy asked with a thoughtful frown on his face.

"Jimmy, my landlady is here" he said exasperatedly, pointing to his landlady that happened to be passing by his door. He ignored the fact that it was midday and the man was asking for a goodnight kiss. If there was one thing he had learned about the man in their 5 hour date; It was to ignore the man's idiocy, tolerate the man's idiocy, and pretend that the idiocy of the man didn't exist, and that it wouldn't be harmful to anyone's health.

But apparently, Naruto had underestimated Jimmy's idiocy because to his utter shock, the slitted-eyes man answered with a smile and a "It's Ok. I'm not choosy." Then Jimmy proceeded to kiss the landlady (who was clearly too stunned to move) senseless.

Comment: The guy is totally clueless to the art of dating. I just hope he doesn't pass his genes to his children. Hmmm.. I think I will go to the shrine today, I'll pray for his infertility… his idiocy must not be spread. Cause if it did, it will be the downfall of human race.

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2:15 p.m

Datee 031: Gwendolen (18)

Comment: Actually Baa-chan her real name is Janet and not Gwendolen. I found out the truth easily enough. I'm not the next Hokage for nothing you know. I can sense oddities like that. Just like I know there is something odd about your existence in this world. The way she always shifted uncomfortably when I called her Gwendy-chan (I first thought she just hated the name, teehee) so I didn't think about it much at first. But when I asked her about her family she kinda slipped being an only child when she mentioned earlier that she has a younger brother. So, of course, I asked her to confess up before I strangle her and feed her to the lions or crocodiles, whichever race I find first to eat her. Alive.

Her story is kinda strange and I don't understand it really. All I know is that she was from other world and a girl who looked very much like her somehow transported her against her knowledge, never mind the will, on this world where magic exist (how cool was that?? Magic?! I'm still reeling from the news, really.) And that every one of us has a copy (almost always 9) in different worlds. I shudder to think on what your other selves are doing in the other mes in the other worlds. I hope they had never met or god help the other Naruto's. and I also hope that your other selves will never find away to go here because you, alone, cause a great headache for me and Shizune-neechan, imagine having more of you… -shiver in fear-…

Anyway, The only one who knows that she wasn't who she was supposed to be was Gwendolen's brother Cat, who by the way has nine lives (I wish I had that many lives too), because he had no other copies in the other worlds (lucky him not having a chance to meet you). But according to Janet, he had almost died because of her; it was just a good thing that the boy had many lives. Well, it's only five now. Too bad.

Then before I knew what was happening the girl was bawling in tears and pleading to me to help her because there was someone who was threatening her and Catboy to pay him money or else… And of course being a brave ninja that I am, I told her that I will help them.

When we arrive at the castle (I have to clamp a hand on my mouth or I might be caught gaping at the luxury that was presented at me, and I have an image to maintain, thank you very much) And I found a beautiful carved nine-tailed fox there, good thing that I didn't took it because the things in the castle had a rather nasty habit of shouting at the top of their lungs repeatedly (yes, baa-chan they talk, and no, I'm not joking, so stop gaping) "I belong to the Chrestomanci Castle! I belong to the Chrestomanci Castle! I belong to the Chrestomanci Castle!" I should know 'cause a stupid feather-duster got stuck on my clothes and wouldn't budge (don't ask me how because I totally had no idea. Janet told me it was magic, I told her it was bullshit.)

We tried to find Cat, her brother which was really Gwendolen's brother (I'm having a headache just thinking of their fucked-up life.) in the whole castle. We searched and searched and searched for the boy until we were in a garden, which to my surprise was continually revolving and was one of the gates to the other worlds. And there we also found a man and a boy shackled in a tree. Janet told me in a frightened and worried voice that they were Chrestomanci and Cat.

The two were surrounded by a crowd of mean-looking people and upon hearing their conversation I found out that they were witches and wizards who were rebelling to Chrestomanci because they were forbidden to use magic to hurt people. Their reason? 'They have power, why not use it?' I had to raise my eyebrow and roll my eyes on the absurdity of their reason. What kind of reason was that?! If they want that statement to rule the world they'll be all dead because Chrestomanci (or me, if I got annoyed to much) will kill them all, after all, the man had powers, why not use it to kill useless people? World is really full of idiotic people.

But what was more shocking was the ring-leader of the group. The queen of the night. The star of the show. The cause of all of these. Gwendolen herself. The girl was really a complete opposite of Janet. Whereas, Janet's wish is just to have a happy and loving family, she wants to live like a queen, be recognized as the most powerful. Janet just wants to live a simple and harmonious life, her wish is to dominate the world. Janet just wants a little brother to play with her. Gwendolen wants her brother to die for her. As a sacrifice. Poor boy, it looks like he was about to cry. Imagine being used by your sister as a sacrifice? Oh, the horror of it. Apparently an innocent was needed as a sacrifice for Chrestomanci to lose his powers and for her (the real Gwendolen) to be finally able to live as a queen on one of the worlds where she was to be worshipped and could just laze around, (the girl reminds me like a cross of Sasuke and Shikamaru. Freaky…) I seriously think that the girl was mad, Janet thinks she was mad. Chrestomanci thinks her as mad. Cat was too depressed to think that her sister was mad. The others thought that the she was right. Oh well, people always had a different view on things don't we?

Being so sick by their constant mutters about dominating the world (they eerily reminded me of Orochimaru except for the snake-face and the pedophilic leer, and the tongue lolling out) and since Chrestomanci was shackled in silver, therefore rendering him useless (I found out that if a silver was within a close approximity of him he can't do any magic. Poor guy. They were basically taunting it to his face) I got into action and proceeded to kick their butts. Moments later, I was joined by the man in the midst of the fight and a couple of others who are his housemates by the way.

Of course, being as awesome as I am, (and them too) the enemies were beaten in no time and were bound and gagged. Thank goodness for the gags on their mouth because I don't think that whatever words from Gwendolen's mouth was not pretty. I even think it was close to "fucking, cock-sucking bastard who should be burned in hell" I don't know if it was me or Chrestomanci cause I don't think the man was gay (that is if I ignored his close proximity to Cat and the rather unhealthy obsession that he has for him, but hey! The man has a wife, even if she was not beautiful,)

Anyway as a thank you gift for helping them, the man ask me what I would like. And of course being a good-hearted fellow that I am, I told them that it was okay and they don't have to give me anything. But they insisted so I just cheekily asked for a hug, never in my darkest nightmare had I ever imagined what happened next. They not only smother me with hugs, they fucking kissed me as well (thank Kami that it was just in the cheek!) and yes, Chrestomanci as well. Now I know, that Gwendolen was really talking abut him. Stupid fucking, cock-sucking bastard pedophile. I hope he burn in hell too.

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7:30 p.m

Datee 032:

"You look tired, Naruto-kun."

He lifted his arm that covers his eyes, and hastily sat straight from his slump position when he saw the owner of the voice.

"Genma-san!" he hastily fixed himself up, trying to straightened his rumpled and torn clothes. He hadn't had the time to take a shower or change his clothes after his last date because he was late as it is. It was just his luck that the man was a little late too. He already knew that the man was his date because he had looked at it before he flopped bonelessly on the bench when he arrived.

The other jounin sat calmly beside him, not looking at him but at the sky. Then there was a tense silence that followed. Minutes later, unable to bear the silence any longer, Naruto spoke up "I'm just curious. Isn't your name supposed to come before Goco or Gwendolen? I mean…" he trailed off, not knowing how to properly explain, but it seems the man already knows where he's question is getting to.

"I was assigned on guard duty on the gates this morning, so I asked the Godaime to change the time of our date." The man answered, chewing his senbon calmly.

"Eh? Isn't that a Chunnin level?" he asked curiously. As far as he knew, only chunnin are asked to guard the gates of Konoha. Apparently it had changed.

"Yeah." The man replied, smirking slightly "But these months, Konoha is on high alert."

His eyes widened at that. "Why? Are we under attack? Are the other village planning a war on us?" he didn't know any of this, he was supposed to be the Rokudaime, so why—

"Hey, hey. It's not what you think." Genma pacified seeing that he was close to panicking. "It's just because of your dates. The Godaime just thought that with so many foreigners on the village, it's better to up the security to better protect the village and villagers."

"Ohh…" he said, relieved.

"The Godaime wants to make sure that we had proper documents on who gets out and who gets in on the village. It's not easy now to just come and go in Konoha." The man explained, still not looking at him, elbows resting on the backrest. The man's body was slouched on the bench, and his posture was very calm.

Well, there goes his chance to stow away to escape from this madness.

"And.." the man continued, amusement lacing his voice, "to make sure you didn't escape."

Damn. He knew resistance was futile. And here he thought to just migrate on Antarctica since he knew no one knows him there and –

"Did you know that there was Eskimos here also applying to be your lover?" the jounin said conversationally, amusement still on his voice.

Double damn. Goodbye hot chocolate. Goodbye igloos. Goodbye polar bears.

"And did you know that Gai also applied?"

Triple and a million Damn. He looked in horror at the other man wondering if the other was joking or not, but even if there is a hint of humor on the senbon chewing man, he still looked serious.

"Y-you're not serious, are you?" he squeaked out, horrified. Because if that was true, then goodbye sanity. Naruto will surely miss you.

"Yeah, I am" when the man saw that Naruto was about to faint or commit seppuku, or just commit bloody murder whichever comes first, he hastily add, "but he didn't get picked. Don't worry…"

Naruto sighed in great relief, thanking all the deities up there, in showing this mercy for him, for he knew a date with Maito Gai will result in… in…

He doesn't know how to word it, but one thing was for sure it won't be pretty. And someone would end up dead, although if it was Gai, him (Naruto) or the Godaime will remain a mystery.

They sat still on the bench silently after that. But this time the silence was not suffocating. It was calming and enveloping them warmly against the night winds. Genma was looking upwards at the sky, Naruto half-lying on the bench with his head on the other jounin's shoulder, eyes closed. His hair was being petted by the raven-head and it was making him sleepy. After a while, they started again a soft conversation. It was mostly about anything; ranging from their work to the current going ons in the village.

Then hours later…

Genma looked at his watch. "I think it was about time we head home."

Naruto nodded and stood up, stretching himself up. He had a nice time that was for sure, but he was sleepy too. And with his hellish week, he needed a rest. He accepted the hand that was offered to him and they walked in silence to his apartment.

"Fall would start soon," he remarked, noticing the leaves on the branches of the tree that was slowly loosing their green color.

"Aa…" Genma answered, tightening his hold on Naruto's hands.

Soon, they were in the front door of Naruto's flat and were staring at each other. "So, goodnight, then." The blond uttered softly, almost shyly.

The other smiled and replied "Goodnight" just as softly, then quick as a lightning the man kissed him on the cheek, mere millimeters from his lips,

Naruto stood there a bit surprised and blushed quite a bit and with one last smile from a senbonless lips, the man turned around and walked away.

"And Naruto-kun?" Genma called out, stopping on his tracks.

"Yes?" he asked, wondering what it was, as he was still reeling from the kiss.

"No need to think about if your going to accept me as your lover or not. I forfeit."

Ehh? He wasn't expecting that "But--"

"I only joined because I wanted to see how much you had progress since the chunnin exams, almost 7 years ago."

Ohh…

"After all… there is someone who truly deserved you. Someone who really loves you…" The man said quietly, and as he walked further away the wind carried to Naruto his last words

"Someone like him…"

I wonder what he meant by that, was Naruto's thought before he entered his dark apartment.

Comment: A pity that he forfeited… I wouldn't mind having him as a lover, he's sweet… even though he's a little older than me, but age doesn't matter, right?

Oh, well…I wish I could find someone like him… but still, what did he mean by his parting words?

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Meanwhile, a group of elite ninjas had just arrived from their month-long mission. All looking worn-out and exhausted. Their ANBU uniforms were torn and frayed, and on closer inspection one could note that there were flecks of dried blood on their uniforms. Two of them even had bandages wrapped on various parts of their body. Though none of them are terribly injured, all of them sported various signs of injury.

"Neko, escort Tori and Inu on the Hospital to make sure that their injuries were treated. Afterwards you are all dismissed." A man wearing a white wolf mask ordered.

"Hai" the three replied simultaneously. "But what about you, taichou?" Tori asked worriedly. The captain was, after all, looking very tired and had various cuts and bruises as well, though none too serious.

"I'm fine." the man assured his worried subordinate. Then with a parting waved of his hand he sped off towards the general direction of his flat.

When he reached the building where his apartment is, he carefully removed the porcelain mask that covers his face. It was already night time, and he hadn't felt any chakra within the perimeters, so he felt safe in revealing his identity.

The moon rays' shone on his half-bared face and he adjusted his hitai-ate to its normal slanted position. The cool air ruffled his spiky silver hair, and some strands gently brushed his face. He silently walked in the stairs to reach his floor while tucking away the mask on his pouch. He was tired and he wanted rest, and maybe take a hot bath to soothe his wounds. However, his walk was halted by a flyer that was posted on the wall near his door. He raised an eye-brow at that. The flyer was not there before he was gone for his mission so what could it be? Curious, he went on it and read it carefully.

His normally calm eye, widened fractionally at what was written at the posted flyer.

Sou na…

He read it again to make sure he had not merely misread it, but the words were still the same and the meaning all too clear.

He looked upwards at the cracked ceiling, his face held a look of thoughtfulness. A small frown creasing his normally pallid face. After a while of silent thinking, he took a sideway glance at the dark sky which now held the brightly twinkling stars and the moon that provides light on the otherwise dark night. His eyes suddenly shone a tinge of determination and his posture became stiff for a while before going back to his normal slouched and calm state. He took another glance at the full moon again, looked at his watch, shrugged, then with an upturned U eyes, he carefully peeled the flyer from the wall and suddenly poofed out of existence.

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Like it?? I know this chappie is in a long time coming, so I tried my hardest to make this as fun as much as I can. With lots of laughs and situations and dialogues, for you, readers to appreciate the dates more. I totally enjoy writing the scene with Tobi (I was giggling the whole time, and I know I look like a total moron to my brother). I once saw a pic of Tobi in deviantart, where I get that cute line, here's the link (http// ormsqueak . deviantart . Com / art / NARUTO-TOBI-S-HERE- 68214063) just delete the spaces. The pic was done by ormsqueak.

And personally, I like his date with Genma… if only this wasn't –bleeep-Naru fic… oh, well…

Please tell me what you think, minna!! Ja!

EnD NoTeS:

(1) Dark/Daisuke – main protagonist of the anime DN Angel. a typical school boy who has a crush on a girl at his school, Risa Harada. However, because of the Niwa family heritage, his special DNA merged with that of the legendary phantom thief, Dark, when he was rejected by Risa. Daisuke can transform into Dark (usually unwillingly) whenever he experiences feelings of love or intimacy. Daisuke is kind-hearted, the opposite of Dark and always trying to stop Dark from performing crazy stunts to no avail.

(2) Dee-Dee – Dexter's sister in the show Dexter's laboratory. She was often the cause of Dexter's torment. She usually disturbs him when he was in a middle of an experiment that results in the destruction of his laboratory.

(3) Aladdin – from the movie Aladdin adpted from the book 'The Arabian Nights'. Aladdin was a street urchin that was doubled crossed by a sorcerer when he was asked to help get the oil-lamp from the cave. Aladdin fell in love with the Sultan's daughter Jasmin.

(4) Donald Duck - is an animated cartoon and comic-book character from Walt Disney Productions. He was a friend of Mickey Mouse. Donald's most famous trait is his easily provoked and occasionally explosive temper.

(5) Donatello - (sometimes shortened to Don or Donnie), a fictional character, is one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT). His bandanna is known to be purple, though in the Mirage comic books, his bandanna is red like the rest of his brothers. Donatello is the "brains" of the Turtles. He wields the bō (six foot staff) and is a master at his discipline of Ninja Juhakkei

(6) Dracula - is a fictional character, the titular antagonist of Bram Stoker's 1897 Gothic horror novel Dracula. Dracula is a centuries-old vampire, sorcerer and Transylvanian nobleman, who claims to be a Székely descended from Attila the Hun. He inhabits a decaying castle in the Carpathian Mountains near the Borgo Pass. Contrary to the vampires of Eastern European folklore which are portrayed as repulsive, corpse-like creatures, Dracula exudes a veneer of aristocratic charm which masks his unfathomable evil.

(7) Dumbledore, Albus Wulfric Brian Percival – from the novel Harry Potter. He was perceived as the strongest wizard alive and the only one Voldemort had ever feared. He was the leader of the light, and the mentor of Harry Potter.

(8) Eiri Yuki - is one of the main characters in the popular shonen-ai anime and manga, Gravitation. He is a popular romance novelist who met Shuichi Shindou in the park and mercilessly dismissed his song lyrics.

(9)Ella (Cinderella) – from the Walt Disney film 'Cinderella'. Ella was an orphan who lived with her cruel stepmother and stepsister who treated her like a slave. On the day of the ball where the prince of the lands will find his chosen bride, a fairy godmother appeared before her and grants her wish to go the ball. She was then chosen by the prince to be his bride.

(10) Elric, Edward - is a fictional character and main protagonist in the anime and manga series Fullmetal Alchemist and a young alchemical prodigy. He is the youngest State Alchemist to be selected by the Amestris State Military, having passed the State Alchemy Exam and achieved the rank of Major at age twelve. The course of events that led to this extraordinary accomplishment included the tragic death of his mother and a failed transmutation that plays a key role in his story. Edward's motivation stems from a love for his brother Alphonse, who he is desperately trying to return to a human form.

(11) Envy – from the anime and manga Fullmetal Alchemist. Sarcastic, sadistic, and cold-hearted, Envy is a homunculi that has the ability to change appearance. He hates mankind, viewing them as pitiful and weak. His appearance is androgynous although he is male.

(12) Fiona – from the movie 'Shrek'. She was a princess from the far far away land. She is cursed and while she is a human by day, she becomes an ogress at sunset. The spell was placed upon her when she was a child by a Witch. The spell is lifted at the end, when she is kissed by Shrek and becomes an ogress permanently; while she had expected to become her human self, Shrek assures her that she is still beautiful and the two marry.

(13) Flinstone, Pebbles – daughter of Fred Flintstone from the cartoons 'The Flinstones.'

(14) Frodo – Frodo Baggins is fictional character in J. R. R. Tolkien's legendarium. He is the primary protagonist of Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings. He is also mentioned in The Silmarillion. He was also the last ring-bearer because he journeyed to Mount Doom in Mordor and destroyed it.

(15) Fujin - is a young woman with pale skin, short silver hair and an eye patch. She is a member of Balamb Garden's disciplinary committee with Seifer and Raijin; the three of them form a close "posse", even when Seifer leaves Garden. Fujin prefers to speak in terse sentences, often with only a single word, such as "RAGE!" and "LIES!" (in the Japanese version she only spoke in Kanji).

(16) Fujimiya, Aya/Ran – Ran is a silent man whose sister is in a mysterious coma. His parents were killed and his sister run over by Reiji Takatori, and thus he joins Weiß seeking only revenge. As a constant reminder of the purpose behind his actions, he takes on his sister's name and wears one of her earrings, which actually were a gift from him to her. Because of his past tragedy and current resolve, he is strongly silent and seems very cold.

(17) Goco, Jimmy – one of the main characters in the Filipino comic series 'Beerkada' (lit meaning Beer friends). He is called the King of Cluelessness due to his naivety and his clueless persona.

(18) Gwendolen –main antagonist on the novel 'Charmed Life'. She is a powerful witch, although it is possible she did not have any witchcraft of her own in the first place and only borrowed magic from Cat, her brother who had nine lives (hence the nickname), the one who was supposed to succeed Chrestomanci. She was the reason why Janet Chant, her equivalent on the other world came to their world to replace her. While Gwendolen Chant was bossy and bold, Janet was quite shy and jolly. No one was to know that Gwendolen had spirited away to another world, so Cat and Janet had to pretend Janet was Gwendolen. Janet later decides to stay in Cat's world and becomes Chrestomanci's ward.

Next:

Chapter 4: Helloooo?? I'm Just Kidding!!

Peek Preview:

"I never thought that you will be here as well." he said softly.

"Well" she replied, just as softly, "when we were kids… you always asked me for a date, so I thought… isn't it about time we had that date?"

"You're Toshiro?"

"It's Hitsugaya-Taichou!" was the shouted reproach.

"Ii Data" said the teen, glasses gleaming.

"Wow, Naruto, who would have thought that the dobe of the class would be this popular?" the brown –haired young man smirked teasingly.

"Burning!!"