Another First Time
Chapter 13: For Remembrance
a/n: Before I go on, I just want to say this once and for all: I killed Ino, not because I hate her or anything like that, but because I had to. She's an interesting and important character, in canon and otherwise. I just wanted to make sure I got the point across, because lots of people were upset that I killed Ino. So no, it's not out of personal spite :)
Izumo and Tenten had left, Sai had made up an excuse, and Sakura was safely back into their room, tucked securely under the covers.
And Sai sat, waiting for the moment she would wake. And he sat. And waited. And waited.
And when the sun was overhead and his obligations as the daimyo couldn't be held back anymore, he got up and walked out the door.
He turned to look back but stopped just in time – the image of a broken, unconscious Sakura, burned into his mind since the first time he had carried her home after she had gotten drunk over Sasuke, was enough for a lifetime.
He did not need the second time.
When Sakura came to, only a blank wall and Sai's dwindling chakra signature greeted her.
As her feet slowly kicked the covers off, her hands placed themselves in a familiar hand seal. She knew what she needed.
Walking into their spacious, shared room, Sai caught the telltale whiff of alcohol and knew that Sakura had, once again, been trying to drown her sorrow and grief in liquor.
Seeing her slight form sprawled on the low table at the foot of their futon, with glass bottles scattered here and there, Sai felt a pang of worry for the pink-haired female.
"Hey Ugly, are you sure you should drink that much?" he asked, keeping his voice light and even.
"Why can't I?" she hiccupped, swigging down another gulp from the bottle in her hand.
"And how did you get all that booze?" he continued, picking up empty bottles that surrounded her sitting form. "I hope you didn't do anything out of character that would blow our cover."
Snorting, Sakura replied, "I'm a kunoichi, dammit. I cloned m'self and snuck down into the wine cellar and brought back lots of good stuff. Stuff that I used to drink with…"
Not finishing her sentence, she turned back to the bottle and gulped a huge amount, spilling some down her chin.
While the bottle in her hand contained beer, a quick look on the floor told Sai that it hadn't been only beer that she had been drinking – there was wine and vodka and a small shot bottle of what appeared to be strong brandy, and stuff whose names Sai couldn't even pronounce because they were foreign.
"Ino-san wouldn't want to see you like this," Sai quietly said, setting himself down beside her.
"What would you know about Ino?" she snapped, her sobriety returning somewhat from her anger at his words. She turned her head away from him so that he wouldn't see the tears that streaked her visage.
"She was a kunoichi of Konoha, and she gave her life being one," Sai steadily continued. "She gave her life so that we could go on protecting our clients. I hope you remember that."
"I know," Sakura whispered. "Trust me, I do. But it's just…she…she's my best friend. She always was."
Sai wordlessly helped himself to an unopened beer from the table. After several moments, he said, "I remember when my brother died."
Sakura froze. She knew the topic of his brother was a sensitive topic with Sai – she could count the number of times they had spoken about him on one hand.
"It was like my world came crashing down," he continued. "I just couldn't go on."
Looking directly at Sakura, Sai went on. "But I had to. Partly because it was my duty, but also partly because I knew he would be upset if he saw I was like that. So I went on with life in Root, although I closed myself up tightly."
At that, Sakura laughed mirthlessly. "Close yourself up, huh? If only I could do that."
"I don't think anyone would like it if you did that," Sai quietly replied.
Sakura sobered slightly, but continued to wear that sad smile on her face. Giving her head a shake, she focused on her attentions on the alcohol in front of her, seemingly willing to drown herself in the vile liquid.
Sai was slightly jolted from his own thoughts when Sakura broke the silence again.
"You know Sai, how people drink to forget their sorrows?" she asked, cocking her head in his direction. When he nodded, she went on.
"Well…I drink to remember."
And nothing else needed to be said as Sakura once again gave in to the sorrow that was swallowing her whole.
Evening faded into night, giving way to an inky black sky scattered with stars. It really wasn't fair that such a night would be spent mourning a young, vivacious kunoichi who died for her village. The two of them should have been sketching, or talking, or even just sitting in amicable silence. But instead, Sakura was drinking like she had never drank before and he could do nothing except sit at her side. And she drank and drank until the stars had gone out and given way into the darkest, blackest time of night – the darkest hour before dawn came.
When Sakura's hand reached for more and only touched empty and up-ended glass bottles, she hiccupped and looked around blearily, completely wasted.
Her eyes locked onto the dozing male beside her. Her hand, of its own volition, reached out to him. But even that wasn't enough – she just needed something, someone to hold her, just to get her through this one night.
Sakura buried her face into Sai's neck, sighing deeply as the alcohol in her system continued to make her less coordinated. Roused by the warmth radiating from the woman who held her arms tightly around him, Sai gave his head a slight shake, clearing his head instantly – the small amount of beer he had drunk didn't affect him in the slightest. Sai could smell the alcohol on her, yet he could also faintly make out the undertone of her booze-laced scent – that smell that was so Sakura that he didn't think it would ever be able to leave his mind.
And though a small part of him was grieving for that blonde kunoichi who had always been so kind to him, the larger part of the heart he was so not in touch with was beating faster because of the pink-haired woman's close proximity. Sai just didn't understand.
It was thatfeeling again. Ithad appeared when he first carried her home, utterly drunk as she was now, when they had been training and she had looked to the sunset with her wide jade eyes, at a crossroads in her life. It had appeared when she hesitated at the gates of Konoha, when she beat him into the ground but always grudgingly held out a gloved hand for him to take.
Was this the love everyone back in Konoha always spoke of? The love that caused Sakura to welcome Sasuke back into Konoha with open arms, the love that caused Naruto to, against all odds, bring Sasuke back to Konoha, the love that Kakashi-san said he would one day understand? Did he understand it?
But as his eyes turned to the drowsy kunoichi resting on his shoulder, he found that he didn't need to understand it – he simply felt it. It was stronger than the fiercest ocean waves, brighter than the midday sun, warmer than wildly dancing flames, softer than his most delicate brush, more tender than the looks he had seen exchanged by the many couples in Konoha.
He couldn't help but smile down at her, and reached with his other hand to brush away a lock of hair that hid her left cheek from his view. As his finger slid across the high slope of her cheekbone, Sakura's eyes opened and she sighed.
Twisting her neck slightly to look into his gaze, she saw with utmost clarity the depth of the emotions he was currently feeling. Maybe it was because she was awfully drunk. Maybe it was because the grief was messing with her mind. Maybe it was the fact that she was just solonelyat the moment, and he was rightthere. But that small glimpse into his usually fathomless eyes was enough for her.
She planted her lips firmly against his.
It was so sudden that Sai couldn't react. He had not anticipated this at all. By all rights, he probably should have been pushing her away and telling her that drinking on the job, even if her best friend had just been killed, was bad.
But he couldn't. He just couldn't.
Never before had Sai lost control of himself like he had, right then and there.
The feel of her soft lips against his was swiftly fanning the glowing embers inside his heart – the slowly burning feelings he had for the kunoichi. His other arm wrapped around her as well as he hesitantly began to reciprocate the kiss.
And then the glowing embers burst into flame.
He had never been kissed like this before – never been kissed would actually be the more accurate description. One without feelings could not feel love; one without love could not kiss like this.
He moved completely upon instinct, his increasing heart rate like a drum that was edging him on and on. Sakura was completely crushed against him – he could feel that her heart, too, was pounding as madly as his.
And without thinking, he tipped her over so that she was lying on her back with him above her. It seemed like a natural progression of events. Feeling her hands on the back of his neck push his head lower, Sai softly pressed his lips against hers, and was rewarded with the sensation of her legs moving tighter around his waist. His kisses moved lower until his face was buried in the crook of her neck, her pulse thundering beneath his full lips.
She gave a contented sigh, his name a whisper upon her lips.
Yet no matter how pumped full of adrenaline he was, no matter how much his instinct was driving him in the right direction, nothing could have prepared him for the softly words she uttered next.
"I think I love you."
His eyes widened for a split second as his arms gave way. Stopping short of crushing her, he lifted his head up to look at the woman beneath him. Something in his heart soared so high that it felt like it was crashing down at the same time. Lowering his head down to the warm hollow her neck again, his arms found their way under her to hold her, cradling her as if to protect her from the outside world.
"Sakura…"
Her name was the only coherent thought in his mind.
Sai couldn't quite remember how long he had held her in that position. Her scent, her presence, the tingling feeling of her lips against his – they all melded together and covered him in a haze of blurred feelings, as if he was drunk on her.
Hedid remember feeling the pleasant waves of sleep come over him, and the next thing he knew, the sun was in his eyes and it was morning. There was a pink-haired female curled up beside him, her face in his chest and one long, slender leg thrown over his. His own arm was wrapped around her waist and he couldn't feel his other arm – it was under the slumbering kunoichi.
Gently extricating his body from beneath Sakura, Sai moved so that he could clearly see her in the early morning light. She looked exactly the same – with her pink hair, toned body and the green eyes that were hidden beneath ivory eyelids. Yet somehow, something seemed different about seeing her now. It was as if all this time he was seeing her behind plastic film, and now that piece of film was ripped off, leaving behind the real, genuine Sakura.
He reached out his hand to shake her awake, but thinking back to the obscene amount of alcohol she had consumed the night before, he retracted the limb – there was no sense in waking her up and incurring her wrath if it could be avoided. It would be best to let her sleep it off and pass it off to the rest of the household as a slight ailment.
To his surprise, when he informed Mara that Sakura was not to be disturbed because she had fainted the day before and was feeling absolutely terrible, the old woman merely nodded knowing and sighed, saying, "Ah, that is to be expected."
What is to be expected? Did Kanako have chronic fainting spells or something like that?
Sakura awoke to the rays of a setting sun, brilliant as it always was. And all of a sudden, she was overcome with an anger stronger than she had ever felt. What business did the sun have, shining so brilliantly and being so heartbreakingly beautiful? The whole fucking world should be crying, crying for the vivid flame that had been snuffed out, for the beautiful, heartbreakinglybeautiful Ino, who had once been her everything, still had been part of her everything.
And when Sakura realized she was thinking about Ino in the past tense, she broke down and cried.
She tried to muffle her sobs when she heard the screen door open, quiet footsteps announcing Sai's arrival. But when Sai slid under the covers and wrapped his arms around her shaking form, Sakura could no longer suppress her sobs and turned around, clutching the front of his robes, crying her heart out.
It just hurt too much.
a/n: I had been trying to write more for this chapter, but I thought it would interrupt the flow if I introduced a new theme. I had been mulling it over and over and over, so I guess you guys are just going to have to make do with this chapter :\ I'm sorry. For the lateness as well - I swore I would get it to you guys on time, but meh. Life's been really tough - I've been really sick on and off and stuff has happened, so yeah.
Hope the romance didn't kill any of you ;) Oh and this is unbeta-ed, so yeah. Please point out any grammar/spelling/other mistakes please!