Peyton nervously walked up the steps to the side of the house. She had been there dozens, if not hundreds of times before but she couldn't recall a visit when her heart had pounded that fast. Well, she could but that had been a very long time ago and it hadn't turned out well. It was a night two years before when she'd had an epiphany and drove over to Lucas Scott's house in the middle of the night to tell him how she felt. And everyone knew how that one turned out. Since that fateful night, she had returned many times just as a friend but on the eve of her departure, things were different.

She stood frozen. Over and over again she had rehearsed it in her head. She had thought of a million different ways to tell him what she had to say. And in case the words didn't come out, she had digital backup. The recorder was tucked safely away in the right pocket of the leather jacket Ellie had given her. But she had also prepared herself for any and every reaction he might have, good or bad. Regardless, it was a moment she had been waiting for a very long time.

Not that she didn't have doubts. Anyone in her shoes would be nervous but her conversation with Derek had alerted the realist, if not the pessimist, in her. Maybe he was right. He was a good friend, a neutral party, and he cared about her. Peyton knew she could trust his advice, besides, he made a lot of good points. The bottom line was, she had to see Lucas before she left for California to say good bye. That was a definite. Anything else was simply a mere possibility. Taking a deep breath, she decided to see how things were going before she made any hasty decisions, she thought before attempting to knock on the door. She raised her hand and assumed the position but only banged against air as the door opened.

"Hey", he smiled.

She sucked in a nervous breath.

"Hey."

"I thought I heard somebody out here."

"Yeah, um, I leave tomorrow and I promised I'd come through to say good bye so here I am."

He smiled warmly and held the door open for her.

"Come on in."

She stepped into his room and smiled, surprised at the unusual mess.

"We have a hurricane I don't know about?" she teasingly raised one eyebrow.

"Sorry. It usually isn't this bad. Blame it on laundry day."

"I hear that", she said, taking a seat on his bed.

"So…"

"So…"

"This is it, huh? You leave tomorrow?"

"Bright and early", she nodded.

"You need a ride?"

"Nah, it's cool."

"L.A. And Epic Records at that. That's amazing, Peyton. You're gonna have such a good time."

"I hope so."

"Well, I know so."

"I'm excited but…"

"But?"

She shrugged.

"It's gonna be way different. Los Angeles is no Tree Hill. I mean, I've been to big cities and stuff before but never on my own. It was always with my parents or with school or friends…Brooke. Now this is me."

"Exactly. It's all you, Peyton. It's a wonderful opportunity."

"Oh it's a hell of an opportunity. I know that and believe me, I'm grateful. It's just a little scary. I am excited as hell but it's scary at the same time."

"What are you scared of?"

"Everything", she answered truthfully. "Failing. Doing well. Being completely on my own. Growing up."

Lucas smiled.

"It's perfectly natural to be afraid of a new situation but I swear you don't give yourself enough credit sometimes. Yeah, you're young and this is all overwhelming and you have to try it on your own but that just makes it all the more exciting. Do you know how many people work their entire lives just trying to get the break you're getting? And you totally deserve it. You just turned 18 and look at all the great things you did for TRIC. You put all those shows together, Peyton. You put together that whole charity CD for breast cancer research in Ellie's memory. That, that's incredible. If anything, you should be feeling pride right now, not self doubt."

She felt incredibly warm inside. He always knew exactly what to say and just when to say it.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Hell, I'm a little jealous."

"Why?"

He shrugged.

"Because I'll miss you."

"You will?"

"Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy and excited for you but last summer was really awesome. It didn't seem that way at first but in the end, it really turned out to be. I was feeling really down, really alone at first. My mom had gone off to New Zealand after Andy. Brooke and I were in limbo and she was in California. Haley was still on tour and Nathan was headed to High Flyers in Florida, on top of being pissed off at me. Then there was Dan's fire and seeing Deb set it. It was a crazy time but you were really there for me."

Peyton remembered. It was a crazy time for her as well.

"That was right after I found out Ellie was my birth mom. God, it was like the whole world, both our worlds had been turned upside down."

"We really stuck together. I think that's when our friendship was the strongest. I mean, can you even count on both hands how many times we went out to the beach, just sitting and talking until the wee hours of the morning?"

Peyton closed her eyes. She could almost hear the waves crashing and feel the sand between her toes.

"I remember", she said in a voice barely above a whisper.

"We'd have these serious talks about our families and our friends and just life in general and how we were all gonna end up. Some of the things I said were so deep and so personal, I don't think I've ever shared stuff like that with any other person. That meant a lot to me to have someone just to vent to. And when things got too heavy, we could just chill and listen to music and go to movies and try to enjoy what was left of the summer."

"We made the best of it."

"We did and it wasn't so bad. It was just you and me, Peyton. I…I don't know what I would have done without you."

She swallowed hard. There was just something about the words and the way he spoke them. The way he looked at her. His eyes were so sincere and brooding, she felt like he could look right into her soul. At that moment, right at that moment, she knew exactly how she felt and what she had to do about it. She had to tell him, be honest with him. Lucas wasn't a mind reader, how else would he know? It was time to come clean about everything.

"Lucas!" she blurted out a little louder than she meant to, considering he was only a few feet away.

"What's up?"

She struggled to find a voice.

"That was a great summer in spite of itself. Everything with Ellie, including, most especially after she died…well, you were really there for me. You've always been such a good friend."

"Thanks."

"I…I guess what I really want to say is, sorry."

Lucas frowned.

"Sorry? Peyton, sorry for what?"

"You've always been a friend and like it or not, whether I wanted it or not, whether I deserved it or not, you've always rescued me."

"Peyton…"

"I'm being serious. That time when my car broke down, when Nathan and I were breaking up, on the anniversary of my mom's death. The frat party, the school shooting…need I go on?" she managed a small smile.

"That's what friends do."

"Real friends anyway. You've done a lot for me but sometimes, well, sometimes I can't help but think I haven't done a very good job returning the favor."

"What do you mean?"

"You really loved Brooke. She made you happy. After that first break up, it took a lot for you to get her back."

He looked a little uneasy. The Brooke break up was still a sore subject of sorts.

"Yeah…"

"You said she was the love of your life. Well, I messed that up for you…both times. I'm sorry. I never said that to you before but you've given me so much and I took something very important away from you."

"You didn't take anything away from me, Peyt", he sighed. "I lost Brooke and it had nothing to do with you. The first time, I wasn't being true to my feelings. The second time around, she wasn't true to hers. You can love someone, I mean, truly be in love with them and sometimes no matter how hard you try or how bad you want it, it just isn't meant to be. That was the case with Brooke and me. It wasn't you and I don't want you to feel bad about that."

Peyton looked away.

"I know. I…"

"Peyton, where is all this coming from?"

She shoved her hands in her jacket pockets.

"Nothing. It's just how I feel. I wanted to be honest. It…it's something I never told you before. I, um…"

It was on the tip of her tongue but before she could get her words out, his phone rang.

"Peyt, hold that thought one second", he reached over to answer it.

"Sure."

She caught her breath realizing what she had almost done. But that was her very reason for coming and she couldn't afford to chicken out. Not yet, although a million thoughts raced through her mind. She watched him as he casually chatted on the phone. He had a great smile, she had always loved that smile. In fact, she loved everything about him and she couldn't wait to tell him so, just blurt it out so not only he would know, but it would be a huge relief in itself just to get it off her chest. She would tell him everything and he would know and they would both feel better. Besides, there was still a chance that maybe, just maybe, he might feel the same way about her. Biting her lip, counting every second until his brief phone call ended, she played with the recorder in her pocket. Finally he said his goodbyes and put the cordless back in its receiver.

"Sorry about that", he apologized. "It was Skills."

"No worries."

"He said to tell you bye and good luck and everything and he'll see you when you get back. Oh and bring him a souvenir."

Peyton nodded and chuckled.

"Sorry I missed him. Tell him thanks and uh, I'll get him something good."

He looked at her but his smile turned to a more serious look.

"Hey, Peyton?"

"What's up?"

Lucas sighed, rubbing his head.

"About earlier, you know, all that stuff you said about Brooke…"

Her breath caught in her throat.

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to say it's sweet that you care."

"No problem", she smiled.

"Just know it wasn't your fault, not any of it. Please know that."

"Okay…"

"It's me is has to deal with."

"What do you mean?"

He shrugged.

"I did love Brooke, don't get me wrong. I mean, we all have that dream of finding someone special and loving them and being loved back, right?"

He didn't know just how right he was.

"Sure", she cleared her throat.

"But I think I made the mistake of being in such a rush."

"Rush?"

"Yeah. I'm only 18. Sure, I want to be monogamous and I believe in forever love but I think I wanted too much too soon. So you don't find your soul mate when you're still in high school…big deal. I finally understand that. It doesn't happen for everyone."

"What, what about Nathan and Haley?" she croaked.

Lucas smiled.

"It's a beautiful thing but they're the exception. And even still, it wasn't all that easy for them. They had their share of problems. Anyway, it made me think. I'm not ready to settle down and commit. I don't need a girlfriend now. I don't want one. I see what you're doing with your life taking all these amazing steps towards college and a future. That's great, Peyton. It's what we all should be concentrating on. So that's what I'm gonna do. I want to have fun and be a kid while I still can. That relationship stuff can wait."

Peyton gulped hard.

"Oh."

"Anyway, sorry for my little rant and for cutting you off when the phone rang. Were you saying something?"

She looked right at him. So Derek had been right all along. Thank God she found that out before she opened her big mouth and made a fool out of herself.

"Huh? Oh, it was nothing. I was just coming to say good bye. You are and have been a terrific person, Lucas Scott. I will miss you and think about you a lot this summer and I can't wait to see you when I get back."

She stood and he approached her, pulling her into a long embrace.

"I'm proud of you, Peyt. Knock 'em dead out there…I know you will."

She closed her eyes and reveled in being in that strong but sweet embrace perhaps one last time.

"Thanks. Luke, I have a very early flight to catch in the morning. I'm gonna get going."

"Okay. Be safe and make sure you give me a ring soon or at least shoot me an e-mail."

Finally they broke apart and she gave his bedroom one last look over. Then he saw her out and she sat in her car, cranking up the engine as the cool night air blew against her clammy face. So she had blown it, her last chance. But it had been for the best. At least she still had her dignity and she still had her friend. Having Lucas in her life was the most important thing, even if they weren't romantic. She would have to deal with it, she thought as she pulled away. Sometimes people just didn't get that second chance.

Inside, Lucas smiled, staring at the picture of him and Peyton taken on graduation day. She was a good girl and he really would miss her. He was glad she had stopped by to see him. It was tough to see her go but he was tired and fatigue really wouldn't give him much time to dwell. So he kicked off his shoes and fell onto the messy heap of covers on his bed. He didn't even feel it when his sock covered foot accidentally kicked something further into the mess on the floor and further under the bed. And a few miles away, Peyton continued her short drive home, sighing at the night but not realizing her jacket pockets were now empty.