Peyton's arm trembled as she struggled to lift it to feed herself. Although she was due for imminent release from the hospital, they had kept her there to check out her physical injuries from life with Derek. She had been through every kind of test imaginable. Then there had been intense rounds of conversation with the North Carolina and Tennessee police departments trying to put together the details of her kidnapping and a barrage of psychiatrists, psychologists, psychotherapists and counselors to help her deal with the aftermath. Peyton could appreciate their intensions but it was too much.

She checked the clock again. Her father had been gone for almost 20 minutes. It wasn't a long period of time, but she was starting to get antsy. Derek had left her alone in that old abandoned house for hours at a time of nothing but eerie silence that was constantly in combat with the voices inside her head. She hated when Derek was around but it had been awful being so alone. In the hospital she had found herself feeling quite anxious whenever her father or the doctors or nurses left her alone for more than a few minutes. But Larry Sawyer had been by her side from the moment the ambulance had whisked her to the hospital. He deserved a break to go back to his hotel and get a hot shower and a real meal.

She let out a deep breath, her growing frustration getting the best of her. It wasn't brain surgery, it was just lunch. All she had to do was extend her arm so the spoon could scoop up the soup, and bring it to her mouth. A simple task that normally took minimal time and minimal effort. However it was harder for Peyton with her black and blue right arm bruised as a result of her struggle with Nathan and Derek. Bringing the spoon to her lips, she accidentally dropped it, spilling hot soup everywhere as her oversized hospital gown slid off her should yet again.

"Shit!"

"Knock, knock."

Peyton looked in the doorway and saw Nathan and Haley standing there.

"Hey guys," she put the spoon back on the tray. "Um, come in."

The couple approached slowly, pulling up two chairs to the bedside. It was the first time she had seen Haley in almost two months and the first time she had seen Nathan since that fateful night.

"You okay?" Haley asked. "Need some help?"

"Nah," Peyton mumbled, disgusted. "I wasn't really that hungry anyway."

"Let me help you with your gown," Haley stood, bringing the material over her friend's shoulder and tying a knot.

"Thanks."

"You really…"

Haley stopped mid sentence and gasped.

"What's wrong?"

"Your…your shoulder."

There were a couple of marks left from Derek's many cigarettes.

"It's fine," Peyton quickly pulled away.

"Did…"

"Yeah, he did but it's over now."

"Oh my God," Haley put her hands over her face, starting to cry. "I…I had no idea."

"It's not your fault. You couldn't have known."

Haley couldn't shake the feeling.

"I just don't know what to say. I feel so awful."

"I know but it's done now, right? I mean, what can you? Besides, my dad told me all the stuff you guys did to find me. The news and the papers and the vigil…that's pretty awesome and I appreciate it. You guys did everything to find me and that means a lot."

"We love you, Peyton. Of course we'd do anything for you but I just want you to know that nobody did more for you than Lucas."

The statement made her want to smile and cry at the same time.

"I know," Peyton nodded.

"Have you seen him yet?"

"Every chance I get."

"He really loves you."

"I love him, too. And I owe him a lot. Just like I owe you, Nathan…"

"It's cool, Peyton."

"Nate, don't downplay what you did for me. Look at your head."

"I'm okay. It looks worse than it feels."

"Well, thank you. Thank you both for everything, all the stuff that you did to help Luke and to help find me. You'll never know how much that means. And Nathan…you put a lot on the line for me out there. I'm sorry you got hurt."

He gave her a small smile.

"It's no big deal. I'm just glad you're safe now," he said.

"Me too," Haley agreed. "It's gonna be okay, Peyton. Look, I can only try to imagine just how horrible this has been for you but it's all over now and you're gonna go home and everything is gonna be alright. Lucas is gonna wake up and you two will be together and it'll be happily ever after this time, you'll see."

Happily ever after. It was something often read about in fairytales, something Peyton had often dreamed about but for 18 years it had proved to be unattainable.

"Speaking of Luke, I'm gonna run down there and check on him, see if Karen needs anything," Nathan stood up.

Haley leaned over and gave him a quick kiss.

"I'll stay here with Peyton a little while longer, then I'll meet you downstairs."

"Alright. Love you."

"You too."

"Later, Peyton," Nathan gave her an awkward hug. "I'm just glad you're okay."

"Thanks to you," she said as he left the room.

"So," Haley sighed, rubbing her belly. "They're gonna let you out of this place soon?"

"Yeah. Um, maybe tomorrow or the day after."

"I know you'll be glad to get back to Tree Hill and your own house and your own bed."

Peyton shook her head.

"I'm not going back."

"What?"

"Not now. I can't, Haley. It isn't right. I can't, no, I won't leave Lucas here. I'll stay with him until he's better. We'll go home together."

"That's so sweet."

"I'm just so scared…"

"I know. Sweetie, I am too. We all are. It's just important to stay positive. Lucas is strong. He's going to wake up soon and everything will be just fine. You'll see."

"It's not that."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it is that but it's not the only thing. Haley, I'm scared out of my mind."

"Talk to me," she beckoned softly.

Peyton shrugged.

"I am afraid for Lucas. I feel horrible and guilty that he got shot because of me. I just want him to open his eyes right now and be okay and every day that he doesn't really scares the hell out of me. If something happens to him…God, I don't even want to think about it. But I'll never forgive myself."

"Lucas will pull through, Peyton."

"It's other stuff, too."

"Like?"

"Like I've always prided myself on being this independent, ballsy chick. Like this one time, Brooke and me snuck down to a party at this club downtown when we were like 15. We had the fake IDs and everything. We had a blast, danced with some older boys and got drunk off our asses. Anyway, when it was time to go, we couldn't get a cab to save our lives. It's not like we could call our parents or anything. Brooke's were out of town and my dad would have killed us. All these creepy old guys were offering us rides and stuff. Brooke was starting to get freaked out. Know what we did? We walked. That's right. All the way from downtown to her house at like two in the morning in the freezing rain."

"Oh my God. You two were nuts."

"We make it to Old Town, you know, by the cemetery and this guy in his car stops and starts yelling at us. We kept walking, then he got out. Brooke was so creeped out but I wasn't. I just grabbed her hand and told her to keep going and that we were going to be okay. And that's exactly what happened. Looking back, it was totally stupid and extremely dangerous but I had no fear. I guess I've always been that way. Now…it's like he took that away from me."

"Who? Derek?"

Peyton nodded.

"And I hate it. I'm all about living my life and not dwelling too much on the what ifs. Haley, I don't want to be 18 years old, freaked out every time I leave my house, wary of every noise or stranger. I don't want that but he…Derek put that fear in me."

She had a sad, far away look in her eye, a pain so profound and deep that no one would ever be able to understand or relate unless that had experienced the horror firsthand.

"What did he do to you?" Haley wiped a tear from her eye.

Her bottom lip trembled. Peyton wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come.

"Everything," she whispered.

"Oh Peyton…"

"What didn't he do?"

"What now? I mean, I am so worried about you. I, I just want you to be okay but to go through what you just went through, how can you really be okay?"

"I don't know. I won't lie to you, Haley…it changes everything. I don't know how to feel about that, how to deal with it all."

"What about Lucas?"

"I love him. I love him now more than ever but it's so hard. I want to be with him, I need him but it's like, will it ever happen for us? I'm so terrified it won't. And now I'm terrified it will because I don't know if I can handle that either. And…and I don't know if he could even want me now."

"Sweetie, of course he will. Lucas loves you so much. Look what he went through for you and I know he'd do it 100 times over. That's just how strong his feelings are. You'll never have to doubt that."

"There are things that happened…things I have to tell him. I don't know how. I know eventually one day I'll have to be honest and just like it changed everything for me, I know it's gonna change everything for him, for us."

Haley reached out for her hand.

"Listen to me, Peyton. I don't know everything that happened and you only have to tell me, if, when you're ready. I can't put myself in your shoes and I don't even know what to say right now. Part of me wants to keep telling you it'll all work out but maybe that's not fair, it's the last thing you want to hear right now. Whatever happens, whatever you do…just don't shut him out completely. You have a lot of physical and emotional healing to do and yeah you should take as much time as you need but in the end…you still need Lucas. That's okay. He needs you, too."

"It hurts, Haley. It hurts so much. Why? Why did this have to happen to me? It's like God doesn't like me or something."

"God loves you. We all love you. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and it just can't be helped."

Peyton's entire body began to shiver involuntarily.

"Thank you," she looked right at her friend.

"For what?"

"For being you, for being my friend. For letting Nathan come to Tennessee and help. For not giving up and for trying to find me. For…for everything."