Lucas smiled to himself as he caught her again out of the corner of his eye. She was staring at him and been for hours, literally watching his every move.

"I get it," he said, putting down his fork. "I know what this is all about."

"What?" a confused Peyton asked.

Lucas motioned towards his lunch tray and gave a dramatic sigh.

"You want my jello, don't you?"

Peyton frowned.

"Your jello?"

"Yep. I see you. I feel the stare. You'd think you'd have enough of this stuff being in here yourself but it's kind of addicting, right? So go ahead," he slid the container over. "I'm a good guy. I'm willing to share."

Peyton looked at him like he was crazy until she realized he was just teasing her. They both burst out laughing.

"I wasn't staring."

"Oh yes you were."

"Okay. Maybe I was a little."

"A little?" he raised his eyebrows.

"Okay. Maybe I was staring because you eat your jello with a fork. That's kind of weird, right?"

"You use a spoon," he answered softly.

"How do you know?"

Lucas shrugged.

"Unfortunately, you and I have a tendency to hang out in hospital rooms."

Peyton nodded. He was trying to make a joke but it was the honest truth. When she had been recovering after Jimmy Edwards shot her, Lucas had spent as much time as possible in the hospital with her. Even dealing with his own and his mother's grief over Keith's death, Lucas had managed to make time to be by her side. That was just the kind of person he was.

"Yeah," she shifted uncomfortably. "I guess we do. But sorry about the whole staring thing."

"It's cool. I was just messing with you."

"I know but…I, I can't help it. I'm just worried about you."

"I'm gonna be fine," he tried to reassure her.

"I know. And I'm so happy about that, it's just that you've been through a lot and you gave us a pretty bad scare. I just get nervous, that's all. I just want you to be okay, Luke."

He looked right at her.

"Everything is fine now, Peyton. We're all gonna be okay. It was a tough and traumatic experience for everybody but we're gonna get past this."

She gave an uneasy smile.

"I know."

Lucas pushed away the dining cart and reached for her hand, stroking it gently with his own.

"Look, I know we haven't had a chance to talk about things, about what happened with Derek…"

"What do you mean?"

"That night you left my house. What happened? I mean, I spent practically every waking minute trying to piece those few hours back together."

"Are you up to this? I mean, you're still recovering and all. We could talk about it later, when you're feeling better."

Lucas shook his head.

"I feel fine and I want to know. I want to talk about it, I think we should. If you don't want to, I understand…"

"It's fine," she cut him off, even though it really wasn't. "Um, I left your house and I drove straight home. I called Haley and we talked for a few minutes, then I hung up. I guess my bag fell off the front seat or something because I remember leaning down to pick it up but as I came back up, I saw this flash of something and then there was loud banging on my window."

"It was him, wasn't it?"

Peyton nodded, swallowing hard. Even safe next to Lucas with Derek dead, it still was hard to tell the story. The fear welled inside her but she did not stop. She may as well let some of the horror out. It would always be with her, no matter what.

"Yeah. I mean, at first I wasn't scared. He was acting a little strange but I didn't read too much into it. It was Derek, we were good friends…or at least that's what I thought. It turns out I didn't know anything about him at all."

"Do you remember much of that night?"

"Bits and pieces. For a while I didn't remember anything, then it all started coming back to me. That night at the car…Derek just kept acting weirder and weirder and then I just got…I don't know. Scared isn't the word but I just knew something was up, something was wrong…I could just feel it. I remember trying to get out of the car. I looked over at my front door and I thought if I could just make it there, if I could get inside, everything would be okay."

"Did you get out?"

"No. He, um, that's when it really got crazy. He pushed his weight against the car door and I couldn't open it. So I picked up my phone to call you and…"

"You called me?" he asked with side, surprised eyes.

"Yeah. Pretty stupid, huh? I probably should have been dialing 911 in that situation but I was so freaked out. I never thought it would go as far as it did. It sounds silly now but at that point, I still didn't want to get Derek in any trouble. I just wanted him to stop. And I guess I knew if I called you, you would be there, you would have helped."

Lucas closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "God, I wish I would have gotten that call. You have no idea, Peyt."

"It didn't matter. Before I could send it, he jumped in the car and he was so furious that I called you. I wanted to get away from him so bad and I was so scared and then he pulled a knife and things went blank. The next thing I know, I woke up in that house."

"What then?"

"I was terrified and confused and everything else you could think of. Then I saw it. Oh my God, it was…I can't even describe it. Wall to wall photos of me. It was crazy. I mean, pictures of me at school and walking down the street, at TRIC, hell even through the windows of my own house."

"I know. Larry and Nate and me found what was left of that. It was crazy."

"When I saw that I was so panicked by then, I didn't know what the hell to think. I started remembering being at my car and then I realized that Derek had been there so for a while I was actually happy because at least I wouldn't be alone and you know, he was my friend so he would help. I didn't get it then that he was the one that had acutally done that to me."

"When did you finally see him again?"

"I don't know. It was so hard to keep track of time and it turns out he drugged me with something. He put a rag over my face and left me with this…" she pointed.

Lucas cringed. It was small and virtually unnoticeable but there were the faded remnants of a chemical burn on the lower side of her face.

"That son of a bitch!"

"Basically he went into this ridiculous rant that lasted the entire time I was with him. Something about loving me and us meant to be together. He really believed that. He'd also go into these insane raged anytime your name came up. And I was stunned. It was like he was a different person. I knew this really cool, really sweet, fun, awesome guy and it's like that's never who he was. It was just one big front to cover up a demented psycho."

"He, he hurt you a lot…didn't he?"

Peyton shuddered.

"Sometimes," she answered honestly with a quiver in her voice. "Any little thing could set him off and you never quite knew when it was gonna happen. He beat me up sometimes, a lot of times, actually. He burned me with his cigarettes."

"I swear to God if he wasn't already dead, I'd kill him. Dammitt! I wish I had known. I wish I had paid more attention. We always knew he was a little weird, I'm sure there were signs before."

"How could anybody have known?"

"I hate him. I fucking hate him. I'm glad he's dead and I hope he burns in hell."

"I can't."

"Can't what?"

Peyton let out a breath.

"Hate him."

"Peyt?"

"You probably think I'm crazy. Don't get me wrong. Being with him was pure hell. I hate what he did and I'd love nothing more than to hate him but I can't. I just can't. And I get mad at myself because I wish I could because he's ruined my life but it's so complicated."

"Forgive me but I just don't get it. The guy was a monster. Look what he did to you."

"Sometimes he was a monster. And he did a very terrible thing but…I don't know. You once told me that you believe everything happens for a reason."

"Yeah? What does that have to do with anything?"

"Everything happens for a reason, everything. People are the way they are for a reason, Like you? You're a good person and you're strong because of the way Karen raised you and also because of all the hurt you went through growing up with the Dan situation. That made you the man you are today. The events that happened in my life with my moms…that affects who I am now."

"So?"

"So there were times when Derek was actually calm enough to talk. He, he told me some things, awful things about his childhood. It was really sad, it was horrible. I know it's no excuse and I'll be the last person in the world to try to give him one but he was the way that he was for a reason. I don't know why but it stuck with me."

"We all go through a lot, Peyton. I went through a lot with Dan and you went through a lot as well. That's just life. Hell, everybody has problems, some kind of issues. People get abused and picked on and hurt and yeah it's sad but that doesn't give you the right to go out and hurt other people. An excuse is exactly what it is and I think it's bullshit. I don't know what happened to Derek when he was younger or whatever and frankly, I don't care. All I know is what he did to you. That's all I need to know."

"I know but look how you feel about Jimmy Edwards. You grew up with him on that River Court and he was one of your best friends. Did you ever think he would do what he did? He shot me and he killed your uncle. I know a part of you hates him for that but a part of you feels bad, a part of you struggles to want to understand all that."

Lucas glanced away. She was right. That was exactly how he felt and he'd had his own issues with dealing with those feelings.

"I know but what they did, Jimmy and Derek, no matter what drove them to it…it was still wrong."

"I know. I, I just wish it would all just go away. The memories…everything. I know that won't happen but I still pray every day that is does."

"You don't deserve this, any of this, Peyt."

"I know," she smiled and relaxed a little as he rubbed her hand.

"Can, can I ask you something else?"

"What?"

Lucas let out a breath.

"I know he was in love or obsessed with you and stuff. Did he try…I mean, did you, did he hurt you in that way? Did he rape you?"

Peyton felt all the breath leave her body. There was something about that word rape. The label made what had happened to her ever the more tangible. She'd heard it from all the doctors and nurses and psychiatrists. They had seen the evidence of sexual brutality Derek had forced upon her helpless body over and over again. She couldn't deny it to them. But she could deny it to Lucas.

"No," she answered abruptly. "It never went there."

"Thank God," Lucas sighed with relief as he pulled her towards him, holding her. "Thank God. At least that's one nightmare you don't have to live with."

She buried herself in him and for a moment again, she was safe. But the minute she opened her eyes, all of it would come flooding back. Lucas was wrong. She'd have to deal with that nightmare for the rest of her life.