Title: Looking Within
Author: Shen
Rating: PG-13
Setting/Spoilers: Post-Doomsday, in my Peril-verse (see my profile). Recap of said 'verse is at http://shengirl dot livejournal dot com/8390 dot html
Characters: Rose Tyler, Mickey Smith, Jake, Jackie and Pete Tyler, OCs
Teaser: Rose has landed in the other universe. Should she hope for a way back or carve out a new life for herself? And what unexpected resources might she find on the way? Action/Adventure Reunion!fic.
Author's Note:
The hours approaching, to give it your best
You've got to reach your prime.
That's when you need to put yourself to the test
And show us a passage of time
Were going to need a montage! (montage!)
Ooh it takes a montage! (montage!)

"Montage," by Team America

Chapter 6: Looking Within

As it happened, getting away from home and Torchwood wasn't that difficult.

"Pete," Rose began one night after Jackie had gone to bed, "I've thought about my power. And you're right; it's dangerous as long as I have no control over it. Whether it hurts me directly or not." She was using an expression acquired at Torchwood, the serious and respectful soldier. Pete nodded gravely.

"I'm glad you see it my way. Have you put any thought into what to do about it? You don't want to be studied, and I understand that, but if we can't tell Torchwood, we can't use its resources either. There's no getting anyone to monitor or help you."

"No one associated with them, you mean," Rose asserted. This drew an eyebrow quirk out of her parallel dad.

"Know anyone I don't know?" At that, she had to smile. There was literally no one she knew well in this universe that Pete didn't also know. She really had spent too much time at work.

"When I first came upon these powers..." she trailed off suddenly, caught by her own choice of words. She'd "come" to the realization she had them about 20 minutes before she just plain came. It was the first time she and the Doctor had-

"Um, Rose?"

"Sorry!" She blushed and continued after a vigorous shake of the head. "When I was first learning how to use my ability, I had to learn to meditate. Focus. And if this power is growing, I need to really focus on it, and I thought, 'Who's really great at meditating?' Monks, obviously. So I think I should go to China or Tibet or somewhere like that." She held her breath awaiting his response.

"...You know a lot of monks are sworn not to touch any women, right?"

Rose pressed on, "Well, there has to be some sect somewhere. I'll do whatever I need to to get some genuine training. Pursue enlightenment, whatever you want to call it. And New Age gurus who've taken a couple yoga classes aren't going to do it, are they? And the team's sort of out of commission while Jake recovers anyway." Pete crossed his arms and began to nod.

"You're right. And if you say what you need is training, I'll send you wherever you need to go."

"Far away. And alone; I have to do this myself." Rose didn't want to be able to get in touch with anyone easily. She had put a lot of thought into it, and it seemed important that work be unable to call her in with any frequency. Whatever she did would have to be immersive, a serious commitment. Even if part of the TARDIS lived in her, she'd barely had a sense of what that could mean until days ago. She could be powerful, discover useful talents, or most importantly of all, get back to her Doctor. The one question that scarcely flitted across Rose's mind was if she should. Even if he had a new companion or two, she was fairly confident he had not replaced her. He had explained how serious a mental connection to a lover was, and she had an idea of how desolate he must feel without it – the sensation still jarred her from time to time. No, they were special, and as alone in the world as he was, he might even need her more than she needed him.

And she'd said, "Forever," dammit.

Some research later, Rose found a monastery in Japan that practiced something like her universe's Buddhism. As it happened, the Torchwood leaders had a vague interest in its head monk due to rumors of his abilities – just not enough international clout or motivation to investigate it. That wouldn't be her purpose, however, just "personal growth," as she put on the paperwork for her leave of absence. Her mother was surprisingly understanding, merely saying, "Shoulda known you wouldn't sit still forever."

"You have a phone that can call the past, even when it's a galaxy away. You better remember to call your poor mum, y'hear?" Jackie threatened as she pulled her daughter into a hug. Rose smiled even as her heart grew heavy. In the past, she'd always had this conversation with the Doctor nearby, usually shuffling his feet, hand twitching until it could once again grasp hers.

"It doesn't call through time without the TAR-" she caught her mother's withering glare, "Nevermind. Anyway, déjà vu, Mum. You know I'll call. I love you!" She then turned to Pete and extended a hand to shake, only to have it batted away. The man dragged her into a hug.

To Rose's surprise, he began to whisper in her ear, "Never think I don't appreciate what you did for me, Rose. Found my Jackie through you and the Doctor. So take care of yourself, alright?" His voice was sincere and just a little bit raw, and when Rose pulled away, she had to sniffle a bit.

"Will do, Pete. Thanks for everything." Just then, a wiry mass of limbs blindsided her, making her stumble.

"Don't just call your mother; your team needs love, too," Ingrid ordered sternly, delivering a crushing embrace. Rose nodded and was then allowed access to oxygen again, whereupon Mickey stepped in front of her.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," he told her with a smile. She smirked back.

"No fun in that, is there?" They chuckled and threw their arms around each other in a warm, friendly hug. It was Rose's turn to whisper in someone's ear.

"I don't mean it that way, Mickey, but I do love you." It was something that was true long ago but would have been insensitive to say before he had left her and the Doctor. He'd matured past his want of her, however, and Rose felt it needed to be said.

"You too, Chippy," was the response she got, and smile in his voice was audible. Then, it was off to the airport.

It had been a long flight, a few train rides, an expensive taxi drive, and an exceedingly steep hike. This wasn't exactly a tourist monastery. Rose walked up to the main entrance tiredly but maintained her poise, going for self-assuredness without arrogance. A young man in blue and white robes who was sweeping the front area was the first to greet her.

"Konnichi wa. Aki de gozaimasu. Dare desu ka?"

"Watashi wa Rose desu. Doozo yoroshiku."

"Hajimemashite. Ogenki desu ka?" And here Rose just blinked at him, then shrugged apologetically. They had reached the end of her hastily-acquired Japanese vocabulary. So, she abruptly sat on the ground and mimed meditating, crossing her legs and putting her hands on her knees. The monk looked amused.

"Sumimasen." He disappeared into the building, and Rose stood up and brushed herself off. Several minutes later, he returned with a man who looked to be in his sixties. His movements were spry and eyes critical.

"You wish to meditate here? You need no permission, but watch the time. This mountain is impossible to leave safely in the dark." English, thank god! The voice reminded her bizarrely of Master Splinter, but she shoved the thought aside.

"I wish to learn, if you'll have me," Rose replied evenly. "My name is Rose."

"Learn?" he asked with some disbelief. Rose gave him a grave nod.

"I've heard of your skill. I need to learn to meditate, to concentrate, and I'm willing to do anything you need for payment. I'm not a freeloader. But it's... important to me. And I'm a very good student."

"What does a young bottle blonde know of concentration? Of persistent meditation?" Strangely, his voice did not sound accusatory; it was almost devoid of emotion. Rose merely stared back at him determinedly, not letting him rile her up by either insults or apathy.

"More than you'd think. I've trained before." At this, the man cocked his head, displaying interest for the first time.

Affecting an almost conspirational tone, he asked, "Did you feel it? Just under a week ago? Did your mind burst aflame?" So he was a psychic! And by asking her about the krey attack, he meant to find out if she was as well.

"It burned in ways even you wouldn't expect," she answered honestly. Without another word, the monk walked up to her and placed fingertips to her brow. She felt a ghost of a presence hovering outside her mental barriers, then prodding them.

"Ah, so it is that kind of training you seek. But you already seem collected and skilled. You have fine barriers; what need you of me?" Rose struggled to find the words, knowing this was important.

"Look, I sort of need to... find myself. And I've been around, seen things from all over, been places you can't imagine. But what I'm searching for is, I think, in me." Literally, she thought. "I would really appreciate your help learning how to shut out what's out there and concentrate on what's not." At this, the man finally cracked a small smile.

"Wise. Some answers can only be found by looking within. Realizing this is a good first step." And it was as simple as that.

Before he'd let her do any psychic exercises, Mizuno-Sensei made sure she was proficient at meditation. To her surprise, a small number of men and women of varying ages took these lessons with her, though none were psychic. Mizuno-sensei believed that everyone could benefit from meditation and could learn to do it well. So, over several weeks, Rose became adept at emptying her mind, grounded by the simplicities of solid wooden floors, basic robes, and fresh mountain air. She would nearly enter a trance as she pushed all worries, stray thoughts, and emotions away. Then, she turned that concentration inward, focusing on self-examination. Her awareness broadened over the months, and the senses awakened by the process astounded Rose. The psychic part of her was no longer something she just threw blocks around and ignored when she didn't need it. It was always there, as natural to use and extend as her own hands. If she left herself open to it, and Mizuno-Sensei did the same, she could even catch his moods and emotions much like she used to do with the Doctor. She'd had no idea it was possible to do that with someone with whom she didn't have a specific link.

It was during one of these training exercises that Mizuno-Sensei began to look at her with sincere concern.

"You have such heavy melancholy, girl. Bone deep, and deeper. What's happened to a girl of so few years to create such a feeling?"

"I lost someone," she answered. The raw loss, still able to catch her unawares even now, began to well up, and Rose hastily shut off all psychic connections with him. This made him give her a rather alarmed look.

"I loved him, and... I miss him," she continued simply. Then, the words came in a rush, as if of their own volition. "He actually taught me this, taught me to control it. But without him, it all feels so empty. Nothing's like connecting with him was, all blue and brown and bursting with manic energy. There's this place in my mind where he used to sit, where he could reach out and wrap me in him. It felt like ancient time and fire and unfathomable power, and it felt safe." Rose fell silent, then blushed profusely at her candor. Chancing a nervous glance at her teacher, she saw confusion. Great, she thought, now he thinks you're a nutter. However, after several moments, he spoke to her softly.

"I'm sorry. He must have been very special, to have such a deep bond with you."

Rose smiled a little and responded, "Well, he was also very good at this stuff." Mizuno-Sensei seemed to think this was enough for one day and let her go to her chores. Because when not training, Rose washed floors, cooked, or swept with the other inhabitants. She also exercised frequently, reasoning that Torchwood had given her the best abs of her life and that it would be a crime to lose them.

When she moved on to looking for the Bad Wolf within, she used her TARDIS key as a focus. A bit of the ship's heart lived in her, and the key was grown from the ship's body, so it seemed to make sense. The Wolf manifested to her as a well of light and power, visible only from the deepest trance. It lay behind a screen of sorts, bright and dangerous, and it took a long time for her to learn to entice tendrils of that light through the screen. After a while, interesting things started happening. First, her sense of time became impeccable. She found this neat, if of dubious usefulness. She would never need an alarm again, at least. Her mind began to translate Japanese next, with increasing clarity as time went on – something that made monastery life much less lonely. The key itself also learned some new tricks. At first, she was gleeful at getting it to warm slightly, but on occasion it would burn or even glow.

By this point, Mizuno-Sensei had long run out of things to teach. Mysterious sources of inner power latent within one's brain were not things he had ever seen, after all, but he let her stay and continue training anyway, until ten months had come and gone. Eventually, however, it was time for her to go.

After having bid goodbye to everyone else at the monastery, Rose stood with the old man just outside of it. Her hair had grown long and dark, and her eyes held a new depth and confidence. She said sincerely, "I'll never forget what I learned here, Sensei. And I won't forget you either! Thank you." He smiled at her.

"I trust you will not go telling your bosses what you found here? I am a simple man, best left to teaching and quiet contemplation." His gaze was teasing; he trusted her.

She joked back, "Expect an invasion team next week, Mr. Miagi. Thank you again!"

"Mister what?" he asked, puzzled. Rose just grinned, turned around and began hiking down the mountain, tears welling in her eyes and a smile on her face. She felt sad to leave the place where she had learned so much, but there was happiness as well. It had been impossible to connect to the TARDIS through the bit of it left within her; it was sealed off a universe away. But she had an idea for getting around that little problem.