Peyton stared aimlessly at the television set. Music videos, again. She had been sitting on the couch in front of it for hours. In fact, she had fallen asleep in that very spot the night before. It had been getting late and Lucas had been over. That was their usual routine. He had begun keeping later hours at her house, often until she fell asleep. Not that Peyton would complain. She hated being alone, especially at night. And she loved Lucas Scott. It was a comfort knowing he was the last face she would see before drifting off into slumber, no matter how restless it often turned out to be.

But that wasn't the problem. The real predicament came into play late at night long after Lucas had gone home, long after her own father would go to sleep. And Peyton was no longer alone. She was haunted by the memories and the sheer terror of her ordeal. Once again, she found herself trapped with Derek Helm. He once told her she would never get rid of him. Slowly she was beginning to understand what he meant. Physically, he was gone, dead, out of her life. But he was still in her head.

"Breakfast was delicious, baby," Larry smiled at his daughter as he carried his plate to the kitchen sink.

"Thanks, Dad. And don't worry about those dishes, I'll get them."

"It's fine, Peyt. You cooked, the least I can do is clean up."

Peyton stood, smiling as she walked over to him.

"Why do you always have to be so stubborn?"

"At least now you know where you got it from," he winked.

"Don't you have enough stuff to get done today?"

He looked out the window. True enough, a heap of outside chores awaited him.

"Well, the lawn definitely needs to be mowed and while I'm at it, those hedges could stand a decent trimming."

"You better get started before it gets too hot. The weather guy says it's gonna be another scorcher today."

Larry nodded as Peyton gave him a quick hug and kiss. He took his time gathering his tools and belongings before heading outside. Peyton exhaled when the back door closed behind him. It was a complicated situation. Most of the time, she was afraid and hated being left alone. Then there were times when being amongst people, especially in a crowd was suffocating. Peyton was damned if she did, damned if she didn't. With her father outside, at least she could breathe. But at the same time, he wasn't too far away. Unfortunately neither was Derek.

She saw him all the time. She saw him when she was asleep. Sometimes she even thought she saw him when she was awake. Peyton was smart enough to know it was a mirage of sorts. She knew he was nothing more than a sick figure of her already twisted and tormented imagination. Still it did nothing to make him go away. And she had tried everything. She had wished for it, prayed about it, tried to mentally manipulate him but it was no use. The image was seemingly permanently fixated in her mind.

"I love you, Peyton. I love you and I know you love me, too. We belong together."

She closed her eyes. That voice was so real. She hated it. She hated him. Look at everything he had done to her. The kidnap, the mind games, the torture, the beatings, the rapes, the forced isolation. Derek had ruined a part of her life and she'd never be able to get it back. Her physical marks had healed but the ones he had left on her life and well being would be there forever.

But there was something else as well. Peyton could not get that day out of her head, the day towards the end when Derek had opened up to her about his tragic and abusive childhood. It had been a terrible story and the fear and horror was still so visible on his face as he recounted the dreadful events. For a moment, for a brief and fleeting moment, she had seen him in a different light. No longer was he her captor and tormentor. For a moment he was just a sad, pathetic, wounded, scared little boy.

Peyton closed her eyes. She hated that as well. After all the awful, unspeakable acts Derek had committed upon her, why did a tiny piece of her, underneath all the hate and fear, still feel sorry for him? Damn him! Damn Derek! He was a monster! He was the monster who had brutalized her unmercifully time and time again. He didn't deserve her sympathy. He didn't deserve for his memory to live on inside her. He didn't have the right to keep ruining her life. All he warranted was his rightful place in hell.

She leaned against the counter for support. She hated whenever that debate began inside her brain. No matter what, it was a no win situation. How she wanted peace and tranquility but it would never come. The agitation, the visions, the voices began to build and build as Peyton stumbled to the sink. She just wanted to make it stop. In fact, she'd do anything to make it stop. And there was only one way.

The lawnmower started loudly and Peyton knew there was no way her father would hear her. She picked up his beverage glass and slammed it against the side of the stainless steel sink. It cracked, breaking into several jagged pieces. She picked up the sharpest one and held it in her hand, just staring at it. The commotion in her head was still swirling, still churning. Peyton just wanted it to all go away. Squeezing her eyes shut, she let the edges of the broken glass cut into her hands. Red blood trickled out as she gasped out in pain. Seconds later, it was over.

Pain was her only outlet. Before her nightmare with Derek, physical pain had been one of the worst things imaginable. But being with Derek had taught her valuable lessons when it came to survival. Physical pain could be controlled. She had learned to block it out. She had even gotten used to it. Now it no longer phased her. Now it was her only release from the inner demons.

She held inside the immense feelings of intense anger and shame. There was no one person she could truly express herself to. Not her father, not Brooke, not Nathan, not Haley, not some shrink and especially not Lucas. It was too much, it was all too appalling. They'd never understand, hell, she didn't even understand it herself. And they would look at her differently, even worse than they already did. The only relief was the pain.

Peyton stared down at her bleeding hands. Finally the unbearable anxiety was gone. And for the moment, Derek was gone as well. When the tension was there, when her mind and emotions were in such disarray, the fear, the surrealness of it all made her feel numb. It made her feel scared. It made her feel like a victim. The cutting gave control back. Only then could Peyton feel alive again.

The calm washed over her like a shower. Slowly her breathing pattern and heart rate returned to normal. Everything would be okay, at least for the time being. Standing there, almost trance like, she didn't hear the car pull up outside. She didn't hear his conversation with her father as the lawnmower shut off for a few minutes. And she didn't hear the door open or the footsteps walking towards her.

"Good morning, beautiful," he whispered, snaking his arms around her waist and placing a soft kiss on the side of her neck. "How is the prettiest girl in Tree Hill?"

She jumped in his embrace, startled at first.

"Lucas!"

His smile quickly faded to confusion, then a horrified frown as he took a look at her bloody hands.

"Peyton! What, what happened?"

"It's fine," she shook her head. "I guess I've got butter fingers or something this morning. The glass slipped and I was trying to get all the pieces out the sink. I must have cut myself…"

"Babe, you're bleeding pretty bad."

He released her hands so that the broken glass fell onto one side of the sink as they moved to the opposite half. Lucas went right to work, running cold water over her hands, disappearing only for a second to return with a towel. He applied gentle pressure that stopped the flow of blood. Peyton was silent as her boyfriend used mild soap and water to cleanse the wounds.

"I'm okay, Luke. It was a stupid accident. It's fine now."

"I don't know. The right hand isn't so bad, it's just a scratch but that cut on your left one doesn't look so hot."

"I'll just bandage it up."

"Let me," he suggested, taking over and tenderly caring for her injuries.

Peyton smiled at him, seeing that he was still visibly worried.

"You gonna kiss it and make it better?" she teased.

He pulled her close.

"That's not funny. You scare the hell out of me sometimes, Peyt."

"Don't be scared and don't worry. I'm okay. Klutzy as hell, yeah maybe, but I'll be fine. Really."

He placed a kiss on her forehead before gazing deeply into her eyes.

"I love you so much," Lucas whispered.

"I love you, too."

"Call me paranoid but I woke up this morning with this weird feeling like you weren't alright. That's why I came over so early. I just had to check on you. I saw Larry outside and he said you were fine and you guys had just finished breakfast, then I come in here and I see you hurt…"

"It looks worse than it is. I made a mistake and I'm okay. I didn't tell my dad because I was just gonna banadage it up anyway and I didn't want him to freak out like you're freaking out right now."

"Come on," he pulled her away, back towards the living room. "Leave that glass for later. I'll get some gloves and get it out. Just sit and relax with me."

"Do I have a choice?" she smiled.

"Not really. Look, I'm gonna hang out for a while. I know you don't need a babysitter and I know you don't want me to worry but I can't help it. Besides, I miss you. I'll just feel better if I can stay here for a little bit."

"I don't mind the company."

"Good," he put his arm around her. "I, um, I talked to my dad this morning. He left a message on my voicemail."

"Is everything okay?"

He nodded.

"Yeah. He got called out of town on business to Charlotte for the rest of the week but uh, the parade and ceremony and all that stuff, he's gonna have to postpone it for a while."

"Really?"

"He was pretty upset. You know he's really been wanting to get this done for you and he told me to assure you that it wasn't cancelled and that it would happen."

"It's cool."

"Don't tell me you're actually looking forward to it?"

"I wouldn't say that but I'm ready to face it, ready to deal with it. Besides, Dan Scott has turned over a new leaf and he's actually trying to be genuine and nice for once."

"Scary, isn't it?" Lucas rolled his eyes.

"I don't care about any of that stuff. It's another lazy summer day and all I care about is being with my boyfriend."

"That sounds like heaven, babe," he kissed her, gently handling her hand that had been hurt. "Are you, Peyton, are you sure you're okay?"

She looked right at Lucas. He was there and more importantly, Derek was not.

"Everything's fine," she cuddled up close to him, closing her eyes. "It's fine now."