In-laws

Rating: PG-13 for mentions of sex.

Spoilers: Yup.

Genre: Fluff/Humour/Family

Summary: Harry's getting the 'Big Brother Talk' times five.

Characters: Ginny Weasley, Charlie Weasley, Bill Weasley, Percy Weasley, George Weasley, Ron Weasley, Harry Potter

Pairings: Ginny/Harry. Slight Percy/Audrey and Bill/Fleur

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, I just like to play with the characters!

A/N: Poor Harry! I tried to do this in his POV, I fear it failed miserably, but ah well. I'm not sure my characterisation is perfect either, so bare with me. Read over and spell checked but not Beta'd.

Elledreamer Thank you for another fabulously warming review, I swear to god, sweetie, you keep me writing! And No worries, they'll be more stuff on all Weasley's including Ron! I'm so glad to have found another Weasley family Fan!

fiction by cereza Thank you! And I agree, there are just too many Weasley stories that need to be told!

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Have you ever had the 'Big Brother Talk' the day before you marriage?

You have? Ok then.

Have you ever had it with five, surly redheads all of whom are older and a lot bigger than you?

No? Well I have.

I've fought a Basilisk, a group of dementors, a dragon, some angry merpeople, a swarm of inferi and Lord Voldemort himself, amongst other things I'd rather not mention, yet none of them compare to this. I sat, on Arthur Weasley's favourite armchair, all five of his sons towering above me with determined expressions on their faces.

"We'll get straight to the point, Harry." said Ron, glaring at me suspiciously. "You're our friend, practically our brother."

"But…" I asked nervously.

"But if you ever hurt our baby sister we'll all mash you into a heroic pulp." said George matter-of-factly.

"That means." added Percy, pushing his glasses up his long nose. "No leaving her behind on 'adventures,' no 'forgetting' any anniversaries, no dying."

"No getting her pregnant without our consent." said Bill.

"And absolutely no weird sex stuff." finished Charlie.

I gaped at them, hoping they were joking, looking for any sign of mirth on their freckled faces. There was none. I gulped and opened my mouth, but before I could say anything there was an angry cough and the solemn expressions changed to ones of horror.

In my experience there are only three things that really scare the Weasley siblings; their mother when in a temper, their father's cooking and….

Ginny stood in the door way, a look of pure fury slapped across her face.

"What," she thundered "Have you been saying to Harry?"

"Nothing!" came the simultaneous reply.

"Nothing?" Ginny growled. "Harry, what did they say to you?"

I paused.

Bill, Charlie, Percy, George and Ron stared at me, silently pleading with me not to grass them up.

I turned to Ginny. True, her brother's were never usually that scared of her, but with the expression she had on her face and the sight of her wand clenched in her freckled hand-keeping in mind she could cast a bat bogey hex that could knock your socks off- I'd defy Dumbledore not to tremble under her gaze.

I weighed my options. I could tell Ginny and watch as she roasted her brothers, but then I'd become enemy number one amongst my in-laws and I was pretty sure I didn't want to be that guy.

Or, I could remain loyal to my best friend and not tell his furious sister that he and his brother's were discussing her sex life.

I think option B sounds safer.

"Er, they were giving me…..hair advice, y'know, for tomorrow." I said, lamely.

The men behind me all nodded vigorously.

Ginny raised an eyebrow.

"Harry, my brother's are the who's who of goofy morons with ugly hair. Don't take any styling tips from them, for your sake and mine." And with that she gave them one last warning look, turned on her heel and left the room.

I turned to the guys, who were all touching their hair self-consciously.

"I think Weddings are a universal cause of PMS." I said, my head in my hands.

"Tell me about it, mate." said Bill. "Fleur nearly jinxed our caterer for forgetting we ordered beef instead of chicken when we were planning our wedding."

"Audrey did jinx our caterer." said Percy, sighing. "He had to get those boils removed by the healers at St. Mungo's."

There was an understanding silence for the poor caterer who had given up his job after Percy's wedding and had also developed an irrational fear of brides.

"So?" I said, suddenly. "Can I go now?"

"Yeah." Charlie waved a hand dismissively. "You saved our arses back there." His brother's nodded and I grinned at them. Ron, George, Charlie and Bill did likewise and Percy gave me a respectful nod. There was a comfortable silence.

"Our hair isn't ugly, right Harry?" asked Ron, suddenly. The other's all stared at me expectantly.

There was a pause.

"I have to go." I gabbled, dodging the offended Weasley's and reaching the door. "See you tomorrow!"

So much for not pissing off my in-laws.