Peyton stared absently into the distance as the others around her carried on with their conversations. She glanced at the clock on the wall. It had almost been two hours in that room with all those people. Two counselors, one nurse, Dr. Pelsinger, Peyton and seven fellow patients. It was the clinic's inpatient group therapy, sessions Peyton had been trying her best to avoid it since her arrival. But something inside her had changed even though she couldn't put her finger on exactly what it was. Maybe it was the presence and influence of her roommate, Sydney. Maybe it was part of the plan of giving them a little bit of what they wanted in order to speed up her release. Maybe it was the sheer curiosity of what went on in those closed door meetings. Maybe it was the overwhelming fatigue wearing her down. Maybe it was a combination of all four. But whatever it was, Peyton Sawyer sat quietly chewing on a piece of gum half heartedly listening as the others went on.

"My, my name is Connie," said the girl sitting closest to Peyton on the end.

"Hi, Connie," the group chimed in.

Peyton rolled her eyes. It was just like it was on TV in those stupid meetings.

"I, um, I'm here because I have a lot of psychological and emotional issues going on, I guess. It was kind of hard to deal with it, to admit it at first but with Dr. Pelsinger's help, I'm finally getting at the place where I can talk about it."

"What do you want to share with the group today, Connie?" Dr. Pelsinger asked.

Connie shrugged and took a deep breath before continuing.

"I was a carefree college student, going to class, partying all the time with my friends, you know, just enjoying life and all. One night…one night I went out with this guy who I thought I really liked but he turned out to be a real jerk. I was stranded in town at this bar so I called one of my friends, Danny, to come get me. We weren't like the best of friends or anything but we hung out sometimes and he was a really cool guy. I thought I could trust him."

"What happened?"

"Danny came and picked me and we were headed back to campus but he stopped the car just before we got there. Said he wanted to talk. Then…then he started acting all weird. I kind of got freaked out. He started saying how much he loved me and how he always had. Then he started touching me. I, I told him no. I screamed, God, I begged but, but…it didn't matter. He forced himself on me. It was the most horrifying night of my life."

"Did you tell anyone?"

"Not for a long time," she shook her head sadly. "I felt so dirty and it was so scary I just decided to put it out of my mind, pretend it never happened. On the outside it seemed like I was okay. On the inside I was a mess. Eventually I couldn't hide it anymore….the shame, the fear. It ate me alive. I became withdrawn from everyone. I even started hurting myself."

"What changed? How did you end up here, Connie?"

"I hit rock bottom. I felt like I was dying and I didn't even care at the time. One day I just looked in the mirror and knew something had to give. I couldn't go on living with the terror. It was driving me crazy. So I got help. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. It's a slow, hard process but I'm getting better. It's so hard to talk about but these sessions make it easier. Plus, maybe I'm helping someone else, you never know."

Peyton chewed and chewed on the gum, not even realizing that the strands had worn thin and she was now munching on the inside of her lip.

"Very well. Thank you for sharing. Actively participating in these sessions is a huge step. We are quite proud of your progress. Not only are you helping yourself, you are helping others with their healing process as well."

"Thanks."

"Now moving right along. Last but certainly not least."

Dr. Pelsinger nodded towards Peyton. She looked around and sure enough she was the last person left. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, feeling like some kind of freak put on display.

"My name is Peyton," she began in a quiet voice.

"Hi, Peyton," the group recited.

"Peyton, would you like to share with the group today?"

"Not really," she shrugged. "I don't have much to say."

"Would you like to talk a little about your story?"

"Everyone pretty much knows my story," she avoided eye contact. "There was this guy who was supposed to be my friend but I guess he really wasn't. He was screwed up in the head. He had it in his mind that we were supposed to be together so he one night he kidnapped me. My dad and my boyfriend, well, my ex boyfriend and his brother found us in Tennessee. There was a shoot out, the guy got killed, it was all over the news."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"Which part?"

"All of it."

"I don't know. I mean, how is it supposed to make me feel? It's weird. It sucks."

"Does talking about it make you feel any better? Months of bottling up feelings must have made the situation even more difficult."

"I'm fine. It's no big deal. It's nobody's business anyway."

"Why are you here?"

"You mean besides the fact that I was forced?" she shot him an icy glare. "I don't know. Look, it happened and I have to live with it so I might as well start learning how."

"That's a step. Anything else you want to add?"

She simply shook her head.

"Okay," Dinah, one of the two counselors spoke up. "Great session today, guys. You are all doing really well and it has been so wonderful to see everyone's progress. For now you are dismissed. Everyone have a good day and we'll see you tomorrow."

Peyton stood to leave but was stopped at the door by Connie. Just a few feet away in earshot, Dr. Pelsinger listened.

"Peyton, right? Um, hi, I'm Connie."

"I know."

"I just wanted to say that I heard about what happened to you on TV. It must have been so horrible for you to have to endure that for months. I mean, for me it was just one night and it really messed me up. I still think about it all the time."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know, all of it, I guess but especially the rape."

Peyton immediately tensed.

"I wasn't raped," she stated adamantly.

"Oh. Oh. I, I'm sorry. I just thought…"

"Well, you thought wrong."

"Please don't be offended. I didn't mean anything by it. I just wanted to say I was sorry for everything that you went through and that if you needed someone to talk to…I'm here."

"That's nice of you but it's plenty of people to talk to around here. Too many. I'm kind of tired of talking about things all the time."

"I felt like that too at first. Anyway, if you ever need anything…"

Peyton nodded, letting her leave first as the doctor carefully approached.

"Hello, Peyton. It's great seeing you again."

"Whatever," she mumbled.

"You've been coming to group, showing more interest in your recovery. I am very proud of you. These sessions are very therapeutic."

Peyton smirked.

"I'll show you my pain, you show me yours."

"That's one way of looking at it, I suppose," he smiled. "I just wanted to touch on something you said today."

"What?"

"The traumatic aftermath of everything you have been through, you said you have to live with it. That is a very true statement and you said you're here to learn how to deal with that. That is a huge step in itself, Peyton. Let's talk."

"Look, I want to learn how to deal with all this on my own. I don't need doctors and shrinks and my so called loved ones all in the way."

"Okay."

"And I don't want to talk about Derek."

"Fine. We don't have to."

"We don't?"

"No. Let's talk about some other stuff."

Peyton crossed her arms.

"If I talk to you, does that count towards my release? I mean, I am cooperating, right? Will that help get me out of here sooner?"

"Your cooperation is greatly appreciated. Everything that happens here is for your benefit, Peyton. If we help you, if you help yourself, yes that, combined with a host of other factors is considered when evaluating your discharge. I'll tell you what. See those flash cards over there on the table? Pick one and hold it. I pick a subject and we talk about it. If it gets to be too much, hold up the card. We stop and move on to something else, I give you my word."

"Fine," Peyton grabbed a card. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Your mothers."

"What about them?"

"Tell me about Anna Sawyer. What are your strongest and most consistent memories of her?"

Peyton exhaled as Dr. Pelsinger ushered her into a nearby chair.

"I don't know. I mean, she was my mom, you know? She was…she was a really nice person. To me, she seemed like an angel but I guess everybody feels that way about their mom when they're a little kid. She was very warm and funny and beautiful. She really loved me and she really loved my dad. We did a lot of things together. We were a family."

"How did she die?"

Peyton rolled her eyes.

"You know how she died. It was a car accident."

"Where was she going?"

"She was on her way to pick me up from school. She didn't want to be late. She ran a red light."

"How did that make you feel?"

"Sad. Alone. Guilty."

"You blamed yourself?"

"I don't know."

"Later on when you got your own driver's license, did you act out by purposely running red lights?"

"Look, it was a long time ago and…" Peyton cut herself off by abruptly holding up the card.

In accordance with their prior arrangement, Dr. Pelsinger nodded and moved on to another subject.

"You are adopted?"

"Yeah."

"How old were you when you found out?"

"17."

"That was just last year. How did you find out?"

Peyton shrugged.

"Ellie Harp just kind of showed up in my life. For a long time she pretended to be someone else. I got sketched out when I found out she was lying so I told her to back off. Later on she told me she was my birth mom."

"Did you believe her?"

"Hell no, not at first. I never had any idea. People always told me how much I looked like my mom, Anna. My dad was out to sea and I called him hysterical. I was expecting him to say Ellie was crazy but he didn't. He just confirmed her story and it turned my whole life upside down."

"What emotions did you experience?"

"Outrage. Betrayal. Confusion. Sadness. Anger."

"At whom?"

"Everyone."

"Did you get over it?"

"A lot of stuff happened but I don't feel like talking about it now. Ellie and I did start a relationship. We both like music and we both like art. We worked on a project together. For a few weeks we really got close."

"Then what happened?"

"She had to leave. She, um…she had terminal cancer and she had decided to stop treatment. That's why I went back to find her when I realized she was checking out."

"After those weeks?"

"It was fun. It was great. The project was a benefit album for breast cancer research. We were supposed to listen to the finished product together."

"Did you?"

Peyton sadly shook her head.

"I took it to her house and I was so excited but um, I found, I found her there. She had been dead for a couple of days…" her voice trailed off.

The doctor, knowing his limitations, automatically moved on to another subject.

"Who is Jake Jagielski?"

"Somebody I used to know."

"What happened to him?"

"He was a boyfriend, alright? We were friends first. He had a daughter named Jenny. Her mom, his ex, Nikki was a complete psycho. She abandoned them, then she kept coming back into the picture demanding custody and threatening to kidnap the baby. She was really jealous of what the three of us had. Nikki was an evil, spiteful bitch. Jake never would have had any peace in Tree Hill and Jenny wouldn't have been safe so they had to leave."

"How did that make you feel?"

"God, you really like asking that question, huh? I don't know. I loved him and I loved Jen and it sucked they had to leave. It wasn't fair."

"Do you still keep in touch?"

"They're in Savannah. I visited once. We talked about getting back together, getting married even."

"What happened?"

"Next subject," Peyton held up her card.

"Anna Taggaro?"

"Wow, you went way back. What does she have to do with anything?"

"You tell me. You were friends. There were problems with the friendship."

"She was a transfer student from private school. We started hanging out. I thought she was cool. We were friends. It always felt like she was hiding something. Later on I found out she was a lesbian. People at her old school had found out about her girlfriend and the rumors got to her."

"Did that revelation bother you?"

"No. I don't care about that. I mean, you are who you are and you shouldn't have to be ashamed of that. The fact that Anna was bi or a lesbian or whatever did not bother me. It didn't even bother me when she kissed me. I was shocked. I didn't feel for her in that way but we still could have been friends. Anna had a lot of personal issues. She eventually came out to her friends and family and she moved on. Wherever she is, I hope she has peace and happiness."

"It didn't bother you that Anna was gay but it did bother you when others thought it was you that was gay."

"I didn't like the stares or the whispers or the gossip. It hurt. It pissed me off for so many reasons. It hurt because they were looking at me in that way but then I thought about it and the millions of people that are gay and they have to go through all the crap I went through for a few weeks everyday of their lives. I mean, how fair is that? There are tons of worst things out there you could be doing besides loving another human being."

"Can we talk about drugs?"

Peyton raised her card.

"I hooked up with the wrong people a while back and I was into coke for a little while. It was stupid, I was stupid and I am totally clean now and have been for a long time. Piss me if you want. Next question, please."

"Jimmy Edwards."

"Look…"

"How do you feel about him?"

She took her time.

"I feel like he was a sad, lonely, confused, scared, alienated kid who got backed into a corner, took things too far and he couldn't walk away and because of that I got a bullet in my leg and Keith Scott got one in his heart."

"Now onto…"

"Look, that's enough for now, okay? I've answered your questions and I don't really feel like talking anymore."

"If that's what you want. You did well, Peyton. Thank you."

"See? I'm not the nutcase you guys think I am. I'm not suicidal or homicidal. I just want to deal with this in my own way. I just want to be left alone."

"Can we talk again soon?"

"Whatever."

He nodded, packing up his belongings as Dinah entered the room again.

"Peyton, you know one of the reasons you were committed was because of self inflicted injuries. That is a very dangerous practice."

"I just did it a couple of times and it wasn't that bad. I haven't done it since I've been here and it won't happen again."

Dinah nodded.

"I believe you but I need to see. I'm sorry but it is policy," she said, closing the door.

Peyton fought back tears as she unbuttoned her jeans and let them slide down her legs. Scars marred the inside her thighs but just as she had spoken, the wounds were old. Closing her eyes, she let out a sigh. She hated being vulnerable. She hated being exposed. More than anything, she hated sharing her pain.